There are a few things to remember while you're sunning yourself down in Florida and pondering which direction to take the story (and I know you will, you lucky dog). The "something" and the "some place" is Hermes' catchphrase rhyme, they are not necessarily alliterations. Also, they are fairly well-known places, not obscure cities nobody but local yokels like me could identify. Consider "gret pest of Petosky". "Great Trotski of Petosky" would have worked much better, but people would still be confused as to what the hell Petoskey is. "Great great dane of Maine" or "Holy ants of France" or "Sweet Hokey-pokey of the Okeefenokee" (not really an animal, but not much rhymes with Okeefenokee) would have worked even better.
While this story makes more sense than the one about the medical school, it is very rough. It seems more like an outline of a story than the story itself. The characters lack refinement as well. The broader underpinnings of their most prevalent traits are there, but they just don't feel fleshed out (also, as TL points out, catchphrases are insufficient remedies for bad characterization).
The Leela obsessing over a death she holds herself responsible for is a little tired at this point. Transplanting a critical element of one of the best Futurama stories ever ("The Sting" ) to a form like this is tantamount to scraping gold from King Tut's death mask to make a filling. You're not going to make it into anything better than what it was and you've chipped away at the integrity of the original.
If you haven't already, read Tongue Luck's anti-fanfic
. Anything I could say about fanfics, she has done fifty-three times more eloquently and with stinging barbs of sarcasm that would make Nix cry like an even bigger baby.