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Author Topic: My fanfic, "Eve of a War".  (Read 549 times)
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« on: 05-07-2005 06:04 »

OK, some may remember i started a fan fic a while back but never finished, well i ended up with a lot of college work to do so i could spend anytime on it. Well i developed the idea a lot from then, and I have finally got it to a point where i feel it is ready for people to look at (or the first part which is 3,627 words)

Background information:
This fanfic is set 3 days after the The Why of Fry. Some of the events leading up to the fanfic happened slightly differently. Bender no longer exists, as he has been shut down, you'll find out why in opening part.

Now it is written in script form, sorry to all those who prefer prose. Sorry for any grammar and spelling errors.

Eve of a War, Part 1
They both stood at leaning on the railings overlooking the city. It was a mild summers night, and a cool breeze gently blew against their faces.

Fry (in thought): I blown it, i messed up, we were all out for dinner, and i messed up. She must really hate me, now. She's just stood here ready to chuck me over, i know it. I wonder what she's thinking now?

Leela (in thought): Wow, I can't believe he actually did that. Damn i really wish i could just get the confidence to tell him how I really feel. I wonder what he's thinking now?

Fry (in thought): Damn she really likes to drag this kinda thing out. If she don't chuck me over i will, from this god damn depression!

Leela (in thought): Damn it Leela, what the hell are you afraid of? He loves you, and has done for years, proved it god knows how many times. You love him, so just tell him, or show him at least.

Fry (in thought): Oh great she's beginning to move, here it comes...

Fry (in thought): Now what's she doing?

Leela put her hand on Fry's, and turned to face him.

Leela: Fry, I need some advice.

Fry (confused): OK, I'm not sure how i can help you, after all you way more intelligent than me.

Leela: Well, I met a really nice guy a while back...

Fry's eyes widened, clearly he was hoping it to be him. Leela didn't notice Fry's reaction and carried on

Leela: ...He's cute, smart, kind hearted, but I don't what to do, he's been asked me out, and i don't know if should. Should i go out with him because I love him, or should i wait for my perfect guy? I mean what if this guy breaks my heart, and hurts me like Adali have done

Fry knew that she wasn't talking about him, the 'smart' part instantly ruled him out of it.

Fry (feeling slightly let down): You should go out with him, you'll never know if he hurts you or not if you don't, and if he does, he'll have me to answer to. I'll never let anyone hurt you, i promise. You never know he may even turn out to be your perfect guy.

Fry (in thought): Great, she really knows how to build up all my emotions and feelings for her, and then incinerate them even more quickly. But hey! look on the bright side, she isn't going to kill me!

Leela (in thought): Look at him, he doesn't even know I'm talking about him. I bet the word smart threw him off, he thinks he isn't but he is actually.

Leela: Thinking about, I think he might be actually, thanks Fry.

Fry: Well good night, I'm sorry about earlier. Cya tomorrow at work.

Before Leela couldn't even answer he was already through the door and gone. As Fry walked back along the streets, he could feel the tears running down his face. This was it, Leela was gone, he would never get her, she had finally found someone that she loved. Fry tried to keep calm, but he couldn't, he slid down and sat against a wall his head in his arms completely breaking down. The more he thought about it the worse it got.

Fry (in thought): So thats why she didn't chuck me over the edge, she decided to kill me emotionally.

After what seemed like hours, Fry finally arrived home. He no longer lived with Bender, since their big fall out. Bender had being trying set Fry up, so that he could commit a crime and get away clean. Fortunately  Fry had discovered and they ended up in a big fight, while at work. Fry had completely lost it that day, for the first time he gotten angry in the future, and he ended up shutting Bender down. He moved out of Bender's old place and found a new place. It wasn't much, but it was home. He dropped on to the couch with a beer. When the video phone began to ring. He didn't get up to answer it, he was too depressed. The answer machine came on and the message begun recording. Leela's face appeared on the screen.

Leela: Fry, I'm sorry for coming across, the way I did, but i have never felt this way about anyone before, and i know you have. I just wanted to make sure i was doing the right thing. Look, I've never been good at this sort of thing, and its all so confusing, look at me, i can't even get to what I'm wanting to say, even though its an answer machine! I guess what I'm trying to say is that, well I like you...

Fry (to himself): As a friend, though, thats how it always is.

Leela: ...and, that you always manage to show me the right thing to do.

There was a pause, Fry looked at the screen and saw Leela pulling her hand through her hair, she was clearly nervous about what she was trying to say. Just as Fry was about to figure out what she was trying to say, she managed to finally get the words out.

Leela: ... I love you Fry.

Just as Leela said that the screen went blank, as the recording time ran out. Fry immediatly rushed over to the phone to call her, but he was promptly told that his phone credit had run out.

Fry (confused): Wait, this is a land line, it doesn't work like a mobile phone.

Phone: It has a name, and it does now.

Fry (Angry):  Grrrrrr.

Fry slammed his fist in to the phone almost breaking his hand. He cried out out in pain, getting ever angrier at the mess his life was in.

Fry (to himself): My life is a mess, but at least Leela said she loves me, but was it just to make me feel better? I'm off to bed, i'll see Leela at work tomorrow.

Fry walked through in to bedroom, and collapsed on to the bed. He didn't bother getting undressed, partly because he had forgot he was still dressed, and partly because his head was spinning. He fell asleep almost instantly.

Fry was early for work the next day, something that had become much more common after he had fallen out with Bender. He was in the hanger cleaning the ship, when Leela arrived. At first she didn't notice him, until he slipped from the hover platform and landed on his arm breaking it. Everyone who was in the building, rushed down to see if Fry was alright. Luckily they had all been in the next room, so they could all hear him scream as he slipped and hit the floor. They quickly took through to the medical lab, and fixed up his arm. Fry was used to breaking bones, he had broken loads of them in the future, so this was all too familiar to him.

After his arm was fixed, he went out to the lockers, to clean his up, as it had turned in to nothing short of a jungle, with its own ecosystem inside.

Leela: Hey Fry, can I speak to you a minute?

Fry: Sure. My heads spinning a bit though, as I had a rough night. I slept out on the sidewalk.

Leela: Did you loose you apartment key again?

Fry: Yea, I was chucking change in to the river behind planet express yesterday. I was only chucking cent coins like but i accidently chucked my key.

Leela: You know you can come over to my place if that happens.

Fry: Thanks Leela, by the way what did that guy say? If you called him that is.

Leela: He wasn't in, I left a message though.

Fry: I'm sure he had a very good reason for not replying.

Leela (in thought): Is he really that stupid? Well its what makes Fry, Fry. Actually i quite like it when he is like this.

Leela: Fry there's something i have to tell you.

Fry: Uh-huh.

Leela hesitated for a moment, she knew when she said this that it would be no going back, as she would be saying directly to him. What if he had moved on from her? Could she  take that kind of a rejection, from someone who really and truely loved her? She knew she would never know unless she asked.

Leela: Fry, you have always been a really good friend to me, you have always been there for me, even when i have treated you like dirt, and i can say how much that means to me.

Fry: Hey, thats what I do

Leela: But, I was wondering if you still want to me more than just friends?

Fry knew that this was coming, but he pretended to be shocked by it, and managed to do a good job of passing out, letting himself fall over backwards and then knock himself out on the floor. Leela quickly rushed to his side,  to try and wake him up, which he did pretty quickly.

Fry: You have no idea how happy that has made me feel.

Leela: Oh I think I do.

She pulled him up and in to a passionate kiss, for several moments, before slowly breaking away.

Leela: I love you Fry.

Fry: I know.

Planet Eternia

For the first time in over 4000 years, the streets of Eternia were packed. Only days ago, they had defeated the brain-spawn at the info sphere, and now was the time for celebration. The streets were decorated with the colors of Eternia and that of the Mighty One. The day was more than a celebration for some, as the Sages were going to once again predict the future. They only ever did this every few thousand years.

Nibbler had returned to Eternia for a day or two, for the celebration. He had heard rumors that the Sages had already made the prediction, and that it was going to bad news. He couldn't see how though, Fry had set the bomb off, and brain spawn were sucked through in to an alternate reality.

He made his way through the crowd to the main hall. Unlike most times he came, he was allowed straight in, but this time he had to go through security to ensure the Sages protection. This had been in place for over a million years after someone had tried to blow up the hall. It took him over an hour to get through the security, and have his identity checked. After he was in he headed along to the Hall of Eternity.

Ken: Ah Lord Nibbler, I'm glad your here.

Nibbler: I must ask are the rumors true? Is the outlook bad?

Fiona: Unfortunately it is. We have foreseen the fall of the DOOP, which is one of the driving forces of the galaxy.

Nibbler: What's so bad about that?

Ken: We do not know who it is that actually destroys the DOOP, but we do know who ever it is, they destroy the DOOP first, then us.

Nibbler: Dear lord, could it be the Brain Spawn?

Ken: It is possible, but from what we saw normal weapons are used, as well as some weapons that far more advanced than any thing we posses.

Fiona: Normally we would not interfere with the affairs of other races, but because this time it will result in the fall of our race if we don't, we are going to have to.

Nibbler: You can not be serious! If we reveal ourselves to the universe, then we could end up being used as slaves. You may not have seen the size of some of these aliens, but they can crush us with one foot!

Ken: We share your concern, but we can allow our race to die out.

Nibbler: I understand. When is the attack launched on the DOOP.

Fiona: In 9 Days. We do know that this one will have little effect. The Nimbus will be doing weapons testing and the enemy will be killed off almost instantly.

Nibbler: When are we to reveal ourselves?

Ken: As soon as possible. We should probably mobilize the fleet tonight. Nibbler, go and activate the alarm and put the planet on Red Alert.

Nibbler was quick to leave the room, and put the planet on Red Alert. In 3 hours the fleet would be heading to Earth, the centre of the DOOP, to join forces.

Nibbler would not be leaving with the main fleet, instead he would return by himself to Earth. It was the eve, of the biggest war the universe was going to witness, and they didn't even know exactly who the enemy was. Nibbler couldn't help but think it could be the brain-spawn, except for the fact that they were safely trapped up in the universe. He approached his ship and got in to it.

Nibbler (to himself): Farewell Eternia, I pray that you remain safe, and that we will meet again.

Nibbler knew that this war may kill him, but he would rather die and protect his home-world than flee and see it destroyed. He prepped the ship for take off, and then headed back to Earth.

Earth, Planet Express.

It was late in to night, and the crew were still at Planet Express. A news report had come on urging everyone to stay indoors after a ruthless attack had been launched on the Nimbus. It had survived barely but the DOOP wasn't taking any chances, they had put the Earth and neighboring systems on to a red alert, advising everyone to stay indoors. No one at planet express could see the point in this, as no enemy would stop at a door if they wanted everyone dead. Most of the crew already fallen asleep. Leela had fallen asleep huddled up next to Fry resting on his shoulder, like it was pillow. Amy and Fry were the only ones still awake.

Amy: So Fry, are you and Leela together yet? From what it looks like over here, I would say yes.

Fry: Yep. You know this is the first time i have actually felt this way about anyone.

Amy: Really? What you didn't feel like it, when we were together?

Fry: Well I thought it was love, but it wasn't, I still like you, but i don't think I could ever love anyone the way I love Leela.

Amy: Thats so sweet, so how did you get together? Did you ask here out?

Fry: Nope, last night, after that meal we all had at Elzar's and what I had done, I headed up on to the balcony overlooking the river. I felt really depressed, and was just chucking change in to the water.

Amy: I'm not surprised you were depressed, the amount of times Leela rejected you.

Fry: I can't understand why she kept rejecting me, if she loved me the whole time?

Amy: Because she was scared. She was scared of what could happen, she didn't know if you would be like all the others she's been with.

Fry: Yeah I suppose, anyway Leela came up to see where I had gone. She started asking me advice about what you should do when your in love.

Amy: Really? Wow thats an odd move to make.

Fry: Yeah, but still being the idiot i am i didn't even realize she was talking about me. I thought she had found someone else, who she wanted to be with the rest of her life. I took an opportunity to escape and did. I ended up sleeping outside on the streets, as I had lost my apartment key.

Amy: You do know that any of us, would let you spend the night at our places if that happened Fry. Why didn't you?

Fry: I felt way too depressed. Plus, i thought Leela would have her new love round at her place, I couldn't remember where you or Hermes live, and I didn't feel like coming here. Anyway this morning, Leela finally told me.

Amy: Well I hope it works out for you two.

Fry: So do I. I just wish I could be less of a loser, for both my sake and so that I can make Leela happy.

Amy: But you already have made her happy, she told me the other day.

Fry: What you knew that she loved me?

Amy: Yeah, I promised not to say anything, so don't tell her I told you. Anyway she said that you have made her happier than she ever thought possible.

Fry: Thanks Amy.

Nibbler's ship carefully landed behind the Planet Express building. He knew the whole planet was on red alert, and had been instructed to stay indoors. He got out of the ship and headed inside. He needed to find Fry, he had just seen one of the enemy on his way down to Earth. It was dead, but it had given him even more urgency. He hadn't bothered getting changed, what was the point in just over an hour they would reveal themselves anyway. He rushed up to the lounge where they all were. Everyone was asleep was asleep when he got there.

Nibbler (thinking): Great, now I got to wake them all up. (aloud) Wake up!

They all begun to wake and look around for the cause of the noise. All of them noticed that Nibbler had a different set of clothes on which confused them all.

Zoidberg: Since when was Nibbler here?

Fry: He wasn't.

Amy: Well he's got to of been, as look there he is, and when did you get him that new little outfit Leela? Its so cute on him.

Leela: I didn't.

Nibbler rolled his, annoyed at the lack of intelligence these humans were showing.

Nibbler: Silence!

This took everyone in the room by surprise. No one expected him to be able to talk.

Fry: Y-Yo-You can talk?

Nibbler: Indeed.

Amy: But why have you never talked before?

Nibbler: I am an undercover agent on a mission. I am not allowed to talk unless it vital to the success of my mission. This is not the first time I have spoken. Some months ago an evil entity known as the brain-spawn attacked Earth. I took Leela to my home-world, we told her what was happening, and told her what to do.

Leela: I don't remember that?

Nibbler: The brain spawn suppress the delta brain-wave causing people to loose recent memories, and become complete idiots. Anyway as I'm sure you can guess Earth was saved.

Everyone in the room cheered and congratulated Leela, though she didn't know what she had done.

Nibbler: Then 3 days ago, I took Fry. We explained the state of the universe, and his role in it, before taking him to a remote location. His mission was to save the universe. He did, or so we thought. This enemy is back, we don't how but we know they will not stop until they have killed every living thing other than themselves.

Fry: Wait, I saved the universe? WOOHOO!

Hermes: But why did you choose Fry? Why not an intelligent person, such as myself?

Nibbler: If we were going to use an intelligent person we would have used one of our own.

Amy: You said that you are on a mission here, what is it?

Nibbler: To ensure the safety, survivable and health of the Mighty One. If that means killing any threat, possible threat and potential threat then I'm authorized to do so.

Leela: Mighty One?

Nibbler: Yes, the only living being that can resist attacks from the brain-spawn. He is considered nothing short of a God on my world.

Fry: Who is it?

Nibbler: You.

Fry: What?!

Nibbler: When  you went back in time and performed certain actions which resulted in you becoming your own grandfather you mutated the genetic structure of your family. You father did not posses the capability that you have. Your brother did, but not to the level you do. We know of a group on Earth who can partly resist the brains. At the moment it just reduces them to severe agony.

Leela: Thats awful.

Fry: Yea, I never thought that would happen.

Nibbler: Fry had one son in the 1990's, though he never knew about it.

Fry: What? You mean Michelle was pregnant when I got frozen?

Nibbler: Yes, Your son was badly mutated, he had no legs, and only one arm.  He became the first mutant on Earth. All present day mutants descend from him.  Over the next 50 years, more of your ancestors who were born were mutated, they eventually fled to the sewers ashamed of who they were, and a grudge for the one who had caused this.

Fry: Crap, I never thought something like that could happen from my carelessness.

Leela: Yeah, but if you hadn't have done that then I would never have been born.

Fry: But I'm technically related to you.

Nibbler: You would have been, if it wasn't for the fact that we intervened, we removed your genes from the race except for the one that causes the lack of delta brain-wave, and so you are not related to any present day mutants. Basically Fry you are the single most important person in the universe, you are the only one who can kill the brain spawn with no effort. Everyone else is made in to idiots faster than they can even try to resist! My people are approaching Earth, to join forces with the DOOP. We are on the eve of a war, which is going to reshape the universe, and see many races fall.

Well I hope you found that enjoyable, or at least remotely interesting.

« Reply #1 on: 05-07-2005 16:10 »

I'm afraid you lost me by eliminating Bender.  When I read that the explanation was put in the story, I stuck it out until I got there, but the explanation wasn't nearly enough to explain such a major change to canon, nor could I believe Fry doing it like that or his motivation.  I don't even remember what else was in the story, that overwhelmed my attention.

If you want to eliminate Bender from your story, you'll have to come up with a better way to do it, or you'll lose most of your potential readers for this fic.

Bending Unit
« Reply #2 on: 05-07-2005 22:22 »

There were 2 versions of where Fry spent his night that were very confusing! It is kinda surprising  to have such a glaring glitch. The bit about Fry being the origin of the first mutants was weird imo. Even stranger was when it was immediately dropped.... Ditto what Shiny said about Bender, it seemed to be an afterthought.

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #3 on: 05-08-2005 03:40 »

Have you read TL's treatise on fanfics?  Do it now, Tom.  Do it before you hurt someone.

Anything I could say about your fic she already has and then mocked it into oblivion.  And it's not a script if you have to write what the characters are thinking.  That's prose with strangely formatted dialog.

If you're going to do a follow-up, I have some suggestions:
  • Lose the romantic interplay between Fry and Leela
  • Read TL's fic
  • You don't need to make references to past episodes.  You have the power to write your own story...use it.
  • Remember who your characters are.  They're disfunctional, blue collar adults, not angsty, brooding, despondent teens.  The characters make Futurama.  Change them and you lose the essence of its greatness (for more information on this, see the next bullet point)
  • Read TL's fic.
  • Bender doesn't really fit into a love story.  BRING HIM BACK, FAST!
  • Read TL's fic.

Still, the concept of an intergalactic war is very compelling.  Wars, I've always felt, have made for great stories.  Plots are truly about conflict, and war personifies the grandest, most pure essence of conflict.  Perhaps this is a flaw in American culture, but it is a flaw that I embrace.

I apologize for being so critical, Tom.  I just believe that you can do better.  And I know I've been playing the TL-card pretty heavily, but you could seriously learn a lot from her.  I did, and I've been perusing this community for a while now.
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