« on: 04-24-2005 15:47 »
« Last Edit on: 04-26-2005 00:00 »
...And so is his first fanfic. Or at least the biginning of it.
Your opinions are requested.
Monday, the sun was just starting to rise over the horizon. Hermes unlocked the front door to P. E. and stepped in. The building had a calm, orderly air about it. He stepped into the kitchen, grabbed a coffee and sat down. He looked up on the clock, which showed 05:54. He sat there for a few minutes, slowly drinking his coffee. At one minute to six, he started counting. After a while, he stood up, and went to his office. He entered, as the clock turned to six sharp, and froze. He stared at the massive pile of paperwork on his desk. It had not been there when he left last Friday. He approached it slowly, as if not quite sure he trusted his eyes. He carefully picked up the paper on the top; Form 418,3; General Request for Negotiation of Eventual Response.Hermes carefully went and closed the door, without taking his eyes of the Pile for a second. He then slowly sat down by his desk, and placed the first form in front of him.
It was a little after noon when the Planet Express Spaceship landed in the hangar, several long scratches and a few dents along the left side. A big fang was jammed into where one of the windows should be, and the front was full of dents. Also, Zoidberg noted from behind a crate of suspicious content, the back of the ship seemed sort of melted-ish in parts. But in particular his attention was drawn to the rather unusual way in which the exposed core made the air around it glow.
The ramp lowered, and after a while Fry, Leela and Bender came walking down the ramp. First came Leela, solemn and enraged, a nasty burn covering what of her back could be seen under her everyday outfit. She was followed by Fry and Bender, both in an extraordinarily cheerful mood, whistling, insofar as robots can whistle, “Walking on sunshine”. Bender was carrying a large stuffed sack. Hurrying to greet his co-workers, Zoidberg dropped whatever he was holding and scurried over to them.
-“What is this already?” he complained. “That is a damaged ship, that is. The professor will be furious, he will!” When nobody answered he continued: “There is a big fang there. Where the window is, I don’t know, but where it should be, there is only a big fang, there is! And-”. The door closed behind Bender, leaving Zoidberg alone. “Aww… Hey, look! That is food on that fang, that is! Auuurh!”
A few minutes later the entire P.E. faculty, apart from Zoidberg, whom no one cared was missing, and Hermes, sat in the conference room. Dr. Farnsworth, obviously feeling a bit cornered without his Jamaican bureaucrat present, started talking:
-“Well then, crew, all back from our important mission, are we? No broken bones, I see, although Leela here appears to have had a narrow escape… Well, I guess that’s what you get when you send your worst crew yet to collect eggs from Space Dragons nests. And just how many eggs did we get, then?” the professor axed with almost well hidden greed in his voice.
-“Well, professor,” Leela began. “We actually did get four of these bags here.” She pointed towards the sack, now not quite as full as when last seen with Bender. The old man sighted, and swallowed the sudden outburst of saliva in his mouth. “Unfortunately, as we were raid- err, searching, the last nest, the mother Dragon came back. So I and Bender took our bags and hid behind a stone in the Scary Space Cavern. Fry, meanwhile, was still in the ship. Seeing how he can’t even lift the eggs, I thought it would help keeping us out of trouble if he stayed on the ship…”
-“Whaaa?” Surprisingly as it seemed the crew, this catchphrase of the professor was not accompanied by “Who are you people?!”. Instead, he said: “You left Fry alone in my ship?! You daft imbecile! Then what happened?”
-“Well,” Leela continued, “In an… extraordinary effort to save us, instead of simply waiting for the her to fly of again, well… Fry… charged at the dragon.”
It took a few seconds for this to sink in for the professor. As he took a deep breath, his knuckles whitening, Leela quickly continued:
-“Of course, it didn’t really hurt the dragon, as such, being hit by a metal object one tenth of its size, but, well, uh, caught of guard, it tripped and landed on its nest, crushing the eggs. Then when she stood up, err, not quite yet having realized that her eggs were ruined, err… he charged again…”
At this, Fry leaned himself backwards, smirking, and added to himself –“Here comes the goodie part.” He received an ice-cold look from Leela, who then continued:
-“Seeing as how the dragon was prepared this time, it easily warded of his assault with a single blow along the side… Smashed of course, Fry lost control over the ship, and he crashed near where I and Bender were hiding. Trying to distance himself from the wall, Fry set the engine to full speed… The heat wave from the ship was shot right at us, and it was only by sheer luck I was able to jump to the other side of my hiding rock before the flame hit. The bags caught fire, of course, except for one which Bender had so selflessly saved by putting it in his chest compartment earlier on.”
-“And don’t you forget it, one-eye. It’s mine, really, but seeing how I’m feeling so recklessly generous today I thought I’d share it with you. I’m keeping most of it, though, ´s not cheap, being ol´ Bender.”
Leela continued; -“Well, now that the dragon could see me, she was even more infuriated, as she recognised me as a human. Since she realised her eggs were gone, as well, she was rather aggressive. As she rushed towards me, Fry had finally managed to turn the ship around, and was now trying to pick us up. He rescued Bender, and just as I got a holding on the ramp, which Fry decided to lower, instead of opening one of the smaller, more easily accessible gates,” Leela looked angrily at Fry as she continued, “which wouldn’t have nearly emptied the ships oxygen supply... Anyway, she caught the ship in her mouth, bashing us back and forth against the cave entrance.” The professor, now in quite a stunned condition, was beginning to wheeze something under his breath. Leela resumed:
-“I somehow managed to retain my grip, and after a while one of the dragon’s fangs broke, still stuck in the ship. She lost her grip on us, and Fry was able get us away from there… However, she got away a last breath of fire, melting parts of the hull, and one flame even licked my back; burning through the space suit, as well as my other clothing, and left a pretty mean burn.”
-“And that’s how I saved the day!” Fry triumphantly cut in. “Sorry about the burn, though, Leela.”
In a calm voice, almost unnervingly calm, the professor said:
-“Everybody sit here until I come back. I’m going to go calm down for a minute in the anger room. Leela, hold Fry.”
After the professor left the conference room, leaving Fry under the guard of his fellow co-workers, they all sat quiet for a minute. Eventually Fry broke the silence:
-“He is right, you know, Leela. I saved the day, the very least you could do is give me a hug.”
Professor Hubert Farnsworth came marching into the conference room. All watched silently as he went straight up to Fry and roared:
-“You! You hippie! You are-“ He was cut of by the sound of the P.E. doorbell, announcing that someone was at the door.
Amy was the one who first thought of answering the door, so she stood up and left. The professor stood still on the floor, finger pointed fiendishly in the general direction of Fry. –“I am really mad,” he said. “At someone in this room. Who is it?”
Bender, seeing an opportunity not to lose the economical asset that was his roommate, eagerly stated:
-“Zoidberg. He is hiding out in the hangar.”
Leela rolled her eye; -“You are mad at Fry. Because he ruined your intergalactic spaceship. As well as your very precious cargo of Space-Dragon-Eggs.
-“Indeed I am! You, you little-“
-“Scuse me, professor.” Amy was back. “Err, someone at the door, for you.”
-“Whaaa? Oh very well then! I might just be going, to see this visitor!” Farnsworth made a dramatic exit.
-“What was that about, Amy?” enquired Leela.
-“I un´no. Some whacky young man demanding to see the professor. He wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
Leela: -“And stop smiling, Fry. You’re not of the hook yet.”
Fry: -“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure about that. I feel lucky today.” Fry got up, went and fetched a few cans of Slurm, and sat down in front of the TV.
-“You’re whaaa?” uttered a confused Farnsworth.
- “I am a Swedish Scientist who would very much like for you to teach me to be like you.” answered a freckled youth, maybe 20 years old. His voice was beaming with hope and respect.
-“Why, this is a little sudden… Oh I don’t know, I really am rather a busy old man, me.”
-“Please! I, I could help you with your inventions. I even have a few of my own we could look at.” Farnsworth sighted, he was starting to see were this was going…
-“You do, do you? And I suppose you would like for me to present them to my colleagues, would you?”
-“Well, I… If it wouldn’t be to much to axe…”
-“It would. Now beat it, punk.” Farnsworth pressed the “SLAM” button, which for some reason did not work.
-“Well, I guess I should go, then…” the Swede said, a bit disappointed. “Just as well, really, I guess.” He sighted.
-“Hmm?” The professor was still pressing the “SLAM” button.
-“Well, that’s what they said, actually, down at the University. No point in going to that loony up at Planet Express, they said. He won’t listen. It’s better to stick with the sane scientists… Like Wernstrom.
-“Yes, Wernstrom. He will take you in, they said. Teach you what you need to know. Not like that loony Farnsworth, Wernstrom isn’t.”
-“Yes, Wernstrom. And he’s open to new ideas, they said. Lots of great inventions, has he come up with. A real inspira-“
-“You come with me this very moment, young boy! Oh I’ll show them inventions! Wernstrom!!”
The two scientists strode into the conference room. Only Leela and Amy remained by the table. From the next room came dramatic music which suggested that Calculon had found Human Friend naked in his closet during his second honeymoon, which he shared with whom he thought was Monique.
-“What are you two doing here?” the professor cried out.
-“We are doing what you told us too, professor. We are waiting.” Amy replied.
-“Oh, all right.” The professor nodded. “Well back to work with you, then! Don’t you have a delivery to make?”
-“Well, actually, professor, that is the problem.” Amy ventured.
-“Fry broke the ship.” Leela helpfully added.
-“Then fix it! And don’t disturb me anymore. I’m gonna show this Scandinavian punk some of my inventions.” They strode of. In the background, an agitated Leela could hear another empty can of Slurm being thrown at a random small object, followed by the sound of breaking china, and another can being opened.
-“Mind if I say a few words?” came a fembot´s voice.
-“Monique! But then, who is this?! An impostor!” Everybody sighs, as Calculon pulls the head of one of the other robots, to reveal… Human Friend!
-“Oh, no,” he shrieks, “but then, that means…”
Edited to not insult readers by calling them communists.
Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a day; set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life. //Jingo, Terry Pratchett//