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Author Topic: Venus crawls out from under her rock  (Read 16516 times)
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David A

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #280 on: 09-08-2005 12:15 »

 
Quote
Fry’s face paled. “Wa-wait, hold on, you mean…she’s gonna suffocate to death?”

The doctor hesitated before answering. “Essentially.”

Fry opened his mouth to object but the doctor continued. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. It will be very peaceful, she won’t feel anything.”

I don't know whether to laugh or cry when people say things like that.  "We don't want her to suffer, so we're going to let her suffocate."  Right.  I feel sorry for her parents, though.

I like how you explained how Leela ended up wearing Fry's jacket.  That was a nice touch.

Speak softly. Drive a Sherman tank.
NIC2001

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #281 on: 09-08-2005 12:42 »

Great update Venus!

The Drama (suffocating part) was really well written!

Keep it up!

Btw, Layla should be back soon! She started school last Tuesday! Once she get used to her new routine, she'll come back to us.

Bye for now!
Ol´coot

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #282 on: 09-08-2005 13:16 »

Wonderful update Venus! Well worth the wait! (insert my 8/17 post here!)
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #283 on: 09-08-2005 22:26 »

Auugh!  Oh, the pain...poor Munda and Morris.  Yeah, poor Fry, too, but he was pretty hard on them.  I understand how angry he must be, but...I hope once he calms down he can be kinder.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #284 on: 09-08-2005 22:57 »

Oh Venus... I'm exhausted and I have to get up at a wretchedly early hour so this won't be a real review, but know that you made me get weepy! (Drama queen that I am, you'd think I'd be immune by now) My Venus adoration continues unabated, even through my agonizing, nausea inducing neck pain which makes me consider the pros and cons of decapitation as treatment.

Oops, see? I just knew I'd end up complaining. Stop undermining my confidence as a writer, darn it! How am I supposed to ever write Morris and Munda again without saying: Venus did it before, and she did it better. Huh? How?! How am I supposed to write a version of Leela's traumatic childhood without fretting about conflicting with your version?

How can I encourage you to write more for the angsty joy it gives me?!! And you're cuddly as well. No fair. (Have I won the award for rantiest review ever yet? Sorry. I'm delusional with pain, as opposed to my general state of babbling disorientation.)

Time for bed, methinks. Wuv you, Provider of Joy Through The Torturous Suffering of Fictional Characters.

Authors are horrible, horrible people.  smile
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #285 on: 09-09-2005 19:54 »

Okay, now for a better response...

 
Quote
I miss Layla, JBERGES, and Shiny. I wish they would come back.

You missed me?  Thank you!

 
Quote
Or to be more accurate, i wish their writing would come back.

Oh, so it wasn't me you missed... frown

Oh, just kidding!   tongue  I'm working on the next section of my story, but it's harder than I anticipated.  Also, now I have a laptop to use, but less time to use it in.  (And the keyboard isn't as comfortable to use...whine, whine, whine).  I'll see what I can do about things...

Now, for your chapter.  My first post was just my gut reaction...which shows how masterfully you manipulate my emotions.  Fry had reason to be furious, but he did seem a tad more...bitter, sarcastic, than I expected.  But I will trust in your talent - no doubt you know what you're doing.  I can't wait!

Parts I particularly liked:

 
Quote
“Mr. Leela’s dad! Hi!

“Fry?” The subdued sound of Morris’ voice grabbed his attention and he turned back to the phone. “Will you stay with her when they do it?...Will you hold her hand so she knows she’s not alone?”


“Sweet kitten o’ Britain!”


 ...With his head buried no one could see Fry’s tears, but his quivering shoulders gave him away.

“I’m so sorry Leela,” He whispered quietly so only she could hear. “I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I tried, you gotta believe I tried.”


Around him the crew shrieked and celebrated, Bender even passed out beers from his personal stash. Fry ignored them all though. For all he cared he and Leela were the only ones in the room. Giggling like a maniac he pressed grateful kisses into her hairline.

I loved how you worked in the jacket.

My heart is aching for Leela's parents, and Fry, and I just want to hug them all and make them hug each other and make everything all right again.  Which means you've pulled off a writer's coup, working up not just angst but actual anguish - when your readers care so much about two sets of characters that it hurts to see them at odds, even when it seems inevitable that they would end up there...

Brilliant work, as always.  smile  Take care, and keep it comin'!

Shiny
Shippy Mandy

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #286 on: 09-09-2005 22:48 »

Eeeeeeee! Yay! Leela's alive, there was angst, and you worked in some stuff from the episode! HUZZAH!

Um...yeah. Another great, sad and yet simultaneously happy chapter. Brayvo! En-core!

I am the Bacon Man!
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #287 on: 09-09-2005 23:03 »

Yay compliments!

*Does awkward victory dance*

Does this chapter make it more clear as to whether or not the chapter before it is okay?
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #288 on: 09-09-2005 23:59 »

 
Quote
...considering it's been almost a month since my last update.

As long as it eventually gets done, I don't think anyone has a leg to complain on.  Sure, in the absence of major player updates we've had to deal with not-so-great fanfics and the massive pile of crap that offtopic has become, but that's just part of the gift horse.  Far be it from anyone here to look it in the mouth.

 
Quote
“The longer we wait the harder it will be. Let’s just get this done."

This was the only thing I took issue with and only because it sounds to me like they're about to execute a mob hit.  MIJM.

Also, there was a whole lot of kissing going on.
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #289 on: 09-10-2005 01:22 »
« Last Edit on: 09-10-2005 01:22 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by DrThunder88:
....there was a whole lot of kissing going on.

You say that like it's a bad thing.
   love
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #290 on: 09-10-2005 13:40 »

It is when it's not me!
Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #291 on: 09-10-2005 16:57 »

Oh...someone's...God.

That was really great. And I've been in a depressed mood since I watched Crash last night. I've been thinking about life and death and racism but still that was great.

The part with Fry litterally holding Leela when her life support was removed, kind of shippy. Wasn't with that. But geez I liked it. I wish I had seen this sooner, damned camping trip.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #292 on: 09-11-2005 02:44 »
« Last Edit on: 09-11-2005 02:44 »

I miss Layla, Shiny, and JBERGES too, Venus.  Hell, it’s nice to see us all post in the same place; I’ve feared for PEEL’s sanity in the past weeks... 

 
Quote
Does this chapter make it more clear as to whether or not the chapter before it is okay?
My initial reaction to that question is ‘yes,’  This segment had a major plot point, which is exactly what needed to be done.

That said; your major plot point hinges on a single paragraph transition:
 
Quote
the nurses readied their paperwork, waiting for when the death certificate would be signed.

Which meant everyone was surprised when Leela’s body gave a light shudder and she shallowly inhaled.
My only critique of this section is that I’m not too fond of this segue... and as usual I’m not quite sure as to why. Maybe the abruptness cut into the flow and emotion a bit, but it's probably just me... (and regardless, you should always take my advice with a Bender-sized serving of salt.) 

Other than that; completely stellar.  Exemplary, even.  Maybe it was the long absence, but I really enjoyed reading this, so thanks for updating.  I hope you’re able to again soon.
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #293 on: 09-15-2005 21:34 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Spacedal11

The part with Fry litterally holding Leela when her life support was removed, kind of shippy. Wasn't with that. But geez I liked it.

It's enough to bring a tear to Bender's eyes. 

Funny thing (maybe a tad off-topic, so I'll take a beating if I have to):

One of my co-workers bought 4 episode DVD for her son - her 5 year old son.  All I could hear (from her) was how Fry died such a brutal death and that poor one-eyed woman going crazy and NOBODY was trying to help her.  Just what kind of people were these Futurama people?  (Jeeze, anybody ever watched The Simpsons knows the answer to that question).  Anyway, I told her that there was a fanfic (I had to explain what a fanfic is to her) about Leela's time in her coma.  I printed it out for her to read  - she wanted to know why they (Groening and company) didn't show that part also...

Le sigh, at least she quit complaining about such a violent cartoon being sold at Wal-Mart.  Yes, I think that this woman may be related to Fry ins ome way...

Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #294 on: 09-15-2005 22:57 »

Impossible - even Fry has more sense than that.
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #295 on: 09-16-2005 00:07 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Shiny:
Impossible - even Fry has more sense than that.


You would be surprised (and terrified) if you knew some of the people that I work with.  This is the same woman that complained about her son's sleeping bag catching on fire when her boyfriend burned it with a blowtorch.

This woman is not only holds a professional license, but is also the director of a department.

I actually have facial tics when I deal with her.

The bright point is that she gave me the DVD to get it out of her house.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #296 on: 09-16-2005 00:39 »

You should subtly suggest other "inappropriate" DVDs for her to buy and then give to you.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #297 on: 09-28-2005 18:58 »

*sigh* I let myself fall to the second page again. I suck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taco Bellevue Hospital, room 413
5:38 pm
Day 12


The rain came down in sheets. Racing down the windowpane the droplets completely obscured Fry’s view of uptown. Every now and again large lightning bolts would spider web across the clouds, a spectacular sight under normal circumstances, but tonight they just didn’t have their usual magic. With a heavy sigh Fry turned and made his way back towards Leela’s side. Instead of sitting in his chair he opted for the edge of her bed. Silently he watched her breathe for a long while. In the three days since her life-support had been discontinued the only changes in her condition had been the state of her breathing. On her better days her breaths were long and deep and he could almost pretend she was only sleeping, on her worse days they were shallow and irregular. It looked like today was one of her worse days. It was scary to watch. Part of having her life-support pulled meant that if she were to stop breathing no measures would be taken to bring her back. And on her worse days the probability of her body giving out increased.

Fry was emotionally exhausted to the point were all he felt was numb. He had hoped that after Leela had started breathing on her own it would mean other improvements in her condition would soon follow. He thought the worst would be over and they would have nowhere to go but up. But just like Dr. Marsters had predicted nothing much was happening. It was starting to look more and more like she would never wake up. Fry still refused to believe that, but a small part of him couldn’t help but wonder whether he was being irrational and refusing to accept the reality that was right in front of him. Hope was getting harder and harder to cling to. Even the others had seemed to accept Leela’s loss and were beginning to move on. Amy had started going on missions with Bender, Hermes, and Zoidberg and the question had been raised of when Fry himself would be returning to work. He hadn’t been able to answer them. Even thinking about leaving Leela made him feel like a deserter. Obviously he couldn’t spend the rest of his life in this room with her and maybe someday he would be able to walk away, but today wasn’t that day.

With another heavy sigh he took her limp hand in his and kissed it gently.

“Y’know I always love spendin’ extra alone time with you Leela, but this isn’t exactly what I had in mind…I really miss you.”  Fry told her softly.

He welcomed the interruption when the door opened and Bender sauntered in. He was more than ready to have a conversation with someone who would talk back.

“I can’t believe you’re still just sittin’ in here!” Bender raged, “You got no idea all the stuff you’re missin’ out on!”

Fry shrugged apathetically.

“Well it just so happens,” Bender continued, “That yours truly has two front row tickets to tonight’s big Squid Fight. And I might just be willin’ ta let one go…if the price is right.”

“You know I can’t.” Fry said softly.

“Why the hell not?” Bender demanded.

Fry gave him a pained look. “You know why.”

“Aawwww come on! It‘s Squishy Joe versus The Inkinator!”

“Just go without me.”

“But it’s no fun alone.” Bender admitted pathetically.

“Get a floozy.”

“And pay ‘er hourly rate? These tickets were expensive!”

Fry held out his hands. “I don’t know what to tell you, Bender. I can’t go. I can‘t leave Leela.”

“What’s the big deal anyway? There’s plenty o’fish in the sea y’know.”

Fry gave Leela a longing look. “I don’t want any other fish. I want my fish.”

“But we can get you a new fish. With two eyes, and a friendlier disposition!”

For a moment Fry looked confused. “Wait, we are still talking about women, right?”

“My point is, she never gave ya the time a day and yet here you are just waiten for her to wake up and reject ya some more. It don’t make any sense!”

Fry looked thoughtful for a moment, then shrugged. “I love her.”

“But she don’t love you back.”

“I know, but she’s still my friend, and I gotta be there for her.”

“Oh like she’d really know one way or the other.” Bender scoffed.

I’d know.” Fry stated firmly. “I’m not leaving her.”

“Yeah, well, your loss.”

Fry shrugged. “I guess so.”

“If your lucky I just may get you one of those giant foam hand things.”

“Aww thanks buddy.”

“If you pay me for it.”

Fry held up a five dollar bill. “Can’t say I didn’t see that coming.”

Bender accepted the cash and headed for the door, but paused for a minute. “Y’know you can’t stay in here with her forever.”

Fry nodded. “I know,” he said softly. “But I’m just not ready yet.”


Residence of Turanga Morris & Munda
11:57 am
Day 14


It wasn’t often that Morris cooked. And the results were seldom pretty, but were generally edible. Munda had always loved kitchen related activities so he had never really had to worry about his culinary skills but sometimes he did wish he had more ability. Like now. Three days ago Munda had crawled into bed, curled up, and had since refused to get up. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how one looked at it, Morris had been through this with her once before. After they had given Leela up the first time Post Partum had hit and hit hard. Munda had stayed in bed for over a month mourning the loss of her baby. Morris had done his best to soothe her but she had been inconsolable. Feeling completely useless to her, as well as not feeling like he should grieve in front of her Morris had turned to drinking. But that hadn’t solved anything then so he wasn’t going to do that now. He was going to try something else this time.

He placed two loaded plates on the table. He had done his best to cook Munda’s favorite breakfast foods. She hadn’t eaten much of anything the past few days so he knew she had to be hungry whether she acknowledged it or not. She wasn’t going to feel like eating so he had wanted to cook things that would hopefully tempt her. Anything that would make this easier. Once he had the table set he headed for the bedroom. Slipping in quietly he eased over to her side. She had buried herself pretty deeply under the blankets and he couldn’t see her face.

“Munda?” He asked cautiously. “Are you awake?”

“Please leave me alone.” She pleaded, her voice slightly muffled.

“I made breakfast, and it actually doesn’t look that bad! Why don’t you come down stairs and eat with me?”

“I’m not hungry.”

Morris sighed. “I’m not letting you do this again Munda. You nearly put yourself in the hospital last time.”

“I don’t expect you to understand.”

Angered Morris crossed his arms and glared at the lump under the blanket. “Oh, I understand plenty. I understand you feel guilty. You shouldn’t, but you do. And I understand you’ll keep this up until you make yourself sick if I don’t step in. So this is me stepping in.”

In one swift motion he yanked the blanket off of her, gathered her up, and tossed her over his shoulder.

“Morris! What are you doing?! Stop! Put me down, have you lost your mind?!”

She struggled and complained as he carried her down the stairs. But since he had four inches height and almost forty pounds on her, her struggles went ignored. He carried her into the kitchen and plopped her down on a chair in front of her plate.

“You’re all the way in here, you might as well eat.” Morris stated smugly as she glared at him.

“How dare you manhandle me!” She raged. “If I had fingers I’d be giving you one right now!”

Morris grinned at her. Angry was good. If she was busy being angry than she couldn’t be depressed. Still smirking he wordlessly handed her a fork and started in on his own plate. Munda knew when she was beat. With a heavy sigh she too began to eat, but she made sure to send icy glares in Morris’ direction every few minutes.

“Hey, I didn’t do half bad with this.” Morris stated sounding pleased with himself as he finished his last bite of pancake.

“Pancake mix and water.” Munda stated apathetically as she shoved food randomly around her plate. “Kinda hard to screw that up.”

“I will have you know I made these from scratch.” Morris insisted ardently.

“Couldn’t find the pancake mix, could you?”

“Nope.”

“Leela’s gonna think we gave up on her.” Munda whispered suddenly.

Morris glanced up in surprise.

“She’s gonna think we don’t care anymore.”

“Munda that’s not true. Leela knows how much we love her.”

Munda shook her head, distraught. “We abandoned her. Again. I promised her we’d never leave her again and that’s exactly what we did!”

Morris reached over and placed his hand on her arm. He waited for her to make eye contact with him before he said, firmly, “We did not abandon her. We gave the decision back to her. Whether she lives or not is in her hands now. She gets to decide, without us trying to force her. Leela knows we love her. We tell her all the time. And if she wakes up we’ll keep telling her, and if she doesn’t, we’ll tell her anyway.” He hesitated momentarily. “It’s up to her now.”

Unable to maintain eye contact any longer, Munda stared down at her lap. “Why did this have to happen?” She whimpered, her voice breaking, “It’s not fair. She wanted to get married. She wanted to have children. She’s only twenty-eight.”

“I don’t know why it happened.” Morris said as he gently rubbed her arm. “Sometimes bad things just happen, and all we can do is try to deal with it best we can.”

“I want her back.” Munda sobbed brokenly, unable to contain herself any longer.

Morris moved his chair closer and wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace. “I know sweetheart, I do too.”

Munda clung to him desperately and pressed her face into his chest.

“God, Morris, I want her back.”


Taco Bellevue Hospital, room 413
12:33 pm
Day 15


 “I’ll be back tonight. I mean it.” Warm tears coursed down Fry’s face as he wrung his hands together guiltily. Today was the day. After fifteen days of bedside vigil Fry was going to leave Leela’s side and go back to work. It had taken some heavy coaxing from his co-workers before he had finally given in. He had only agreed to half days and deliveries that could be completed in less than six hours. He still had every intention of spending every night with her, he would only be gone for a few hours during the days, but even with the knowledge that he would be back before the sun was gone still left him with a knot in his stomach.

“I swear I’m not leavin’ you here to rot. I’ll be here every night. I’ll only be gone for a little while.”

Chances were, she couldn’t hear him. Chances were, she had no idea he was even there at all. But he was desperate to make her understand.

“I’ll come by on all of my breaks.” He promised her tearfully. “I’ll be here all the time, it won’t even seem like I left at all.”

She could die while he was gone. The thought hit him suddenly and almost made his knees buckle. She could be all alone, and die, without anyone by her side. His stomach twisted into a few more knots and a deep feeling of failure settled into his chest. He was so useless to her. Had been when she was awake, hadn’t changed now that she wasn’t.

Gathering together what was left of his resolve he took a step back, towards the door.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do better.” He whispered, almost inaudibly, before he forced himself to turn away from her. The fifteen feet to the door might have well been fifteen miles. His knees were like rubber, he felt like he was walking through quicksand. But he made it to the open door, and then stopped. He hadn’t meant to, his legs had simply refused to obey his brain’s order for them to move. He tried again, still nothing. He was frozen in the doorway.

Against his better judgment he glanced over his shoulder to give Leela one last look. His heart broke. This was just too hard. It felt so wrong.

Taking a deep breath he faced forward and made one more effort to step beyond the doorframe. But he just couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t leave her. Resigned, he turned from the door and walked back to Leela’s bedside, slumping down in his ever-present chair. A small part of him was angry at himself, for not being strong enough to walk away. But an even larger part of him was relieved. He had never wanted to leave her to begin with. The others had convinced him by saying that leaving her side was the first step, and after the first step things would get easier, and after a while he would be able to move on with his life. But in all honesty, he didn’t want to move on with his life. He couldn’t just walk away and carry on as if she had never been there at all. He loved her. Never before in his life could he honesty say that about anyone. Sure he had had girlfriends in the past, and yeah there were a few he had thought he loved. But what he felt for Leela went far beyond what he had ever felt for anyone. Leela owned his heart. And to leave her would be to leave it.

It was just too damn hard.

He clutched her hand like a lifeline. “I can’t do it.” He admitted to her. “Looks like you’re stuck with me till the end.”

He sighed wearily. In about an hour the others would realize that he had flaked out. And he would have to listen to them try to re-convince him to leave. They were only concerned for his well-being, he knew. But they just didn’t understand that without Leela it wasn’t worth it.

“This can’t go on forever.” He told her softly. “You have to wake up.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay Layla, Shiny, and JBERGES your turn!
Ol´coot

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #298 on: 09-28-2005 19:29 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
His stomach twisted into a few more knots and a deep feeling of failure settled into his chest. He was so useless to her. Had been when she was awake, hadn’t changed now that she wasn’t.

Geez Venus, you are so mean to Fry  wink Great update as usual, you really set the mood describing Leela's good and bad days!    frown  The scene with Munda and Morris was great - very moving.   cry

Set ye Zapp in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire ye from him, that he may be smitten and die.

II Yosemite 11:15
NIC2001

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #299 on: 09-28-2005 19:59 »

Great update Venus!

This line was so good:-->We did not abandon her. We gave the decision back to her.<--

So it's day 15 now right? she should wake up soon! Can't wait.

Keep it up!
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #300 on: 09-28-2005 20:06 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
Fry gave Leela a longing look. “I don’t want any other fish. I want my fish.”

That is possibly the cutest (and yet sad-like) thing ever... I awwed. A lot.

You did a great job with the emotions and all. Munda crying "I want her back" just seemed like the perfect thing to say. It really struck a chord with me anyway. It's all very real, if you know what I mean. Great comic relief too, with the fish and the pancakes  big grin.

Good job!! I can't wait to see more, no matter how much it depresses me... sob.

Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #301 on: 09-28-2005 21:02 »

God after today I totally feel for Fry. Someone dropped my puppy and I just feel horrible. She's fine but I'm really upset. Still, good update. I noticed that it was Day Fifteen so in the next few weeks is the end no? That's good. Cause reading that made me feel sadder and kind of good. I don't know. Just keep going.
Shippy Mandy

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #302 on: 09-29-2005 00:25 »

If Fry really was a puppy, the ASPCA would've picked him up by now. Poor Fry.

Another utterly, utterly marvelous chapter, Venus. MORE! I DEMAND MOOOOOOOORE!!!

I am the Bacon Man!
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #303 on: 09-29-2005 03:14 »

Bender Quote:

“My point is, she never gave ya the time a day and yet here you are just waiten for her to wake up and reject ya some more. It don’t make any sense!”
__________

If I remember correctly, this episode was a turning point in the series - Leela quit being as hard on Fry and actually started to be supportive of him.  Case in point:  When Fry's nose was stolen, she was the one that led the search to find his nose.

Now that's said, it's nice to see that Fry is now having doubts to Leela's recovery.  15 days of no improvement can wear even the most optomistic person down, and add Fry's physical, mental and emotional exhaustion to the mix, it's a wonder that he hasn't collapsed.

Good work Miss Venus; an A+ in my book.

Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #304 on: 09-29-2005 09:54 »

Oh yeah, i completely agree that this episode was a major turning point. But Bender and Fry don't know that yet.
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #305 on: 09-29-2005 15:06 »

This is true - Fry doesn't know how Leela will react if she wakes up - she's just as likely to be pissed-off that he spent so much time at her bedside as she is to be happy somebody gave a rat's ass about her.

This just shows Fry's devotion to her - at this point his love, and at times his friendship, are unrequited by Leela.  That doesn't stop him from being by her side every possible moment, even though his health is fragile at best (focusing so much on Leela, we forget that Fry had life-threatening injuries and major surgery); his bedside vigil has to be taking a tremendous toll on him; hopefully when Leela wakes up she will realize the true amount of devotion that Fry has for her.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #306 on: 09-29-2005 18:00 »

Don't worry. His vigil does not go unnoticed. I am a shipper after all.
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #307 on: 09-29-2005 18:24 »

And that's why we love ya!
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #308 on: 09-29-2005 23:09 »

Promises, promises must be kept,
To Venus it seems I’m always in debt
She’s posted, huzzah! and it’s time to review
Bergey I’m not, this is the best I can do!

She starts with a bang, not a whimpering refrain,
With elegant description of lightning and rain,
The magic is gone for poor forlorn guy, Fry.
And I’m struck with a sadness for the grief-stricken b’y.

Newfoundlandese in a PEELer thread now!
I’ll drop it right quick, girl, so don’t have a cow!
The Simpson’s refs start invading the place
But you can’t yell at me, I’ve got boobs and some grace.

Away from the in-jokes, to the fanfic now turn
Dear Fry’s weary watching doth make mine heart burn
Breathing’s the only task Leela can do,
And if she should cease, it’s all over, it’s through.

Your story is poignant, you constantly amaze
with perfect word choices and great turns of phrase
Without life support, hope is fading away
and The Sting’s happy ending won’t my fears allay

There’s raw truth in Fry’s worries of being deserter
Of returning to work when the venom can hurt her
And the shipper in me, a real drama fan
wished Leela would see Fry becoming a man

But on she slept, missing Bender’s arrival
Even squid-jigging boxing could not cause a revival
Long have I loved the words, “I want my fish”
So fan-shippen-tastic my insides went squish!

Bestiality aside, ne’er to return, I do hope
after all Fry’s a human and not the Space Pope
What a noble surrender, what proud sacrifice
No foam hand could ever be worth such a price

To get Fry to leave, to abandon his pledge
while Leela’s soul walks a precarious ledge
“Don’t worry, be happy!” the false crew cries
when Fry whispers to Leela, “I love you, don’t die”

So touching it’s hard to find words to express,
my feelings, and especially rhyming no less
But thank you, friend Venus, for sharing with me,
Strange how such sorrow can fill me with glee!

Back down in the sewers, Munda’s falling apart,
and poor Morris regrets that his cooking’s no art
Post Partum depression brings grief that’s not fake
To lose a child twice over would make any heart break

Munda’s guilt driven fasting was making her sick
Three cheers for her husband who gave her a kick
Manhandling or mutant handling I have to wonder,
it’s easy to see from where Leela found thunder

Wise Morris knows that fierce anger’s much better
then being enchained in depression’s cold fetter
Munda worries and frets that she’s the deserter
but Morris gently points out that now “It’s all up to her”

Such a difficult scene and a burden to bear
Such power you have, Venus, to make us all care
From a husband and children to a life come to dust
To reclaim her dreams, Leela must wake soon, she must!

From the lingering fire of wearisome guilt,
you lead us now back to the tension you’ve built
Though he hates what he does, he has no other choice,
Fry must return to his job and he cannot rejoice

Oh, Venus, when Fry lambasted his worth
I wanted to weep but of tears, there was dearth
 I read in silent amazement as he started to leave
but his legs wouldn’t listen; it’s his heart they believe

After reading such writing, well, what can I say,
but Venus your writing gets better each day.
You’re a fantastic friend and a true inspiration,
Thanks for sharing your work; it fills me with elation!

So I’ll wait patiently ‘til new writing emerges,
And in the mean time we can flirt with JBERGES! wink
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #309 on: 09-30-2005 00:19 »

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Poetry! Yay!
NIC2001

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #310 on: 09-30-2005 00:25 »

  eek Wow! Just... Wow!  eek

Venus, you are one lucky girl!
Layla wrote you Fanfis and now a review in the form of a poem... Your power can't be denied now! All rise to the mighty VENUS!  tongue 

It's late, I'm going to bed now.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #311 on: 09-30-2005 01:01 »

It seems that our Layla is skilled at the rapid
Formation of poems neither petite nor vapid
This ensuing effort is wrought with frivolity
As this review has neither quantity nor quality

Plot outline has been rehashed by the Canadian.
(Who reviews like clockwork or rhythms circadian)
I’ll add I enjoyed it; the story was clever.
A shippy tear-drippy heart-grippy endeavor.
The notable part of this drama you’ve written?
We know it ends fine but yet still we are smitten.

To critique you in verse would be a bit tricky
Bender’s lingo’s a bit much (but I’m being picky.)
But other than that there are no more complaints,
And that’s not just because of these Seussian restraints.

Moreover, I noted your dabble in jesting
The “My Fish” line was cute and fondly suggesting
“Wait, we are still talking about women, right?”
Capped the end of what would be a classic sound bite.

Well, that’s all I’ve got, but what did you expect?
You gals got the bosoms; I get no respect  tongue
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #312 on: 09-30-2005 01:10 »

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEE!!

Counter poetry!
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #313 on: 09-30-2005 01:36 »

Well Venus, it seems that your effort is a critical success.

Will you still remember the 'little people' when your writing career takes off?
Shippy Mandy

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #314 on: 09-30-2005 21:37 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by DrThunder88:
You should subtly suggest other "inappropriate" DVDs for her to buy and then give to you.

Suggest Monty Python and the Holy Grail...that one has some stuff that she'd find inappropriate.

Your coworker=crazy.

I am the Bacon Man!
THM

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #315 on: 10-02-2005 09:45 »

Yep, this is looking good. But as a beta-reader, I have to say...where's the new material? Huh?

 smile

'Naked ladies, naked ladies, naked ladies, naked ladies!'

- Justice Snoop Dogg, Into the Wild Green Yonder
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #316 on: 10-03-2005 03:28 »

I read Venus' chapter tonight,
And found it a splendid delight
I would praise it in verse
But my muse is perverse,
And a limerick is all I can write.
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #317 on: 10-03-2005 04:21 »

Shiny, great to see ya!  Venus and Layla have delivered, now it's your turn to wow us mere mortals with your fabulous story!

(BTW, great limerick - it's the only CLEAN one that I think I've ever seen)
Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #318 on: 10-03-2005 13:50 »
« Last Edit on: 10-03-2005 13:50 »

Woo!!! I love limericks!

There was a small fish called Figgle,
who really did like to giggle.
He laughed til he cried,
and he cried til he died,
and his tail would no longer wiggle.

Heh heh heh... What?
NIC2001

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #319 on: 10-05-2005 17:08 »
« Last Edit on: 10-05-2005 17:08 »

  eek Hey Venus! This is way off topic but are you aware of this???

 www.shootfirstlaw.org


I’m for self defense but this is pushing it a bit too far!
Now anyone can get shot for almost no reason. A simple argument or fender bender can turn in a bloodbath! I’m not going back to Florida anytime soon!   no no

Be careful on the streets from now on Venus!   hmpf
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