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Author Topic: You guys are gonna love this!  (Read 435 times)
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Robman

Crustacean
*
« on: 02-16-2005 20:52 »

Hi all!  I'm new here.  Actually, that's sort of a lie.  I registered about two years ago, I think, made one post, and left...until now.

The reason I've returned is because I've got these two episode ideas I think I'm going to turn into scripts for the hell of it.  I'm posting the little summary teasers here.  Please, tell me what you think!

Idea#1
When it is announced that the crew will be delivering a package to the Planet of Pure Excitement ("The most purely exciting planet int the universe" ), the whole gang piles into the ship in such a hurry that they forget to check the antimatter tank, which turns out to be empty, stranding the ship in empty part of the universe. As the crew await their slow and agonizing death, the Professor decides to recount the tale of how the package delivery company that would be his undoing was born.

We flash back to Mars University of the late 2970's, where Professor Farnsworth, head of the Experimental Sports Medicine Department, and his young lab assistant, med school dropout Zoidberg, perform dangerous experiments to better the school's athletes. When a test of their new super flexibility steroid on limbo team champion Hermes Conrad goes horribly awry, all are let go from the college and must find a new way to pay the bills. Luckily, the Professor has a ship with a relatively big cargo hold and a little place with a big hangar on the lower east side of Manhattan...

Idea#2
A culture magazine declares New New York to be the least progressive city in the solar system concerning its attitude toward mutants. You see, everywhere else mutants are free to roam the surface, and New New York is starting to look hopelessly prejudiced and behind the times. Wanting to see her parents liberated from the sewers, Leela forms a popular protest group and soon Mayor Poopenmeyer must cave into pressure to free his city's mutants.  But they find they don't fit in well with the hip, urbanized mutant population of the rest of the world....
Futurama Nerd

Professor
*
« Reply #1 on: 02-16-2005 20:55 »
« Last Edit on: 02-16-2005 20:55 »

You trader! You came and left, for a life!   tongue Just kidding. I read your two story ideas, and I think that they are pretty funny, I especially like the second one.

edit: Damn spelling errors!
hobojobo

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #2 on: 02-16-2005 21:00 »

They both sound really good (I'm assuming you're going to turn both of these, but seeing as it's a sitcom, you'll need to find a way to get them out of the empty part of the universe. The second one sounds like it wouldn't have quite enough action to be enguaging. Still, you really sould write some of these in full length, because they do sound interesting.
Robman

Crustacean
*
« Reply #3 on: 02-16-2005 21:12 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by hobojobo:
They both sound really good (I'm assuming you're going to turn both of these, but seeing as it's a sitcom, you'll need to find a way to get them out of the empty part of the universe.
I was just going to leave 'em there, actually.  I thought it would be funny to leave their fates unresolved, and the PE ship story would just be rap-around for the main flashback story anyhow, so it wouldn't really matter.
 
Quote
The second one sounds like it wouldn't have quite enough action to be enguaging.
It's funny you should say that, because I actually have more of the plot laid out for that one than the first one. (Which is funny because the first one's been in my head for months, and the second one I just thought of last night.) Don't you worry, there'll be plenty of action.  I think I might even put Old Man Waterfall's great granddaughter in it.

And thanks for the good words so far!
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #4 on: 02-16-2005 21:13 »

I love the second one. The first one sounds decent but i don't know how interested i would be in reading a story that didn't really involve Fry Leela and Bender since i'm assuming they wouldn't be in the flashbacks.
Fry1077

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #5 on: 02-16-2005 23:57 »

Those are great stories, like the other people I liked the 2nd one. I think that if you could, you could turn the "episodes" into flash movies, or comics that would be really cool...
M0le

Space Pope
****
« Reply #6 on: 02-17-2005 00:27 »

I can actually see that as part of the TV show. Very few fan-fics I can actually picture being viewable as a TV show (JBERGES) but yours sound perfect.
Robman

Crustacean
*
« Reply #7 on: 02-17-2005 10:37 »
« Last Edit on: 02-17-2005 10:37 »

Thanks for all the kind words, guys!  It's getting me more excited to start writing these scripts knowing people might actually enjoy them!

I've come up with some joke subtitles for the openings.  Tell me what you think:

"2.5 Thumbs Up!"--The Criticbot

Almost as much fun as doing a midterm!

Objects on screen may be less entertaining than they appear.

The show that comes with a free decoder ring!
Fryday

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #8 on: 02-17-2005 12:12 »

They're great opening captions, i think the best two are:
 
Quote
Originally posted by Robman:
"2.5 Thumbs Up!"--The Criticbot

Objects on screen may be less entertaining than they appear.

I can't wait to read these stories!


I can't think of anything witty to write in this space.
Robman

Crustacean
*
« Reply #9 on: 02-17-2005 18:00 »

Just a quick update:
I've started writing on of the scripts, so stay tuned to this thread!  I'll be posting scenes here, and I want to hear all of your comments and suggestions!

By the way, I've given the scripts very original working titles: "Mutants" and "Flashback." Can you guess which is which?  wink
Robman

Crustacean
*
« Reply #10 on: 02-18-2005 14:13 »
« Last Edit on: 02-18-2005 14:13 »

I hope you guys are still paying attention to this thread, because I'd hate to see you miss out on the FIRST POSTING OF MY SCRIPT!!!

What you are about to see are the first few pages of flashback.  Please please give your comments and suggestions--tell me what jokes aren't working and what you would add and yada yada.  I might not take you up on your suggestions, but they're really important to me!

Anyway, this is the first draft of the first few pages of "Flashback."  I've started "Mutants" as well, but I don't have enough to post yet.  Enjoy!

--------------------
INT. PLANET EXPRESS LOUNGE—DAY

FRY, BENDER, and LEELA are watching television when the PROFESSOR and HERMES enter.

PROFESSOR
Good news, everyone!  Your next mission will be the most exciting mission ever!

The crew is nonplussed.

FRY
(FOCUSED ON THE TV)
Explain why.

PROFESSOR
Well, it’s just a routine delivery of ordinary office supplies.

LEELA
That doesn’t sound very exciting.

PROFESSOR
You didn’t let me finish, damnit!  It’s just an ordinary delivery to a regular star system.  But that system contains the Planet of Pure Excitement.

The crew immediately perks up.

BENDER
(EXCITED)
Why, that’s the most purely exciting planet in the universe!

PROFESSOR
Yes, that is their slogan.

HERMES and ZOIDBERG burst into the room, wearing VACATION CLOTHES and looking VERY EXCITED!

HERMES
Hurry up, you lousy green snakes!  We’re missing all de excitement!

ZOIDBERG
I can’t wait to try the exciting cuisine!

BENDER
(CRAZY)
Quick!  Everyone into the ship!

Everyone heads toward the door at once, causing a frenzied traffic jam.

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS BUILDING--DAY

While the hangar roof is still opening, the SHIP bursts through the doors and rockets through the sky in a hurry!

PROFESSOR
(ANGRY)
You just broke my roof!

LEELA
No time, we’ve got to get to the Planet of Pure Excitement!

EXT. SPACE

The Ship zooms out of Earth orbit and through the galaxy in a green blur!

FRY
Faster, Leela!  We’ve still got two hundred million light-years to go!

LEELA
We’re already at maximum speed!  But maybe the ship will go faster if I step even harder on the gas!

The pedal is already to the metal as Leela futilely presses her foot down.

ANGLE ON: GAS NEEDLE which is hovering very, very, close to empty.

ZOIDBERG
Give it more chutzpah!

The needle hits empty!

EXT. SPACE--DAY

The ROCKETS go DEAD!  The ship SCREECHES to a HALT with the sound of car tires squealing!

INT. SHIP

The crew LURCHES forward with the jolt, restrained by their seatbelts.  Fry, however, is not buckled up, and goes sailing into the windshield upside-down!

LEELA
Oh no!  I was in such a hurry to leave that I forgot to fill up the dark matter tank!

Fry is crumpled up, upside-down, in a corner.

FRY
Now we’ll never get to the Planet of Pure Excitement!

LEELA
Not to worry.  I’ll call Septuple and they’ll come tow us.

She presses a button and the phone-screen lowers, displaying a GUY with a “AAAAAAA” logo behind him.

AAAAAAA GUY
How may I--

The screen immediately goes black!  All the lights dim!

LEELA
Oh no!  Now the battery’s dead!

HERMES
(TO ZOIDBERG)
You revoltin’ lobster!  You’ve bin plugging that rock tumbla of yours into the ship’s battery again, haven’t ya?

Zoidberg is holding some sparkling, shining, rocks (which have clearly been through a rock tumbler) in his hands.

ZOIDBERG
Please don’t yell in front of the shiny pebbles!

Zoidberg takes the rocks aside.

ZOIDBERG
(CONT’D)
There, there, it’s okay my shiny friends.  No one’s going to hurt--

Hermes is hitting Zoidberg.

ZOIDBERG
(CONT’D)
Ow!  Ow!  Friend?  What have I done to deserve such horrible treatment?

FARNSWORTH
Oh my, it’s hopeless!  We’re all doomed!  Doomed, I say!

BENDER
Don’t give up yet, you wrinkled out meatbag!  I--that’d be me, Bender--so happen to have an emergency transponder built into me noggin.

Bender knocks on his head twice for emphasis. The Professor thinks about this for a moment.

FARNSWORTH
Oh, we’re all doomed to rot out here in the vast emptiness of space! 
PROFESSOR
(CONT’D)
Cruel, horrible emptiness!

Fry is still upside-down

FRY
Wait everybody, I’ve got an idea!  Bender, do that thing you just said!

BENDER
With pleasure!

The ball on top of Bender’s antenna starts blinking red.  He imitates radar beeping noises.

BENDER
Beep beep beep do beep-beep-da-beep beep...

As Bender does this, concentric “radio wave” circles start to emanate from the blinky ball on top of his antenna (just like the old RKO Radio logo).  We pull back out of the ship and into space as the circles continue.  The ship gets smaller and smaller until it is a tiny speck in the corner of the screen.  We continue to pull back through the galaxy until until everything turns blue--we have entered the atmosphere of a planet.  PULL DOWN to reveal an old-style radio antenna next to a building perched on a rocky beach.

SIGN: “SPACE RESCUE: An underfunded division of the U.S. Coast Guard.”

INT. SPACE RESCUE

An INTERCEPTOR is sitting at a workstation that looks sort of like one of those radar screens.  A Coast Guard CAPTAIN stands behind him.

The Interceptor is hearing something on his headphones.

INTERCEPTOR
Sir, I’m picking up a distress signal from Sector Sigma-Sigma-Zee-Alpha.

CAPTAIN
Can you identify?

INTERCEPTOR
It’s coming in now, sir.

A computer “mugshot” of Bender appears on the screen.

INTERCEPTOR
It’s a “Bending Unit 22,” sir.

CAPTAIN
Bending Unit 22, hmmm...(thinks).  Wait a minute, I think that’s the robot that stole my wife’s purse!

INTERCEPTOR
Aliases include Bender B. Rodriguez--

CAPTAIN
I know that name!  He swindled me in a mail-order CDs scam!  I’ve heard enough!  Let him rot out there.

INTERCEPTOR
I agree.  I’ve been mugged by at least seven of his other aliases!

INT. SHIP

BENDER
Oh good, I’m getting a response!

He starts emanating radio static.

BENDER
(IN INTERCEPTOR’S VOICE)
Go to hell!  Over!
(IN BENDER VOICE)
Aww man, who would have thought my years of being a total jerk would be my undoing?

It's going to jump into the actual plot pretty much right after this, so stay tuned!
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #11 on: 02-18-2005 15:26 »

Hey! This is actually good! Hurray!
Robman

Crustacean
*
« Reply #12 on: 02-19-2005 16:27 »

Did you doubt that would be?  wink

But seriously, thanks for the compliment.  I can only assume the lack of other feedback is due to everyone else just being too awed by my brilliance to think of anything to say.

Oh, who am I kidding?

Anyway, in case anyone else actually is paying attention, I think I'll give you a little sneak peek right now at "Mutants."  This is only the first two pages and nothing has really happened yet, but I hope you guys like it.  I'll post more as I write it.
--------------
OPENING CAPTION: “2.5 THUMBS UP!”--THE CRITICBOT

EXT. SKIES ABOVE MOSCOW—DAY

It is snowing in Moscow.  The PLANET EXPRESS SHIP flies past a hovering SIGN that reads “WELCOME TO MOSCOW.  PATRON SAINT: YAKOV SMIRNOFF.”

EXT. RED SQUARE

The ship lands.  A procession of Fantasia-esque flowers and mushrooms do traditional Russian dances in the foreground.

FRY, LEELA, and BENDER exit the ship, wearing PARKAS to protect against the cold.

FRY
I can’t believe the Professor sent us all the way to Russia just to pick up some vodka!

LEELA
He also said to stop by France on the way back for some Vermouth.

FRY
This country’s so cold.  I’m freezing my butt off!

BENDER
(LAUGHS)
Oh, mammals.  You’re so cute.

LEELA
Quit being such a baby.  We’re only on the other side of the planet!

BENDER
Seriously, it’s not like we went halfway across the universe like we usually do when the Professor wants booze.

FRY
I know.  It’s just that, when I was a kid, my dad used to tell me that all the people over here wore the color red...or something.  Truth is, I never actually listened to my dad.

LEELA
Fry, that was dumb even by your low standards.  The fact of the matter is that Russia today is the most progressive country in the world.  Their economy is first rate, and they were even the first to legalize interspecies marriage.

BENDER
And they’re still the only place where cannibalism is legal!  You can’t forget that!

FRY
Really?  As I recall, that was a pretty hot-button issue in the last election.

LEELA
Yeah, but it got shot down by the conservatives again.

BENDER
Oh, how I hate them!

INT. CRAZY BORIS’S BORSCHT AND VODKA EMPORIUM

The crew looks at various brands of vodka.
-----
That's all I've got so far.  I'm having a small bit of writer's block today. (That's what I get for being hungover.)
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #13 on: 02-20-2005 03:07 »
« Last Edit on: 02-20-2005 03:07 »

To be honest, the mutant situation always captured my interest too, that's part of the reason behind my last fic (The Social Order).  I've often said I think the main theme of Futurama is "the more things change, the more things stay the same."  While mutants are pretty 30th Century-y, their treatment at the hands of humans is all to historically familiar.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the rest of it.
Robman

Crustacean
*
« Reply #14 on: 09-14-2005 17:18 »

Hi everyone!  Well I haven't updated in about five months it looks like, and that's because I haven't really written anything in that amount of time.  Yeah, I kind of gave up.  Sorry to let you down.  I might finish these some day though, especially if you guys are interested!

Anyway, the reason I have revived this thread is because I was looking through my old files and it turns out I actually wrote some more of the "Flashback" script, so I figured I'd put it here for all to see.  Please tell me what you think!

PROFESSOR
It’s like I’ve been saying all this time: we’re doomed!  Somehow, I’ve always thought this delivery company would be my undoing.

LEELA
Why did you start it, then?


PROFESSOR
I could tell you, but that story is very long, and many would say that it’s fairly boring as well.

BENDER
(NONCHALANT)
Well, we need to pass the time somehow as we await the grim specter of death.

ZOIDBERG
The robot makes a good point.

PROFESSOR
Whaaaaa...well, okay.  But I’m afraid I don’t have much time left.  Hermes, if I should die before the story is done, you’ll have to finish it for me.

HERMES
Can do, Professor.

PROFESSOR
And be sure to leave out any parts that make me look bad!  You know what I’m talking about.

HERMES
I’ll try my best.

PROFESSOR
(angry) You’ll try better than that, dammit! 
(Switching gears)
Anyway, it all started about twenty-five years on a beautiful spring day at Mars University.  The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and I believe my ulcers weren’t acting up as much as usual...

DISSOLVE TO

EXT. MARS UNIVERSITY CAMPUS

We see a very well-kempt campus populated by very clean-cut, conservatively-dressed college kids.

CAPTION: MARS UNIVERSITY, 2978

PROFESSOR
(V.O., CONT’D.)
Those dirty hippies were out their polluting the campus with their disgusting free love like they always were back in those days.

We pan over a scene completely opposed to what the Professor is describing: more buttoned-down, clean-cut kids, walking each other to class, studying under trees...it’s like a 1950’s educational filmstrip.

PROFESSOR
(V.O., CONT’D.)
Luckily for me, I didn’t have to see them much, for I was busy at work as head of the Sports Medicine department.

PAN UP to a medical-looking building.

SIGN: “Experimental Sports Medicine Department.”

We pan up through an OPEN WINDOW, where we find a YOUNG FARNSWORTH, looking pretty much exactly the same, but with some wisps of gray hair above his ears.  He is holding a VIAL of reddish-blue liquid and consulting a young ATHLETE.

PROFESSOR
This compound should increase your speed on the track tenfold.

He hands the vial to the athlete, who drinks.

ATHLETE
Hmmmm, tastes like strawberries.

PROFESSOR
(FLATTERED)
I was hoping you’d notice.

ATHLETE
Well, it really does make a diff—

Suddenly, the Athlete’s mouth stretches weirdly!
ATHLETE
(CONT’D)
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

PROFESSOR
Oh, my!

The Athlete starts spasming uncontrollably as foam pours out of his mouth and steam comes out of his ears!

ATHLETE
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!  ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

His face starts to turn red!

PROFESSOR
Oh no, not again.

He opens an umbrella to protect himself as the Athlete EXPLODES!  Blood and guts fly everywhere!

The Professor shakes his head in sadness.

PROFESSOR
Another one cut down in the prime of his youth.  What a terrible, terrible waste.

He presses an intercom button on a nearby desk.

PROFESSOR
Clean up in the testing lab!

ZOIDBERG enters.  He appears to be in his early twenties, thinner, more full of promise.  He is holding a chewed-up stick and a bucket.

ZOIDBERG
(ASHAMED)
I ate the mop again!

PROFESSOR
Dammit, Zoidberg!  You’re the worst lab assistant I’ve ever had!
benderfender

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #15 on: 09-16-2005 14:47 »

vonnka
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #16 on: 09-17-2005 01:08 »

 
Quote
BENDER
...
Aww man, who would have thought my years of being a total jerk would be my undoing?

PROFESSOR
It’s like I’ve been saying all this time: we’re doomed! Somehow, I’ve always thought this delivery company would be my undoing.

I don't know if you put these lines in direct sequence intentionally or not, but it seems a little strange since they both specifically mention something being an agent of undo.

The segments seem to end abruptly and without much  much regard to the story, but, otherwise, good work.
commie detector

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #17 on: 09-17-2005 16:48 »

write more!!!!!!!!!!!!
... please? it is very good...
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