hellooo....

[on:]

Hey ppl.

New to this site but I really like it. I just thought I would show you some stuff I tried if you could give me some feedback that would be great.

Heres a bit of script I wrote:

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(Opening Credits)
Caption: Now with 20% more future!

(Fry, Leela and Bender are in the Internet, fighting through all of the adverts. Whilst Fry kicks one of them he hits the OK button and they all disappear)

Leela: “Oh no Fry! Do you realise what you’ve just done!? You could have signed us up for anything!”

(A large pop up window appears, saying Do you wish to continue? The only two options are ‘yes’ or ‘ok’)

Fry: “Stupid pop up windows! I never liked you!”

(Fry kicks the large pop up window, accidently selecting ‘ok’)

Fry: “Aww not again!”

(The gang are then transported to a ‘dodgy’ part of the internet)

Leela: “Oh no, we’re in the free web space zone. Home of some of the dodgiest sites made…”

(Bender sneeks of into a door saying ‘Live Circuit Cams’)

(The couple walk around and are stopped by a thief, who pulls out a switchblade and looks remarkably like Snake from the simpsons)

Thief: “Ok, I’m like, so hacking you!”

(The couple gasp)

Thief “Gimme all your credits, NOW!”

(The couple reach into there pockets and pull out there credits)

Fry: “I’m a little short right now, could I give you and I.O.U?”

(Bender walks along, whistling, with a skip in his step)

Bender: “Hey, what you guys up to? And who’s this little geek?”

(Fry leaps onto his knees cupping his hands)

Fry: “He doesn’t mean that master, honestly!”

Bender: “What are you talking about? It’s just a fake skin… see!”

(Bender sticks a wire from him into the mugger, a progress bar pops up)

Bender: “Hurry up, stupid 80,000k”

(When the progress bar completes, Bender looks like the mugger. The couple gasp as done before)

Bender: “Heheheh… If you’ll excuse me I’ve got some business to attend to…”

(Bender walks off with an evil grin on his face. The couple turn towards the mugger,  who is revealed as a small, whimpering, nerd. Fry gets back onto his feet and brushes the dust off of his legs)

Fry: “Umm…My plan to make you think I was scared worked. You’re just lucky Bender came long when he did…”

(Fry turns to Leela with an embarrassed face and a cheesy smile)

Leela: “Well now that’s all over with how do we get out of here?”

(Fry points towards a sign saying exit)

Fry: “Maybe that’s the way out?”

Leela: “Well that would be pretty obvious”

(The couple run towards the sign)

Guard: “All aboard the hyperlink express!”

(Fry and Leela jump onto the train, just before the door shuts)

Leela: “Oh no! What about Bender?!”

Fry: “He can look after himself. He’s Bender!”

Leela: “Oh no! What about Bender?!”
---------------------------------------------

Here's a quick pic I made of me, but the mouth is a bit crummy       (sorry about the poor quality, Damn you paint!):

 http://img94.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img94&image=me8ii.jpg

-MARZ
 

[Reply #1 on:]

Interesting...
Welcome to our fine congregation of nerds, Marz! Enjoy it here!

[Reply #2 on:]

Your image link is messed up.
But welcome aboard anyhow.
The welcoming commitee should be along shortly...

[Reply #3 on:]

That's a neat little script, the internet sucks  .

Welcome to the forum of fun! Or something...

[Reply #4 on:]

lol, Thanks for the welcome.

[Reply #5 on:]

Hi, MARZ, and welcome to PEEL! I'm Gorky, the annoying incoherently babbling person in charge of our welcoming committee! Oh wait, we don't have one of those, but if we did, you're darn tootin' I'd be in charge of it! Well, actually, I lack the ambition or drive to be in charge of anything, so I'd probably just hang around a lot and just say I was in charge of our non-existent welcoming committee.

Um...anyway...about this script: it's pretty funny. I actually liked it very much. Oh yeah, and your picture was great. (You did that on Paint? The only things I can draw on Paint are...nothing.) Well, guys, it looks like we have a talented new guy on our hands here. Welcome, again. 

[Reply #6 on:]

that is a very nice fic there. I'm ooy, and welcom to PEEL.

[Reply #7 on:]

 

Originally posted by Gorky:
 I'm Gorky, the annoying incoherently babbling person in charge of our welcoming committee! Oh wait, we don't have one of those, but if we did, you're darn tootin' I'd be in charge of it! 

Um, I think I've welcomed more people then you have.
*checks Gorky's profile, sees that she's been here longer then I have*
Oh....well I guess you could be in charge then, if you have too  .

Anywho, I think I've already welcomed you MARZ in another thread so I'll stick to the praise.
Your fic was pretty good, and funny as well. The picture was awesome, I like to paint too.

[Reply #8 on:]

 

Um, I think I've welcomed more people then you have.
*checks Gorky's profile, sees that she's been here longer then I have*
Oh....well I guess you could be in charge then, if you have too  .

Oh yeah? Well, I bet I've driven more people to the brink of insanity than you have! So there! 

Seriously though, we could both be, like, co-in- charge-persons of the nonexistent committee that I just made up. Like, you could initially welcome the people, then I can drive them so insane that they never come back. Then, when they do come back, I can re-welcome them and then you can drive them insane. How's that sound?

P.S.: You probably have welcomed more people then I have, though...which sort of makes me sad. 

[Reply #9 on:]

Nice fic. Nice pic. Welcome to PEEL, MARZ! 

[Reply #10 on:]

 

Originally posted by Gorky:
Seriously though, we could both be, like, co-in- charge-persons of the nonexistent committee that I just made up. Like, you could initially welcome the people, then I can drive them so insane that they never come back. Then, when they do come back, I can re-welcome them and then you can drive them insane. How's that sound?

That sounds great! I'm good at driving people insane  What should we call it, welcoming comittee just sounds so, blah.

 

P.S.: You probably have welcomed more people then I have, though...which sort of makes me sad.   

Don't be said. Like you said earlier, you drove more people to the brink of insanity then I have. So lets call it even   

[Reply #11 on:]

Back on topic, Marz, is there going to be more of that story, or is that it?  Either way, it's pretty good.  I followed the link to your picture and rated it, because it said no-one had rated it. 
Loved the mugger/nerd thing.  Very funny.

[Reply #12 on:]

I'm going to try and finish the script, in fact I've done a bit more now:

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CHAPTER 2

(The gang, including Bender, all arrive back. Dr. Zoidberg, Professor Farnsworth, Hermes, Bender, Fry and Leela are all sitting round the table)

Fry: “So Bender, how did you escape?”

Bender: “You’d be surprised at what information you can get out of people by looking scary…”

(Bender looks down at a note with Credit card and Pin numbers)

Fry: “Someone needs to sort those lousy adverts out.”

Bender: “Hey Fry, you’re someone!”

(Fry pulls a shocked face)

Fry: “You’re right! Bender, how’d you like to help me as a pop-up blocker?”

Bender: “Beats work”

(Fry and Bender put on the headsets etc. for the internet)

Fry: “Well, lets do it!”

(Some cool effects as they enter the internet)

Bender: “So who do you think is stupid enough to use our service?”

Fry: “Umm… How about that guy?”

(Fry points towards a three-eyed business man leaning against a wall)

Fry: “Hello good…sir…I mean… Thing, would you be interested in using our pop-up blocker service?  If you would not like to use our service then please don’t not select no to not use our service”

(Fry puts on a cheesy smile, as a checkbox saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ appears above his head)

Thing: “Go away”

Fry: “Please select an option”

(The Thing hesitates and quickly selects ‘no’, meanwhile Bender is pick pocketing the customer)

Fry: “A very wise choice, our fee is just 10 credits (quickly) Plus 59.99 credits per minute (normal speed) Please select your filtering mode”

(The Thing selects ‘light’)

Bender: “(whisper) Yes! Sucker…”

(Fry and Bender are strolling behind the Thing, while he is being overpowered by pop-ups.)

Bender: “This pop-up blocking is turning out pretty easy, especially the light mode”

Fry: “Yeh, but maybe we shouldn’t make it the most powerful mode…”

CHAPTER 3

(Fry is holding a pop-up, while Bender repeatedly punches it in the stomach)

Bender: “We’re doing pretty good Fry. We’re making a lot more money and, I think my muscle power may have advanced 2 levels!”

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I think there's something not right with the whole script? Do you guys know what it is, or is it just because it's writing?

Anywhoo, Thanks for rating the pic slayercrazy, and again for the warm welcome.


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**EDIT**

Just did a pic for the bit where Fry is told he's someone by Bender:


[flash]http://img173.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img173&image=frysomeone5cr.swf[/flash]

(If the img tag doesnt work here's the url...)

  http://img195.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img195&image=frysomeone8eb.swf