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DrThunder88
DOOP Secretary
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Okay, I'm looking forward to the ending.
Good work on the first part. Once again I must reiterate my dislike for the 3PO P.O.V., but it seems to work very well with your story. I appreciate the brilliant use of imagery, which is frequently lacking in scripts and other 3POb stories.
I'll save the rest until the other shoe drops.
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Allen
Professor
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Okay, first of all, I liked the first part. Doing it in a parter tells people there's hope and you just spent this one painting a picture of no hope. The only way you'll pull off her living is through some sort of twist. I like twists. They blow away everything you thought you knew about it. Kinda like the IM II Anyway write some more please
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nasteve
Bending Unit
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« Reply #31 on: 12-10-2001 15:16 »
« Last Edit on: 12-10-2001 15:16 »
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Originally posted by Kryten: I think it was good, but I had one problem: The ending. Way too deus ex machina. The parasite just dies for no reason? And what was the deal with the planet? I thought you intended it to be her homeworld, but in the end, that whole thread went nowhere.
So, in conclusion, I give it a B. I won't destroy your planet, but I won't give you the secret of immortality either.
dues ex machina? dunno what that is. As for the planet, did i tell you that it was her homeworld or something? i'm pretty sure i said it was uninhabited. i think i told someone privately that it was meant to remind her of her place of birth but thats it. And finally, as for the parasite just dieing, i anticipated a lot of people wouldn't like that, but i liked it that way. Of course it didn't die for no reason, I tried to drop a lot of stuff in the fic that would give the reader a lot of choices for them to make up their own personal reason for what killed the parasite (i think i counted four possibles) but if you didn't like/get that well then that's my fault and that's a critisism of the fic and i can use that to improve next time. thanks for reading it and letting me know
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DrThunder88
DOOP Secretary
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Good story. My only complaint is the characters don't retain their defining traits, which is the case with most romantic Futurama fanfics, so it's really not a bad thing. Fry suffers from this syndrome more so than the other characters. Still, a very canonical story transcending the setting to become universally applicable.
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Allen
Professor
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Very good story nasteve. Same complaint as Kryten though about the parasite just dying with no explaination why.
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