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Author Topic: The Dreamworks/Wal*Mart Alliance of Pure Evil  (Read 705 times)
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John Pannozzi

Starship Captain
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« on: 01-05-2005 18:14 »

Okay, this story is short, has very little to do with Futurama, but I really, really want to get out my feelings towards Dreamworks and Wal*Mart. To give Dreamworks a little credit, they distribute Ardmann Animations of "Wallace and Gromit" fame films, Antz was okay I guess, I liked Shrek and the songs (but not the score) in the film (I'm actually listening to the Shrek soundtrack on the computer as I type this), and Shrek 2 could have been far worse (but was still perhaps the worse 2004 movie I saw in theaters). None of the actors or actresses in Dreamwork's CGI films (except for Jim Cummings) could come close to equaling the greatness of Pinto Colvig, Mel Blanc, Stan Freberg, June Foray, Daws Butler, Don Messick, Jean Vander Pyl, Clarence Nash, Tony Anselmo, Paul Winchell, Frank Welker, Sterling Holloway, Paul Frees, Bill Scott, Russi Taylor, Terence McGovern, Hamilton Camp, Hal Smith, Alan Young, Tress MacNeille, Charlie Adler, Keith David, Bill Fagerbakke, Ed Asner, Jeff Glen Bennett, Rodger Bumpass, Maurice LaMarche, Kate Soucie, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith, Dan Castellaneta, Hank Azaria, Harry Shearer, Phil Hartman, Kelsey Grammer, Jon Lovitz, Jess Harnell, Rob Paulsen, Nathan Lane, Charles Fleschier, Joe Alasky, Christopher Lloyd, Gregg Berger, Catherine O'Hara, E. G. Dailey, Candi Milo, Howie Mandel, Tara Strong, Carlos A., Tom Kenny, Doug Lawrence, John Kricfalusi, Billy West, Cheryl Chase, Phil LaMarr, Harvey Atkin, John Stocker, Richard Steven Horowitz, Nick Bakay, Clancy Brown, Mark Hamill, Katey Sagal, Lauren Tom, Dave Herman, George Lowe, Clay Martin Croker, Andy Merill, Matt Maelello, Dave Willis, Mary Kay Bergman, Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Christopher Sabat, Daran Norris, Susan Blaksee, Grey DeLise, Jess Harnell, Seth MacFarlene, Alex Borstein, John DiMaggio, Michelle Fahn and others. The people making Dreamworks's CGI films couldnever be as masterfull as Otto Messmer, Dave and Max Flescher, Walt Disney, Ub Iwerks, Friz Freleng, Tex Avery, Bob Clampett, Robert, Tom and Charles McKimson, Chuck Jones, Bill Hanna, Joe Barbera, Osamu Tezuka, Shotaro Ishimori, Ralph Bakshi, Ishiro Honda, Akira Kurosawa, Eiji Tsuburaya, Charles Schaltz, Dr. Suess, Hiyao Miyazaki, Matt Groening, Mike Reiss, David X. Cohen, John Kricfalusi, Bruce Timm, Paul Dini, Joel Hodgson, Mike Nelson, Butch Hartman, Genndy Tarkowsky, Paul Rudish, Craig McCracken, Maxwell Atoms, Jhonen Vasquez, Joe Dante and Tim Burton.

The Dreamworks/WalMart Alliance of Pure Evil

By John Pannozzi

One faithful day, Dreamworks and WalMart merged, and few people could imagine the terror they would unleash upon the world. Few people know that Dreamworks is an evil (as apposed to just being greedy like Microsoft, Disney, Warner, Viacom, and to a lesser extent, Nintendo and Sony) that wanted to rule the animation industry with an iron fist. Many people think Dreamworks is superior to Disney, but the Disney Company was created out of Walt Disney and Roy Disney Sr. and Ub Iwerks’s desires to entertain and touch the hearts of people. Dreamworks was created out of Jeff Katzenberg, Steven Spielberg (who used to be good and maybe there's still hope for him now that he's going to direct Jurassic Park IV and co-produce an upcoming live-action Transformers movie, but he seems to have gone over to the dark side now that he's more interested in ruining his own films and making war films instead of executive producing very entertaining movies and TV series like Gremlins, Back to the Future, Roger Rabbit, Tiny Toons, Animaniacs and Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain) and some other guy's desires to spite Disney. Disney may have been greedy and people have had fatal accidents at their parks, but they never stooped as low as to advertise for WalMart, a company who is extremely cruel to their own employees (ex.: an employee asked his supervisor something, and the supervisor, in front of his bosses strangled the poor guy and told him to "shut the fuck up!".). Dreamworks wanted people to think Disney was like the Empire, ruling the animation industry (at least in the USA) instead of the universe, and they (Dreamworks) were like the Rebel Alliance, when in reality, it was very opposite. Trey Parker, Matt Stone and the rest of the people at South Park Studios tried to make people see how evil Spielberg’s ruining of his own movies and WalMart’s dominance in the retail industry was, but they weren’t taken seriously enough. WalMart had previously killed the K-Mart/Sears alliance, as industry prophets had predicted. The Dreamworks/WalMart obliterated News Corp., Disney, Time-Warner, Microsoft, Apple, Pixar, Marvel, Viacom, Sony, Spumco, Bongo, Mirage Comics, Atari/Hasbro, Takara, Konami, Capcom, Sammy/SEGA, Namco, Nintendo, SNK, Square-Enix, Toho, Toei, Daiei, Studio Ghilbi, and even Dreamworks’s own parent company, Universal. Because the Dreamworks/WalMart top brass (legal business people) didn’t care at all for the other companies’ histories, their works were destroyed. Turanga Leela died before she was born. The only surviving Futurama character was Bender who was so horrified by the death of his only friends that gave out his sinful ways for good and became a warrior of justice and truth.

[Joel] what do you think, sirs? [/Joel]
Venus

Urban Legend
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« Reply #1 on: 01-05-2005 18:56 »

...the fuck? I don't know if this is in the right section or even coherent. is it a rant or a fanfic? And what's with the random Leela death? Or Bender? It came so out of left field i'm not even entirely sure what i just read.
Young_and_Angry

Professor
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« Reply #2 on: 01-05-2005 19:24 »
« Last Edit on: 01-05-2005 19:24 »

I'm lost. What the fuck is this again, why the hell did you put this thread in FAN ART, and why the hell do you make useless threads?
And what the hell is with the Leela and Bender thing? This in't even vaguely coherent!
JBERGES

Urban Legend
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« Reply #3 on: 01-05-2005 19:28 »
« Last Edit on: 01-05-2005 19:28 »

I... uh... I... just... wow. Atrocious.

I think I need some sort of support group after reading that.
Nurdbot

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #4 on: 01-05-2005 19:29 »

Someone put this guys brain in a shark.
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
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« Reply #5 on: 01-05-2005 19:35 »

I love Walmart.  love  And paragraph-long lists... lots of them...
Cap´n Skusting

Liquid Emperor
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« Reply #6 on: 01-05-2005 19:54 »
« Last Edit on: 01-05-2005 19:54 »

   
Quote
Originally posted by John Pannozzi:Pinto Colvig
I praise you with high esteem for including that name!
And first on the list, no less!
Great cautionary tale, by the way!
On the other hand, I must chastise you for not mentioning John Lassiter and Pixar.
laroquettespine

Bending Unit
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« Reply #7 on: 01-05-2005 20:26 »

I think I read something similar on the label of Dr. Bronner's soap.
Grim

Professor
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« Reply #8 on: 01-05-2005 20:31 »

I dont understand, I think my universal translator has gone nuts (taps comm badge)...
LoveForFry

Liquid Emperor
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« Reply #9 on: 01-05-2005 20:52 »

Thanks for the ..uh...read or... rant?
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #10 on: 01-06-2005 10:55 »

The conclusions I draw from this is it was probably spurned by Dreamworks making a CGI comercial for Walmart. While Walmart might have a dubious reputation, I don't think making a short comercial would qualify as entering an unholy alliance with them. More like a business transaction.

If this conclusion is wrong, I'm lost.

As a work of fiction I give it a c. Few chapters, high lix, low readability. Needs more action, and a few surpise twists here and there to spice it up a bit. I giggled when I read about the death of News Corp.
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #11 on: 01-06-2005 12:44 »

And now, a bit of fanfic from me.

Once upon a time, there was a stupid PEEL poster named John Pannozzi. His posts were so stupid that everybody died. The end.
TheLampIncident

Urban Legend
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« Reply #12 on: 01-06-2005 14:27 »

John, you'd better fucking kill yourself before another dumbass TV celebrity gets another dumbass fan he doesn't want. I think I'm going to take a shit in a fan and watch it splatter all over your ugly face as you writhe in agony to the sounds of my scratching a rusty nail on a chalkboard while listening to Mr. Bungle at triple speed.
Cap´n Skusting

Liquid Emperor
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« Reply #13 on: 01-06-2005 14:49 »

Maybe some punctuation would have helped.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #14 on: 01-07-2005 02:12 »

I'm sorry.  What the fuck is going on?
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
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« Reply #15 on: 01-07-2005 02:17 »
« Last Edit on: 01-07-2005 02:17 »

Everybody Wang Chung tonight!

I'm sorry, but is this just a couple of lists masquerading as a story?
fryfanSpyOrama

Urban Legend
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« Reply #16 on: 01-07-2005 02:32 »
« Last Edit on: 01-07-2005 02:32 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Kryten:
And now, a bit of fanfic from me.

Once upon a time, there was a stupid PEEL poster named John Pannozzi. His posts were so stupid that everybody died. The end.

Another masterpiece, Kryten.  Seriously, why isn't this thread closed already?
KurtPikachu2001

Urban Legend
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« Reply #17 on: 01-07-2005 18:56 »

No offense, but that was a pointless story.  What did it have to do with Futurama?  Next time you want to post a story, make sure it makes sense and it's on-topic, okay, Johnny Boy?
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #18 on: 01-07-2005 21:04 »
« Last Edit on: 01-07-2005 21:04 »

:blink:

Kurt, that's more than just a case of the pot calling the kettle black... It's more like the pot calling the kettle “a black metalic appliance used for heating things in and generally implemented on a stovetop." 

Seriously, if you don't like how Panzi comes across, take a good look at yourself.
David A

Urban Legend
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« Reply #19 on: 01-07-2005 22:41 »

Wait, John Pannozzi and KurtPikachu are two different people?  When did this happen?
Nurdbot

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #20 on: 01-08-2005 04:37 »

The USSR demands that there be an investigation behind this incident.
Ultra.porn

Bending Unit
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« Reply #21 on: 01-08-2005 15:42 »

 confused Hey, wait a second! Disney's not just greedy - it's pretty evil, and they could make Walt Mart or something after Walt Disney and obviously Wal Mart.
M0le

Space Pope
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« Reply #22 on: 01-08-2005 19:52 »

Haha, Walt Mart.
John, is all of that random crap about how much you hate Wal-mart supposed to be a story, or is it just a pathetic attempt from a ten year old to be funny? Please, clarification.
Jicannon

Urban Legend
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« Reply #23 on: 01-08-2005 20:03 »

Your work is bad and you should feel bad!
Spacedal11

Space Pope
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« Reply #24 on: 01-08-2005 20:23 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by fryfanSpyOrama:
  Another masterpiece, Kryten.  Seriously, why isn't this thread closed already?

Here here! I loved your story Kryten. Brought a tear to my eye and made me vomit. Now Spacedal's story:

There once was a dumb ass Peeler named John Pazzonni. Every post he added to a thread made Spacedal and others want to kill him. Then one day, all the Peelers banded together to attack JP but he posted more posts and we all died.

The End


Best Fucking Friends Forever?
Kryten

Space Pope
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« Reply #25 on: 01-08-2005 22:43 »

OK, we've all had our fun, that's enough.
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