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Author Topic: New fic... PLEASE review!  (Read 494 times)
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Kryten

Space Pope
****
« on: 11-09-2001 16:09 »

If it's Monday, This Must be Koralius

This fic takes place right after Amy graduates from Mars U. It's the only time I've ever done a 'fic that wasn't in the script format I usually use. And after you read it, please leave a review. Pretty please?

Chump

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #1 on: 11-09-2001 16:21 »
« Last Edit on: 11-09-2001 16:21 »

I'm not sure. I automatically took a dislike to the use of "I" when it wasn't people talking.
The story is ok, but it better in script format.
I'm halfway thru, and I'll probably edit this message.

"Ah, yes, there'll be plenty of time for carcasses and egg-laying later. In the meantime, we have an important delivery"
Heh heh. Zoidberg is funny.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #2 on: 11-09-2001 16:57 »

EEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Fun on a bun!
Allen

Professor
*
« Reply #3 on: 11-09-2001 17:02 »

This was a cool story Kryten. Since when do you work on stories I don't have any idea about? smile So I'm not going to tell you about one of mine one of these days smile I'm really hoping to finish The Groening Journals soon
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #4 on: 11-10-2001 20:37 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Allen:
This was a cool story Kryten. Since when do you work on stories I don't have any idea about?  smile So I'm not going to tell you about one of mine one of these days  smile I'm really hoping to finish The Groening Journals soon

I actually wrote that story a year ago, but the Outlet went down and I had nowhere to post it (It was on Willy Pete's fanfic page, but nobody goes there and it hasn't been updated since March...)

Allen

Professor
*
« Reply #5 on: 11-11-2001 14:37 »

I feel stupid. Well still great story Kryten


The end of a story is only the beginning.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #6 on: 11-13-2001 01:36 »
« Last Edit on: 11-16-2001 00:00 »

I don't know if I'm not very comfortable with the first-person POV in this story.  It's avant garde and all, but it confused the hell out of me for the first few paragraphs.  It also lent itself to be confusing later on when unlabled lines got mixed up.  Also, who died and made Amy the know-it-all butt-kicker?

Other than that the story is very solid.  My only question is what would possess the Koralians to shy away from firearms but sill use lepton torpedoes?  Wouldn't the "warrior way" of space combat be ramming or suicide crashing?  I'm spinning my wheels here, but that didn't make sense (not making sense in the bad way, not the funny way).  It's also hard to pass off ficto-history as fiction without boring people who are expecting comedy.  I know this thanks to my own failed writing.  The prophecies themselves seemed a little contrived as well.  How is it that each one of the "giants" corresponded exactly to the crew members?  My guess is that the prophecies are all too vauge (piercing gaze, unique mark), or too abstract (foolish elder, thieving drunkard).  These Nostradamian predictions could be applied to my my roomates.  Finally, and I hate to sound like a high school English teacher here, what's the deal with the assassin?  There's never any resolution to his part in the story.  He tries to kill Fry and Amy, and then leaves with little explanation.  Leela suggests a "power grab", but the subject is dropped almost immediately.  I was disappointed in that more than anything else in story.  Here we have a great plot twist: the high priest is trying to kill the Planet Express crew.  Why?  So Amy can kick someone's ass...that didn't make much sense (once again, not the funny "no sense").

Take this with a grain of salt, Kryten. I'm no literary critic or creative writing professor, so I'm in no position to claim this is an "expert" analysis. This is just what I thought as I was reading your story.
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #7 on: 11-13-2001 02:34 »
« Last Edit on: 11-13-2001 02:34 »

Keep in mind, again, I wrote this nearly a year ago.

Now review one of Nurdbot's. I'll clean up after your head explodes.   big grin

DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #8 on: 11-13-2001 03:32 »
« Last Edit on: 11-13-2001 03:32 »

My head just exploded.  Please send mop-and-bucket man.

Swear to god, I scanned down the page of his "MST" fic, and I could've sworn I opened the Ark of the Covenant.  I felt my brain melting and oozing out my ears.  Don't ever compare your fics to Nurdbot's.  It's like comparing apples and anthrax.

Ugh, I feel so dirty...

No offense, Nurdbot, but that really stunk.
Chumpettes_Chum

Crustacean
*
« Reply #9 on: 11-19-2001 15:06 »
« Last Edit on: 11-19-2001 15:06 »

ok Kryten.  I admit i don't know!!! but where can i put my ratings thing??
plz tell me?  confused
Chumpettes_Chum

Crustacean
*
« Reply #10 on: 11-19-2001 15:09 »

to th@ last mess.  P.s I'm new!!!
Allen

Professor
*
« Reply #11 on: 11-19-2001 22:17 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by DrThunder88:
My head just exploded.  Please send mop-and-bucket man.

Swear to god, I scanned down the page of his "MST" fic, and I could've sworn I opened the Ark of the Covenant.  I felt my brain melting and oozing out my ears.  Don't ever compare your fics to Nurdbot's.  It's like comparing apples and anthrax.

Ugh, I feel so dirty...

No offense, Nurdbot, but that really stunk.

Have you ever read Amy's Wedding by Tim? Renamed by me and some others as Tim's Wedding. Found at TLZ

Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #12 on: 11-19-2001 23:45 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Chumpettes_Chum:
ok Kryten.  I admit i don't know!!! but where can i put my ratings thing??
plz tell me?   confused

I moved it to the main forum. Then Nixorbo closed it. I guess becuase it's such a pointless question. We ALL love Futurama here...

Allen

Professor
*
« Reply #13 on: 11-20-2001 09:02 »

Yeah, why would anyone who hated Futurama post here anyway?
Chumpettes_Chum

Crustacean
*
« Reply #14 on: 11-20-2001 11:28 »
« Last Edit on: 11-20-2001 11:28 »

Hey can ne1 tell me where i can get a ... fan art thingy?   Plz  cry   confused   cry
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #15 on: 11-20-2001 12:23 »

Does anyone know what the hell Chumpettes_Chum is talking about?
Chumpettes_Chum

Crustacean
*
« Reply #16 on: 11-20-2001 12:24 »
« Last Edit on: 11-20-2001 12:24 »

Hey, don't gip  i am new!
  cry   cry   cry   cry   cry   cry 
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #17 on: 11-20-2001 13:06 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Chumpettes_Chum:
Hey, don't gip  i am new!
   cry    cry    cry    cry    cry    cry 

You already created a topic for this question. You don't need to hijack every other damn topic to ask the same question. Got it?

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