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Allen
Professor
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This was a cool story Kryten. Since when do you work on stories I don't have any idea about? So I'm not going to tell you about one of mine one of these days I'm really hoping to finish The Groening Journals soon
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Allen
Professor
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I feel stupid. Well still great story Kryten
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DrThunder88
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #6 on: 11-13-2001 01:36 »
« Last Edit on: 11-16-2001 00:00 »
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I don't know if I'm not very comfortable with the first-person POV in this story. It's avant garde and all, but it confused the hell out of me for the first few paragraphs. It also lent itself to be confusing later on when unlabled lines got mixed up. Also, who died and made Amy the know-it-all butt-kicker?
Other than that the story is very solid. My only question is what would possess the Koralians to shy away from firearms but sill use lepton torpedoes? Wouldn't the "warrior way" of space combat be ramming or suicide crashing? I'm spinning my wheels here, but that didn't make sense (not making sense in the bad way, not the funny way). It's also hard to pass off ficto-history as fiction without boring people who are expecting comedy. I know this thanks to my own failed writing. The prophecies themselves seemed a little contrived as well. How is it that each one of the "giants" corresponded exactly to the crew members? My guess is that the prophecies are all too vauge (piercing gaze, unique mark), or too abstract (foolish elder, thieving drunkard). These Nostradamian predictions could be applied to my my roomates. Finally, and I hate to sound like a high school English teacher here, what's the deal with the assassin? There's never any resolution to his part in the story. He tries to kill Fry and Amy, and then leaves with little explanation. Leela suggests a "power grab", but the subject is dropped almost immediately. I was disappointed in that more than anything else in story. Here we have a great plot twist: the high priest is trying to kill the Planet Express crew. Why? So Amy can kick someone's ass...that didn't make much sense (once again, not the funny "no sense").
Take this with a grain of salt, Kryten. I'm no literary critic or creative writing professor, so I'm in no position to claim this is an "expert" analysis. This is just what I thought as I was reading your story.
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Allen
Professor
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Originally posted by DrThunder88: My head just exploded. Please send mop-and-bucket man.
Swear to god, I scanned down the page of his "MST" fic, and I could've sworn I opened the Ark of the Covenant. I felt my brain melting and oozing out my ears. Don't ever compare your fics to Nurdbot's. It's like comparing apples and anthrax.
Ugh, I feel so dirty...
No offense, Nurdbot, but that really stunk. Have you ever read Amy's Wedding by Tim? Renamed by me and some others as Tim's Wedding. Found at TLZ
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Allen
Professor
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Yeah, why would anyone who hated Futurama post here anyway?
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DrThunder88
DOOP Secretary
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Does anyone know what the hell Chumpettes_Chum is talking about?
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