So, I went and rented Team America, since I'd missed it in theaters. All was well until--what?--maybe forty-five minutes in, when all of a sudden my thought process was forced to go, "Promise not to die? But... That's my
abysmal line of dialogue. What the hell, Parker? We must've both ripped something off... Eh, fuck it, I'm keeping it. Wait... Keeping it in what? Hmm... I'm starting to remember... Something I should have been editing... Right! I'll get that bastard sent in sometime tonight. Ooh, puppet sex!" So, right, I wanted to wait until the fic had hit TLZ before making what just might be my last mass reply in this thread. And now it has. So I will.SlackJawedMoron
- Hee! I have yet to clean my lungs, but I imagine a toothbrush coated with some all purpose cleaner would do the job well enough. Though, for the record, it doesn't work too well on one's teeth. Apparently, the hazards of ingesting too much Pine Sol are not covered by my health insurance. Speaking of, you think the marketing geniuses behind that lava flow ice cream stand provide an insurance policy to the poor fool manning the place?I
- Excellent post/signature combination! You goddamn pyro.Gorky
- You once again wow me with a long, insightful post. I was worried that someone would comment on that medusa enchilada malapropism. And you totally caught me. Frankly, I was rather stupidly amused by the phrase and couldn't see another possible opportunity to use it. Plus, my head was starting to hurt from writing all that overblown romantic dialogue, so I put in a dumb joke for the sake of my own sanity. Also, you should so
work a knock-knock joke into a fic.JBERGES
- Aww, I'm sorry for indirectly harming your fist. And the nearest object, which I for some reason pictured as a big, ornate, cast iron teapot. Apropos nothing, thank you for encouraging me to post this thing, way back when it was a lonely wordpad file on a computer which has since been sent to the junkyard. I'd never intended to let it see the light of day. Anyone who enjoyed this owes you some gratitude as well.Kloudes
- This marks the second time you've quoted a line I nearly vaporized with every edit but couldn't quite bear to kill. I don't know how you do it, but believe me when I say it's very reassuring.Nerd-o-rama
- Jeez, I'm starting to think I made the in-character stuff a little too nauseating. If I weren't such a sadist, I'd do something about it. Then again, I am already in my leather corset pajamas.Shiny
- Aww, I was part of your inspiration to join PEEL and start writing Futurama? Well, I'm very glad that you did. It's always extremely comforting to see a new articulate (textual) voice among the masses of chatspeaking trolls. Also, I find it very neat that it's come full circle, as this great post of yours
was what ultimately got me writing the final installment of this thing.DrThunder88
- Heh heh, I knew I couldn't last too long before someone zinged me for taking a ridiculous amount of time getting this section out. I guess I'm just not cut out for this wild fan fictionist life. All the crazy parties and cocaine and private concerts featuring rock icons on guitars and vocals, and supermodels on bass and drums... It's a little too much for me. Plus the writing. That sucks, too. Also, I'm very flattered, if slightly flustered, by the way you've been pimping this fic out in other threads. Thanks.AsaB
- As much as that post of Shiny's pushed me over the edge and got me working on this fic again, your "constant buggering" was the thing that had me teetering on that edge in the first place. So, thank you for that, I really am happy I got it done already. Incidentally, I'm very much looking forward to the next time you post some of that awesome art of yours. And I hope you made it through those finals relatively unscathed.i_c_weiner
- I confess that I saw Wayne's World on an airplane back in 1992, and not once since then. So, I'm sorry to say I'm not entirely sure what you're talking about with the ending. I really should see it again. Updating my netflix queue... Anyway, I think "Or is it?" is widely used enough for me not to have any qualms about using it.KurtPikachu2001
- Okay, if you insist...
The plot felt very rushed to me. Fry gets kidnapped in the first scene, and the entirety of the cult's evil plan is revealed immediately thereafter. The whole crew, through boring and lazily written means, then figure out what's going on. You throw in a problem with the (space, not relation-) ship and then immediately resolve it. That didn't bother me too much, because it's nice to see Amy's folks, but the situation of being without transportation could have been mined for a lot more jokes or even to add more of an emotional aspect to the story. We get one short scene split between the crew's journey and Fry's being chained to the wall. Could have been expanded. The inevitable rescue felt entirely too easy. Amy and Hermes are conveniently knowledgeable about very useful things, because it's easier than finding a more characteristic way of making sure everything works out. And it seems like a slightly confused, catchphrase-spouting fight scene wouldn't be enough to deter a cult of grim reapers. Though I was amused by Leela's anticlimactically easy victory over the queen. I didn't really like the last scene. Was it that the sounds of Sanford and Son 3000 activated Fry's PTSD, as the show was also on when he got kidnapped? I guess, but it didn't provide much closure or a particularly good final laugh. In fact, many of your jokes felt rather weak, like you hadn't put any effort into them. Array and Silent Bot struck me as particularly forced and unfunny and pointless, and I'm a fan of Kevin Smith. I guess we just have different senses of humor. But there are also stretches that don't even seem to have any attempted jokes.
Maybe these are supposed to be the emotional areas, which brings me to my next complaint. None of the emotion and shippiness in this fic feels genuine. Fry tells the "man dressed as a game show host" that he'd like to date Leela without hesitating or rambling about what it is he likes about her. Doesn't seem right. His yelling about how he wants her and no one else while imprisoned was just dull. Maybe I'd be able to sympathize with him if you'd taken your time with a longer, slower paced story, but I found that you'd have Fry crying and suffering just a few lines after the scene switched to him, then rush to the next scene. Leela suddenly calling Fry her man, even in a situation where someone else is forcing him into a wedding, seems like having her be far too open about her feelings. It's always nice to see her kick some ass, but don't turn this into Springer. Fry is more up front with how he feels about Leela, but having him yell about how he wants to marry her, in front of everyone, doesn't seem right either. When someone's being rescued, at least in the heat of the moment, they're more interested in hoping to make it out alive than hoping to hook up with their rescuer. Fry's attempts to woo Leela don't usually happen while he's in danger. He either plans something to impress her, says something surprisingly sweet when they're alone together, does a rescue of his own (which is out of concern for her well-being rather than an attempt to get into her pants, but it does help him get closer), or, my favorite, takes advantage of a quick opportunity to use a really bad pickup line (like, say, my username) to humorous effect. The conversation between the two on the yacht felt formulaic, and I just can't see Leela being so openly into Fry. And I especially don't see her being surprised by his feelings for her. She knows very well that he's hopelessly infatuated with her, so why should she act like she's just discovering it now?
I also had problems with your premise. It had a lot of wasted potential, I thought. I'm rather morbidly fascinated with cults, and feel that they have a lot of comedic possibilities. You could have had a bunch of jokes about their weird and backwards beliefs and traditions, and maybe even taken a satirical slant and made a few jabs at religion in general. You also could have taken an interesting (if slightly well-traveled by various TV shows) road and had them successfully brainwash Fry, and then force the crew to deprogram him. This could be dangerously close to Insane in the Mainframe territory, I suppose, but there are enough alternate ways for them to get him back to normal. Even the idea of a cultist posing as a game show host type personality could lead to a lot of good comedy, like maybe a mockery of how smarmy those guys are, or a joke or two about how inept this grim reaper is at pretending to be charismatic... Anyway, the direction you did go with the plot just confounded me. I can see them wanting to pick up stupid people, sure. Weak-minded, easy to convert. I got the impression that they did this frequently. But why pick up some lame Earth dude with the intent of marrying him off to their queen
? Wouldn't she rather marry an important figure, like that cult leader guy? Or does she marry all these immature and stupid converts, then, as a grim reaper, kill them off? I guess I could buy that, though having her wail about how she'll never get married (minus an "again" ) seems to contradict the theory. And really, a confusing plot point like that should be explained better, instead of forcing readers like me to come up with our own weird interpretations.
There were a few things I liked, though. Bender's line about how he wanted to be the one to kill Fry was fitting, in that it was a very jerkass Bender thing to say, and because you could tell that he was upset that Fry had gone missing. Likewise, Leela staying focused on saving Fry while everyone else would rather mess around on a borrowed luxury spaceship can be interpreted in a shippy manner or as a testament to her somewhat uptight maturity and desire to be a good captain. Either way, good characterization on that aspect of Leela's part in your fic. Zoidberg playing shuffleboard was inexplicably cute. Farnsworth and Leo and Inez were mostly in character, if somewhat gimmicky and exaggerated. And, as I said, I got a kick out of Leela's easy disposal of the queen, and the anticlimax therein, and I think the concept had a lot of potential, even if much of it was left untapped.
Now, please, Kurt. You like promoting yourself. And that's fine, we're all narcissists here. But you do it the wrong way. You open up multiple threads and you spam up the wrong ones. Stick to the Fanfic Release Dates
thread (which I see you've already done... good. keep it up whenever you have a new release), and perhaps one
thread to encompass all of your work. When you have something new, bump your primary thread
instead of starting a new one. I'm hesitant to suggest opening another new one for this purpose, so I suggest you bump this one
and announce that it will be used as your general thread from now on. And stick with
this assertion. It's perfect. It hasn't been closed yet, it has no reason to be restricted to one fic or the decision between fics, and it even has your name in the title. You've been warned numerous times about starting multiple extraneous threads and commandeering other people's fanfic threads. If you want positive feedback, take this advice to heart.JBERGES
part two - I misread incompetence as incontinence at first. Eww...DrThunder88
the second - ...And then interpreted your post as a joke about how Kurt was full of shit. See, I do need to lay off the fic writers' crack parties.Everyone
- So, I've been TLZ-ed now. Rate it if you feel like it. It's mostly the same text, though I've fixed several weird mistakes ("walks in from the next from"; "tye dye" ), and made a few arbitrary changes in phrasing ("cheesy as mozzerella" rather than "cheesy as hell"; "oscillating mindspeak" rather than "schizoid mindspeak", as schizoid does not
describe multiple personality disorder). I also know I've skipped a few things that really should have been fixed (inconsistent capitalization regarding the declarations of love; probably some other things I haven't noticed), but I'm content to let it be. That's just how human error is. If I let it get to me any more than this, I'd never write or post anything. On a related note, I feel kind of guilty for not posting these days. Life has been keeping me all too occupied, and my internet addiction has suffered. On a separate but also related note, I don't think I'll be writing a regular fic. At least not for a while. I'm running low on inspiration and drive. If a great idea occurs to me, then I'll by all means use it, but I don't think that will happen any time soon. Sorry.