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PEEL - The Futurama Message Board    Melllvar's Erotic Friend Fiction    Uh oh, newbie fanfic! « previous next »
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Author Topic: Uh oh, newbie fanfic!  (Read 14493 times)
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jubei

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #600 on: 02-15-2005 23:10 »

thank you futurama nerd  it is nice to hear that coming from you oh honorable captain and if you get a chance to read my story that i think you might like.
bish

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #601 on: 02-16-2005 06:00 »

Isn't punctuation great. Without it peoples  posts become real annoying to read. Next time jubei, heed peoples advice.

Layla: great chapters, have been a bit behind but have caught up, loved the bit with the lackey and the Egghead, and the werewolf movie.
jubei

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #602 on: 02-16-2005 10:09 »

thank's for the advice bish i will make sure to do that.
Futurama Nerd

Professor
*
« Reply #603 on: 02-16-2005 17:38 »

Aw, thank you jubei! I'll be sure to read yours.  smile

Layla, where are you? I told you not to get wraped up it that love stuff. You did didn't you????  tongue
jubei

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #604 on: 02-16-2005 20:03 »

you are quite welcome and i to whant to know where layla is as well. because i sent her an e-mail not to long ago see she is helping me wright the reast of my story. if you whant me to i can put  up the seven chapter's of my story.so that every one here  can read it and just tell me how to do that and i will.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #605 on: 02-16-2005 20:06 »

if you decide to post your story make sure you do it in your own thread. Readers would get upset if 2 seperate stories by 2 seperate authors were being posted at the same time in the same thread.
jubei

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #606 on: 02-16-2005 20:10 »

thanks venus but how do i go getting my own thread. because the more people who read my story the happyer it makes me knowing that some one likes my wrighting.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #607 on: 02-16-2005 20:15 »
« Last Edit on: 02-16-2005 20:15 »

Scroll down to the bottom of the page. It doesn't matter which page, at the bottom there is a link that says New Topic. Click on it. That's how you start a new thread.

Edited to taunt Futurama Nerd: Heeheehee Nenernenernener!
Futurama Nerd

Professor
*
« Reply #608 on: 02-16-2005 20:16 »
« Last Edit on: 02-16-2005 20:16 »

edit: Damn it Venus! Stupid flood control   tongue
jubei

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #609 on: 02-16-2005 20:27 »

 grettings futurama nerd i can't believe venus did that to oh captain you should exact some kinda revenge for this injustice.
Futurama Nerd

Professor
*
« Reply #610 on: 02-16-2005 20:30 »

Nah, Venus is awesome.
jubei

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #611 on: 02-16-2005 20:39 »

sorry about that futurama nerd i gusse that's just me i mean that is what i would have done oh and i got my own thread now so if you whant to post anything post away.
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #612 on: 02-17-2005 00:28 »
« Last Edit on: 02-17-2005 00:28 »

mmm...Spamtastic. 

Let's keep this to exposition and discussion of Layla's lovely work and my outrageous flattery of her, shall we?  We wouldn't want to end this thread prematurely, would we?

Disclaimer: I am not a moderator.

"Finally, I get to save the Earth with deadly lasers instead of deadly slide shows."

GP: 100 Nixorbucks
XP: 500
Next level: 1000
jubei

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #613 on: 02-17-2005 09:13 »

of course oh honorable captain layla is wonderful  and her fan fic is very very intaresting and it ha me hungry for more oh and when she and i get through wrighting the reast of story i shall tell you when it is done so that you can find out what happens.
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #614 on: 02-19-2005 02:21 »

*Nudges thread to see if Layla is alive.*
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #615 on: 02-19-2005 05:54 »

She's from Canada right? Maybe she got captured by the Cirque Du Soleil and they're right at this very moment shoving her into a brightly colored leotard.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #616 on: 02-19-2005 08:22 »

Wow, Venus! How did you know? It was a pale blue leotard with yellow splotches and a sparkly star on the butt. They grabbed me at school and hung me on a trapeze, then yelled "Allons-y!" (Let's go!)Fortunately, they let me go when they realized I have all the limber grace of something without any limber and grace. Now I'm all dizzy from the swinging. I do miss the costume though.

Actually, I think I was scared off by the spamfest. I wasn't sure what to say. Ah, well. N-o-r, you'd be better off checking your email, as I sent you a little gift yesterday. Although now I'm  a little concerned that Venus may not have gotten my email, and maybe you haven't either.

Did you get it? Huh? Huh? 'Cause if not, I'm gonna have to send an email bomb to hotmail.

For those who are interested, I am still writing, and will hopefully get a lot out this week, as it's study break. Of course, that means I have a whole slew of projects that I have to do, but at least some of that time, I'll be writing. (Oh, I want so badly to finish and see your final impressions!)
Futurama Nerd

Professor
*
« Reply #617 on: 02-19-2005 13:03 »
« Last Edit on: 02-19-2005 13:03 »

Sorry Layla about the spam thingy. I didn't mean too.    frown

Good luck finnishing your writing.

edit: I got your e-mail. Thank you very much. I sent you a reply by the way.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #618 on: 02-19-2005 16:55 »

Which email? The last one i got was the one i asked you to resend.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #619 on: 02-19-2005 22:53 »

Oh great, that's the one I was thinking of Venus. I was just worried that one has disappeared too.

I'm glad we're all straightened out Futurama Nerd!  smile
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #620 on: 02-20-2005 00:48 »
« Last Edit on: 02-20-2005 00:48 »

*Checks his e-mail for once*

I love you.

In a nerdy, fanboyish, completely platonic way, but that's still love.

Just as a heads up, you have a typo or two in there, specifically Amy referring to herself in the third person when she's apparently talking about Leela.  Wanted to let you know before you posted it.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #621 on: 02-20-2005 02:36 »

Hey! He's getting spoilers before i do?? This is an outrage! I was gonna buy tickets to see you at Cirque Du Soleil but you can just forget it now!
Futurama Nerd

Professor
*
« Reply #622 on: 02-20-2005 02:52 »
« Last Edit on: 02-20-2005 02:52 »

Excuse me? I think I deserve the spoilers. I protect you day and night. I'm your bodyguard! Bodyguard! I'm with Venus, I'm totally pissed.

Just kidding. Please don't take this seriously.
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #623 on: 02-20-2005 13:19 »
« Last Edit on: 02-21-2005 00:00 »

Heheh...oops.

Don't worry guys, I just got a paragraph or two of the first draft of the next part so Layla could show me that she put in a joke I suggested. I probably should have responedd through e-mail, but...well, you know.  It's kind of a hassle to go write a two-line e-mail expressing my thanks and pointing out an editing thing that she probably would have caught anyway when I could justput it in this thread.
Also, a part of me probably wanted to gloat.  Bad ego!  Bad! *slaps own subconscious*.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #624 on: 02-21-2005 15:42 »

Whoo! Update time at long last! And I'm on spring break so I'll try to get as much of the story out as I can this week. I really didn't mean to cause any kind of controversy, although N-o-r probably did.  wink

Like he said, I wanted to show him a specific joke, just to make sure that it worked for him, seeing as how hardly anyone else will even notice it. It's not cause I love the rest of you any less.  smile Anyway, if anyone should be jealous, it should be JBERGES who is in fact my beta, and has never gotten so much as an email from me. (But he will, cause I feel guilty now)

Now how can I make this up to you? Hmm... I know, an update! And I'll dedicate it to you guys. (Actually, Venus should really like this, as I'm kind of fulfilling a request here. And my dear bodyguard, I'm doubling your salary. (And as far as I've known, you've never made any specific requests.)

Incidentally, if ever Cirque de Soleil ever did recruit me, the billing would go something like this:
Tonight! Watch the amazing act of Layla, who we kidnapped!
Tommorow: Closed forever!

N-o-r: Thanks for the love! And especially thanks for pointing out that typo, knowing me, I would have missed it! I'm glad you liked your gift.

To everyone who commented on the last update, thank you so very much and I hope this next update meets your expectations.

Part: Uh, little help, 44 maybe?

   Hermes less than dignified return was a great relief to Amy, but Zapp was far less enthusiastic. He watched through narrowed eyes, as two agents dropped the semi-conscious bureaucrat onto the floor, then departed wordlessly.

   Amy quickly fell to her knees beside Hermes. “Are you alright?” she asked anxiously. A confused mumble was the only reply she received from the senseless man. “Oh no,” she crooned, wringing her delicate hands, “I wonder what they did to him.”

   “Not enough, if you ask me.” Zapp proclaimed disdainfully, “He’s just lucky he wasn’t interrograted by the Master, by whom I mean, the Zapper, by whom I mean Zapp Brannigan, captain and lover, and not necessarily in that order.”

   “Captain and lover, huh?” Amy muttered coolly, “That’s not what Leela calls you.”

   “Hmm? Oh, clearly you misunderstood her. All those awful things she says about me, those are affectionate, like pet names, and meta-pores.” Amy paid Brannigan no mind. Instead, she leaned forward over Hermes to check the pulse in his opposite wrist. It made up the sum total of her medical knowledge.

   Abruptly, his eyes flew open and he howled in pain.

   “Oh! What’s wrong? What did those horrible agents do to you?!” In the back of her mind, Amy couldn’t help but wonder if they would be coming back for her. She glanced up at Zapp, then back at Hermes and was startled by the anger burning in his eyes.

   “Agh! Get off me, woman! You’re kneeling on my hand!”

   “Oop! Sorry!” she gasped, moving back quickly. Hermes sighed in relief. Zapp frowned down at the bleary-eyed bureaucrat with obvious antagonism.

   “Shouldn’t you be dead?”

   With a poisonous glare of his own, Hermes dizzily pulled himself up to a sitting position, blinking away the cobwebs. “Sorry,” he grumbled, his voice laden with sarcasm, “Hell had no vacancies.”

   An eerie cry, filled with longing and despair cut off Brannigan’s smarmy, irritated response. “Was that me or was that you?” Hermes moaned to Amy through dry lips and a splitting headache.

   The intern shook her head and helped to move the bureaucrat to a bench. Hermes immediately began to slide off, and the intern quickly wrapped her arm around him in support. “Smeesh, Hermes, you’re really orbiting Pluto right now. What did they do to you?”

   “Stop asking me that, all three of you!” He tried to shrug her off, but Amy held fast to him. “This is no different from the time we let Bender become the acting physician. Once we found out who the buyer was, and put everything back in, I was fine.”

   “It took us three days!” Amy protested heatedly as Hermes managed to push her arm off his shoulder. “And you don’t look as good this time.”

   Her point was lost on the addled bureaucrat. “Spare me your sympathy, Miss Give-Bender-The-Laser-Scalper-I’m-Sure-It’ll-Be-Fine.”

   A sharp clang, again from the walls, distracted them from the argument. Dutifully, Amy cracked open her lipstick again and marked off the new noises. Crankily, Zapp yelled at the walls, “Stop that! That’s an order, you, you wall!” He startled his cellmates by ramming his fist against the offending structure, howling in pain when the stubborn wall did not yield.

   “You’re a flab-tastic captain, you know that?” Amy growled at the whimpering man before hauling him down to sit on the bench by Hermes. “Now stay there and keep out of trouble. I’m too rich to babysit!”

   An amused voice from outside the cell cut in, “He hasn’t had his nap today; no wonder he’s so cranky.”

   Still cradling his injured fist, Brannigan sprang to his feet and approached the forcefield. “Johnson, is that you?”

   Hermes was beginning to recover, so Amy left him on the bench and joined the captain. A young man in a DOOP uniform was smirking at Brannigan.

   “Aye, captain, it’s me,” he tossed off a mocking salute. Zapp returned it formally. “I’ve relieved the guard. They’ve asked all the agents to begin a full scale search of the ship for the source of all these strange noises.” He shook his head ruefully. “I can’t quite believe they’d leave one of us to keep an eye on you, seeing as how you were our ‘noble’ captain.”

Amy’s brief flicker of hope was extinguished by the crewman’s obvious loathing for Brannigan. Naturally, Zapp missed it entirely. Leaning forward eagerly, he hissed. “Johnson, as a loyal member of my crew who hasn’t been killed or horribly mangled yet, you have to let us out of here!”

   Johnson’s smile grew broader before his expression shifted, chameleon-like, to a look of childlike innocence. “Oh, of course, captain! Those agents sure are foolish to leave loyal little me in charge of the brig when you’re the prisoner.”

   Brannigan smiled back, before darting a quick glance at Amy to make sure she was taking this in. Behind them, Hermes sighed heavily.

   The crewman continued sweetly, “I can’t imagine why they would have done that. Oh wait! I guess they must have heard about the competition.”

   “Competition?” Brannigan prompted blankly.

   Johnson’s eyes narrowed and contempt warred with unholy glee in his eyes. “Did I forget to mention? Your loyal crewmembers have been competing for the right to arrange a little ‘accident’ for you.”

   “Uh oh,” murmured Amy.

   “We’re jerked!” moaned Hermes.

   “A wha?” muttered Zapp.

   “Oh, don’t worry. There’s nothing you can do about it, and I hear that worrying takes years off your life. I lost in the third round, anyway.”  With an easy chuckle, Johnson left off his teasing and returned to his post, a faint curve of his lips the only break in his military demeanor.
------------------------------------

   When his wife dropped off, utterly fatigued and overwhelmed by heartbreak, Morris tenderly wrapped her in a blanket and moved Munda, still in her chair, away from Leela’s bed. In another chair, near Fry, Dr. Rumelle dozed lightly. Morris knew that she would be up and alert in a moment’s notice if anything changed. The Professor had fallen asleep as well, head propped up on some machine the mutant couldn’t begin to understand. Bender had disappeared some time ago.

   “It’s just you and me now, baby,” he whispered to Leela, taking her limp hand in his own. They were so much bigger than his daughter’s hands. Morris gave his unconscious daughter a watery smile. “I remember the day you were born. Right away you stole my heart.”

   Before she had even opened that perfect eye, during those first, incredible moments, Leela had sought him with those same fragile fingers. “You were so tiny, so soft and perfect.” Morris chuckled in gentle remembrance, “Your ol’ dad was almost scared, you know. Can you imagine that? A tough guy like me, frightened of sweet little you?”

   Morris had been frightened, frightened by the ferocity of the love that washed over him when he’d first seen her wriggling little form. “It wasn’t just me though, darling, everybody knew you were something special.” With a delighted smile, the doctor had joyfully announced, “Oh, you have a little girl, a beautiful little girl!” and Morris knew his world had changed forever.

    There was no preparing him for the wonder that was Turanga Leela. Beautiful did not begin to describe the miraculous life that reached out, eager for her first taste of the world outside her mother’s warmth. Fearless, he’d thought in quiet pride. Strong, perfect.

   Morris had actually stepped back from her when the doctor offered his daughter to him. Not in rejection, no never! “I love you so much, Leela, so much.” Morris choked softly.

He had not recoiled in denial of that glorious burden, but in realization of his unworthiness. Nothing Turanga Morris had ever done in his life could possibly earn him the right to hold his child, his child! “You were already so much better than I could ever be.” He swallowed hard. “All I could think of was how I could never give you what you really deserved.”

He smiled gently. “The poor doctor didn’t know what to think.” A flicker of confusion had crossed the doctor’s face, and there was a pain-wracked murmur from Munda, his precious, treasured, amazing jewel of a wife. “Nor your mom, neither.” He chuckled again, and stroked Leela’s hair.

“But I guess you understood, ‘cause you didn’t put up with daddy’s nonsense for one second.” Before Morris could even try to explain the jumble of emotions running through him, Leela had let out an imperious squawk and thrust tiny grasping fingers into the air. Her sweet baby face scrunched up, expressing her displeasure.

Morris had become a dad in that moment, reaching forward, unable to deny her anything and silky soft baby flesh brushed against his own rough hands. “You never minded these battered hands, did you?”

Munda claimed later that he’d wept, but if he had, Morris had not noticed. Only Leela had mattered in that moment. His baby, his daughter, his Leela. Before his brain was aware of it, his heart had already sworn fealty to the precious little girl, a promise that meant more to him than his own life, like the promise he had made to Munda. ‘I will never, never leave you, love, never, and anything I can give you will be yours.’

   Morris repeated his promise to his daughter, now grown to be more than he could have hoped for. “I am going to take care of you, honey, and your mother, no matter what it takes.” He leaned forward, gently resting his forehead on his hands, still linked with Leela’s. Wetness dropped cool on his hand, and Morris realized he was crying. “Don’t worry, you’re going to be alright. You have to be. It’s the end of the world if you aren’t.”

Shuddering, he tried to pull himself together. The doctor would wake soon, and then Munda would wake and Morris did not want his wife thinking he’d given up on Leela. Once again, his mind drifted back into the past. “We’ve gotten through harder times than this, baby, and we didn’t have your strength to depend on then. I’m so proud of you,” he whispered into her ear, hoping she could hear him.

   The discovery of Leela’s near normality had been filled with sweet bitterness for the newly born father. Morris hadn’t known that the bold promise made, to put her needs above everything, would bind him into giving Leela up. How could he have done it? Surrendering his child to be raised by strangers in a place that was less than loving. Was a life on the surface worth the cost of a life without love?

Morris spoke even more softly. “Did we make the right decision? I still don’t know, honey. Which is more selfish? To give you up to a loveless childhood with the hope of a future or to keep you here, with a love-filled childhood but a hopeless life? Have you forgiven us?” The uncertainty was anguish and Morris could not speak for a time.

“Did you know that you can actually get used to having someone else raise your child?” It was something he had never been able to admit, even to Munda. “Can you understand why we did what we did?” Guilt long suppressed began to leak out of his with every tear, and he knew he would never find absolution.

After those first devastating weeks after the Decision, it hadn’t been too bad. It was easier when Leela was too tiny to talk about the strange people that watched out for her. Munda would sing lullabies, and he would whisper stories of hope and joy to the sleepy infant. When their need got too great, he and Munda would slip into the orphanarium, just so they could hold her.

But time did not stand still. Every minute, they had felt it running out on them. One day, the grieving parents had silently agreed that they could never again let Leela see them, lest she betray her secret in innocent babbling. “That was probably the worst day, darling, because it was so final. We didn’t think that you would ever want to know us. After all, look at who we are.”

He squeezed his eye shut and tried to even out his ragged breathing. “But you did. After all those years, you still wanted us. Even after you understood what we are, you wanted us. Thank you, daughter, ‘cause we sure wanted you.”

   Weariness soon claimed Morris’s voice, so he lapsed into silence, but where tongue failed, a fatherly touch continued to whisper of love to Turanga Leela.
  --------------------------------------

   A rumbling laugh precluded the robot’s return to the sewers. The manhole cover was no hindrance to Bender’s sturdy hydraulics and he slipped back into the dank tunnels without a fuss.

   For a robot, bender had a remarkably expressive face, and at that moment, his expression fairly screamed ‘self-satisfaction, baby’. “‘Oh, Bender, I think I need a bit of soldering. Would you mind taking a look at my circuit board?’ Not at all. Heh heh heh.”

He took hold of either side of the corroded ladder and skidded rapidly down to the subsurface, adding a jubilant little hop for good measure. “I still got it!” As he strutted through the sewers, Bender felt the sudden desire for a little love and worship.

   “Hey, mutants! Let’s all cheer for Bender!” There was no response. “C’mon! I wanna here some noise!” A phenomenally loud boom sent the robot’s auditory sensors to jangling and he clamped his hands on the sides of his head immediately.

“Well, there’s the R-E-S-P-E-C-T I’ve been looking for!” he proclaimed, even though his CPU had already decided that something very bad and not Bender related was happening.

Terrified screams reverberated along the corridors. “Oh…” he moaned in exasperation, as his morality circuits kicked in, starting up weakly like a hovercar on an icy morning. “I guess I oughta check that out, he grumbled, starting off in the direction of the explosion.

He didn’t have to go too far, however, before he began passing distraught mutants. Some, like himself, were headed to the source of the commotion, but most were running away in panic. Snipits of phrases helped Bender understand what was happening long before he had found the place, but it only took one frantic word to send him running for the makeshift hospital where Fry, Leela and etcetera were holed up: “invasion.”

-------------------------------------

   Morris was still tenderly watching over Leela when Bender burst in, waving his hands wildly in the air and babbling in alarm. The crash of the doors woke the sleepers in a flash, just in time to decipher the garbled warning.

   “What?!” all three conscious mutants cried in alarm. But Bender was no longer interested in them. He darted past them to where Fry still lay, pale and fragile.

   “C’mon, buddy. Enough of this. Time to wake up, before the heat gets here.” He started to pick Fry up, but Chastity quickly ducked between the robot and her patient.

   “You can’t move him. Let go!” Bender was not particularly inclined to yield to authority, and so ignored the doctor, ducking around her in order to get Fry out of there.

“You can’t! You’ll kill him!” the mutant shrieked, crashing into Bender with her full body weight in an attempt to knock him aside. Chastity bounced harmlessly off the robot’s metal form, and Morris and Munda had already rushed to her aid, grabbing Bender’s arms to stop him.

In the end, it was not their physical efforts that decided Bender, but the doctor’s firm conviction that moving at that moment would be akin to murdering him.

   “Fine, then. Leggoame!” He firmly shook them off. “But don’t blame me when Nixon busts through here and gets Fry!”

   “Oh, hello, Bender.” The professor wandered over and greeted him mildly. “Now then, where am I?”

   Morris shook his head, then pulled Bender over to look at him. “What’s happening.”

Bender’s eyes shifted uneasily before he replied, “So, I was out, uh, saving orphans, and when I get back there’s this explosion. So a bunch of freaks come running by, and they’re all going on about something. Looks like El Presidenté finally figured out where we been hiding out.” The robot shrugged. “Now I figured we might want to get Fry outta here, but since you don’t feel like it, I’m just gonna go loot me some swag. See ya!”

He waved cheerfully at Fry’s limp form, “Hope they don’t suck out your brain there, buddy!” before heading for the exit.

Morris quickly blocked him. “Wait a minute. You’re staying here. I’m going.” Munda made a strangled protest and her husband spared her a quick glance. “He’s going to stay here and protect you for as long as he can. If you have to run, run. The robot can carry Leela, and maybe you,” he glanced at the doctor, “can stabilize Fry enough to get him away.”

   Munda blinked and tears began rolling down her face, but she didn’t fall apart. “Why don’t you stay here and help us get them out of here?”

   “Someone has got to get out there and stall the invaders.” An utterly solemn look made his open face seem stony and hard. “This is our home, Munda, and I’m not letting anyone just walk in and destroy it.” Her tentacles were pressed against her face, but she nodded in regretful acceptance.

   “I understand.” Then she marched over to him and caught him in an authoritative embrace. “But you better not be late for dinner.”

   Morris smiled and touched her cheek in a gentle caress. “I wouldn’t dare.”   He then looked over everyone else “Is everyone clear?”

   “Yeah, yeah,” Bender muttered sulkily. “But I better get some ice cream soup out of the deal.”

The Professor peered at Morris in fascination.“Did you know you only have one eye? Whoa-ah…” he drawled. Morris exchanged a skeptical look with his wife.

   “Yeah, well, great. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Look after them, doctor.” He gestured at the sleepers, and Chastity nodded. With one quick squeeze of Munda’s hand, Morris left them then, without a backwards glance.   
------------------------------------------
Whaddaya think?
Futurama Nerd

Professor
*
« Reply #625 on: 02-21-2005 15:55 »

When I saw your name on the last post thing on the main page, I litteraly yelled to my brother;"It's Layla! It's Layla. She's back!"

Anywho, this is such a great update, and it's long!

 
Quote
“Hey, mutants! Let’s all cheer for Bender!” There was no response. “C’mon! I wanna here some noise!” A phenomenally loud boom sent the robot’s auditory sensors to jangling and he clamped his hands on the sides of his head immediately.

“Well, there’s the R-E-S-P-E-C-T I’ve been looking for!” he proclaimed, even though his CPU had already decided that something very bad and not Bender related was happening.
I can see that happining in a real episode. What else can I say, it's such a great update!  big grin
Tom35

Crustacean
*
« Reply #626 on: 02-21-2005 16:07 »

OMFG!!! The suspence is killing me. Damn you just keep getting better and better at this. I'm gonna have to read that again, it was so good.

The "Hell had no vacancies" part was classic. I really like that  smile
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #627 on: 02-21-2005 16:17 »

Oh. My. God. (Or your God...I'm not worried about semantics.)

That was teriffic--well worth the wait. It was funny throughout, and the drama was top-notch, as always. Let's see, what else is there to say? Um...you gave us more Hermes and Amy and Zapp (which I love). You gave us that oh-so-sappy-in-a-good-way Morris scene (seriously, that was perfect...I love how you've been working Leela's relationship with her parents into the story). Oh yeah, and there was more Bendery greatness ("saving orphans"...classic), and finally the whole sort of cliffie thing that you felt the need to put in there! (You should know that I'm glaring ever so facetiously in your direction.)

And now, because I feel like it, here are my favorite bits from each little section.

 
Quote
“Shouldn’t you be dead?”

With a poisonous glare of his own, Hermes dizzily pulled himself up to a sitting position, blinking away the cobwebs. “Sorry,” he grumbled, his voice laden with sarcasm, “Hell had no vacancies.”

I love that. It may be for the strangest reasons (I love writing sarcastic humor, and I love when other writers write it, too), but I still love it.

 
Quote
Morris spoke even more softly. “Did we make the right decision? I still don’t know, honey. Which is more selfish? To give you up to a loveless childhood with the hope of a future or to keep you here, with a love-filled childhood but a hopeless life? Have you forgiven us?” The uncertainty was anguish and Morris could not speak for a time.

So much great stuff in that scene, but I like this part the best. It's so true, what he says. Leela could have had parents, or she could have had a life. I love how you draw attention to this, and to Morris' thought that maybe, just maybe, he and Munda didn't do the right thing. Brilliant.

 
Quote
For a robot, bender had a remarkably expressive face, and at that moment, his expression fairly screamed ‘self-satisfaction, baby’. “‘Oh, Bender, I think I need a bit of soldering. Would you mind taking a look at my circuit board?’ Not at all. Heh heh heh.”

It's funny and that's that. Who says I need a reason for everything! Don't judge me--love me! (Oh wait, I think I got that backwards...)

 
Quote
The Professor peered at Morris in fascination.“Did you know you only have one eye? Whoa-ah…” he drawled. Morris exchanged a skeptical look with his wife.

Good ol' Farnsworth... 'Nuff said.

Oh, and you owe me a really long response, Layla meanie cakes! (Nah, I'm just kiddin'...that was my totally schizo side shining through. Sorry about that...)

 
morbo_it

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #628 on: 02-21-2005 16:34 »

hooray, battle for the sewers is beginning!
very, very good, don't stop!
Philp_J_Fry

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #629 on: 02-21-2005 17:20 »
« Last Edit on: 02-21-2005 17:20 »

Yay, Layla's back with a long update!


 
Quote
Originally posted by Layla50:
 “Hmm? Oh, clearly you misunderstood her. All those awful things she says about me, those are affectionate, like pet names, and meta-pores.”

  laff Zapp's funny when he's being an idiot.

 
Quote
Originally posted by Layla50:
Bender’s eyes shifted uneasily before he replied, “So, I was out, uh, saving orphans, and when I get back there’s this explosion. So a bunch of freaks come running by, and they’re all going on about something. Looks like El Presidenté finally figured out where we been hiding out.” The robot shrugged. “Now I figured we might want to get Fry outta here, but since you don’t feel like it, I’m just gonna go loot me some swag. See ya!”

He waved cheerfully at Fry’s limp form, “Hope they don’t suck out your brain there, buddy!” before heading for the exit.


Great Bender line, especially him trying to go out and steal some stuff again.

 
Quote
Originally posted by Layla50:
The Professor peered at Morris in fascination.“Did you know you only have one eye? Whoa-ah…” he drawled. Morris exchanged a skeptical look with his wife.

Ah...crazy senile proffesor. Classic.

Great work Layla, keep it up. Update again soon. Please.  big grin
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #630 on: 02-21-2005 17:24 »

*lone tear rolls down JBERGES's cheek*

Sure... go to Nerd-o for advice.  I understand... It's OK.

Actually, I'm probably the one that should have E-mailed you to start off, so don't worry about it.  So, to compensate, here are some possible errors:

  • You forgot a possessive in : “Hermes less than dignified return”
  • Did you mean ‘scalper’ or ‘scalpel’ in:  “Miss Give-Bender-The-Laser-Scalper-I’m-Sure-It’ll-Be-Fine.”
  • Capitalize the B in “For a robot, bender had”


Anyway, great as always.  I love the banter you’re creating with Hermes, Amy, and Zapp.  For some reason it just works so well, and I’d never expect it to.

 
Quote
Bender burst in, waving his hands wildly in the air and babbling in alarm.

This made me laugh because I can picture it.  I was just watching a commentary where Billy West says he loves when Bender babbles incoherently in alarm.  John DiMaggio responded by doing just that for a couple of seconds; cracked me up.  All tangents aside, it’s these little things that add to the realism of your writing.

Was the Morris/Leela section adorable?  Yes.  Did it last just a little too long?  Perhaps... but that’s just my opinion.

Enjoy your break from school Layla.  I don’t get mine until March 18th  cry  Hope you get another update out in the process, because I’m looking forward to more.

(I was eager to beat you to the punch with an update, but I apparently came up just short.  You won the race you didn't know was happening. Congrats.)
Shippy Mandy

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #631 on: 02-21-2005 17:52 »

Well, I'm sorry I haven't been reviewing lately.

Anyway, I loved the two most recent parts. Nixon's robot body was classic. Come to think of it, there were tons of great things--Zapp's mispronounciation (I love those!), ALL of the Bender stuff (especially his "saving orphans" line--it really sounds like something he'd say), the Professor commenting on Morris' eye (again, it sounds like it came from the show). Keep up the good work.
NIC2001

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #632 on: 02-21-2005 17:56 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by *Layla50*:
*Zapp yelled at the walls, “Stop that! That’s an order, you, you wall!” He startled his cellmates by ramming his fist against the offending structure, howling in pain when the stubborn wall did not yield.*

That made me laugh out loud! (Witch is not a good thing here (I am at my job   frown ))

Good for you, enjoy your school break (You lucky little...  tongue )

Keep it up.

swidzi

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #633 on: 02-21-2005 18:46 »

Okay... I repeat all the things said by everybody before... This part is really great... And the polt is thickening (if this is possible)...

I love all those little words you use to enrich the story...Great job!

Waiting for more (as always), and enjoy your break - I have begun lectures at univeristy today(i've had a week of spring break)...
jubei

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #634 on: 02-21-2005 22:11 »

to layla i am glad that you are back and the chapter 44 was very exellent which by the way has me hungry for more. and when i asked you about helping me wright the reast of my story and you said that i was asking to much of you no you  missunderstood me what i meant was that you could wright half and then i would wright half i gusse what i should have said was we could take turns wrighting the chapters so if still whant to do this you have my e-mail address.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #635 on: 02-21-2005 22:33 »

That is asking kinda a lot. She has her own fics to write, plus the rest of her normal everyday life to attend to.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #636 on: 02-21-2005 23:31 »

Hey everyone, thanks for all the replies, I appreciate it! I'm hoping to get another update tommorow, a Fry/Leela update this time, quite a major one, and possibly, yay! contreversial. Ah, that's the spice of life anyway, right?

Venus: I'm a little curious if the Morris scene meets your approval. I actually agree with JBERGES that it's too long. I think I'll edit it, then use some of those ideas in Leela's prom fic. Thanks for the defense though.

Jubei:Thank you for your kind comments, I'm glad you're enjoying my story. I don't mind editing what you've written, just email me your next chapter, but even if I had the time, I wouldn't feel right about writing complete parts of your story, because it's not mine. I hope you understand. (And if you would just email this reply, I'd appreciate it.)

swidzi:I'm glad you're enjoying this! I'm enjoying writing it, despite all the whining I've done lately.

NIC2001: Oops! I hope I didn't get you in trouble at work! Je suis tellement desolée pour ne pas répondre à ton histoire. J'étais très occupée, mais je répondrai bientôt.

Shippy Mandy:Hey, no problem, I'm touched you respond at all, thank you! I'm really glad you're enjoying the comic stuff, especially the Zappisms, as it's really fun to try to twist words around.

JBERGES:Oh, I'm sorry! Forgive me, forgive me! I'll tell everyone how wonderful you are! (He's wonderful, go read his AOI story, and then all the others, and then his take on The Raven.) Thanks for pointing out those problems. Oops, oops and double oops. You're a great beta. And like I said to Venus, I do think that Morris scene needs serious editing. You see, I originally intended it to be a monologue, but then, as per usual, I got kinda lost in the introspection, so then I liked the ideas, but tried to put words back in... well, it was a mess. That said, I'm so glad you could picture the Bender panic. I was picturing that (and that commentary in fact) and I really wanted it to come across. The fact is, I can't put the voice into the words, you need to use your imagination for that. smile Yay! I won a race that I didn't know I was in. Hooray! Also, hooray for your update! I read it, loved it, and will give a detailed review tommorow.

Philp_J_Fry:Yay! A reply from you! I'm really glad you liked those lines, thanks!

morbo_it: Yep, yet another set up scene. Let's see, there's the Fry/Leela action, Morris, Munda and everyone else, and the trio. Mysteries will soon be solved.  wink

Gorky: I really do owe you a proper review in your thread, and it's coming, I swear. Lousy computer erasing the extensive one I wrote this morning. Yay! Somebody liked the sap-o-rama! Whoo! That's gonna work better once it's been trimmed, and I think it will work better by the end of the story too. I'm glad you like the thoughtful part, as I like to think things over through writing, as if that weren't obvious. I think N-o-r will be very happy you liked the vacancy line, as that was his special contribution.

Tom35: You'll have to thank N-o-r for that line, as he suggested it to me. I'm so happy the suspense is killing you, 'cause that's a power trip for me.  wink

Futurama Nerd: Awww, thanks bodyguard. Does that mean I'm forgiven?  smile
Futurama Nerd

Professor
*
« Reply #637 on: 02-21-2005 23:33 »

Of course! How can I not?  smile
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #638 on: 02-21-2005 23:44 »

Wow.  I'm surprised at how many people liked that joke.  I wonder if anyone else spotted the reference?

Anyway, <Insert witty and complimentary critique here>

Sorry, no time for details, especially for such a wonderfully long chapter.  I've been putting off Discrete Math homework all weekend.  Turns out I hate sets as much as I hated logic.  Oh well...I'll be back tomorrow, hopefully with something more helpful.
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #639 on: 02-22-2005 00:26 »

I heart Layla, I heart Layla!!!

It seems like I was waiting centuries for this... you have appeased me!! The Zapper was great as usual. So was the Amy to Hermes stuff. How in the world can you make all these random characters work so well together? Anyway, in need of work or not, I still loved that Morris and Leela scene! Seriously! It was so cute! I love the ideas and everything and oh my good golly gosh... I seriously got all choked up. It was wonderful. I can't wait to see what the finished version of it will look like.

Bender was hilarious. I liked the whole babbling thing too. And N-o-r's contribution was awesome. Though, sadly, I didn't get any references...  cry. It was still funny though. And I loved the Professor's line!! Random forgetful senile Professor moments always make me laugh like a hyena. They do.

Anyway now I'm scared for Morris! Bwah!!

(When I read that you were going to update tomorrow with a big controversial Fry/Leela chapter, I seriously gasped with delight).
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