Futurama   Planet Express Employee Lounge
The Futurama Message Board

Design and Support by Can't get enough Futurama
Help Search Futurama chat Login Register

PEEL - The Futurama Message Board    Melllvar's Erotic Friend Fiction    Uh oh, newbie fanfic! « previous next »
 Topic locked! 
Author Topic: Uh oh, newbie fanfic!  (Read 14718 times)
Pages: 1 ... 9 10 11 [12] 13 14 15 ... 20 Print
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #440 on: 01-23-2005 08:49 »

You know, I just have to say that you guys are completely intimidating me with the amount of thought you're putting into this, particularly N-o-r and JBERGES. Of course, that doesn't surprise me at all. I'm tempted to never finish this just to see all the theories you come up with. (I'll finish it, I will!)

And for any of you thinking about the metaphor, one of you is on the right track, but I won't say who.
say what now: I realise that you really want me to keep updating, but you have really got to stop sending us all these blizzards. I'm tired of shovelling.  smile If I disappear, it'll be because the power's out.

N-o-r: Wow! You flatter and scare me at the same time, sir. Comparing this little thing to the Sting? I hope you are not disappointed when all is revealed. I wait eagerly for the rest of your theorizing. I'm quite happy, however, that thus far I've managed to get you this interested.

That is indeed a simpson's reference. Good eyes!
I'm glad you're enjoying Zapp and Nixon, Amy and Hermes, and I refuse to tell where Kif is, but (ominous voice) all shall be revealed (/ominous voice).

Really, all this mystery is a cheap trick to keep you reading. You've got the heierarchy right and I suspect the whole brain thing will become more complex when I'm rewriting. Thanks N-o-r, for all that you done to help me.

becky: Thanks a bunch! You have no idea how satisfying it is that my attempts at excitement are working. We are getting close to a very special reunion (and I've been waiting for it longer than you have.  smile).

Asab:Hey, thanks a lot. You're alright. Update today, since I didn't get it out last night. Nice to know that you're hooked.

morbo_it: You haven't missed anything, I've never mentioned any source for the water. It's just a bit more mysterious and exciting with it.
And I've never said Fry would recover...

swidzi: Thanks so much for your enthusiastic comments! That Venus is a dangerous one, alright. You can hide out in my backyard. I'll build you an igloo. That you feel the emotions are described realistically is about the highest compliment I can think of, thank you. And I can't promise not to kill anyone off, cause I think that would take away from the suspense. Sorry, hang in there.

PJ: Glad you're spooked! And yes, you've got me, I am in Eastern Canada, specifically that snow covered mound that used to Nova Scotia. How'd you guess?

Philp_J_Fry: Thanks for being such a faithful supporter. Update coming today.

Gorky:Wow, Gorky, that's a ton of writing, especially considering we're talking about scripts. I like to mix things up emotionally when I'm writing, try to aim for something for everyone. I'd love to see some of your prose. I get lonely sometimes, there's so little futurama prose out there. (Glares at hatchet wielding action Venus)

Hatchet wielding action Venus: You're right. You don't deserve to have Microsoft Word. I'll confiscate it as soon as you're finished the fic of joy.

See you! Not literally...


swidzi

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #441 on: 01-23-2005 12:38 »

You're too kind Layla (thx for a place to hide), but I just found the parents (especially Munda) reactons just perfect...Hoping to read more soon...
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #442 on: 01-23-2005 15:08 »

Oh, damn my backfiring snowstorm powers! I got hit by this one too (well, assuming it was the same one, and I shall assume this as we are both on the East). Unfortunately, there shall be no snowday for me... *glares at the snowplows outside*. I guess I taught myself not to play God... or Snowstorm God... or Weatherman.

Anyway, I predict (see? I'm being nice and powerless... just predicting...) that tonight's weather will be clear and lacking of power outages, a perfect condition in which to update deliciously good Futurama fanfics! Wahoo!
PJ

Crustacean
*
« Reply #443 on: 01-23-2005 18:11 »

ok i just finished rereeading part 38 cause something didn't seem wright to me and i kno what it is Katy seems to be at two spots at once. now is this because she can be in two places at once or are their two of them?

Nova Scotia eh thats a hell of a lot of snow or at least their was when it was on the NEWS hope the wheather get better over for ya

Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #444 on: 01-23-2005 19:33 »

say what now: Well, I'm actually still in the middle of this particular blizzard. (I can no longer see the vast majority of my car.) But, the power is holding up, so that's good news.
In the end, it paid off however, as they've already cancelled my classed tommorow. So... I have work to do.

PJ:Well, yeah, there are kind of two Katy's. i mean, technically, there are an infinate number of Katy's I suppose. However, the one talking to Fry was little Katy, and the other one with Leela was an adult. It's not the real world, so it's bound to be weird.

Oh! You saw little ol' us on the news? Cool! Although, 50cm isn't too bad compared to last years 95 cm. (I still hurt from shovelling that!)
Everything was shut down for a week. It's a shame I didn't start this story then, eh?

swidzi: Thank you! I'm working on that update now.
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #445 on: 01-23-2005 22:58 »

Hooray! And yes, we were hit by the same storm, but if hit you later than us... I wish it had been opposite, and then I could have a wonderful snowday! But no, they had a full half day to clear the streets and sidewalks and get us marching. Ah well. I can at least enjoy your update now... and my prediction was sort of right! It is a good condition to write in because of the power and ya got no classes to go to, nay? (Watch, now you have no power...).
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #446 on: 01-24-2005 00:01 »

Okay, well this is a really short little update, because I'm not quite done the major scene I'm working on right now. I'm sorry, but it's way past my bedtime. Hopefully, this is a fun one anyway.

Part 39:

   “Okay, so that’s seventeen.”

   “What are you talking about, woman?! That’s twenty-six!” Hermes snatched the lipstick from Amy’s hand and made a mark on the wall under the word ‘whimpers.’

   “That one was not a whimper,” the intern insisted, “Whimpers make me feel pity, but that last one made me feel scared, and kinda sleepy,” she added.

   The bureaucrat frowned at her. “Don’t be stupid. A moan can’ be that high-pitched. It was a whimper.” He waved the ‘Passionate Pink’ around in agitation and Amy tried unsuccessfully to rescue it.

   “Hey! Be careful with that!” She grabbed his arm and they tussled for control of their only writing tool.

   “Silence!” the guard demanded imperiously, turning around briefly to menace the pair.

   Amy let go and they glared at each other. “Fine then, it’s a whimper. Now give me back my lipstick,” she hissed at him dangerously. A faintly smug expression crossed Hermes face and he handed it to her. Once she had checked it for damage, she declared, “I get to choose the next one!”

   The dark skinned mad threw up his hands and slumped into the bench. “I’ve forgotten why we’re even doing this.”

   “’Cause we’re trapped and bored and we wanted to figure out what’s making all those sounds. And these dumb charts were your idea anyway.”

   A slew of categories had been ‘lipsticked’ onto the rear wall of the brig. In addition to ‘whimpers’, ‘moans’, ‘grunts’, ‘sighs’, ‘squawks’, ‘yelps’, ‘bangs’, ‘thuds’, ‘taps’ and ‘squishes’, there was a blank space with the heading, ‘guesses.’

   “It’s not doing us any good.” Hermes complained, twisting around to even out the marks by rubbing them with his thumb.

   “The walls look pretty,” Amy offered with a shrug. Another sound, quite loud, startled them through the walls.

   “What a bang!” Hermes cried in surprise.

   “It was a crash!” Amy argued immediately, brandishing the lipstick threateningly.

   Further debate was cut short by Zapp’s arrival. He was accompanied by the same sharp-eyed agent that had held a knife to Amy’s throat earlier. Unconsciously, she took a tiny step away from him, and the disturbing memory, holding the makeup protectively against her chest.

   With a coolly confident nod to the guard who lowered the force field and raised it again, Brannigan entered the cell. Andrew would have followed, but Zapp stuck his hand in the agent’s face in rude denial.

   “I’ll handle this, soldier. A situation like this requires finesse, delicacy, grace, and raw male power in a velour uniform.” He stroked his uniform in sensual delight.

   When, after a few seconds, he made no effort to interrogate them, Hermes spoke up. “You have no idea how to interrogate us, do you?”

   “Silence, prisoner! Or I’ll have Lieutenant Kroker break out the,” he took a dramatic pause, “laser depilator!”

   Amy perked up suddenly, eyes aglow. “Ooh, I’ve got one of those! My personal favorite is the Patrick Stewart Line, but there’s always Grignr’s clean and hairless, too!” Zapp blinked at her stupidly, and Hermes jabbed her arm.

   “He’s trying to threaten us, you vacuous flirt!” Miffed, Amy pouted at him as she   
rubbed her arm.

   “With hair removal?” An audible moan, definitely a moan, drew her attention back to the agent. He looked about ready to knock his head against a wall, or somebody else’s.

   Brannigan tried to recover. “That’s enough of your immature attitude, Kif.” Amy jumped at the sound of her boyfriend’s name and looked for him joyfully, but there was no sign of him. Hermes couldn’t quite suppress the superior smile creeping up on his lips at the gaffe. Spotting it, the captain stabbed an angry finger at the bureaucrat. “How would you like to kiss those sweet dreadlocks goodbye?”    

   Genuinely alarmed, the Jamaican reached up to touch his hair. “But this is how I managed to charm LaBarbara away from Barbados Slim! And she was so angry with me that time I sold my hair.” His eyes were wide in remembrance. “Although I did enjoy getting it back from Zoidberg.” That was a more pleasant memory than his wife's wrath.

   The Asian woman looked faintly disgusted. “I still can’t believe that you wanted it back after the post X-mas squid festival.”

   Irritated, Andrew coughed pointedly, to get them back to the matter at hand. Zapp, frowning, addressed the agent. “You’re brave under fire, I’ll give you that, but you haven’t got Kif’s style at all.” Quickly, Brannigan continued, “Which he leeches from yours truly, of course.”

   Annoyed, Amy came to her alien love’s defense. “Kiffy’s very charismatic, when there’s no one else around to distract him!” Zapp tried to stare her down.

   “Let’s get to the bottom of this!” he demanded, before suavely adding, “turn around, baby.” The infuriated agent sighed heavily. This was going to take a while.
--------------------------------------------
Sorry for the length, longer one tommorow!
PJ

Crustacean
*
« Reply #447 on: 01-24-2005 01:23 »
« Last Edit on: 01-24-2005 01:23 »

that part was pretty funny between amy and hermes arguing what sounds were what and Zapp it was cool.

but i noticed that Amy doesn't seem have any of her made up words in her dialogue

(EDIT)
examples: gluh and splah
Futurama Nerd

Professor
*
« Reply #448 on: 01-24-2005 02:13 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by the one and only Layla50:
“I’ll handle this, soldier. A situation like this requires finesse, delicacy, grace, and raw male power in a velour uniform.” He stroked his uniform in sensual delight.

When, after a few seconds, he made no effort to interrogate them, Hermes spoke up. “You have no idea how to interrogate us, do you?”
  laff
You got Zapp just right. Great job, and please write more soon. Please?
You know another thing I like about you? You always take time to thank every, or most, of the people who comment you. So damn nice.
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #449 on: 01-24-2005 09:38 »

You know what? I'm really enjoying this whole Hermes/Amy thing you got going on. Like I've said before, I love character interaction between unlike characters, and this is an example of that. Also, like Futurama Nerd said, you're great at writing Zapp (and, like, everyone else, but I think you know what I mean...). Oh yeah, and my favorite moment was right here at the beginning...

 
Quote
“Okay, so that’s seventeen.”

“What are you talking about, woman?! That’s twenty-six!” Hermes snatched the lipstick from Amy’s hand and made a mark on the wall under the word ‘whimpers.’

“That one was not a whimper,” the intern insisted, “Whimpers make me feel pity, but that last one made me feel scared, and kinda sleepy,” she added.

The bureaucrat frowned at her. “Don’t be stupid. A moan can’ be that high-pitched. It was a whimper.” He waved the ‘Passionate Pink’ around in agitation and Amy tried unsuccessfully to rescue it.

Hermes and Amy make a pretty funny team.

Also...

 
Quote
but i noticed that Amy doesn't seem have any of her made up words in her dialogue

(EDIT)
examples: gluh and splah

I've noticed this too. Not that you should feel the need to add those "gluhs" and "spluhs" in (because, when used in excess, it becomes really annoying), but they come in handy when Amy is really agitated (like right now, with Hermes and Zapp). Just a suggestion.

Anyway, awaiting more as always.

swidzi

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #450 on: 01-24-2005 09:47 »

Nice part... Brings lots of humour to the dramatic situation, but the suspence is killing me... (*Arghhh*)
And I just loved Zapp's 'with hair remover' part  big grin I've reed it in the morning and it makes me smile till now (it's 4 PM in Poland now)

Anyway, Me want more...
bish

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #451 on: 01-24-2005 10:00 »

i have gotten through the whole series in a matter of hours after getting the spare-time to read them, and your constant praise from everyone is well justified, you truly are a very gifted writer, and it has been a pleasure to read your work.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #452 on: 01-24-2005 15:14 »

Okay shippers, this part's for you! Anyone want to volunteer to shovel my driveway? That many? Thank you!

bish: Wow, you're a fast reader! I thank you very much for the kind words, and I'm thrilled you're enjoying the fanfic. I wouldn't really say gifted, as this is just something I do for fun. Everyone's been so supportive, and I really appreciate that.

swidzi: Neat, Poland! I'm glad you enjoyed the humour, and hopefully this next part will help allieviate the suspense, although, not much is resolved.

Gorky: I'm surprised too what a fun relationship they have. It kinda came out of nowhere really. Zapp is fun. Somebody(sorry!) said to make everything he says a joke, and that seems to be a good approach. Thanks whoever you are!

Gorky, you've pegged the exact reason I didn't have Amy (or Hermes) using the catch phrases. I just wanted a little section where they didn't do it, because I have used those phrases in other parts, and I will again. Still, in the rewrite, I'll consider adding something.

Futurama Nerd: I'm so glad you enjoyed that. I'm slowly getting used to writing the Zapper. Here's an update, just for asking so nicely. (And why shouldn't I thank everyone? After all, they've taken the time to give me all this feedback. And everyone's been so nice to me!)

PJ: You always ask me these great questions that make me really think about why I've done certain things. That's really helpful to me, thank you!

Part 40:

   Fry fought against the slow return to consciousness. He knew if he woke up, he would hurt, and it would be scary, dark, and awful. Better to drift then, where there would be no demands and nothing to worry him. He had worked for years to perfect the ability just to let the world go by, and he desperately tried to employ it now. No dice. Fry was awake, and thoroughly miserable about it.

   “I’m not opening my eyes.” He sighed. It was meant to be a firm declaration, but he hadn’t quite managed it. He swallowed hard, as his brain gradually kicked in, reminding him of the trouble he was in, and no one to help him through it. Everyone nice had disappeared. Self-pity went on a merry rampage and lackadaisically, Fry allowed it.

Afraid to move, he tried to listen. If there were good sounds, perhaps he would eventually open his eyes; if not, then it was better not to see the danger coming.

   His ears were not feeling particularly informative apparently. There was a strange sort of echo-ness around him, but no noise he could identify as good or bad to help him in his decision. Fantastic.

Stubbornness was rapidly evaporating; Fry had just about decided that perhaps he would give his ears the benefit of the doubt when he realized he didn’t feel quite normal. He felt cold… and light, as if he were … floating? That wasn’t right at all. It was time to move.

   Fry shifted his body weight slightly, or at least he tried to, but that small movement was enough to cause him to slip from his precarious position of having his head and shoulder supported by the rock face. He only slid about an inch, but that sent frigid water up his spine.

   “Cold!” he yelped, eyes flying open as he tried to spring to his feet. It was dark. Abused muscles were slow to react and Fry only managed to flip himself forward and land face down into the pool. Deep enough to drown in, his brain squealed at him in fright.

Thrashing frantically in water that would only be up to his knees had he been standing, Fry dragged himself up. He tried to move forward, breathing heavily, using his fingers against the rough walls since his eyes told him nothing. His heart dropped in dismay when he came to a dead end.

Choking back a frustrated sob, Fry carefully turned around and edged forward in the other direction. A sudden terrible thought occurred to him: what if there was no way out? The delivery boy wasn’t generally claustrophobic, but the idea of being entombed in the dark, in solid rock made him tremble. Unable to face that knowledge, he leaned against the wall and slid down until he was sitting in the water. He was already wet after all. Fry shut his eyes again, but it brought him no comfort; he already knew it was dark.   
   
   --------------------------------------   

Sound was the first thing to reach Leela. Cautiously, she opened her eye, but she could see nothing. It was the softest sigh that drew her attention.

   “Katy?” she hissed quietly, edging to her feet. Water sloshed around the cyclops, echoing oddly in the cavern.

   A sudden splashing heralded the anxious, achingly familiar voice, “Who’s there? What do you want?” Wild emotion surged through Leela, hope first, then pragmatic caution. It was probably not really her Fry. Still, she couldn’t stop from grinning.

   Better test him. “Phil?” she called softly, hoping that his first name would get a reaction.

   “Leela?! Is that you?” Astonishment, then suspicion was laced in his response. “Leela doesn't call me Phil. Who are you?”

   Relieved laughter bubbled up from inside her. She started blindly groping towards him. “It’s Leela, it’s Leela!”

   “What?” The hope in his voice brought tears to her eye. “Leela? Really?” he asked almost timidly as if he was afraid of the answer.

   The young woman took a step forward and her outstretched hands brushed something. It a second their hands fumbled together in a desperate clasp. They both began babbling in joyous excitement. “I’ve been looking for you forever!”

   “Oh, thank God, it’s you!” Instinctively Fry started to pull her forward into a hug, before shyly pulling back. He let go, only to have Leela drag him into an embrace so tight he thought she might break his ribs. He couldn’t care less. “Leela,” he choked, startled by moisture on his face. “I missed you so much.”

     The cyclops drew back, just far enough to start shaking him. “What were you thinking, using that thing on yourself! You could have been killed. You almost were! Have you any idea how worried I’ve been?” Distantly, Leela was aware that she was totally out of control, but there was precious little she could do about it.

Poor Fry could not get a word in edgewise. “I go to sleep, thinking that I’ll have to surrender myself to that thing, and then I get to work and you’re out cold! No one knows at first… I thought you were…” Leela’s thoughts flashed back and forth so fast she started interrupting herself. “Nixon wants to… and my dad! My parents are so… and you were just lying there… The agents came… I didn’t know…”

She gradually stopped shaking him, grateful for the darkness that hid the shifting expressions on her face. taking a deep breath she sighed, “I’m glad you’re okay, Fry.”

Running her hand lightly down his arm, Leela grasped Fry’s hand tightly. “It’s dark; I don’t want you to get lost again.” She said, by way of explanation. The remark came out slightly more acerbic than she’d intended, and Leela cringed in mute apology.

   “Great,” Fry chirped, perfectly happy about holding her hand, whatever the reason.

   “Are you hurt?” She asked him gently.

   “No, just very confused.” He chuckled easily. “Nothing new there,” he added in self depreciation, trying to work a smile out of her.

   Leela hugged him again in sudden impulse. Fry returned the hug, enjoying the warmth of her touch with a relaxed sigh. “What was that for?” he asked as love and affection flooded him at her touch.

   The weary woman giggled awkwardly in sudden embarrassment as she pulled away. “I, ah, I missed your laugh.”

   Fry raised his eyebrows in pleasant surprise. Leela didn’t have to see it, she could just feel it. “Is that all you missed about me, baby, ‘cause I really missed you too.” He brushed her arm in feather-light touch.

   Fry didn’t have to see her glare at him, he could just feel it. The ritual was immensely comforting to the delivery boy.

   “Do you have to ruin everything?” she demanded, not nearly as irritated as she made out to be. The routine was like slipping on an old pair of shoes, relaxing and stabilizing. They smiled together in the dark.

   “Can’t blame a guy for trying, beautiful- uh, I mean Leela. Captain Leela!” he added hurriedly as she started dragging him along.

   “That reminds me, we’re gonna have a little talk about where some of your thoughts have been going. Here, sit down. There’s a rock ledge.” Fry yelped suddenly when she propelled him forward.

   “Found it,” he said with a moan. Leela settled down next to him and filled him in on what had been happening. Fry was more than a little surprised to find out that he’d been wandering through his own head.

“Kind of a strange place isn’t it?” he commented with another easy laugh. “So now that you’ve found me, what do we do? Shouldn’t I have woken up by now?”

   The question brought Leela up short. With a growing sense of alarm, she realized that she had no idea of how actually to help him. All her thoughts had been devoted to finding him. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do now.” Anxiety coloured her voice and Fry quickly moved to reassure her.

   “It’s okay Leela, you’ll figure it out. We’ve been in worse spots before. Remember Cannibalon?”

   Tiredly, Leela rubbed her hands across her face. It had been a brutal couple of days, or however long it had been. She tried to think of what the Professor had told her about helping Fry, but it didn’t help. Leela had thought that the victory would be in finding her friend, that he would wake up automatically when she was close enough to help protect him from the delta waves. Was this an instinctual protection? Or did she need to do something? “I don’t know what to do,” she repeated sadly.

   “At least we’re together now,” he tried to encourage her. “I feel better,” he offered.

   Leela smiled at him. “Yeah, I’m glad I found you. There’s some strange people running around in your head, Fry.”

   “Tell me about it. Some scary people, too.” He replied, thinking of one in particular.

   “Have you run into the women, yet?”

   Fry swallowed nervously, “Women?”

    “Mmm,” she murmured laconically, “Lot’s of them. All hanging out together doing all sorts of interesting things.” Leela took a small measure of enjoyment from teasing him. She would have loved to see his face in that moment. She could see a darker shade where he was, the cyclops noticed; the light was returning slowly.

   “Uh, I- uh…” he broke off with a nervous laugh.

   Leela laughed softly. “Quite a lot of them looked a lot like me.”

   “Oh, did they?” came Fry’s strained voice.

   “Mm hmm,” she nodded, and Fry caught the movement.

   “Hey! The light’s coming back.”

   Leela nodded her head again, but wasn’t distracted. “Nice women, very friendly. I noticed something very interesting about them, Fry.”

   “Uh, what was that, Leela?” he asked unwillingly, feeling very uncomfortable.

   “Of all those versions of me, not one of them had two eyes. They were all like me, with just one eye.” She was smiling warmly at him, and now it was bright enough for the redhead to see it.  “I guess you really do like my eye.”

   Fry glanced back and forth, trying to find the trap, finally he said, “Well, yeah, Leela. Didn’t you know that?”

   She shrugged, “It’s sweet, that’s all.” When he relaxed, she added, “Don’t think that gets you off the hook.”

   “Yes ma’am.” It was bright enough to see the cavern they were in now. It was quite large, as wide as any either of them had been in. It was also sealed off.

“I guess we’re not going anywhere,” Fry said nervously. It was okay though, because Leela was here.

   “This isn’t fair.” The cyclops growled, standing up to explore the room. “It’s your mind that created this, can’t you just,” she gestured vaguely, “open up?”

   Fry was willing enough to try. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to change things, but nothing happened. “Sorry, Leela, I don’t have control of any of this.”

   She nodded, kicking at the water, “Not your fault.”

   Watching Leela wade around the room, and enjoying the sight of her wet form, a troubling idea came into his head. “Leela? Does there seem to be more water in here than there used to be?”
---------------------------------------------
bish

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #453 on: 01-24-2005 15:28 »

another clool part Layla. shippy, and yet another cliffhanger, although this time i dont have the luxury of being able to carry on straight away. keep up the good work
morbo_it

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #454 on: 01-24-2005 15:48 »

very good landscape, i like it more and more, and the dialogue between leela and fry is very realistic. i mean, in real life real people would have said about the same things. i feel something big is about to come..
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #455 on: 01-24-2005 16:23 »
« Last Edit on: 01-24-2005 16:23 »

Well, I've certainly fallen behind.  I have several good reasons for it but I won't start boring you with them now.

What can I say about what I've read since I last posted?  It's been great, as always, and I'm constantly amazed at how many new readers you manage to drag into the story each week.
You are handling the Fry/Leela interaction as well as I’ve seen a writer handle it.  I liked this part in particular:
   
Quote
The weary woman giggled awkwardly in sudden embarrassment as she pulled away. “I, ah, I missed your laugh.”
 
Fry raised his eyebrows in pleasant surprise. Leela didn’t have to see it, she could just feel it. “Is that all you missed about me, baby, ‘cause I really missed you too.” He brushed her arm in feather-light touch.

Fry didn’t have to see her glare at him, he could just feel it. The ritual was immensely comforting to the delivery boy.

“Do you have to ruin everything?” she demanded, not nearly as irritated as she made out to be. The routine was like slipping on an old pair of shoes, relaxing and stabilizing. They smiled together in the dark.
First off, it's well written, second, it’s cute, and third, I think it’s rather realistic.  After all their years together, above all, Leela and Fry have become close friends, even if not all the time considerate.  It was clever of you to use similar descriptions to show how they felt about their bantering, while noting how both could sense each other well.  It drove the point home. 

Keep at it, Layla; you are awesome.
AsaB

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #456 on: 01-24-2005 16:39 »

Layla, you just keep on impressing me with every chapter. That last one was soo satisfying to read, finally they met each other! And you handled it so well, too. Just like JBERGES mentioned, these playful sort of comments fits their friendship, well done. Oh, and you made the shipper in me (which is about 98% of the whole, the last 2% needed to keep me sane) very, very happy indeed! Just wonderful.
And the suspense is building. Water rising? Downright creepy. Also that voice, gaaah.

Well, keep it going, I can't wait to find out what happens next.
PJ

Crustacean
*
« Reply #457 on: 01-24-2005 16:45 »

great part Fry and leela are bang on. rising water level is really starting to make me think about whats going to happen in the next few parts.

also am glad Gorky said what i didn't in my last post
Quote
Originally Posted By Gorky:I've noticed this too. Not that you should feel the need to add those "gluhs" and "spluhs" in (because, when used in excess, it becomes really annoying), but they come in handy when Amy is really agitated (like right now, with Hermes and Zapp). Just a suggestion.

and also i know it's off topic but has it really gotten this bad?
 
Quote
weather channel: In northwestern Nova Scotia, crews struggled to clear a snow-clogged highway and reach stranded truckers and motorists after up to 70 cm fell on parts of the region.
man am i glad i live in alberta
swidzi

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #458 on: 01-24-2005 17:09 »
« Last Edit on: 01-24-2005 17:09 »

Oh man... I mean woman (damn...) This is so.... so... wonderful... I'm just speechless... You're great in describing human emotions... I really think that Leela would perform like that:     
Quote
Leela hugged him again in sudden impulse. Fry returned the hug, enjoying the warmth of her touch with a relaxed sigh. “What was that for?” he asked as love and affection flooded him at her touch.

The weary woman giggled awkwardly in sudden embarrassment as she pulled away. “I, ah, I missed your laugh.”

This sumes up her personality - she is almost always so calculating - thinking of her every move, but when she is pushed to far, she behaves uncontrollably...

Anyway - I can't wait to read next part (if snowstorms make you so productive then I want more     big grin )

EDIT: After re-reading the chapter I must say that the Leela/Fry relationship is really really developing... But I was wondering... would they act so freely If it was not so dark... Shippy, shippy, ship, ship (in my case Shippy == great)
Crash_7

Professor
*
« Reply #459 on: 01-24-2005 17:22 »

This may be my favorite chapter to date, Layla.  I think you really nailed the sweetness of Fry and Leela's relationship.
Philp_J_Fry

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #460 on: 01-24-2005 17:57 »

Great chapter Layla. Fry ands Leela's relationship was really interesting. Keep up the good work!
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #461 on: 01-24-2005 18:03 »

Oh my God. I am so... damn... happy. That was the best, happiest chapter yet (minus the water thing- ack!) Excuse me while I go reread that... the shipper in me is going absolutely nuts.
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #462 on: 01-24-2005 20:18 »

GAH!  So...much...shippy...urgh...

I'll get back to you on this one.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #463 on: 01-24-2005 20:19 »

Layla If you were a man i'd want to marry you. That scene was perfect beyond all comprehension.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #464 on: 01-24-2005 20:44 »

Heehee!  laff
Venus proposes and N-o-r wretches. Ah, life is good.  smile
I figured I owed the shippers a little something for all the time they've spent listening to Leela complain about Fry.

(hands N-o-r a cup of water and some saltines.) Easy sweetie, just think of JBERGES and GORKY and Tongueluck.

Speaking of which... hey! I got nominated for a weird internet award! Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg! I mean... Layla. Incidentally,if Gorky hadn't mentioned this, I never would have known.

Venus: I hope you realise that that was my reaction when I found out you were planning to start releasing your fic.

N-o-r: Oh no! I've nauseated one of my greatest supporters during award season. That is so like me.

say what now: See, I can write happy sometimes! Now don't you feel better about the evil voice?

Philp_J_Fry:Thanks I'm trying to dig into it a bit, find the depth that's there.

Crash_7:Thanks! It's fun to write happy stuff once in a while. However, things aren't settled yet...

swidzi: Shippy ship ship indeed! That's quite an interesting, and articulate way of describing Leela. You've given me something to think about, thanks!
Although I will only have more snowstorms if you do the shovelling. 5 hours, and that was with the neighbour rescuing us with the snowblower.

PJ: Glad I'm keeping you interested. About the Guh's and spluh's, well, it depends who's doing the writing. Some people go too far, and I'm trying to avoid that. I may be overcompensating however. I'm glad I live... well, we get a lot of storms here, and at least it's not as cold here! Yay to my Canadian friend!

AsaB: Thanks for all the kind words. I really wanted to play up the cozy friendship part of their relationship, without erasing the sexual tension. (I loved your breakdown of shippyness.)

JBERGES: Yay! Bergey's back! And the people rejoice! It is amazing to me that a writer of your caliber would call my writing clever and realistic. I'm speechless, thank you.

morbo_it: I'm so glad you think my writing is realistic. I try to put some humanity into it. It's interesting you like the landscape. No one's commented on it, thanks!

bish: Thanks a lot, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I've got Wednesday off, (really, I'm hardly going to school at all anymore) so hopefully, another update soon.

Futurama Nerd

Professor
*
« Reply #465 on: 01-24-2005 21:12 »

 
Quote
Better test him. “Phil?” she called softly, hoping that his first name would get a reaction.

“Leela?! Is that you?” Astonishment, then suspicion was laced in his response. “Leela doesn't call me Phil. Who are you?”

Relieved laughter bubbled up from inside her. She started blindly groping towards him. “It’s Leela, it’s Leela!”

“What?” The hope in his voice brought tears to her eye. “Leela? Really?” he asked almost timidly as if he was afraid of the answer.
laff

Wow. Best chapter ever. I loved it so much  love   
It had such a great beginning and you managed to make it realistic, like JBERGES
said.
Yay! Shippiness!

*in big voice*

The shipper is pleased!

Great job Layla, keep it up.   smile
Shippy Mandy

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #466 on: 01-24-2005 21:32 »

Wewt.

This was a great chapter, Layla. You've made yet another shipper happy. Here, have a cookie.
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #467 on: 01-24-2005 23:25 »

Nah, don't worry.  As sugary as that scene was, it wasn't actually sickening.  I wasn't expecting a joyous reunion quite yet, but I can tell you're trying to keep moving.

I probably won't comment on this chapter much, except you curbed your Shipper Instincts and didn't make either Fry or Leela too terrifically out of character.  This still wouldn't have happened on the show in any way similar to this.  Then again, the show was canceled, so...

Oh, and Zapp was freaking hilarious in the previous part, as was the Amy/Hermes interaction.  That's a great pairing, even though it was most likely coincidental: probably the two most underused characters in the show with the least in common.

Still...the emotion...it makes my cynicism itch.  Oh well, it's well-written.  Incredibly well-written.  So much so that if I went in for that sort of thing over the internet I'd second Venus's sentiment.

And I just discovered a small recording studio in the music school here...

P.S.  I voted for you!

"Finally, I get to save the Earth with deadly lasers instead of deadly slide shows."

GP: 100 Nixorbucks
XP: 500
Next level: 1000
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #468 on: 01-25-2005 07:03 »
« Last Edit on: 01-25-2005 07:03 »

You'll never believe this but my 3 hr morning class was cancelled. My other teacher lives out in the valley so I may end up with another snow day. I didn't realise how powerful you guys are.

Now I'm scared. If you don't like the ending... I could disappear.

Futurama Nerd:So glad the shipper faction is happy with me! I need somebody guards, want to volunteer?   smile

Shippy Mandy:Mmmm, thats a good cookie! Thank you. With a name like Shippy Mandy, you had to be happy with me.

N-o-r:Heh heh heh. Oh ye of little faith. You don't really think that everything's going to be happy for long do you? Think of it as a glimpse of sunshine just before the killer blizzard slams into everyone. And you can reasonably expect a return to normal with the Fry/Leela interaction now that I've gotten that out of my system.

Anyway, the show was cancelled (sob) so now the ball's in Layla's court now!
That whole last part is for you really. You and Bergey. No one else quite pushes me for funny like you two do. (Which is a good thing, IMO)
Also, Kif's part. Thanks for sticking with me anyway.

And you still voted for me? Aw, that's sweet. (Kisses N-o-r chastely on the nose.)

Wahoo! Another snowday!!
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #469 on: 01-25-2005 09:08 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Layla50:
You'll never believe this but my 3 hr morning class was cancelled. My other teacher lives out in the valley so I may end up with another snow day. I didn't realise how powerful you guys are.

Now I'm scared. If you don't like the ending... I could disappear.


Yes. Do not underestimate us. For we are powerful. And all-seeing. We hide in your closet at night. We take photos of you with a telephoto lens from across the street. We pile your dirty laundry into a heap when your gone and roll around in it. You're lucky to have fans like us. But cross us and we'll turn on you like that! *Insert creepy warble*
becky

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #470 on: 01-25-2005 12:49 »

Part 39 was really funny, with the games between Amy and Hermes in prison. I wanna know where Kif is!

Oh, and part 40: Sooo Sweeeet! Really, I loved it, I was really (and I mean really) happy when Fry and Leela re-united. I even said/yelled to myself: "YES!" Heh...

It's so unfair how you people have snow days! But the good thing with them is that I get more fun stuff to read  wink
PJ

Crustacean
*
« Reply #471 on: 01-25-2005 17:13 »

good odds for another snow day for layla50 because of about a metre of snow and yet my roads and grass are completely visible and dry hehehehehe
Ol´coot

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #472 on: 01-25-2005 19:17 »

The last 3 parts have been great Layla. Amy and Hermes make a great pair - dramatic with layer of comic at the same time! You have a great take on Fry - he lets world go by! Spot on!

You Leela is great also, shippy but still something of a b***h at times...
BTW, I think I might have puzzled out what the controversy with Katey will be.. Can't wait to see if I am right!
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #473 on: 01-25-2005 20:51 »

Okay, another short one, moving the plot ahead at long last. As I read your responses I'm getting more and more happy about the plot outside of Fry's head. And N-o-r gave me fantastic idea, although we'll have to see if he let's me use it.

Venus: Ah, the melodious sounds of a theremin to lull me into a nightmare filled sleep. Thanks Venus! (Isuspect you're still bitter that we managed to crack you. Look what you people are doing to me!)

becky: Ah, I do love mysteries, don't you? I am, of course, thrilled that you liked it, and especially that I made you vocally replied. That is very cool.
So I guess you're in one of those places where you don't get a meter of snow at a time. (If I didn't love snow so much, I would throw a snowball at you. Well, what the heck! Incoming!)

PJ: ...   mad Okay, I'm not really mad. You and your grass in winter.. for shame!  smile

Ol'coot: Thanks bud! I'm really reassured by your comment about Fry. I've been questioning my portrayal of him lately. I gotta sit down and watch those DVD's of mine again. Poor Leela, I'm really making her into a basketcase. I'll make it up to her at some point, maybe with chocolate.

I am crazy to know what you think the controversy is. Email me? Pretty please? (If you don't, is what you think the controversy is actually contreversial?)
Well, that made no sense, so you're all prepared for the next update!

Part 41:
   
   After two hours of ridiculously inane questions, which only rarely strayed on to the topic at hand, namely Fry’s location, Hermes was just about ready to give in. Fry wasn’t a particularly valuable member of the crew. In fact, he was actually a net loss, if you compared the low cost of employing him to the damage he caused to company property whenever he tried to pilot the ship. He could just put in a claim to the Delivery Boy Registry, and in six to eight weeks, they’d have a brand new one ready to go.

   “I shoulda suggested that before Leela got involved,” he muttered to himself. Wonder of wonders, Zapp turned towards him.
   
“Did you say something?” he asked, hands on his hips.

   “Uh, no.” Hermes chirped at him, hoping that Brannigan would let it slide. The captain’s eyes narrowed dangerously, but Amy rescued him.

   “So, big boy, I hear they call you the Zapper.” Thoughts of questioning the bureaucrat went clear out of the blond man’s head. All other thoughts fled seconds later when Amy stretched languorously, giving him a good show.

   ‘Bless you, Amy.’ Hermes sent her gratitude with his eyes for the distraction.
Something was puzzling him however, and that was the activity outside of their cell. There was too much of it.

In addition to the agent who had come with Brannigan, several others had come by and there was a lot of whispered conversation, marked by subtle glances towards the captain of the Nimbus. A cold, conniving expression had replaced the frustration on the head agent’s face. It all spelled out trouble. Brannigan took none of this in, naturally. He was focused on the “interrogation”.

   “So you say your turn-ons include squishibility and resignation? How do you feel about flabby and egotistic? I have this friend…”

   Hermes had seen mutinies before, a fairly common occurrence in his line of work, and he suspected that an attempt to take over the ship was under way. Unfortunately, the bureaucrat held out no hope that he would prefer the upcoming leadership.

He believed the agents were far more dangerous than the Nimbus’ incompetent captain. At least Zapp was not a violent man. Well, Hermes had to reconsider that. Brannigan wasn’t directly violent; he was a hands off type of leader.

   Despite her noble rescue of Hermes, Amy was getting very upset. For obvious reasons the vast majority of the questions had been directed at her anyway. She was tired of Brannigan’s attentions and worried about Kif. “Where’s Kif?” she demanded when the captain paused for a breath. “Smeesh, I’m sick of this!”

   “I’ll ask the questions here, my sexy ramen noodle. Questions like ‘should I call you in the morning, or just nudge you?’ and ‘did you polish your pants?’”

   Amy gave him a confused look. “Polish my pants?”

   Zapp grinned, “Oh, yeah. ‘Cause I can see myself in them.” She sighed heavily and cast a plaintive look at Hermes, who shrugged helplessly. ‘Traitor,’ she thought bitterly.

   A flicker of movement outside the brig drew Hermes’ attention again. The agent had stepped out of sight. Another hissed conversation, this one more intense. There were at least three or four different voices. One abruptly got louder and sounds of a scuffle reached his ears. Then, the loud voice stopped and there were more whispers.

This time, Zapp heard it too. “Keep it down out there! I’m trying to seduce… the truth out of this spy.”

   “You keep it down in there,” came the mocking reply.” The insubordination caught the captain’s full attention.

   “What?! How dare you!” ‘Here it comes,’ thought Hermes grimly. He cast an uneasy glance at Amy, but her blank expression told him little.

   “I’m sorry to have to do this, Captain, but I’m commandeering this vessel.” Zapp’s mouth worked for a few seconds with no sound coming out and Andrew grimly continued, “This mission is too important to be entrusted to unsteady hands.”

   “Unsteady hands?!” Zapp blustered indignantly, “I’ll have you know that there’s no one in the fleet with steadier hands. They’re also strong and masculine like a good pair of boots.” He showed off his own like a model on a runway.

   Andrew just smiled. “Says a lot for the fleet, doesn’t it?” he said sardonically. “In any case,” he continued, all business, “I won’t take the chance of failing the President on your account.” Leaving Brannigan trapped with his own prisoners to sputter and rage incoherently, the agent returned to the bridge.

   Melissa gave him an amiable smile in greeting. The distance from Brannigan had evidently done her good; she appeared more like the confident, intelligent member of the service that he had long respected. “Talk to me,” he ordered calmly.

   “Sir, everything’s secure. We checked the roster and only four crewmembers objected to the take over. They are now locked in their cabins. If you ask me, a mutiny’s been brewing on this ship for years.” A smug little smile teased her lips; she was obviously enjoying the captain’s downfall.

Andrew wasn’t at all surprised at the small amount of ‘persuasion’ it took to gain control the crew. He knew he felt better. It was finally time to get the mission truly underway. Reining herself in from that indulgence, Melissa frowned slightly. “We didn’t find Lieutenant Kif Kroker, however.”

   Andrew ran tired fingers through his hair. “That must be the guy the windbag is always talking to.” She nodded in agreement with that, waiting for instructions. “We’ll have to keep an eye open for him, in case he decides to cause any trouble. Brannigan seems to trust him, which probably means he’s hopelessly incompetent.” The head agent rolled his shoulders, smirking a bit. “Of course, that assumes he didn’t accidentally space himself.”

Melissa nodded, and then signaled the order to her compatriots. It had only been sense to restrict the crew from the bridge, but otherwise they were free to carry on as usual. At first, the agents had planned to show false orders instructing them to seize control, but when the new leadership had been accepted, even welcomed by the crew, they hadn’t bothered with that precaution.

   “Melissa, are we ready with that serum yet?” If they were in the lab on earth, the agents would have simply brainwashed the prisoners. On the Nimbus, truth serum would do, being easy to administer and nearly as effective as more technologically complex methods.

   “Yes, sir. Gary reported that medbay is a disaster, but he finally managed to find the chemicals. You wouldn’t believe the turnover in this place.”

   Andrew grinned at her, shaking his head. Gary was particular about organization. “Alright. Let’s start with the Jamaican guy. He probably knows more.”

Assured that she had everything running smoothly, he headed for the medical bay. A large clang echoed through the bridge, reminding him. “Oh! Melissa, get Alex working on that other problem. I want to know what’s causing those noises.”
-----------------------------------------

What do you think?
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #474 on: 01-25-2005 21:14 »

OOH! Plotty stuff!

Though the part was sadly very short *tear tear*, I think it did what you wanted it to do (move the plot along). Zapp made me giggle, as always! And um, I'm kind of creeped out now that they don't know what's making those noises. Then who knows?! Wagh!! And Kif! Aye me, I gotta know what's going on with him too!

Anyway, now my stomach is all twisted with anxiety about the truth serum bit *gulp*. My friend once wrote a song to a video game tune that basically consisted of the word "Hurry" repeated 16 times over. I'm going to sing it now because everyone needs to hurry! Leela and Fry need to hurry and get saved! Layla needs to hurry with her next update (Did that sound too demanding? I'm sorry!)! Everything needs to hurry! Agh!
Futurama Nerd

Professor
*
« Reply #475 on: 01-25-2005 21:56 »

 
Quote
“I’ll ask the questions here, my sexy ramen noodle. Questions like ‘should I call you in the morning, or just nudge you?’ and ‘did you polish your pants?’”

Amy gave him a confused look. “Polish my pants?”

Zapp grinned, “Oh, yeah. ‘Cause I can see myself in them.” She sighed heavily and cast a plaintive look at Hermes, who shrugged helplessly. ‘Traitor,’ she thought bitterly.

 laff
Your really good at writing Zapp, and that
sexy ramen noodle comment made me laugh so hard, I almost fell off my chair (it's lucky I didn't cause the ground is hard   tongue ). As for what's making those noises, god, and you, only know what!
Great job as usual Layla   smile
I'll be your bodygaurd  wink
PJ

Crustacean
*
« Reply #476 on: 01-26-2005 01:50 »

cool great part it had a different feel to it.I think i might know what is making those weird nosies.

uuummm i am little confused by this part when the agents are talking about kif.
 
Quote
Originally Posted By Layla50:“Of course, that assumes he didn’t accidentally space himself.”

also i may have dry ground now but the weather here is messed up it went from minus50 with wind chill to pulse 7 in a week.anyway hope the weather lightens up over their for ya

Peace be the journey
morbo_it

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #477 on: 01-26-2005 10:41 »

i felt even sorry for zapp.. a little. good as ever. i'm curious about what kif will do, if i'm right he's the only main character who has not appeared yet. update!!
Ol´coot

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #478 on: 01-26-2005 12:29 »
« Last Edit on: 01-26-2005 12:29 »

Yes it does say alot about the navy! Although you'd think that once the word about Zip being relieved got around the Nimbus there would be much rejoicing and making of joyful noises!
bish

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #479 on: 01-26-2005 14:02 »

anyone reckon kif will have a big part to play before the end? another great piece filled with suspense, humour and mutiny. keep up the good work Layla.
Pages: 1 ... 9 10 11 [12] 13 14 15 ... 20 Print 
 Topic locked! 
« previous next »
Jump to:  

Powered by SMF | SMF © 2006, Simple Machines | some icons from famfamfam
Legal Notice & Disclaimer: "Futurama" TM and copyright FOX, its related entities and the Curiosity Company. All rights reserved. Any reproduction, duplication or distribution of these materials in any form is expressly prohibited. As a fan site, this Futurama forum, its operators, and any content on the site relating to "Futurama" are not explicitely authorized by Fox or the Curiosity Company.
Page created in 0.352 seconds with 17 queries.