Uh oh, newbie fanfic!

[Reply #400 on:]

Oh no! Fry's condition worsened! Nooooo! *starts crying*. Wow, that's pretty exiting stuff, Layla.

Ok, I've calmed down. I like the Bender-scenes, they're always filled with funny comments and remarks. That, combined with the shippy, is a great mix. I also like the fact that your story turned out longer than you expected. The longer the better. I guess it just keeps building because it's so damn good!   

Hmm, I wonder what happens in Fry's mind now... Let me just say what Venus said...

MORE!

Edit: TOTPD! Weee!

[Reply #401 on:]

MORE I SAY ... MORE !!!!

Hey great story so far.
Keep up the good work.

[Reply #402 on:]

 

Originally Posted By Layla:He dropped the act and spoke quietly so that Munda wouldn’t overhear. “Look, I know you’re a robot and all, but that’s my little girl stretched out over on that bed.” He rubbed at his eyes.

just a mistake i caught you wrote that morris rudded his eyes when he only has one eye not that you didn't kow that or anything .

this story is still hauling ass 

[Reply #403 on:]

 

One of the best parts you've written in a long time (which makes it "super-excellent", compared to "really-excellent" )

 

Super-excellent huh? Oh, the grammarian in me is spazzing, but I'll just lock her in a closet and enjoy the compliment.   

Dear Lord, I'm ashamed of myself. Was I really that off yesterday? Eh well, I did mean it as a compliment, even though I believe my inner grammarian (which does exist, despite popular theory) is about to explode. Still, I'm not gonna edit that post. Partly because the compliment stands, but also to remind myself that I need more than 2 hours sleep to function properly.

Anyway, great stuff, as always. Like Venus said, I like the fact that Morris really has some trepidation regarding Fry and what his only daughter is doing for him. Like I believe I've said earlier, I also love character interaction (and how well you write it), and that Morris/Bender stuff applies. They actually make a nice duo.

Also...

 

He rubbed at his eyes.

If I'm right in guessing that the pronoun "he" is referring to Morris, then you have to change the word eyes from plural to singular (you know, with Morris bein' a cyclops and all). If I'm not right, then resume ignoring me.

All in all, a nice little part here (I love how you manage to fit in every characters' reaction to every event...in this case, Morris and Munda's reaction to Leela's situation), and I can't wait for some more. (Of course, you insist on making me look bad by updating so frequently all of a sudden...what happened to the "make 'em wait for about a month before posting anything new" technique developed by good ol' JBERGES?   )

^(I think I just succeeded in pissing two people off with one sentence...)


EDIT: Oh, by the way, welcome to PEEL, NIC2001 and PJ! Just remember our motto here at PEEL: Avoid Gorky at all costs!

[Reply #404 on:]

Thanks guys and gals! I appreciate the support. Now, I have to tell you that this is a really important chapter. I'm quite interested to see how this goes over. Mysteries are revealed... in part.


Gorky:Ah, I'm just teasing you! I was flattered, I was. I'm so relieved that the trepidation Morris was feeling came across well. I was quite anxious that he'd sound like a jerk. (You're quite right about the eye thing, as was PJ, thanks!) In honesty, do I go to far? I think I'm often excessive in reactions and introspection.

And remember, I just love making you concise, hilarious, wonderful script writers look bad. That's what I'm here for! 

Oh, and one more thing, to all the nice new people:Gorky is a chronic misspeller. Avoid Gorky at all costs should be read: go read Gorky's stories right now! (Especially if you can guess the parody.)

PJ:Thanks, buddy! I'm glad you're enjoying yourself! And welcome!

NIC2001: I'm so glad you're liking this. Welcome to PEEL (it wasn't that long ago I was getting welcomed!) Feedback keeps me updating!

becky: Yay! Becky's crying. Whoo!  I'm really glad you liked the Bender scenes. (I was fretting about that one, I can tell you. I'm relieved you don't mind how wordy I am. (63000 and counting!)Keep an eye on Fry's mind, I'm still waiting eagerly for someone to guess what the big metaphor is.
Oh, and congrats for being the big 400 post!

Venus: Oh, thank goodness! I'm so relieved that you liked Morris' uncertainty. I liked, but I wasn't sure people would read it the way it was intended. And I'm glad you liked the knitting needles too, I do try to put something funny in every part (not sure I did this time though.) Oh, and since you asked so nicely... read on.


Part 37:

   With a lighthearted giggle, eight-year old Phil Fry released the stunned cyclops abruptly, and bolted away into the darkness. Leela was on her feet in an instant.

   “Fry?!” she cried in astonishment, recognizing that playful smile immediately. “Wait!” She darted after him, skidding across rocks and through puddles she could now see thanks to the light shining around her. The boy moved through the tunnel with unnatural ease and athletic Leela was hard pressed to catch up to him. “Wait!” she cried again to the sweetly laughing child.

A deeper pool hid a rock ledge and Leela tripped, falling with brutal force to her hands and knees into the water. She glanced up desperately, but Fry had disappeared. Alone, wet, frustrated and distraught over the whole situation, not to mention embarrassed by her ungraceful fall, Leela started to cry.

   Almost right away, she was mad at herself for her weakness. “This is stupid! What am I supposed to do in here?!” She tried to regain her composure, but her next words brought a new flood of tears. “I can’t even find him,” she wailed, feeling younger than the kid she’d been chasing. A few deep breaths and Leela rose shakily to her feet, only to find the young Fry standing there, looking remorseful.

   “I’m sorry,” he said, guiltily staring at the ground. “I was just playing. Are you okay?” She stared at him, trying to find words, afraid he’d run off again. Was this her Fry or something out of his mind?

   “Um,” she began hesitantly, “yeah, I’m okay. Please don’t run away again.” She murmured softly, not daring to move lest she frighten him.

   “I won’t. Please don’t cry.” So much concern in that little face, Leela smiled.

   “Okay,” she agreed, “no more crying.” Fry grinned at her, bright and innocent and everything she wasn’t at that age. She chewed her lip, trying to figure out how to ask him if he was real or not.

   Two curious eyes stared transfixed at her one eye. “Did it hurt much?” he asked, derailing her train of thought.

   “Did what hurt? The fall?” Seeing that he wasn’t afraid, Leela approached him slowly. When she was close enough, he slipped his hand into hers, almost without thought. He was still trying to peer at her, and she knelt to look him in the eyes.

   “No, not that. Did it hurt when the communists took away your other eye?” For a second, she didn’t know what to say. Clearly this wasn’t Fry, or not her Fry anyway. What was he? Some sort of living memory of his childhood? He was waiting for a response, growing more anxious.

   “Nobody took my eye. This is my eye,” she lightly tapped the skin beside it. “This is what I’ve always had.” She smiled, attempting to be comforting. “Nobody took anything from me.” He watched her for a few more seconds, before nodding firmly.

   “Okay, then.” He surged off down the corridor, and Leela raced after him.

   “Hey! Wait!” It was back to this again. “Get back here!” A little anger crept into her voice. He turned back to her.

   “C’mon!” He shook his head in his own exasperation. “Let’s go! I promised I’d be back before supper.” Leela started to follow him, but she didn’t stop questioning him.

   “Be back where, Fry? Where are we going?” Leela couldn’t help but be a little miffed at the childish scorn in his expression.

   “To see Katy. I always take care of Katy.” Her heart leapt with excitement. Perhaps she was making progress after all.

   “I’m coming. I’m coming, but tell me, who’s Katy?” He flashed her a smile so like the one he gave her as an adult, she found herself desperately missing Fry’s company.

    “Who are you?” he asked cheekily. The mischief dancing in his young eyes told her that he knew he was aggravating her. “And why do you keep calling me Fry? That’s my last name.”

   The cyclops was amused, but a little overwhelmed by his youthful energy. She hadn’t spent much time with children since leaving the orphanage. It was hard to know how to act around them. “I’m Leela,” she replied to his first question, holding on to her patience. “And I guess I’m just used to calling you Fry.”

   He pulled her along the path, too excited to keep plodding on so steadily. “That’s weird, ‘cause I’m Philip, or Phil, if you want, and I don’t even know you.” He didn’t question her further however.

   “I answered your question, Phil,” she reminded him gently, experimenting with his name. It just didn’t feel right.

   “Oh, right. I forgot. Katy’s my cousin, and she’s way more fun than Yancy, except that she can’t play basketball.” He sighed heavily at this massive character flaw, but offered no more information.

Leela turned this new piece of the puzzle over in her mind. Fry had never mentioned having any cousins. He had never mentioned any family outside of his brother and his parents, and didn’t often talk about them.

   A sharp, angry cry cut through the air and Leela suddenly found an eight year old wrapped around her waist as though he’d been surgically attached there. If he’d been an adult, she’d kick him across the room, but there was only innocent fright here. The cyclops rested her hand on his head for a second before loosely encircling his shoulders with her arm. Comforted, he loosened his grip, but he did not let go.

   They continued to walk together, saying little. The intermittent cries continued, but Leela could not tell direction or find a source. On one terrifying occaision, a great, menacing shadow swept past them and disappeared. Leela’s charge had buried his head into her side and begged her to make it go away.

   “Hey, come on now. It’ll be alright. I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to take care of you.” She murmured a series of assurances, but she herself had been alarmed by the dark figure, and she couldn’t blame the young boy for being afraid.

   “Philip!” A female voice called out, clearer than any of the unnerving cries. She clung to Fry protectively, but he wriggled out of her grip.

   “Katy!” he cried in a mixture of relief and joy. Literally out of thin air, a girl appeared and caught Fry in an affectionate embrace. He was leaping up and down, babbling about Leela in wild excitement. She smiled at him, before turning her attention to the weary cyclops.

   Katy was young, maybe two years older than her energetic cousin and a fair bit taller. Like Fry, she had red hair, but it was slightly darker than his fiery colour. It was woven into a long, tight braid but rebellious strands escaped everywhere, giving her a rather bedraggled appearance. Yet another not real person. Leela hadn’t really been expecting her to be a child. The fantasy women were right; she was different.

   “Hi,” Katy greeted her, reaching past Fry to offer a friendly handshake to Leela. “I’m Katy.”

   “I’m Leela.” The cyclops faltered then, not sure what to ask. She decided to focus on her goal. “Could you tell me where the real Philip J. Fry is?” The girl frowned at her then.

   “Real?” She tussled young Fry’s hair abruptly. “Phil, your mom’s looking for you. Go on home now.” The eight year old frowned at her, not willing to leave with all this excitement. He’d found a one-eyed lady!

   “But, I-”

   “Now, Philip!” She growled at him, leaning over to stare him in the face. Fry swallowed hard, then ran off, fading as he went. Leela was getting used to the disappearing act, and merely decided to remember that growl for when she wanted to get rid of Fry, once she’d rescued him and everything was back to normal.

Katy approached her, and in a heartbeat, she’d shifted somehow. The girl was now in her twenties, her hair shorter but still braided. The change unnerved Leela, but Katy simply took her by the arm and began leading her off down another path, one very much like all the others Leela had tried, but this one hadn’t existed a moment before. Things seemed to be more uncertain by the minute.

   “I don’t know exactly where he is,” Katy said as they moved through the tunnel. “The Philip you’re looking for, that is, but I’ll help you look.” Leela scrabbled along the rock walls for balance when they came to a particularly difficult spot. The water level continued to rise, and she spared a moment to wonder where it was all coming from.

   “It’s funny you should mention the real Philip,” Katy continued, “Since the little fellow we were just talking to was the real one, to me. But you’re looking for someone else, so I suppose it’s better that I’m a little older now.”

   Leela tried to process this. “You’re older, so you know a different Fry?”

   The redhead nodded eagerly. “Yes, exactly.”

   Bewildered, Leela tried to take this in stride. “So, who are you?” Katy laughed, and Leela began to feel the way she imagined Fry might feel when introduced to a difficult concept.

   “I’m his cousin, Katy Fearon. We grew up together.” It was as direct and clear an answer as Leela had gotten on this mixed-up adventure.

   “Listen, I was talking to some… friends, and they said that you’re different.”

   “So why am I different?” Katy asked calmly when Leela hesitated.   

   "Yeah, why?" Leela nodded, intensely desiring to understand something, even if it didn’t turn out to mean anything. 

   “I was real once.” The words were soft, full of truth and some intangible sadness.” That’s why I’m different from them, all those fantasy women.” Leela’s eye was shuttered, her gaze turned inward as she considered that.

Katy continued, “They weren’t ever real, even the ones that look like you. They’re just something out of this place. They weren’t ever in your world.” Fry’s cousin peered at the cyclops, curiosity burning in her eyes. “But you’re real.” She tipped her head towards Leela as though that was some sort of accomplishment. “And I was real, once, long ago. How can I explain this? Fry remembers me as being real, so I’m more real then they could ever be.” The cyclops shook her head, but understanding had dawned into her eye.

A sharp intake of breath caught Leela’s attention. “Oh, I know,” she said triumphantly, “Have you ever read ‘The Velveteen Rabbit’?”

   Slowly, the cyclops shook her head. “I’m afraid not.” A look of regret crossed Katy’s face.

   “Ah, well, it’s a lovely story, maybe it didn’t survive the centuries. Pity.”

   Leela decided that this was the craziest thing she’d heard in at least two days, but it made an odd sort of sense. People Fry really knew at some point were more real in this place than anyone his subconscious cooked up. Simple. “I have a headache.” She sighed, rubbing her temple. 
------------------------------------------

[Reply #405 on:]

Well, I go away for a weekend and come back to two updates and more newbies/ex-lurkers praising your work. I think you should win some type of cool award for somehow inspiring people to crawl out of the lurking shell or click the sign up button. I mean, you did it for me too :P.

Anyhow, to the reviewing part... DOUBLETIME!!

OK, so being totally honest here, part 35 freaked me out. And no, I wasn't just thinking about the whole Leia Leela get-up. The whole screaming thing. What the hell!? (By the way, this is not a condescending "What the hell?!" More like an I-really-want-to-know-what-the-hell-is-going-on-because-I-am-scared "what the hell?!" ). That whole part of her not knowing what the hell was coming toward her made me uneasy. I was really anxious to know what the hell it was and at the same time I just wanted her to run like... hell. Why the hell not use hell a couple hundred more times? Anyway, woo! It turned out to be a little Fry! AWWWWWWWW... even though the whole "Tag, you're it" thing was still creepy. Boy oh boy. Oh, and now that I just went back to look at that part, I saw what JBERGES had mentioned, the whole "winked" thing. FUNNY (No, I mean it... forgive me if that sounded sarcastic).

Part 36: What do I say?! God, I don't know! Too much emotions and I am going to choke to death on them all! Bender was funny! You are scaring me by making Fry worse! I like what you did with Munda and Morris (the whole worried about Fry being worth it thing!)! I don't know what else to say so I'll leave you with this: LAKS;DFU08{lk:aKADL;GO.

P.S. I didn't mean to put that GO at the end, but please interpret it as "update pronto."

EDIT: Oh, yeah, now that I finally post this you update again! Oh wait, that's a good thing... well, this'll be elongated with another review thingy right after I GORGE!!

EDIT part 2: AUGHWAJGHASUG! OK, I'm done with the spaz... thing... I am groping for vocab today, aren't I? Anyhow, this was incredibly cute beyond the capacity of cute. Imagining an eight-year-old Fry alone is really adorable, but a scared/playful little eight-year-old Fry? I am going to die due to shortness of breath. I know (well, I'm pretty sure) there is more going on with Katy than I know, and, well, I REALLY WANT TO KNOW. I get what she was saying though. Still, my brain wants to know this metaphor you speak of... hrrrmmm... oh, now I have to wait again *sob*. (I forgot to mention that last night I randomly thought of The Velveteen Rabbit as I was lying in bed... I haven't read that story since 2nd grade).

[Reply #406 on:]

Two updates in one day?!?! *explodes*

Loved every bit of it! No complaints from me!

Though i've also never read the velveteen rabbit and so completely missed the reference.

[Reply #407 on:]

*Gasps* two updates!?! Hooray!
Great chapters, possibly the best ones so far. Keep it up!

[Reply #408 on:]

so was eight year old Fry a memory or was he another real Fry just when his eight years old?

man i wish i could write that fast two chapters in one day

oh ya i forgot to thank N.O.R for the F.A.G links.....thanks dude 

[Reply #409 on:]

i don't even try to understand the time changes..

“Did it hurt when the communists took away your other eye?”

i laughed three minutes without stopping for this. brilliant.
both great chapters!

[Reply #410 on:]

So, if Katy's 'realler' because she actually existed... then somewhere in Fry's mind there must be 'realler' versions of everyone he once knew... including his Mom, and even Leela.  Therefore, Leela must still have another version of herself to run into that is somewhere along the continuum of "realness" between herself and Leia... And that means that *passes out*

Y'know what?  I bet this will all make sense soon.  I'm going to stop hurting my brain.  You've got me interested in what's going to happen, I wouldn't be prattling on if I wasn't.  Hope to see more soon.

PS:  The sentence:
 

The boy moved through the tunnel with unnatural ease and athletic Leela was hard pressed to catch up to him.

Doesn't seem quite right.

[Reply #411 on:]

 

Oh, and one more thing, to all the nice new people:Gorky is a chronic misspeller.

o Noo i'm noot!!!1!!

Oh yeah, and "Avoid Gorky at all costs" should actually be read "Layla is, like, the kindest person on these boards."

Also, a free plug. Hooray! (Seriously, Layla, you're much to kind. My stuff is nothing compared to this.)

Regarding this last part, it was very well done. I loved how you wrote young Fry ("Did it hurt when the communists took away your other eye?": Best. Line. Ever.), and the introduction of Katy was nice (so long as it flows with the continuity of the show--as this pretty much does--I'm good). Oh yeah, and you pulled off the explanation of real vs. unreal very nicely (as someone who usually skips exposition and that annoying little thing called "the plot", I respect your ability to do that).

P.S.

 

In honesty, do I go to far? I think I'm often excessive in reactions and introspection.

Well, you do try to show every character's reaction to every significant event. This is a good thing, although I suppose it detracts from the story from time to time (of course, cutting back and forth between main story and reactions and introspection helps keep the suspense...and suspense is essential in a story like this). Personally, when I write in prose, I go all out on the introspection/reactions/description front. In fact, introspection is quite possibly the easiest thing for me to write, which is one of the reasons I've always enjoyed writing in the first person when I work on prose writings (there's other reasons...first person often gives me personally more opportunities for comedy, it just comes more naturally than 3rd, etc.--but that's the biggest one). Anyway, enough about me: I think that the introspection is part of what makes this story so unique (and the fact that it's not "Oh, look, this character is talking to herself again" (i.e. schizophrenic) introspection (you know, the kind TL writes about). Oh yeah, and you write it so well, it'd be shame to give it up.

[Reply #412 on:]

I love it!Great work you got there!

[Reply #413 on:]

I think it's about time I posted here. Layla, your work is awesome, like none I have ever read before, and I just wanted to tell you to keep on writing! You definatly have a gift, and you shouldn't let it go to waste. Great job, and keep on writing. I'm sorry I havn't posted here until now.

[Reply #414 on:]

Still great Layla! Excellent job maintaining the tension in the latest parts including the nicely dramatic turn having Fry's heart stop! I especially like your portrayal of the doctor and her part in the story. Makes her more 'human' than some of the top-side docs.

I find myself even more intrigued by Katey, especially since nothing about her seems controversial (yet!).

Like many others have said; MORE!

[Reply #415 on:]

I've been lurking since you started writing, and I'm happy to say your story got me to first post  Anyways, I LOVE you story and writing style. People have already mentioned your vocabulary skills and you get real in-depth with your characters. Plus, Katy had me in suspense. I thought for sure it would be a throwback to the one of the comics with Fry as outie boy. He fell in "love" with the beared lady named Katie. I was wrong, but it's still coming out great!
[parrot] MORE! [/parrot]

[Reply #416 on:]

Have another snow day pleeaase!

[Reply #417 on:]

 

Originally posted by say what now:
Have another snow day pleeaase!

I agree! MANY snow days!   

[Reply #418 on:]

Hi! Remember when I had all that trouble posting a while ago? Well... my troubles have come back. I had a long post all ready to go yesterday and I couldn't post it.

And here it is:

Ironically enough... today was a snowday! Well, half a snowday, they cancelled everything halfway through. This would have been good news, except that we also lost power, and then I shovelled and now I'm in serious pain. However, I did get a little done and I'll get something up soon, tommorow probably.

But there is another nor'easter on it's way apparently, so... are you glad I'm Canadian now?

Procyon: Aw! Another adorable former-lurker! Welcome! Thanks for all the kind words! I'm very glad you're in suspense. I've actually never read, nor even seen the comics, so any similarities are coincidental.

Ol'coot: Thanks! I'm glad the tension is working out. It's fun to know that this is suspenseful. I find I almost have to flesh out these characters. They feel so flat to me otherwise.

You'll be finding out more about Katy, but she's not the main character by any means, if that worries anyone. And as for contreversy... we'll see. I'm if I write this well, it won't be the disaster it could be. I mean, when you think about it, anything could be, like Fry falling into a mysterious coma.

Futurama Nerd: Wow, thanks so much for the praise. I'm really glad I decided to start this thing. The support has really kept me going. I would never have gotten this far without it. Thanks for breaking the silence. 

goodmorinsun: Thanks! It's kind of flattering to be drawing in all you nice new people.

Gorky: You think I'm too kind?! (faints) (wakes up) I think you're too hard on yourself.Your stuff is ligthearted, episodic fun, and I don't think I could do that. Oh sure, it'd start out that way, but then somebody would do something and poof, it's a drama.
I'm thrilled with the response to the communist line, I wasn't sure how it would go over really, but it seemed like something little Fry would say.
I don't plan any major violations of continuity, well... hmm...

(As a word of advice, never let the plot get in the way of the story. )

I never write in first person, unless a teacher is forcing me, or it's a diary or something. I have no clue why that is. I thank you for your encouragement, and I will keep trying to balance introspection with interaction and you know, that other stuff... uh, action!

JBERGES: Breathe man, breathe! What you said is basically right, and more in depth than you really have to worry about. I'm deeply grateful that I've caught your interest and I hope you stick with me to the end. You know this might be done in a month or so... if I get on the ball.

morbo_it: Trying not to understand was a wise choice.  I love it when I get laughs (or tears, or any sort of emotional reaction really, except maybe rage)

PJ:Eight year old Fry is a bit in between the fantasy Leela's and his vivid remembrance of the people he knew/knows. You know, I just thought of a subtle reason for Katy specifically being different. I gotta go write it down. Thanks! Okay, I'm back. Young Fry is Fry's self conception of himself as a young child, but it's fogged up by time passing, and because it's a self impression... ah, this is boring for you. Nevermind!

Philp_J_Fry: Thanks, bud! I appreciate it! (It's nice to feel like you're treating people when you manage to seduce them into reading your writing)

Venus: I'll get the wetvac. You're kinda messy when you explode.  I should have given some author's note about the Velveteen Rabbit, though I haven't read it in a while. It's about a plushie rabbit (from the rabbit's POV) that longs to be real. It doesn't want to get thrown away when it falls apart. Eventually, it does get thrown out and fairies or something turn it into a real bunny. Actually, there might not be a happy ending. It's actually quite touching. Like pinocchio for plushies. (And plushie cthulhu became a real monster and brought terror to the hears of all who encountered him.)

say what now: Ah, my cute little spaz bunny.  You'll always be the first lurker I lured into the light. (You'll never escape now, you know.  )
I'm sooo glad the screaming thing is creepy and suspenseful. It's supposed to be. (Deep voice) All shall be revealed in time...

Winked is accurate, yet it sounds so strange to me. It's hard to force myself to write those sorts of things.
I'm glad you liked cute little baby Fry.
I'm surprised, in a good way, how deeply Fry's condition seems to be affecting a bunch of you. (BWAHAHAHA! Oh, the power!)

I'm glad somebody else knows the Velveteen Rabbit. I gotta find that book again. It used to make me cry. (See, even as a little thing I was dramagirl. )

[Reply #419 on:]

 

I never write in first person, unless a teacher is forcing me, or it's a diary or something.

Well, to each her own, right? I don't know why I enjoy writing in first person so much...I just do. I mean, third person is great and all (especially your stuff), it's just that it is so much easier for me to introspect (which I love to do) in first person. (Sure, you only get to introspect with the one character who's telling the story, but that means you get to challenge yourself by giving the other characters backstory through the experiences and opinions of the narrator.) Also, I think that, for me, first person helps you and the reader to develop a deeper connection with the characters (of course, none of what I just said applies to your fic in any way...I still feel a deep connection with the characters...but that's just because of your gift as a writer). Oh yeah, and, when I write in first person, I also get to ground myself with one character and really get to "become" that particular character (the same thing happens whenever I write in third person (of course, with more than one character), it's just that, in first, you can know the main character more intimately as a writer).

^Of course, none of that was relevant at all. All I really wanted to say was that it's nice to see that we'll get another part soon enough.

P.S.: Sorry about the shovelling thing...I feel your pain.

[Reply #420 on:]

 

Originally posted by Layla50:
I'm glad somebody else knows the Velveteen Rabbit. I gotta find that book again. It used to make me cry.

Awww, really?! Me too! I wish I had the book. It was read to us a lot in school. I always wanted my own little Velveteen Rabbit.

[Reply #421 on:]

Wow, now *that* was excellent. So exciting, too! Since I'm on a roll with words starting with ex-, I'll also say it's been written in the most exquisite way possible. I exalt you! *puts the dictionary away* Excuse me...*cough*

Anyway, I for one can't figure what's going on, it's all looking very unpredictable to me. Katy also really interests me, I hope we'll see some more of her and her past relations with Fry. And little Fry was too cute for words, and I just wanted to hug the poor thing when he was so scared! Aw.
Anyway, I doubt I'm able to add to anything here. Hope you'll feel inspired soon.

[Reply #422 on:]

what are you nuts your explanation of eight year old fry wasn't boring at all. all you were doing was answering my question and i thank you for that

Peace

[Reply #423 on:]

Stick around, update coming very soon!

[Reply #424 on:]

Yay...our constant pestering worked! She's gonna update soon!

(*Realizes that this update will make her look bad, and rushes to her computer (which, incidentally, she's already sitting at...hence this response) to try and actually write the rest of her fic.*)

P.S.: Just noticed this...

 

You know this might be done in a month or so... if I get on the ball.

Seriously? I mean, that would be amazing...especially considering the fact that this fic could probably go on for another 500 pages (what's your page/word count right now, by the way), seeing as how you're so great at...like...actually writing stuff. I'd actually be impressed if you were done by the end of March or something. Really, though, no pressure or anything. *Glares in Layla's general direction*

[Reply #425 on:]

Here it is, as promised and things are starting to really pick up. Are you excited yet? (I know you are!)

Gorky:I respond well to pestering. Expect another update tommorow. (In fact maybe even another Sunday.) I can't wait to read the rest of your fic. I haven't replied to your most recent part yet have I? Well, this next part is my excuse. Maybe you'll forgive me.

Yes, seriously. This might be done in a month. We're headed to the climax, but there's still quite a bit to go yet. I'm at 117 pages and 67, 694 words, but that includes a little that you haven't seen yet. You'll be seeing it soon though. I could draw this out I suppose, but eventually, it will get annoying. (Besides, N-o-r has been waiting for the humour stuff for a while now.)

PJ: OH, good. I was afraid I was going into too much detail. Peace to you, too.

AsaB: Thanks so much for replying! Ex- words are good, 'cause the X makes them sound cool. Heehee. I must admit there's a certain power trip that comes from knowing that I'm keeping you all in the dark. I keep expecting someone to figure this all out, but it hasn't happened yet! (Oh, and you'll get your wish). I'd like to hug little Fry too. And I'm feeling very inspired, thanks in large part to all this wonderful support.

say what now: Google it if you want to reread it. It's online. It's not quite the same as a book though. I cried again just now reading it. I'm such a sap.

Gorky again: Oh, of course! Nothing at all wrong with first person, and more power to you for being able to do it! I'd love to read prose by you, although I alos love your script stuff, another example of a format I don't really use. (I'm just not concise enough) I know what you mean about becoming the character though. I do it while I write in third person, although now that I think of it, it is really neat to see the whole world through one particular character's eyes. I'm certainly glad some people are up for that kind of challenge.

(and shovelling is the price I pay for the ability to turn any statement into a question. It's worth a little pain, eh?

Part 38:

   The waiting was driving them crazy. When would this unholy torture end? The fragile cords of sanity were beginning to fray and unravel; it would not take much more to snap them entirely.

   The fine specimen of a captain was ready, eyes narrow, chin proudly jutting out, the tough sinews in his thighs quivering in anticipation. It was almost time. Surely soon would come the tone.

   Elsewhere on the bridge, all was not well. Those present who had not dozed off or distracted themselves with shiny things, were slumped in chairs or on the floor, contemplating mutiny. The agents in particular, were pining for the days when invisibility and their close ties to the president meant that piano wire was not so much a job perk, but rather a way of life.

Melissa had left, dragging Andrew up to replace her before she killed the dripping pile of arrogant captain six times before he hit the cold steel deck. For his part, Andrew knew that being the leader of the mission would mean sacrifices. He was still aching from the brief bout with the cyclops. A freak, yes, as many aliens were, but magnificent nonetheless.

Still, all the covert ops experience in the world hadn’t quite prepared him for Brannigan. He didn’t question Zapp’s attaining the rank of captain, but how he had ever managed to find a crew patient enough to put up with the blowhard was beyond the pale.

   Despite his determination to wait, the captain of the Nimbus was not good at waiting. He fidgeted; he muttered to himself; he barked out odd and contradictory orders to someone or something called “Kif”. Andrew was beginning to suspect that there was no such entity, and that Brannigan was completely insane. He was taken out of his reverie by a drawling voice.

   “Ah, time to check my messages. I wonder if that sexy little protester sent me another death threat.” Nixon’s arrival caused the crew to jerk to attention, the dozers widening their eyes in an attempt to appear alert. Zapp himself stood up, giving a little tug at his velour uniform. Andrew was grateful for the basic black that was the officially sanctioned attire of the secret agents.

   “Mr. President, this is Zapp Brannigan,” he intoned in what he perceived as a dignified manner.

   Startled, Nixon responded, “What? This is supposed to be- how long have you been on the line, Brannigan?!”

   “Long enough to get the job done,” came the arrogant reply. Before the off-balance President could get worked up, an strange wail filled the air. The crew looked around, trying to figure out where the cry had come from. When the sound did not reoccur, Brannigan shrugged and began his report. “Sir, in a subtle, yet powerful move we’ve infiltrated the fortress of the enemy, Planet Express and taken two prisoners. Despite their in-solent resistance against my in-sexorable advances-”

   “Enough! If I’d wanted to hear an organ recital I would have booked the Ultra-Vatican. What did you find out?”

   This time, it was Zapp who was put off balance. “Uh, well. Let’s see… uh, macho posturing… nice boobies… something about the Carribbean… uh” Beads of sweat gathered on his brow, and Nixon glared at him impatiently.

   “You didn’t find out anything yet, did you?” Meekly, Zapp shook his head.

   Time to fall on the old standby. “It’s that boy’s fault, Kif. He hasn’t done much of anything lately.”

   Nixon didn’t care. “I don’t care! Just interrogate the prisoners and find that mutant!”

   Brannigan snapped off a salute in response to the head-in-a-jar’s authoritarian tone. “Yes, sir! And while I have the chance, would you ask your personal assistant if I can borrow her phone number? I seem to have lost mine.” 
    
-----------------------------------------

   “Uh, space!”

   “Nope!”

   “That guy’s uniform?”

   “Nope!” Amy giggled gleefully, “You’ll never guess.”

   “Oh, sweet stork of New New York! What is it?!” Hermes demanded. The young woman briefly debated whether or not she should give him the answer.

   “Oh, alright. It’s you’re left pupil.” The bureaucrat frowned at her.

   “That’s not fair. I can’t see my own pupil!”

   Shaking her head, Amy replied, “Spleesh, Hermes, it’s I spy with MY little eye, not your little eye. Now you go.” But Hermes had had enough.

   “No! I’m tired of this game. Let’s have a limbo contest. I bet you Zoidberg’s medical degree that I can go lower than you.”

   The faintest hint of a smirk crossed Amy’s lips. “You might be surprised.” The Jamaican merely rolled his eyes. A soft pattering sound distracted them. The Asian looked at Hermes nervously. “There it is again.”

   “There’s something not right about all this.” The dark skinned man absently pulled on one of his dreadlocks.” Ever since they’d been cooped up in the cell, a chorus of strange noises had kept them company. The guard on the door had been peering at them suspiciously, but neither member of the Planet Express crew had any idea of the source. It was no comfort for them to realize that something was amiss on the Nimbus.
--------------------------------------
   
   Fry stayed close to his mother, giving and receiving comfort. Nancy didn’t seem to actually need that comfort however; she was completely at ease splashing through the tunnels.

The young man had to keep fighting off a rising sense of panic. How high was the water going to get? It was so cold; it seemed to sap his strength. Certainly, it was both ominous and discouraging. He was so tired, Fry longed to lie down and sleep. Unfortunately, there wasn’t anywhere dry to lie down and it would be just his luck to drown himself in the middle of a pleasant dream about Leela. Better to keep walking.

   The delivery boy couldn’t quite keep himself from complaining, however. “Oh, I don’t feel good, mom.”

   Nancy gave him a mother’s tolerant smile, but that strange sadness had reappeared in her eyes. “Don’t give up, Phil. You have to keep fighting.” She turned away, but continued to address him. “It’s like the Leaf’s. You know they’re not gonna win the series, but they keep coming out anyway.”

   Fry laughed lightly at the comparison. “So it’s hockey now, huh mom?”

   She nodded firmly, “Yeah, until the playoffs are over.” The avid sports fan was utterly serious. They came to a narrow curve where they could only pass through single file. Respectfully, he gestured for her to go on ahead.

   “I dunno where I’m going, mom.” As she rounded the corner, he heard her call out in greeting to someone he couldn’t see.

   “Oh, look at you! Phil’s just behind. He’s lost his way.” Fry quickly ducked around the rock face and saw his cousin Katy waving at him in excitement. His face broke in to a broad smile. The more people around him, the less frightened he felt.

   “Katy?” he greeted, a little cautiously. Too many weird things had happened today. She smiled back at him brightly, nodding eagerly. “Uh, aren’t you supposed to be older than me?” She looked to be in her early teens, and though she seemed delighted by his presence, worry briefly flickered over her face as she glanced behind her.

   “I am older, just not right now,” the redhead explained hurriedly. Fry decided that was a good enough explanation for him.

“Philip, I have to tell you something. It’s important.” She stepped away Nancy, who had begun cheering for an imaginary sporting event. When she had his full attention, Katy reached out and tapped him playfully on the nose. “She’s looking for you. Leela’s looking for you.”

Surprised, Fry jumped back, painfully knocking his elbow. Numbness vied with raw pain for his attention. Mindful of the childish company, not to mention his mother, though she was occupied with her own imagination, he bit his lip against a mild curse. Joy soon overruled both of those sensations.

   “Leela’s here? My Leela?!” He jumped up and down, splashing water in exuberance until a thought intruded. “Really my Leela? Or just weird place Leela?”        

   The teen ducked down and splashed him affectionately. “Your Leela, I guess. She’s very real.”

   “Touchdown, touchdown, go, go, go!” Nancy Fry bellowed out of nowhere.
Neither her son nor her niece paid any attention.

   Leela was somehow here? Warmth washed over the delivery boy in waves of love and reassurance. If he could only find her, he knew she would be able to fix everything. Fry had absolute faith in her ability not only to explain what was happening to him, but also to bring him home again.

   “It’s gonna be okay,” he laughed, releasing tension, and catching up his cousin in a hug before setting her down again. “Leela’s coming and it’s gonna be okay and it’s practically over. Wahoo!”

Fry had turned to his mom, excited at the thought of introducing her to Leela, when the light went out and plunged him into total darkness.

   “You didn’t think it’d be that easy, did you?” came a low, menacing voice. Ice dropped down his spine and his heart leapt into overdrive. There was cool mockery and colder anger in the dark words, and Fry found himself too terrified to scream. He tried to call out to his family, but his throat had closed up so tightly that only the smallest croak escaped. “Did you forget about me, kid? ‘Cause I didn’t forget you.”

   In the part of him, a very small part indeed, that wasn’t gibbering in wild panic, Fry grasped for something that would help him relax enough to speak: humour. “Leela?” he managed, his forced laugh meant to be an easy chuckle but coming out as a high-strung giggle.

   “Not even close,” and there was no trace of laughter in Fry now. He backed away cautiously, water sloshing around his calves and small rocks threatening to trip him.

   “Mom? Katy? Where are you?” he finally managed to yell, wanting nothing more than escape.

   “They’re gone, Phil.” Fry hated the sound of his seldom-used first name coming from that cruel source. “Just you and me now.” Slow, heavy footsteps moved toward him. They echoed impossibly, as if the man was moving over stone instead of the water all around the black cavern.

“I told you I wouldn’t stand for this; did you think I was kidding?” The redhead was gasping for air, trying to steady himself. He knew how to be brave, he’d even managed it once or twice, but it was much easier to be brave when you weren’t alone. He didn’t have anyone to protect, so there was no forgetting his own danger.

   “Stay away from my daughter!” the man cloaked by the darkness suddenly bellowed and rushed towards him. Fry felt the air swirl cold around him. Instinctively, he ducked and tried to scramble away from the furious voice, but the treacherous ground tripped him and Fry crashed down into the slick water. Soaked from head to toe on his front, he flipped onto his back and tried desperately to see who was attacking him even as he skittered backwards.

Something moved above him and then Fry could see the tiniest points of light. Starlight? In a cave? The shadow moved again and too late the poor man realized that it was something swinging towards his head. The oblivion it brought him was almost a relief from the unnamed horror in the blackness.
----------------------------------------

   Leela and the adult Katy had walked on, searching for Fry when a bellow cut through the air, very close. Another cry rose up from the same direction, and though she could not make out the words, the cyclops instantly recognized the voice.

Fry.

Leela did not waste breath on yelling back; instantly, she bolted towards the cries, the red-haired woman close behind. They hadn’t gotten far when everything went dark, and they were forced to slow down. Feeling her way along the corridor, Leela ground her teeth in frustration. To be so close! She was so close to finally finding him, and Fry in trouble, and now the wretched darkness was slowing her down. Leela wanted to scream. Katy called out to her.

   “Leela, Leela! Take my hand, quickly.” Blind, the cyclops reached out, and just as she felt fingertips, consciousness abandoned her.

----------------------------------------

   The alarm pierced the air and the fleshy hearts of those keeping a vigil over Fry and Leela. Munda was on her feet in a split second. “Doctor!” she cried, her normally soothing voice threatening to split fragile eardrums. Morris had never moved so fast in his life, but Chastity made it there before him, having less distance to travel.

Bender froze where he was. Logically, he knew that fear was something only the weak biological creatures surrounding him were subject too, but nevertheless, positrons were firing all over his brain, telling him this was a very bad noise. He started efficiently chugging beers as fast as he could, just in case someone needed something bent.

   The first time the alarm went off, it had been Fry’s life in danger, but before the doctor could ask which one, Farnsworth, who had been monitoring brain activity from his own equipment hollered, “They’ve both gone into cardiac arrest!”

   “Leela, Leela!” Munda shrieked hands pressed against her daughter’s head as if she could drag her back by the sheer force of a mother’s love. Dr. Rumelle had a terrible choice to make and only a split second in which to do it.

   “Morris! CPR on Leela, now!” Chastity ordered with steel in her voice. Fry was the weaker of the two, of them. Morris had already admitted to knowing the life saving technique, and the doctor could only pray that Leela would respond while she went to work on the young man.

   “No!” Munda protested, “You have to save my daughter!” Without hesitation, Morris pushed his wife firmly out of the way and hastily began breathing for Leela.

After two breaths, he pressed on her chest in measured pulses, massaging the heart externally to stimulate it into beating again. Munda, weeping too violently to argue, dashed tears out of her red-rimmed eye as she waited helplessly.

   “Leela’s heart is beating on its own!” The Professor yelled, adding, “and she’s breathing!” Morris had felt the change too and stopped, but he did not move away. Her every breath was suddenly precious and it would be some time before he could trust his daughter not to slip away if he relaxed his guard.

Finally, Munda’s sobs reached him and he staggered over to his wife and embraced her, only noticing his own tears when they soaked into her dress.

   A few more seconds, and the mutants became aware that the Doctor was still trying to resuscitate the lifeless delivery boy. “Don’t die,” Munda whispered for his unhearing ears. Morris could not speak, but he desperately hoped that Chastity would be able to help him. A cry from the Professor sounded the good news, just as the Doctor stepped back from Fry, his breaths shallow but perceptible, if you were looking for them.

Chastity smiled at them wearily, focused now on breathing for herself now that her patients were out of immediate danger. When darkness stopped intruding from the corners of her slanted eyes, she checked Leela, and then turned to the frantic parents. Morris sighed shakily at the doctor but Munda would not, could not look her in the face. Moved by pity, the gracefully aging doctor wrapped her arms around Munda in a compassionate hug.

   “Hang on,” she whispered to the heartbroken mother.
------------------------------------------

Talk to me, baby!

[Reply #426 on:]

Oh my god! I thought i was gonna pass out! I had to read the "They've both gone into cardiac arrest" sentance like 4 times before i could continue! Holy shit! My heart's still pounding! Wooooo! The parents reactions were perfect. That sections gonna stay with me for a while.

edited for frantic typing mistakes

[Reply #427 on:]

Very nice...not really sure what else to say, but it was kind of scary, in a way.

By the way, I think this may be the best fanfic I've ever read. If I ever get the chance, I'll plug it shamelessly.

[Reply #428 on:]

Geez Louise and a bucket of cheese! I almost went into cardiac arrest! At first it was all happy happy and I was reading all happy happy, thinking, "Oh, this is so great, Fry and Leela are gonna meet here and it'll be a joyous reunion, oh boy oh boy oh boy! I'm so happy!" Then I got uneasy at the light going out part, but I swear my heart started beating really fast when that voice started up. I am such a wimp, but I swear it, I read over that part so fast because I was so freakin' scared. I'm going to have to reread it but everytime I glance down at it my heart  starts going again. Accckk. Well, see it as a good thing. You scared the living daylights out of me. I was on the verge of crying.

Oh yeah, and also for the CARDIAC ARREST thing (even though I laughed at Venus's review). I read that really fast because all I could think about was, LET ME JUST MAKE SURE THEY ARE OK! Then I calmed down a little after that... but that voice is going to give me nightmares!

Time to reread... *gulp*.

EDIT: I reread, and now that I have calmed down and all that shock has sunk in, I must compliment you on the little sections before that I totally forgot as I got caught up in the crazy stuff at the bottom! I loved the "Ultra-Vatican" statement by Nixon and Amy and Hermes's I Spy game... not to mention sweet stork of New New York was great. I love using Hermes's expressions, so now I have a fan-made one to use! Yaay!

[Reply #429 on:]

67,694 words? Holy crap! You've written more in 4 months than i have in over a year and a half!

*is shamed* I'm gonna go and crawl under my rock now.

[Reply #430 on:]

Venus: Remember two things, one, most of those words are the's and a's and names. Anybody can do that. Second, remember that you inspired me to start this thing in the first place, so some of the credit for those words belongs to you, and to everyone else who's kept me going.

Plus, I'm a coward who capitulates to most every demand.

I'm so glad that's exciting for you. I just like to remind you guys every once in a while of the stakes. I personally like that Fry and Leela don't know that they nearly died when they passed out. It just happened that way, and I like it. (Now you don't comment much on the mysterious voice, and I suspect I know the reason for that, and I enjoy that too.)

Shippy Mandy: Thanks for the review! I'm glad it was scary, it was supposed to be. And for your great compliment, I'm humbled. Thanks so much, that's incredibly kind of you. There's so many ways this can be improved and hopefully JBERGES will help that happen.

say what now: Heeheehee! Ah, you're saying and such always crack me up. I'm sorry, but I just love the fact that the scaryness snuck up on you. That's what was supposed to happen. Happy, happy... wham!
Does that voice really scare you that much?! Wow, you really honour me. I'm glad I've been keeping that so mysterious, as I think it's helping the suspense.
(I laughed at Venus' review too. ) Try not to have nightmares about the voice, although to be honest, I believe the subject in question is nightmare worthy.
Oh! You updated! Thanks for the support about the second plotline. As you know, the humour stuff is always a struggle. Hermes' expressions are very fun and I try to make them different everytime.

[Reply #431 on:]

 

Originally posted by Layla50:
Venus: Remember two things, one, most of those words are the's and a's and names. Anybody can do that.

You're just lying to make me feel better! Waaaaaaaa i don't deserve to have Microsoft Word!

[Reply #432 on:]

So long as we're all doing the word-count thing, my one complete fic, my almost complete fic, and my two "work-in-progress" fics total 64,236 words. You still win.

Anyway, I loved this last part. It had the suspense (the cardiac arrest), the comedy (I loved the Amy/Hermes thing), and the drama/sweetness (Morris and Munda). Basically, this part displays every part of your writing style that we have seen so far. Amazing, as always.

Oh yeah, and I write these little stories and stuff whenever an idea comes to mind, so perhaps I'll post one sometime, if you'd really like to see some of my prose stuff. We'll see if I ever find one that's good enough. 

[Reply #433 on:]

Yay update! Great chapter,keep up the good work! Best chapter so far. Update soon!

[Reply #434 on:]

cool chapter that wholes cardiac arrest caught me off guard am not sure exactly why it spooked me but it did.

oh and before i go i have one more thing to say to you.......THE LEAFS!!!you gotta be from eastern canada.
not that it really matters but Layla50 are you from eastern canada?

[Reply #435 on:]

My god... I love it... i just love this thing...I felt my heart stop for a second through this whole CPR scene...And unfortunately I can't tell which part is the best, because they all are!!! Just keep going...

@Venus: Then maybe you will show us some of your over year work... YOU'vE HEARD ME Get out from that rock... wait, what are you doing with this hatchet *screams, then silence...*

EDIT: I have just narrowly avoided Venus, but I think she is still after me. Anyway I have reread this part and must say the suspence and the emotions are described in a most real way... I'm shocked, just shocked (please Layla, don't make anyone die... please)

[Reply #436 on:]

heart stop!! i'm looking forward to know how fry will recover. but a thing i didn't understand is, why water continues to rise in every chapter? it's me who missed something or the explanation will come later?
update, update!!

[Reply #437 on:]

Seriously Layla, I was on the verge of my seat while reading that last chapter! Sudden darkness, strange creepy voice, cardiac attacks...all in all, I was shocked. Shocked! ("Well, not that shocked"  )

Anyway, I don't know what to say...except that I hope you'll keep updating soon. I've gotten seriously hooked on this!

[Reply #438 on:]

I read your latest chapters earlier tonight, but I didn't have the time to reply then. Let me just say that I loved them!

Copy and paste how Say What Now felt about it into this post and you’ll have me as well! Seriously, it has so much tension now that I'm almost afraid to read! [Angeline]And that's just the way I like it![/Angeline]

I hope Fry and Leela meet soon, and that it'll be so shippy that I'll be moved to tears (which doesn't really happen much)! Keep on writing, Layla!

[Reply #439 on:]

Wow.  This takes me back to the first time I watched The Sting, e.g. "I don't know what the hell is going on, and I like it."

Let's take the sections of this last part in order:
 

killed the dripping pile of arrogant captain six times before he hit the cold steel deck.

A subtle Simpsons reference?  It's similar to a line from some random episode I've been quoting for years now to describe ninjas and other badasses, "They can kill you six times before you hit the ground."
Zapp just keeps getting funnier and worse at lines.  It's interesting to see how sanity fails on the Nimbus without Kif around...I wonder where he could be?
Zapp and Nixon make surprisingly good dialogue, as War is the H-Word showed us.  Good to see you capitalizing on that, especially Zapp's hasty recap:

“Uh, well. Let’s see… uh, macho posturing… nice boobies… something about the Carribbean… uh”

----------------
Sexual innuendo from Amy.  I like it.  Naturally.
Random Zoidberg hate from Hermes.  I like it.  Naturally.
----------------
Hmm...I smell a climax coming on.
 

Stay away from my daughter!

Unfortunately, you use omniscient POV (another benefit to scripts is that it makes mind-reading your characters almost impossible) so the straightforward interpretation of this goes out the window.  Fortunately, the obvious interpretation - another mental clone-thingy - iss still there.
Alright...let me think.
Leela (from the M^3) - Real, because she's in there artificially.
Katy - More real, because she's a collection of memories.
Bender, Yancy Sr., Nancy, Seymour?, a couple I may have forgotten - Also memories, but under the control of whatever sinister influence the delta waves impart.
Leia Leela and the other Fantasias - Not real, fairly powerless, because they never existed.  Well, not really.

Then there's the flower and the Big Brain from the beginning...there's a pattern here, I know it.  Probably involving the Brainspawn, but I'm not ruling out the idea that BB is just a memory/metaphor.

I just had a really amazing thought, regarding how the Profesor got the idea for the MMM, and one of his other inventions...hmm...

You know what?  You've listed your e-mail now, so I'll do the rest of my theorizing in private.