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Author Topic: Uh oh, newbie fanfic!  (Read 15092 times)
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Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #40 on: 10-09-2004 18:20 »

Yes! Show me the shippy! Woooooooo!
wu_konguk

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #41 on: 10-09-2004 19:45 »

Well I consider my gob well a truly smacked. I must say I am one impressed monkey. I like your style a lot and does make me think I should quit University and go back to school to polish up on my English skills (well being a physicist does not really require my linguistics to be so great so I will stay for the time being). Well at this time of the morning I can’t really think of any intelligent to say (well that does not really vary with the time of day but I thought it was a good excuse) so I will just say keep up the good work.  big grin
becky

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #42 on: 10-09-2004 19:51 »

Oh, this is so wonderful!  love The characters are great, your style is great, everything is great!  big grin

I need more! MORE!!
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #43 on: 10-09-2004 23:03 »

Hi! Well, here's another update. Cause I have no life, at least not this weekend.  smile

becky: Aw! I got a swoony face, thank you! Your support means the world to me, keep reading and I'll keep writing.

wu_konguk:Ack! Physics! I took that in highschool and it was crazy, but fun. One day I lit my pencil on fire with a bunsen burner. Ah... sweet memories.  smile Thanks so much for the comments! I'm really delighted you liked it.

Venus: Oh, just you wait and see. I hope you realize that I'm just spitting out all these words to get to some shippy moments. I probably won't hook 'em up, just draw 'em closer. That way, I won't mess up that wonderful dynamic they have. Let me know how I do with that, fellow shipper!


And now our story.

Part 5:

   Hermes didn’t want to take on Leela when she was so upset, but there were greater issues that she wasn’t aware of. “Listen, I know you don’t want to hear this, but before you refuse, you need to know what’s going to happen.” The anxiety on his face was enough to silence, but not mollify the agitated woman. “The President wants that device, and he doesn’t care how he gets it.” He stared at his forms, avoiding eye contact. “The Professor told me yesterday that he had finished a working prototype, and I- I passed that on to one of his underlings. It’s too late to call it back.” He swallowed hard and managed to face Leela. “We can’t just destroy it and forget about it. And we can’t delay them forever. They want reports on the tests and the invention as soon as they can get it. Leela, if you don’t co-operate, Nixon’s operatives will just take that thing and develop it themselves, probably by kidnapping unwilling mutants for test subjects.”

   She shook her head violently. “They’ll do it anyway! The only thing we can do it destroy it,” she turned to Farnsworth angrily, “and the plans, provided you made any.”

   If it were possible, the scientist looked even older. “But, my invention,” he protested weakly, “and my new lab?”

   Bender gave him a cold metal dose of reality. “Face it, twerp! We’re boned! No lab, no booze, no circuit diagrams.” He sighed and tossed back a slug from one of his ever-present beers. Leela headed menacingly towards the invention, intending to reduce it to its component atoms but Hermes quickly stepped in front her.

   “Leela we’ll be killed! We have to turn it over to them, with or without your help, otherwise they’ll just grind us into curry and take it, or, if we destroy it, they’ll grind us into curry out of vengeance. Either way, we’re curried!” For a second, he wasn’t sure she had heard him; she hadn’t so much as glanced at him; her gaze fixed on the infernal machine. Fry had come up silently beside them touching her arm in whisper-soft plea for reason. Leela let out the breath she was holding in a defeated whoosh.

   “Can we delay for a couple of days? Give me some time to think about it?” She looked to Fry for a small fraction of time and found a smaller fraction of hope. “Maybe we could warn the people somehow. I could talk to mom and dad; maybe get used to the idea of being an experiment; maybe find some way to stop this?”

   Hermes glanced at the dismayed sesquicentennialian, and then acquiesced. “Yeah, I think I can swing that.” 

   Leela nodded once, sharply. “Good. Then don’t we have a delivery or something?”

   “Uh, yeah, to Intel V, a shipment of superconductors.” Hermes pulled out the mission specs.

Fry was still watching Leela. “Are you sure about this, Captain? Maybe you should-” She shook her head and smiled weakly at her friend.

“I’m sure.” The cyclops took a deep breath, then released it. “I just need to stop thinking about it for a while.”
Fry accepted this uneasily, and Leela could tell he’d bring it up again later. For the moment, she was simply grateful for the reprise. Everyone else seemed to be too, as they fell into their practiced routines, making more noise than necessary to break up the tension. Their Captain was facing a difficult decision, and it seemed that the only winner in the end would be Earth President Nixon. 
 
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #44 on: 10-10-2004 04:20 »

I'm liking this a lot Layla, you have a real talent for this type of stuff.  One of the most important things when writing is to take a good look at each sentence, and to pick the perfect word for the situation.  In comedy, it's the difference between "Ow, my arm!" and "Ow, my small-intestine!" In drama, it's the difference between, "He sighed, then took a drink from his beer", and "He sighed and tossed back a slug from one of his ever-present beers."  You paint a vivid picture throughout, and I liked the phrase "ever-present" especially.  Now, let's hope the plethora of encouragement keeps you steadfast to these high standard you’ve set.  big grin
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #45 on: 10-10-2004 06:07 »

I don't have anything to add to the conversation at this point so just observe while i perform my happy dance.
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #46 on: 10-10-2004 10:01 »

Again, what can I say? Oh yeah, I did like the use of the word "plethora", which has always struck me as a funny-sounding word. Other than that, you're really building to something, and I can't wait to see what. Keep it up. Please?...
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #47 on: 10-10-2004 13:17 »

Whoosh! Well, it's Thanksgiving here, so it's quite a busy day for me today, especially since I'm working too, but we'll see if I can get some more story out by tonight. I'd like to, cause, you know, it's fun!

JBERGES:Thanks once again for the detailed comments. You have an uncanny talent for discerning the words and lines I spend some extra time on. It's so nice to know that it makes a difference to someone besides me.  wink
I am certain that the plethora of praise from these myriad individuals will inspire me to sublime heights of creative artistry.  wink

Venus: You dance divinely, thank you so much!

Gorky: Plethora is rather fun isn't it. Again, it's a word I almost cut thinking it perhaps a little strange. Thanks for the support!
becky

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #48 on: 10-10-2004 13:21 »

Yay! I got what I wanted, more of your outstanding writing! JBERGES and Gorky pretty much said what I was going to say, so I'll just join Venus in her happy dance  wink
Benderfan 1230

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #49 on: 10-10-2004 14:37 »

Awesome job Layla smile
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #50 on: 10-10-2004 21:15 »

Hello! I've been a lurker but just now decided to join because I really wanted to have my say in reviewing this story. Also, you coming out of your lurking shell and posting (no less a fanfic) inspired me in a way :P.

Anyway, I've got to say that I am really enjoying this. There are a lot of fics involving someone getting hurt and the other grieving, but I absolutely adore how you are building on a much more complex plot than just some unfortunate accident. Also, I myself am a hopeless shipper, and this is turning out to be a great fix for me, I must say  wink.

At one point I had more to say but it's left me now... anyway long happy-gushing-can't-wait-for-more review short, I love it, and I want more  big grin.
Mystery_Meat

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #51 on: 10-10-2004 21:40 »

Layla:

Pretty good so far. You have a good grasp on the characters and obviously you know how to use literary devices to build to a climax. I would suggest, however, that maybe you might want to tighten it a little bit; statements like "His nephew a thousand years removed" come off as clunky. It may be me, though, because Futurama was a TV show with a quicker writing, whereas literature requires more of a slow boil. But again, so far it's been pretty good.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #52 on: 10-10-2004 22:15 »

Hi all! Here's that promised update. It's quite introspective, for better or worse.

But first:
Mystery_Meat: Thank you so much for commenting. You are completely right when you say this fanfic needs tightening, the aforementioned line a perfect example of that. (It seemed awkward to me too when I wrote it, but I let it slide.) This is completely un-beta'd as of yet, but when it's written I intend to polish it up and make it connect a bit better. One of the best parts of Futurama is that witty writing that you mentioned. Comments like yours help me to improve and I really appreciate it! smile

say what now: Wow! I helped you de-lurk? I'm touched. Welcome! (It's strange saying that as a recent de-lurker.) Thanks so much for your review! I'm hoping that this will not come off too much like a typical shipper story, (although I love 'em!) but only time will tell, eh?

Benderfan and Becky: Thanks both of you for taking the time to read and respond. It inspires me more than you know. These reviews have already shaped the way this story is going and improved it alot I'm sure!

Here's the next part(these sections won't always be divided like this, it's just for my organization):

Part 6:

   For Leela, the day was going quickly, far too quickly for her liking. She could not delay her decision forever. On the surface, it wasn’t really a difficult one. It was unlikely to do her any real harm, and by going along with the tests, she would be protecting some poor soul from exploitation by people who cared nothing for the sanctity of life. At least, she had the choice. And yet, she was frightened to the core of her being. Time, and time again the strong woman had risked her physical safety, indeed, her very life, and often for less than tangible causes. This was different. The threat of losing herself, the sole person she had depended on for so many years, touched a nerve deep within her. If the device worked, she would be completely vulnerable to having her mind, and will, altered, maybe irrevocably. Yes, Leela was frightened.

   Philip J. Fry knew it, and it shook him badly. His Captain was uncommonly brave, with a streak of steel determination that had carried them through a miasma of dangerous missions. Above his physical attraction to the beautiful woman, he admired her. He respected her. He loved her... loved her with a fierce devotion that he could not entirely comprehend. The hapless delivery boy could not have explained this all-consuming passion anymore than he could teach a lecture in quantum mechanics, he only knew that it was real, and it was telling him to do something. He just didn’t know what.

The mission had been straightforward, and Fry almost regretted it. Maybe a little action would help shake her from the terse commands that were the only words she had spoken that day. Amy had come along to observe the ships engines’ performance and she applied herself with great diligence, spending the day crawling through narrow passages in search of problems. It allowed her to escape the uneasy atmosphere and gave her the freedom to reflect on her own thoughts. Fry envied her bitterly, but would not have left Leela even if he’d had an excuse. He wouldn’t have minded escaping Bender’s presence for a while however. The robot was being louder and more obnoxious than usual and it was grating on the redhead’s nerves as it rarely had before. If Fry was more self-aware, he would have recognized that the perceived changes in Bender were entirely in his own mind, and not due to his best friend’s behavior.

   “Say it backwards! R-E-D-N-E-B! Now forwards! B-E-N-D-E-R! Just the ladies!” Bender pointed to Leela, who was staring at the instruments of the Planet Express ship. After a beat with no response, Bender continued his enthusiastic caterwauling. “B-E-N-D-E-R! Bender, baby! Yeah!”  Fry leaned back, stretching his legs along the console. At this point, he’d had sufficient practice to avoid pushing any really critical buttons. He wanted desperately to help Leela, or at least to talk to her without anyone else around. How much longer ‘til they could call it quits? It was turning out to be an agonizingly long day.
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #53 on: 10-10-2004 22:39 »

Ah! Yes! Been waiting for this update!

This sure doesn't seem like a typical shipper thus far, and even if it somehow became insanely warped to make one, I wouldn't care much, 'cause I love 'em too  wink.

Anyhow, can't wait till you update yet again... I love the pacing because I love long stories... only sad thing is that I have to wait longer!
Lrrrr

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #54 on: 10-10-2004 23:07 »

Nice fanfic I've been lurking in this thread for quite some time (I think sence it was started). The reason why I didn't post was solely because I was speachless. Everybody was in character. Like Venus said, "The longer the better."
DogDoo8

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #55 on: 10-10-2004 23:21 »

Whats all this? I've been gone two days and when I get back theres another 3 parts, zombie jesus, your insane!

I had my eyes glued to the screen with antisipation of whats going to happen next and, man, was I enthraled with this epic of money and poletics. Amazingly great suspence and a fresh ripe story. Keep it up Layla.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #56 on: 10-11-2004 00:39 »
« Last Edit on: 10-11-2004 00:39 »

"Miasma"?   Well, now you're just showing off... and "cauterwauling"?  Does that word even make sense in that context?  I don't even know!

Continually awaiting more. 
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #57 on: 10-11-2004 03:04 »

I'm liking the introspective bits. It's not too heavy, sets the mood nicely and you havn't taken them out of character which happens sometimes when authors try for introspective scenes. And your use of vocabulary is a breath of fresh air. Yay big words!
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #58 on: 10-11-2004 09:53 »

What they said, yet again. "Miasma" is another funny word to me (it's so immature of me to say that, but...), and "caterwauling" is just cool (although JBERGES has compelled me to see if it was used correctly..which it was, as far as I can tell). Other than that, the suspense is killing me (and, as a writer, in the loosest sense of the word, I respect that you're sort of riding on the audience's anticipation...at least I think). As I always say, keep it up!
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #59 on: 10-11-2004 11:32 »

While I'm still waiting...

Hey Venus, I've heard a lot about your "The Sting" fic and I really want to read it. Where can I find it?
becky

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #60 on: 10-11-2004 11:35 »

I loved the Bender part, where he's saluting himself! Especially:
 
Quote
“Say it backwards! R-E-D-N-E-B! Now forwards! B-E-N-D-E-R!”
That really cracked me up! I think I’m in love with this story!  big grin Keep on writing!
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #61 on: 10-11-2004 16:13 »

I just keep going, and going, and going...

Here's another update, and a warning, I won't be able to keep updating at this pace for ever so enjoy it (or not) while it lasts. Still, I'm having a lot of fun doing this, and knowing you guys are waiting for updates definately pushes me to write more as fast as possible.

Becky: So glad you like that part. I wanted to have him being his own fanclub without quoteing the show itself. Glad you like it!
Humour is tricky for me.

say what now: I'm writing, I'm writing.  smile The Sting fic is well worth checking out, but be warned, Venus has cruelly only posted several wonderful teasers and not all she has written. It's in the general fanfic thread and takes a little tracking. Ah, it's so good to hang out with sister shippers! I'm trying to avoid the syrup in this story, but that'll get harder as things progress.

Gorky: Loved your fic, girl!It's funny to me that people speak so much about suspence. Since I know what's going to happen, I can't really tell how suspenseful it is. The bad thing about suspense is that it generates anticipation for something really good, and it can be a let down if it isn't so good.

Venus:I'm glad the introspection is working for you. It's a fine line to draw sometimes. The next update should have that Fry/Leela conversation I promised you.

JBERGES: Miasma- I did have to look up the spelling for that one, but it seemed to fit there. Caterwauling is the best word I could think of for Bender's cheering himself. It cracks me up when he does it on the show. Thanks for commenting!

Dogdoo8 :Drat, I gave myself away. Yeah, I've been writing like crazy lately, but school's about to get busy, so I won't be able to keep it up.  I'm glad you're enjoying all this! You like the politics? I haven't written much political stuff before, and I didn't really intend to get into it in this story, but now I think it really needs it. So expect more of Nixon and the mutants.

Lrrr: Ah! The leader of Omicron Persae 8 is reading my story! Run away!! Seriously, thanks for commenting! I will try to treat the established characterizations with velvet gloves.


Part 7:

   Hermes was waiting for them when the Planet Express docked and released the crew back onto terra firma. Amy gave Leela an awkward, sympathetic pat on the shoulder before leaving. Bender whistled cheerfully as he strode out of the docking bay and into the employee lounge. Fry hesitated, then followed his friend, intending to catch Leela on the way out. He didn’t want to interfere with whatever Hermes had to say to her. The air was charged with the intensity of their eye contact.

   Leela approached the dark-skinned man. “What?” The question was weighted with a certain resignation.

   “I contacted the President’s aide and told him you were too sick to undergo the test. You have until tomorrow evening to decide whether or not you want to go through with this. It’s the best I can do.” He was beyond relieved when she calmly accepted the news.

   “Well, thanks. I appreciate the effort.” She smiled at him, strangely friendly. Twenty-four hours or twenty-four years, it didn’t matter. Time wouldn’t make facing that wretched device any easier. She was furious at the Professor for laying such a burden on her. “I’ll let you know.” She left Hermes there, and headed for the lockers to gather her things before heading home. She debated for a few seconds on whether or not to take a shower; the hot water would beat some of the tension out of her tired muscles.  But no, Leela just wanted to get home. Slamming the locker shut, she strode out of the room.
   
-------

   “Nothin’, nothin’, boring, seen it, repeat, nothin’, hypnotoad, nothin’” Bender was slouched on the beat-up lounge couch, channel surfing. Slouching was not a typical robot skill, but Bender didn’t not feel any compulsion to follow the efficient, servile, mindlessly obedient existence of a typical robot. He was better than that life, though it had taken a pathetic human to make him realize it. Slouching was only one of the things Fry had taught him. At the moment, Fry was giving an impressive demonstration of agitated pacing. Every once in a while, the family ties between the delivery boy and the wizened scientist made themselves evident. Bender gave up on the T.V. and turned to watch Fry instead; he was far more entertaining.

   “It’s not right! I can’t believe they could ask- axe Leela to do something like that!” He threw up his hands in helpless frustration. “It’s just not right. Not Leela. Maybe Zoidberg, or Scruffy, or you, or me! Not her.” He looked at Bender, a plea for guidance in his eyes. “What should I do?”

   Bender meandered over to his buddy and wrapped his arm casually around Fry’s shoulders. “You worry too much, skin tube. We all get reprogrammed once in a while, and if somebody’s got to do it, it might as well be one of your friends.” The young human pulled away from Bender’s arm and sprawled on the couch, staring upwards at the ceiling.

   “Humans aren’t like robots, Bender. We don’t like getting reprogrammed. We control our own thoughts, and it’s really bad when somebody else can just… change us.”

   The robot’s eyes slanted in irritation. “Oh, so it'd be okay if it were poor ole Bender getting his hard drive reformatted, but not if it were some mammal! You people disgust me! Honestly, lousy humans, always so quick to-” Fry hauled himself up to a sitting position.

   “Whoa, hey! C’mon, buddy, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I wouldn’t want you getting reprogrammed either. Remember how we took on the Central Bureaucracy to get your brain back?”

   “Not really.”

   “Well, we did.” Bender let off arguing. It was hard to stay mad at his ‘little space heater.’ “At least we could do something then. Now there’s no way to stop Leela from going through with this. She wants to protect her family. She’s just too heroic sometimes.”

   What, if anything, Bender would have said in response was cut off by Leela’s arrival. “See you later. I’m going home.” She spoke flatly, not out of hostility towards her co-workers, simply to speed her escape from Planet Express. Fry was on his feet in a split second.

   “Hey, wait up! I’ll walk you home.” She paused for a moment of doubt, then accepted his offer.

   “Come now, if you’re coming.” As Leela waited impatiently by the door, Fry grabbed his coat from the sofa and called a quick farewell to Bender. When they had left, the robot switched on the T.V. again and resumed his critiquing.

   “Boring, reality show, teen flick, sci-fi cartoon, boring, ugh... Pauly Shore…”
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #62 on: 10-11-2004 16:28 »

First off, let me thank you for your kindness, Layla. I must say, I'm lovin' your fic, too!

As for this latest part, the suspense really is killing me! Although you do make an interesting point about a letdown being possible, I think that (judging by what I've seen of your work) you'll handle it just fine. Once again, I have to say: keep up the great work, don't do drugs, yadda, yadda, yadda...
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #63 on: 10-11-2004 16:46 »

Yay! Update! Throughout the day I've been sitting here doing homework and occasionally checking around the internet during my "breaks," a.k.a. procrastination sessions, and of course I came here too  big grin. Nice to have an excuse to further my procrastination session...

Anyway, I don't really have much to say here. Good as always, no letdowns. Just back to waiting and anticipating again!

Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #64 on: 10-11-2004 17:54 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by say what now:
While I'm still waiting...

Hey Venus, I've heard a lot about your "The Sting" fic and I really want to read it. Where can I find it?

It's not anywhere yet. I'm still writing it.


@Layla :  Nothing to say that i havn't said before. Insert praise here.
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #65 on: 10-11-2004 18:16 »

 
Quote
Every once in a while, the family ties between the delivery boy and the wizened scientist made themselves evident.

For no apparent reason, I really liked that. 

Anyway, here I am still reading this but up until now lurking a bit.  However, here's what I have to say:  I love when people get the characterization and imagery so smack on that you can practically play it in your mind like an episode.  That's what you do, and perfectly, I might add. Woe for the day when you don't update every few hours   frown
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #66 on: 10-11-2004 18:36 »

Thanks Layla & Venus  big grin.

I'll keep an eye out for it when you do post it. Sounds neat.
Benderfan 1230

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #67 on: 10-11-2004 20:12 »

I've said it once and I'll say it again:your writing is incredible!Please write more soon smile
Ol´coot

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #68 on: 10-11-2004 20:58 »

Like everyone else I am loving this! Ditto what Gorky and Benderfan 1230 said!
DogDoo8

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #69 on: 10-11-2004 21:26 »

Kloudes said what I was going to say.(shackes fist).

Keep up the Popcorn eating work Layla.
becky

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #70 on: 10-12-2004 10:45 »

 love This is so great! I'm very curious about what's gonna happen... I can hardly wait for more! Keep up the great work! (And I bet you will  wink)
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #71 on: 10-12-2004 20:48 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
 It's not anywhere yet. I'm still writing it.

But, but…you have like 81 pages written already!  If you posted 3 pages per week in a serial fashion, you’d have enough for almost 7 months!  Instead, you hoard your work, keeping those you know want to read it in suspense, getting high off of the control you have like it’s some sort of drugless drugie-drug, occasionally letting a scarce paragraph leak out before we can finally manage to forget about it, like a kidnapper lets us hear a child’s voice; just enough to remind us you’re not bluffing. 

Sure, Venus seems all cute and sweet, but mark my words, she’s malicious.  And don’t give me any of that “But there are parts in the middle missing, so I can’t post it in a serial fashion…” crap, I didn’t ask for a perfectly reasonable excuse.  So what’s it gonna take, Venus? STOP TORTURING US! 


Ah, that was fun and pointless.  Anyways Layla, good work.  Any further ass-kissing has been set aside for the forthcoming chapters… I await them.   
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #72 on: 10-12-2004 21:05 »

Layla, your story is one of the most intelligent fics I've read here (of course that excludes YOU, Bergie...). Your sesquipeddling (get it?) is a delight, and the prose is quite nice.
I know I only pop in once in a while, but I do like this, I do. I just don't have the time to review section by section. What am I, magic?
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #73 on: 10-13-2004 15:10 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
 But, but…you have like 81 pages written already!  If you posted 3 pages per week in a serial fashion, you’d have enough for almost 7 months!  Instead, you hoard your work, keeping those you know want to read it in suspense, getting high off of the control you have like it’s some sort of drugless drugie-drug, occasionally letting a scarce paragraph leak out before we can finally manage to forget about it, like a kidnapper lets us hear a child’s voice; just enough to remind us you’re not bluffing. 
   

The power i hold over you lot is like the sweet sweet necter of a thousand tangerines. Muahahaha!

Actually i was just going to release the whole story in one shot. Provided i ever actually finish the thing.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #74 on: 10-14-2004 21:02 »

Ah, Venus. You are terribly cruel. I'll be thinking of you when I write Nixon.  wink Of course, that will be a lovely day when you release it.  big grin

Since I am not so cruel as Venus, I'm updating, and a slightly longer one than usual!

But first: say what now, Venus, Benderfan1230, Ol'coot, DogDoo8, becky, and JBERGES(I feel your pain!), thanks for the support as always. Your comments really do play a large role in how this story is shaping up.

Kloudes: Woe?! Heehee, that cracked me up! I'm touched! And thanks for pointing out the line you liked! I love knowing what bits worked for certain people.

Shaucker: Oh, you're still here?  smile You vanished into thin air, you magician.  ;)Seriously, thanks so much for the encouragment! I completely understand how crazy life can be! Sesquipeddling, yes, I get it! And it's still making me smile.  smile That has got to be the most intimidating, verbose pun I have ever read.

So, anyway, did ya miss me?

Part 8:

For a long while neither of them spoke. The raindrops were fat and heavy, and so was the silence between the two. They could have been walking on separate planets for all of their proximity to each other. It always seemed to be like that for Fry, as though Leela was a million light years away from him, and try as he might, he could not bridge the gap. As always, he tried again.

“So, do you think it will ever stop raining?” Weather: the age-old icebreaker. It was a weak attempt, even for the hapless man, but Leela was feeling generous. Tonight, at least, she wanted to cross the chasm between them too. She needed a friend.

“Oh, eventually. There’s only so much water up there. It’s like crying; there’s only so much you can do before the wells run dry.” The emotion behind the statement was belayed by the frank manner in which it was delivered. Nevertheless, it caused Fry a heartfelt pang of grief.

“Leela,” he began, but she silenced him with a little tug on his sodden jacket. She had stopped walking. He turned, and waited, watching her closely. She smiled at him. It was a gentle smile, laced with genuine affection. It left Fry breathless.

“I just want to thank you, you know, for trying to help earlier. I want you to know it’s okay that you can’t. The effort means a lot to me.” He gave her a watery smile in return. Leela was just so strong.

“It’s gonna be okay, you’ll see.” Fry tried desperately to project confidence, but faltered. “It’s gotta be okay.” 

   She laughed then, a loud sharp sound that startled the man. She indulged herself with a quick squeeze of Fry’s hand. Under the rain-chilled skin, he was warm. Somehow, this sweet, bumbling idiot of a friend was a reassurance to the terrified cyclops. Leela had to return the favour, by hiding the dread that had been steadily creeping over her. The laugh was still in her voice, “Of course it’ll be okay, Fry.” she declared, then with a softer, “don’t worry,” she resumed walking again with purpose in her stride. Fry hastened to catch up with her as she veered off the sidewalk and onto the deserted street.

   “Hey, wait! What are you doing?” Fry questioned her even as he followed. Leela couldn’t resist a quick roll of her large eye as she knelt down by the thick manhole cover. A firm tap with her palm triggered the hidden mechanism and the cover slid open.

   “I’m going to visit my parents so I can warn them, and they can warn the other mutants.” She slipped down onto the greasy ladder. “Whatever happens to me, they’re still in danger.” She started to descend, then paused, looking up into Fry’s face. “You don’t have to come.”

   There was no hidden request in her statement, but he didn’t need one. “I’m coming.” Leela nodded and continued climbing down the ladder.

------------
   A trip to the sewer would not be the highlight of anyone’s day, but Leela had made enough visits to be well acquainted with the dank place. It wasn’t all that bad if you didn’t look too closely or breathe too deeply. Turanga Morris and Munda called their own little corner home, and that made it home to Leela as well. She had only recently found the parents she had spent her whole life imagining, and nothing would keep her from the precious glory of knowing them. Not crimefighters or wealthy royalty, they were brave, honest people who had done the best they could in an unfair world. Leela’s heroes were her mom and dad; the mutants who had let go of their greatest treasure in order to protect it. Turanga Leela had parents who loved her dearly. She had never truly been abandoned.

   The shock of that revelation had flashed to all-consuming joy. Leela spent as much time as she could with her mother and father; it was enough simply to cradle them in her heart as she watched her mom fuss at her dad while he spun ridiculous stories. And now that joyful existence was threatened, and not just the Turanga family, but their friends and neighbours and acquaintances. All members of the vibrant community that thrived under the streets of New New York could fall victim to the tyrannical president’s machinations. Leela knew she had to do something to protect them, but she didn’t know what she could do that would keep them safe in the long run. The proud woman had never felt so helpless.

JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #75 on: 10-14-2004 21:53 »
« Last Edit on: 10-14-2004 21:53 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
The power i hold over you lot is like the sweet sweet nectar of a thousand tangerines. Muahahaha!

Evil!  What kind of imaginary wife are you?!    cry  [Zapp]Our relationship has had to endure not existing, and now this?  Stop testing our relationship![/Zapp]

Layla, you rock.  I hope that you manage to keep updating every couple of days.  All I can offer in return is the fact that I’ll finally be updating in a day or two.  ‘Bout damn time. That, and I’ll try my best to critique you sometimes instead of flattering you all of the time, because nobody’s perfect.  As for this part, maybe I’m just not analytical enough, but it was nearly flawless, especially the lines, "She laughed then, a loud sharp sound that startled the man. She indulged herself with a quick squeeze of Fry’s hand. Under the rain-chilled skin, he was warm. Somehow, this sweet, bumbling idiot of a friend was a reassurance to the terrified cyclops."  Very well written; the only thing I can say is that the line, “As always, he tried again,” doesn’t seem to wrap up that first paragraph well.  Maybe something like “Nonetheless, he would always try his best to, and tonight would be no different.”  Meh, just a suggestion though.  Don’t feel you ever have to actually implement anything I propose.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #76 on: 10-14-2004 22:15 »

*resumes the happy shipper dance*

Glad you're back Layla, for a moment there i was afraid that you were lying mangled in some ditch somewhere. I considered sending a search party, but that would have involved interacting with fellow human beings and well, i just couldn't have that. I have a reputation to maintain.
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #77 on: 10-14-2004 22:24 »

I really liked that part in particular, the first paragraph especially. Such nice descriptions.

Anyway, plot coming along nicely. You really know how to drag this out well  wink. Keep it coming!
Philp_J_Fry

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #78 on: 10-14-2004 22:43 »
« Last Edit on: 10-14-2004 22:43 »

I really liked this part.Really nice descriptions.I especially liked this line,"It always seemed to be like that for Fry, as though Leela was a million light years away from him, and try as he might, he could not bridge the gap. As always, he tried again."Nice work,the plot is coming together quite nice.

Keep up the good work.I'm looking forward to more writing soon.
DogDoo8

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #79 on: 10-15-2004 05:16 »

That part made me feel warm and some other nice emotions, but mostly warm. Mmmmm......

Nice warm work Layla.

Mmmmmm...........cuddles.
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