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Author Topic: Uh oh, newbie fanfic!  (Read 14708 times)
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becky

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #160 on: 11-06-2004 07:00 »

I've just read your last two parts, and I love them, especially the one with Bender. I really like the way you write him, he still has is funny in-your-face-interface, but you manage to write some emotion into it as well. Great job, Layla! Keep it coming!
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #161 on: 11-06-2004 23:12 »

Wow! 6 pages and 20000 words! Whoo! Well, here's the promised mutant chapter. Enjoy!

Becky: I love writing Bender, he's so much fun I can't help but smile. I've always love that emotional streak he has. Glad you liked it!

ooy: Thanks for spending all that time reading! I'm so glad you replied!

DogDoo8:Sore eyes, I'll have to add that to the list of side effects.  smile

say what now: Oh, I'm so glad you liked the Bender paragraph. Bender is adorable, as well as being... Bender. You may not believe this, but he's not hard to write at all, even when he's sniffling. I just sorta write what I think he'd say given the circumstances. It's quite natural, now, Hermes and the Professor, and Nibbler? That's hard! I'm quite flattered I can keep you entertained. Your enthusiastic responses keep me writing.

Nerd-o-rama: Yep! That's exactly what I'm doing. (You better not guess what's gonna happen because you'd probably be right!) Bender ought to think the way he speaks, don't you think? He's not an easy character to center a story on though, that's for sure. I'm glad the mutant conversation worked. I can never tell how these group interactions will go over. They're complicated to write. There will be at least a little action eventually, just to keep things interesting, but that's a while away. Oh, and glad you liked the unpredictable line, I really hesitated about that one, but it was fun, so I kept it. Always go with your first instincts kids, except when you shouldn't!

Venus: Whoo! She's back! I hope you're storing up the green skittles for all the Fry/Leela stuff in the future!  smile

Part 19:


   “I can’t stand this. Let’s just get over there and see her. I’m so sick of being away from my daughter when she’s in trouble.” Leela’s dad pulled a thick cloak from a hook near the door and handed it to his wife.

   “Morris, Leela said she’d call if she needed us. Face it, we’re only going to make it harder for her.” Munda hung the cloak back up and tried to draw Morris away from the door.

   “Munda, how can you be so calm when our little girl-” His wife spun to face him, her eye bright with unshed tears.

   “Don’t you tell me about our little girl! You don’t think I’m terrified? Waiting here for her to call, wondering what’s happening to her?” The anxious mother blinked and lost the fight to keep from weeping. “I’m falling apart, Morris. I want my baby here, safe and sound. It’s the same thing I’ve wanted since we gave her a life on the surface.” Her husband embraced her and Munda found comfort in his strong arms. “She’s an adult, Morris, a great one, and she’s made her decision. We have to support her. We have to show her we respect her, that we trust her.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “No matter how hard it is for us, it’s harder for Leela.”

   Morris nodded shakily as he clung to his wife. She had always been so strong and brave. It never ceased to amaze him that she loved him too. He pulled back slightly and rested his forehead on hers. “So beautiful.” He murmured softly into her lips. “No wonder Leela’s got courage to spare, she’s just like her incredible mother.” Munda rolled her eye and gently swatted her husband on the shoulder, but not before he saw the blush sweetly colouring her cheeks at his words.

   Any further conversation was interrupted by a loud knock at the door and a louder voice. “Yo, open up. It’s Bender, the cuddly messenger boy.”

Morris released Munda, puzzled. “Bender, Bender… Honey, do we know a Bender?” Munda headed quickly for the door, wide-eyed.

   “It’s another one of Leela’s friends, you know, the robot.” Recognition dawned in his open face as she ushered the robot inside.

   “Oh yeah, I remember. Hey, how you doin’?” Morris was reaching out to shake his guest’s hand when Munda stepped between them, catching the robot’s outstretched arm. Startled by her own lack of courtesy, which hadn’t phased Bender in the least, she let go of him, and clasped her hands together in a nervous, pleading gesture.

   “Please, tell us, how’s Leela? Why isn’t she here?" Bender tried to reply, but she kept going." Oh, no! Something’s happened, hasn’t it? Has something happened? What happened? Tell me! Where’s my baby?” Munda voice rose higher as the rapid questions poured out of her. Morris lovingly touched her shoulder, and she gulped air, trying to control herself.

   Bender stepped back, looking off-put. “Whoa, I didn’t do anything with any baby, not since… oh, you mean Leela. No, she’s fine. She’s in the hospital.” Both mutants gasped in alarm.

   “Hospital? What-” Munda breathed as Morris silently clasped her hand.

   “Chill, she’s just visiting, that’s all. Everybody’s fine.” The robot whistled, aimlessly and off-key.  After a minute, Leela’s father spoke up.

   “Well, that’s great. So uh, not to be rude, but what are ya doin’ here then?” The mutants waited expectantly as Bender continued whistling for a few moments. When the tune drifted to a melody reminiscent of “Walking on Sunshine,” he stopped and slapped himself on the forehead.

   “Whoa! Fry!” He chuckled easily. “Heh, forgot for a minute, I’m getting as dumb as he is, except for my greatness that is.” Still concerned, but feeling less panicky, Munda gestured for Bender to sit down in a rickety chair while she and her husband settled on the couch. Bender’s seat creaked ominously under his weight as he shifted uneasily.

   “So, what about that nice boy who likes my daughter?” She asked the reticent messenger bot.

   “Oh right, him. Well, Fry, being Fry, did something stupid. Brave, but stupid. Totally on his own, with no robotic help whatsoever, he broke into the office last night and brainwashed himself with the Professor’s dealie.” He nodded wisely. “Crying shame, really, when someone so incompetent turns to a life of crime.”

   Dismayed, Munda touched her lips with her tentacles. “Oh, that’s awful.” She glanced at her husband with regret. “He said that, didn’t he? That he’d take care of her. Poor, sweet boy.”

   “He’s in the hospital, then? Is he alright? And Leela’s there with him?” Morris looked thoughtfully at his wife. They would have to get there, to check on the kid, and help their daughter through if things did not go well.

   “Well, last I saw, she was ordering us around and alienating everyone in the waiting room. She’s gonna see him as soon as she can, I guess.” Bender shrugged carelessly, before adding, “Just as well really, he’d probably rather wake up to ole One Eye than to his great robot friend, Bender. Stupid human, no sense at all.” The jealousy in his voice spoke of an underlying sadness to the couple, and they let his insulting attitude slide. Morris wasn’t entirely sure he approved of this particular friend of Leela’s.

While Munda questioned Bender for more details on what had happened, Morris got up and pulled out a detailed map of the sewers, planning their trip to the Taco Bellevue Hospital. For mutants, it was not easy to get to many places. It had been agonizing for them when Leela had been hospitalized because they did not have the right to see her. After a very quick, very risky visit bundled up in cloaks, they stayed under the hospital and waited desperately for word of their daughter’s condition. Fry had proved very helpful in this respect. Every few hours he would slip down to the hospital basement and report to them before hurrying back up to be with her. The delivery boy’s devotion to Leela and compassion for her family had deeply impressed the worried father. Morris remembered the young man’s exhausted, grief-stricken face and wavering voice, and a wave of guilt and anger washed over him. If only he had not been so willing to be talked out of taking his daughter’s place. If only he’d insisted. Fry had not hesitated to intervene on Leela’s behalf as her father should have. Morris dearly hoped that Leela’s friend would recover. Such friends were precious commodities, and all too difficult to find.

After planning their route, he handed Munda her cloak and took up his own. They would risk a quick visit to support Leela, then wait nearby so she could speak to them easily without fear of someone intercepting their messages. The rather obnoxious robot agreed to return to the hospital with them in order to help them get to Fry’s room without being questioned or spotted for mutants. As they left Munda slipped one soft tentacle into his hand, her other carried a bundle of “just little comfort things” for Leela. He smiled at her, again grateful that such an amazing woman was his wife. He squeezed her appendage tightly, and she smiled back. They were going to see their daughter.

I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they fly past my head. Douglas Adams
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #162 on: 11-07-2004 00:33 »

Oh my good golly gosh. Bee-yu-tee-ful scene... can't wait for more.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #163 on: 11-07-2004 05:54 »

aaawwwww. That's all i can say  about this. Aaaaaawwwwwww!
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #164 on: 11-07-2004 09:30 »

Well, haven't been reading this thread as often as I should, but I just finished the last 8 or 9 parts. What can I say? Brilliant stuff, Layla. Emotion, characterization, a few gags here and there...everything's in check. Keep up the awesome work, as always.
becky

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #165 on: 11-07-2004 18:50 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
aaawwwww. That's all i can say about this. Aaaaaawwwwwww!
Second! Great chapter, Layla! (I'd write you some more feedback, but I have to go to bed now.)
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #166 on: 11-07-2004 20:20 »
« Last Edit on: 11-07-2004 20:20 »

It's hard to find things that aren't absolutely perfect, but I try.  In the last two parts, all I've come up with is that this line:
 
Quote
“Heh, forgot for a minute, I’m getting as dumb as he is, except for my greatness that is.”
Kinda clunks.  Other than that, I agree with the others' partiality for the way you've been writing Bender.  As always, the story is fantastic.  Keep up the good work, Layla.  Also, I had some Skittles; they didn't help. Maybe I’ll get back on track when midterms are completely over.
ooy

Professor
*
« Reply #167 on: 11-08-2004 02:50 »
« Last Edit on: 11-08-2004 02:50 »

put this up at TLZ. Really! I liked it so much i printed it out.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #168 on: 11-08-2004 03:33 »

I thought of a point, not a very major point but it might be something to think about. You mention that during Leela's coma Fry left her side every few hours to go to her parents. But that would involve him leaving her way more times then i think he'd be comfortable with, plus Amy said that he never left her side. Obviously that was an exaggeration, bathroom breaks alone would have forced him to leave occasionally, but keeping contact with her family does sound like something Fry would do. I accounted for it in my fic by having Fry borrow Amy's video-cell phone so that he could call Leela's family on their video-phone which would allow him to give any updates as well as actually allowing Morris and Munda to see Leela without blowing their cover.
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #169 on: 11-08-2004 12:42 »
« Last Edit on: 11-08-2004 12:42 »

Sadly, I'm just not in a shippy mood today, but I'm gonna comment anyway, because... I am.

 
Quote
When the tune drifted to a melody reminiscent of “Walking on Sunshine,” he stopped and slapped himself on the forehead.

Aw, the one shippy thing that got through to my cold, icy heart today   big grin  I couldn't help but smile. 

Continue to slave over your keyboard for our enjoyment, please.   smile And please let Fry be okay.  Feel free to kill off Zoidberg...
Ol´coot

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #170 on: 11-08-2004 12:57 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Kloudes:
 Feel free to kill of Zoidberg...

And of course - Zap! (Especially if it is really messy!)

Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #171 on: 11-08-2004 16:00 »

[Fry]We can kill each other when the show gets renewed.[/Fry]

Killing off major characters permanently is always a bad idea.  Ask the writers of Stargate.  Or any soap opera, but that's a little too obvious.  Even if this doesn't fit in any storyline, it'll still piss off the more devoted fans.

Especially if it's Fry...
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #172 on: 11-08-2004 22:56 »

Speaking of self-narration:
Layla finishes brutal assignment and moseys over to "her" thread to see how people took her last update. Layla blinks in surprise as she sees vaguely alarmed conversation about character death. She smiles, a sweetly evil expression, and settles down into a field of daisies. She plucks one from the earth and inhales the scent, then in one languorous motion, she tugs at a petal. "To kill, or not to kill- that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outraged fans or take skittles to a sea of shippers and by appeasment, please them."

Chucks unfortunate daisy away. Nah! I'm sticking with the plan. Now, should I tell you the plan? Cause I could, but wouldn't that ruin the suspense? Hmm... what to do, what to do.

If you're desperate to know, email me. (lrodgerson@hotmail.com)
(Update tommorow! Sorry, say what now!)
Incidentally, Nerd-o-rama, you just paraphrased one of my all time favorite Fry lines.

Kloudes: Not in a shippy mood?! Is that... possible? Whoa...  wink Glad you liked the line. Bender's so cute, at least in this story. (Bender) You call that motivating me! There! Now I'm slavin'!" (/Bender)

Venus: You make a really good point. So good in fact, I've more or less forgotten why it is that I didn't want them calling... hmm... there was a reason... bugger. Well, if it doesn't work out by the time I'm finished, I'll change it. (At the least, I'm gonna lower the number of visits. It is rather excessive.) I can't really picture him leaving without kicking and screaming anyway.

ooy: Awww! Thanks for replying! I'm touched you went and printed it out. This is all just a work in progress right now, so I'll keep posting it here. When it's all edited and tightened, and believe me, it really needs it, then I'll submit it, provided I figure out how, and don't chicken out. (Imagine, my very first fanfic posted in an archive... scary!)

Yay! JBERGES! Whoo! Hi... sorry. The coffee kicked in there. That is a rather slapped together line isn't it. Critism accepted. Good luck on your midterms. I know how nasty they can be.

becky: you be a good girl and don't stay up too late reading that Layla's story. Shame, shame.  wink Seriously, thanks for replying!

Gorky: Oh, thanks so much for taking time off your story to encourage me with mine. Yours is a lot of fun, always are. (I have got to get over there more often to comment!)

say what now: Thanks doll, you rock!
Ol'coot: Hmm... a messy death for Zapp? Well, he is fun to torment, I'll give you that. (At least I assume so. I've never written him.)

 

I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they fly past my head. Douglas Adams
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #173 on: 11-08-2004 23:30 »

Manipulating a famous Hamlet monologue to a witty to kill or not to kill shippy fic evaluation?! You are so my idol! I was in that play last year... one of the gravediggers... happiness.

I'll be waiting... after I get home from school that is  wink.
becky

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #174 on: 11-09-2004 11:22 »

Staying up late is something I do about every night, Layla, whether it's school or not the next day. I'm used to it  smile
And reading your fic is something I really want to, because it's so exciting!

I don't know about killing off a character, though. I would be really sad, but it would also give the story a big shock-value: "Oh my God, she killed ____!"  big grin
I'll just leave the "kill or not to kill"-issue up to you, it's your story, do what you want  smile Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be great!
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #175 on: 11-09-2004 23:48 »

Here's the promised update with more coming soon, tommorow or Thursday. (Leela finally gets to see Fry, if you're wondering.)

becky:I've been there. Actually, I'm still there so I can sympathize. I'm glad you find it exciting. It's really strange to write something other people find suspenseful and exciting when you already know what's going to happen.

Thanks for the support! (I want to tell you guys so badly!)

say what now: Nothing that hasn't been done a million times before, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. Oooh, creepy, a gravedigger.  smile Alas; poor Urick! I knew him well, Horatio.


Part 20:   
 
   After a few minutes of quick primping, Amy left the washroom to find a target for her feminine wiles. The Asian woman had raised flirting to an art form during her late teens and early twenties. Now she would put all her experience in manipulating men to good use. Smiling innocuously, Amy asked the receptionist about the doctor in charge of Fry’s case. Dr. Ambrose. Human male, good. That would make her job much easier.

Adopting a purposeful stride she began exploring the hospital, looking for intensive care, or the operating rooms, anywhere Fry’s doctor might be. A discrete question to a tired intern led her to a blond man in his mid thirties. No wedding ring. Young enough to be energetic and old enough to be flattered by the attentions of a sexy younger woman, Amy had no doubt of her ability to charm him into helping her find out what they knew about Fry.

   After a few minutes of observation, she approached him when he closed his eyes and leaned tiredly against a wall. It had obviously been a difficult shift. “Hey there.” She tugged lightly on his lab coat, pitching her voice to a throaty croon. His eyes snapped open and he straightened up, facing her.

   “Oh, uh, yes. Hello. I’m rather busy here. So if you need assistance it would be better to ask the receptionist.”

   Her lips curved slowly up in a silky smile. “You don’t look that busy to me, doctor-“

   Thrown by the intense look she directed effortlessly into his eyes, he swallowed hard. “Uh, Ambrose, miss. I’m Dr. Ambrose and this is the first minute I’ve had to myself all day.” Opening her eyes wide and leaning even closer, Amy simpered up at him, letting him get a good long look at her… features.

   “Oh, gleesh. Silly me, interrupting a busy doctor like you.” She looked down, tilting her head slightly in shy embarrassment. Played like a fiddle, Dr. Ambrose quickly reassured the attractive woman.

   “Not at all, not at all. Things have settled a bit so I can take some time to relax.” Amy’s face brightened and she gave him a look of pure admiration.

   “I’m sure you’ve earned it, Dr. Ambrose.” She caressed his name with her rich voice. A sheepish grin crossed his face. 

   “No need for formalities. Call me Greg, uh-?” He raised a questioning eyebrow.

   Amy thought fast. “It’s Amaryllis, Greg.” She blushed prettily when he smiled in approval.

   “That’s a very… exotic name, Amaryllis. I haven’t heard it before.”

   “That’s okay, neither have I.” The doctor looked faintly confused and Amy kept speaking to cover her blunder. “So, Greg, I bet a man of medicine handles all sorts of … unusual cases during the day. I would just love hearing about them.” Amy put a little more tongue movement into the word ‘love’ then was strictly necessary. 

   All too willing to take the hint, Greg replied, “Well, it is a very important profession.” Amy nodded, keeping her eyes fixed on his as she discretely ran a delicate hand down his chest to rest on his hip. “I save lives on a daily basis, and it’s a noble task, although it can get lonely in my position.” Obviously feeling receptive to Amy’s advances, Doctor Ambrose lowered his own voice to a breathy, yet masculine murmur. The engineering student had to fight back a sudden rush of her own hormones. Think of Kiffy, think of Kiffy, she chanted the silent mantra without breaking stride.

   “Oh, please, Dr. Greg, tell me about one of your patients. Maybe about some guy in a mysterious coma, that would really… interest me.” 

   “I think I can oblige you. Just this morning they brought in this redhead kid, out like a light.” Amy softly sucked in a breath; she was nearing her goal. The doctor took her reaction for approval and he continued. “He came in with this crazy old man who was ranting at everybody. Old coot says the kid just passed out for no reason, but I think he was hiding something. Anyway, there’s no physical injury we can see for why he might be in a coma, but it turns out he’s not in a coma anyway.”

   “He’s not?” Amy’s surprise was not entirely feigned.

   “No, we don’t really know what to call it. Never seen anything like it before, even with all my vast experience. His brain is producing nothing but delta waves.” Seeing the cutely confused look, he clarified. “It’s like he’s asleep, but nothing we do wakes him up.” Genuine interest in the medical mystery crossed the doctor’s face. “When we look at his brain structure, it gets even more bizarre. I don’t know why or how, but the guy’s brain isn’t set up to produce delta waves at all.” He shook his head, baffled. Fry’s case was perplexing enough to draw his attention away from the touch of the young Asian’s hands on his hip. “Everything that thinks, and some things that don’t, produce delta waves, everyone in the universe, except this one patient. It’s a wonder he has a working mind at all.”

   “So where did the delta waves come from?”

   “That’s the thing about mysteries, Amaryllis. Your guess is as good as mine.” He grinned suavely at her. Amy considered what she knew about the Professor’s project, and inadvertently blurted out a thought.

   “Could it be a mutant thing?” She clamped her mouth shut, but she could not take back her words. The doctor looked at her strangely.

   “Mutant? What about the mutants? Wait a minute. Are you saying you think the Fry kid is a mutant?” He stared at her through narrowed eyes, and then stepped away from her. “You know him, don’t you? That’s what this is about.” Amy let out a string of Chinese curses in her head. She’d blown it big time. Dr. Ambrose glared at her, humiliated and offended by her attempt to manipulate him. “I think you’d better return to the waiting room, miss,” he said stiffly before stalking away from the would-be spy.

Amy sighed in dismay and headed back to find Leela. She dreaded admitting to the troubled cyclops that she’d mentioned mutants to a doctor, but figured it would come to nothing. After all, Fry wasn’t a mutant, just a little different. Amy decided his strange brain structure was probably because he was from the Stupid Ages, and people in that era didn’t function like modern day humans. The MMCD had changed Fry’s brainwave patterns then. At least she had discovered something. Maybe the Professor could do something with that information.

   Calling on another doctor to cover for him for a time, Dr. Ambrose headed for the Chief Surgeon’s office. Slipping in the open door, he locked it for privacy’s sake before placing a video call to the NNYPD. His cousin was on the force and often let tidbits slip about the behind-the-scenes politics. Talk of the sewer mutants had been circulating lately and Aaron had suggested something big was going to go down. His call was answered by the front desk, then passed along to the desk of a harried man up to his elbow in files.
   
“Greg, how it going? Listen kid, I can’t talk now-”

   “This isn’t a social call. I just heard something I think you guys should know.”

   “Just a sec.” Aaron yelled some police gibberish off screen.” Okay, what’s up?”

   “Well, there’s this patient-”

I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they fly past my head. Douglas Adams
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #176 on: 11-10-2004 00:01 »

Daaaaamn yoooou Amyyyyyy!

Nope, didn't check for errors in this one, I got too caught up in it.  And that in itself is one of the best compliments I can give.       
Philp_J_Fry

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #177 on: 11-10-2004 00:06 »

Great chapter,one of the best so far in my opinion!This whole chapter left me wondering what might happen next,I hope you update soon.  smile
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #178 on: 11-10-2004 00:07 »

Oh ho, actual plot development.  I mean, plot development that wasn't simply explanation of earlier plot development.  I sense some serious mistaken identity coming on...and maybe some heroic sacrifices?  No?  Already had one?  Okay.

Anyway, a little on the short side, but up to your usual quality.  In fact, just look at my last few posts and feel good about your writing style some more.  I'm too tired to write a coherent critique.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #179 on: 11-10-2004 00:10 »

Wait, wait! That's it?!?! not fair! Not fair! NOTFAIR! AAARRGGG!!!!
DogDoo8

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #180 on: 11-10-2004 00:16 »

I agree with the "dam you amy" JBERGES.

As I got to the end I was like, "hey theres a character in here with my name". Anyway great work as usaul, I love coming into this thread to see what you've written and what other people think of your work.
Keeep it up.
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #181 on: 11-10-2004 07:36 »

WAAAAAAAAGH! Explanations of doom and even more doom-bringing suspense! *once again relapses into waiting-mode*
becky

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #182 on: 11-10-2004 12:35 »

All right, a new character!

This chapter I really liked and I think the dialogue has a lot to do with it. Don't get me wrong; I love scenes with lots of emotion and little talking, but this is great!
Ol´coot

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #183 on: 11-10-2004 13:16 »

A great chapter Layla! You description of Amy working on the doctor is great, she even has an Amy moment and says too much! A very good tease at the end also!
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #184 on: 11-10-2004 14:59 »

Nice work there, Layla. You've got Amy's personality just right, and, like Ol'coot said, your descriptions are always amazing. Oh yeah, and the suspense is killing me (or maybe it's this thing on the back of my neck...)
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #185 on: 11-10-2004 18:41 »

Damn, wish I could flirt like that.

Arg, this is so frustrating.  I get all into it and then it's the end of the chapter and I have another few days to wait!  *narrows eyes* Yooooou suck.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #186 on: 11-11-2004 00:53 »

Whoosh. Well, it's gone from late to really late but I'm finally ready with this update. A reappearance by Nixon, some Leela time, the longest monologue I've written for anyone. There's alot here. Also, it's loooong, so settle in!

Kloudes: Yes, I do.  smile

Gorky:Thanks a bunch. I hope you like where all this suspense is leading!

Ol'coot: Didja notice the little tribute to you in that last chapter? I'm really glad you liked my Amy interaction. It was fun to write! I really wanted to give her an Amy moment. She's been too much resposible girl lately.

Becky: I like your new avvy. It's festive! There's emotion and dialogue in this one. Tell me what you think!

say what now: Um... be careful. There's more suspense on the way, at least I think. I didn't really think that last part would be very suspenseful.

Dogdoo8: Thanks, as always, for responding! Hmm, I guess I'll have to guess your name now.  smile Enjoy the next part!

Venus: You just cracked me right up Venus. Here's a much, much longer part. I guess now you know how we all feel reading your fanfic!

Nerd-o-rama: Your review are so thoughtful and helpful. Thanks a bunch. I can't wait to see what you think of the whole thing, once you're in the know about everything. Plus, then I can sleep. Strangely enough, that last one was longer than many of my earlier chapters. You're just spoiled from all these long ones lately. Here's a really long one for you to mull through.

Philp_J_Fry: Here's the update. I hope you like it. Thanks so much for all your support.

JBERGES: Whoo! I got you caught up in something, and in an Amy chapter of all things. (Slaps head in surprise) Somebody had to cause problems, and she's just been too intelligent lately. (See, I'm just following your advice.  wink) This is one of the reasons I'm posting this before getting you to beta it. This way you get all this suspense too. If you want to skip a head, email me, but I doubt you will.  smile

Part 21:

   The clock on the wall was ticking, and Leela was waiting. Every time someone entered she looked up in the hopes of seeing a nurse come to call her in to see Fry, or better still, Fry himself. After a dragged out morning spent in the bland, yet charmless waiting room, Leela was feeling languidly crazy, as though reality had abandoned her.

A person can only handle intense emotion for so long before it became overwhelming, and the cyclops was burned out from her frantic worry over Fry. She was no longer worried, having drifted into a state of denial. Any minute now, the redhead would poke his head in and give her some lame excuse like ‘it seemed like a good idea at the time.’ Leela had become irrationally angry with the delivery boy and she no longer cared who knew it.

   Needing an outlet, she began casually complaining to the Signoid with a broken arm. “What in the galaxy is it with him, huh? He’s always late, or asleep, or imprisoned for some idiot stunt. Do you have any idea how much time I’ve wasted waiting for him?” The Signoid shrugged politely with four arms, looking confused. “Neither do I, but it’s a lot. And I want that time back.” Leela leaned back in the chair and kicked out her feet so she was nearly lying prone. “He thinks he can just smile at me, or say something unbelievably sweet, or make some incredible sacrifice like giving me his oxygen, and I’ll just fall all over him. Well, I am not just some chick he can pick up in a bar. I have standards, good ones, and he just doesn’t measure up. No matter how much fun he is to have around. No matter how often he just makes life worth living when it’s all going wrong. I deserve better! Even Fry knows that.” The poor Signoid opened his mouth to speak, then thought better of it. He turned his own hopeful look toward the entrance. “I have so many more important things I could be doing, you know.” She sighed, now directing her monologue to the cracked ceiling. “Well, no actually, I don’t. Isn’t that pathetic? This is my life now, waiting for Fry.  This is life; listening to that thrice-cursed clock telling me about the seconds of my life petering away while I wait for Fry. Great. Just great.” Leela threw up her hands in an expansive gesture that whacked the alarmed patient in his wounded arm. Having had enough, he moved to the opposite corner of the room. Leela glared at his retreating figure, mildly miffed. “Oh sure, go ahead, leave while you can. It’s not like I could leave, even if I wanted to. He doesn’t have anybody else. No family, except the Professor, and he hardly counts, just a small handful of friends from work.” Some of her irritation was fading with the tension-releasing ramble. “I’ve got family now. I didn’t even know it for ages, but now I’ve got a mom and dad who love me. Isn’t that amazing?” Her voice quieted as she spoke less to the room and more to herself. “I should be spending more time with them, but now I’m waiting around in here for a co-worker.” A sudden anguish took her and she curled up almost in fetal position in the chair. She wasn’t really angry at Fry. “He’s not just a co-worker though, he’s my friend.” As she began to break down, the Yarn Person receptionist left the desk to hand Leela a tissue and give her a supportive pat on the shoulder. “I’m supposed to look out for him. He’s so out of place, even after these last few years, and I’m the one who’s supposed to be the hero.” The receptionist gurgled, a sweetly musical sound, in her own language and returned to her post. Leela’s voice dropped to a breathy whisper. “He means the world to me and I can’t do anything for him but wait. Fry, you wouldn’t even be in here if it weren’t for me. I’m so sorry.” Exhausted, not from physical strain but from stress and grief, Leela slipped into merciful sleep.

   Sometime later, someone entered the room, but Leela did not open her eyes. There didn’t seem to be much point. She was surprised, therefore, when she heard a soft voice calling. “I’m sorry to wake you, but you are here for Mr. Fry, right?”

   Sitting up quickly and facing the statuesque, but adorably freckle-faced nurse, Leela nodded, all fatigue draining from her in a surge of nervous adrenalin. “Is he all right? Can I see him?”

   The woman gestured for Leela to follow. “Yes, you can see him, but I’m afraid he’s not awake.” Leela was after the nurse in a flash, trying to avoid questioning her too intensely. “We haven’t been able to wake him, and we don’t understand the cause of his condition. His grandfather-” The nurse paused, waiting for confirmation.

   “Nephew really, but it doesn’t matter.” The nurse looked faintly surprised, but continued, “he wasn’t very helpful about what happened. Maybe you could tell us more?”

   “I’m sorry. I can’t help you. I don’t understand what led him to this either.” It was true enough.

   They arrived at the door to Fry’s room. “Well, if you think of anything that may help, please let us know.” She opened the door and ushered Leela into the small, sterile room. Leela was no longer paying attention to the nurse’s presence. “I’ll give you some privacy. I will be close by if you need me, and there’s a call button as well.” After pointing it out, the nurse departed, quietly shutting the door behind her.

   Leela stared at the still figure and struggled to breathe, tears choking her as she went to him. Sliding a rickety chair close to his bed, she took up his hand and gently called to him. “Fry? Fry, it’s Leela, wake up.” She touched his face gently, but he did not respond. He seemed so lifeless. If it weren’t for the warmth of his skin, he could have been frozen all over again. “Please, say something, please. Just one word, that’s all I want. Can you hear me? Wake up, Fry. Tell me you’re going to be okay. Please-” Leela could speak no more, and began to sob. Desperately trying to suppress the noise, she buried her face into his pillow, comforted by his familiar scent. Leela felt terribly alone, and wished her parents were there. Bender was supposed to be bringing them, and the P.E. captain hoped he did not upset them too much with his In-Your-Face Interface™. She would give anything to feel her parents’ touch or to hear Fry’s warm voice trying to cheer her. His attempts at comfort were always awkward, even embarrassing for both of them, and yet, they were always successful, to some degree. Leela never cried for long, and after a few minutes, she regained fragile control. “You’re gonna be alright Fry. You know that. I know you do, cause I’m gonna look out for you, the way you were trying to do for me.”

   After some time of silent vigil, Amy arrived, guided by the nurse. She blanched at the sight of Fry’s motionless form and tears trickled down her face. The women exchanged glances but no words. This was too much a moment for words. Fry looked like he was merely sleeping, but Amy knew that the delivery boy was paying the price for his brave sacrifice on Leela’s behalf. When she was younger, she had often enjoyed setting men against each other, testing them to see how far they would go for her. Remorse for those unkind games plucked at the Wong heiress. Now Leela was seeing, again, how far Fry would go for her, and Amy would not have traded places with the cyclops for all the universe.

   When Earth’s President called Planet Express at exactly one second after 12 noon, Hermes couldn’t help but feel a bit of pleasure underlying the terror. Nixon was a tyrannical madman, but he also had bureaucrat in his blood. At least the man had one good quality.

   “Arroo,” the bodiless man growled, almost in greeting before getting down to business. “You there! Where are those results? I want my mind-control device.” The president fixed a beady glare on the bureaucrat.

   Hermes tried to stall him by adopting a thick Venusian accent “Uh, sorry, sorry, no English please. Sorry. Please have try again?” He looked up hopefully at the President, praying for a miracle. No dice. He tried claiming ignorance, then illness. Nixon was not amused.

   “Conrad! Where’s that crackpot scientist?” Realizing he had no options, Hermes surrendered to the inevitable.

   “He’s in his lab, working on the project, but there’s been … an incident.” The Jamaican steepled his fingers nervously as he hesitated, trying to find the right words. A howl from the lab interrupted him.

   “What the devil was that, you hippy?” Before he could reply, the Professor staggered into the room, moving at what was, for him, a pretty impressive speed.

   “Good news, Hermes! I know exactly what you should tell that prevaricating lunatic Nixon when he calls!” Hermes waved his arms in a frantic effort to draw the Professor’s attention to the infuriated President. “Oh, stop all the pother. There’s no need to start standing on ceremony now.” The dark-skinned man slapped his forehead and dragged his hand down his face in exasperation. The Professor blinked, startled, when he became aware of the glowering man in the video screen.

   “Huh-wha? Oh! President Nixon! Good news, my previous good news is still viable!” Said president was not impressed by the scientist’s pontificating.

    “Spit it out then and stop wasting my time!”

   “The MMCD failed. It will not enable you, or anyone else to brainwash a sewer mutant.” Farnsworth was beaming in mindless cheer.

   “What?!” Nixon and Hermes spoke in tandem.

   “Oh my, yes, and I have the records to prove it. You see, we ran a test this morning on a very unusual specimen and he’s even less suggestible than before!” A large vein on the President’s temple looked ready to burst.

   “Not that that’s saying much.” Hermes muttered under his breath. The bureaucrat rested his head in his hands, elbows on the desk as he waited for the irate dictator to have them all ground into patties.

   “But you said you had found a way guaranteed to succeed, no matter the mutant’s brain structure.” Apparently, Nixon wanted more information before starting the killing spree.

   “I thought I had, until I got a close look at this particular individual’s brain.” The Professor licked his lips with deeply disturbing glee. “According to the new data, mutants, all of them, not just this particular case, oh no , all of them lack the delta brainwave, which is the only way we can affect a person’s thought process in a manner specific enough to control them. It’s quite a discovery! I may even get a Nobel prize to lord over that Wernstrum and his no good-” The President cared little for Farnworth’s rivalries. He shook his head violently, sloshing around in his jar.

   “It’s a bad discovery! I want to see that data, and that mutant for tests by my own underlings. I wish it hadn’t come to this, but I’m going to have to wait for Christmas to get that robot upgrade I’ve been itching for.” He ‘arrooed’ softly in disappointment, while the offended Professor gathered an argument.

   “There’s no such thing as a bad discovery! I’ll send you a copy of the results but I’m afraid the subject is no longer available for testing.” Farnsworth nodded once, firmly, then nodded off altogether. Completely accustomed to the Professor’s narcolepsy, Hermes jabbed him awake with a finger. Nixon studied the two peons before him. It was clear neither of them wanted to give up the identity of the mutant, but he suspected a few well-placed threats would change their minds. Conrad had a family, perhaps if he… no, there was a better way. He put on his warmest smile.

   “Very well, send me the records immediately so my egghead scientists can get to work on them.” His voice hardened. “However, since you failed me, you will not be remunerated in any way! Arroo!” Nixon disconnected abruptly, leaving the accountant and the scientist staring at each other in resignation.

   “Now that’s bad news.” Hermes sighed wistfully, pulling out their financial records and crossing out ‘crazy invention windfall’ off the list of possible sources of income. “Not surprising in the least, but very bad news.”

   “Well, I thought it was good news anyway.” Farnsworth pouted and turned to leave. Hermes still didn’t understand one thing.

   “Oh, Professor, how did you find out it wouldn’t work on the mutants since only Fry got tested?” The Professor turned back to his most trusted employee with a faintly amused smile.

   “Well, it would work on a mutant, very well in fact, oh yes, but he didn’t need to know that. If Nixon’s lab owls believe those scans are of a normally functioning mutant brain, they’ll believe that all mutants possess Fry’s unique immunity to brainwashing.”

   “Nixon will give up on his plans.” Hermes whispered astonished by the Professor’s brilliant strategy. “At least, so long as he doesn’t find out Fry isn’t a mutant at all.” He raised an eyebrow at the Professor. “You’re right, that is good news, at least for the mutants. I never knew you had a noble side.” Farnsworth planted his hands on his new hips, glaring at Hermes suspiciously.

   “What?! Who says I do! Utter foolishness! Leela’s has been the longest surviving captain we’ve had since that one guy, remember, eaten by space wolves?”

   “Oh yeah, him. That was quite an afternoon.”

   “Right, that one. Well, this’ll shut her up for a while, and maybe she’ll live long enough for me to win that bet against Wernstrom. Wernstrom! Imagine, he had the gall to claim an all robot crew would be more effective and enduring than a human crew! I should sick that robot on him. You know the one, Fry’s guardian, hangs around here a lot?”

   “Bender.” Hermes shook his head at the Professor’s forgetfulness.

   “I’m a scientist! I can’t be expected to keep track of all these petty details!” The Professor snarled abruptly at Hermes and left the room. They had put Nixon off track for awhile, but he still had to find a way to revive the delivery boy. There weren’t many out there willing to work for the kind of salary Planet Express could afford to pay. Besides, he was family.   

-----------------------------------------
Nixon was in a rage. That scientist had the nerve to claim proof that his master plan wouldn’t work? Richard M. Nixon did not give up that easily. He turned over their report to his techies, but in the meanwhile, he was angry. Perhaps he ought to strap on his robot body and take a little stroll over to the headquarters of the pathetic little delivery company. He suspected some exercise would prove very therapeutic and he would need the stress reliever if the scientist really had proven the mutants’ minds could not be controlled. No, not yet anyway. Nixon was man enough to know that some things required a more subtle touch than a violent rampage though a quiet neighbourhood.

He needed that mutant but first he had to find out just who it was. Tapping the intercom, he called to his secretary. “Bernice?”

   “Yes, Mr. President?”

   “Send in Agent 3370318.”   

------------------------------------   
Now who might that be...?

I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they fly past my head. Douglas Adams
ooy

Professor
*
« Reply #187 on: 11-11-2004 01:07 »

Another great chapter!
DogDoo8

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #188 on: 11-11-2004 01:22 »

Yippy, Yippy, Yippy, YIIIPPPPYYY.

That was fanfrigentastic Layla, absolotly fabtabulus.

It nearly brung a tear to my eye. Thats how great it was, ah Nixon, professor, hermes, all of them were perfect.
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #189 on: 11-11-2004 01:26 »

Sweet.
Zombie.
JESUS!

This is shaping up to be better than most of the potential movie scripts I've seen floating around here.  Which reminds me...
GORKY!  Get your ass in gear already!  Just kidding.  I know how writing can get.  And I'm not your publisher.
Ahem.

- Emotional Leela monologue? Check.
(Though its pacing could use a little tweeking, and it's also not the best way to start a chapter...just be sure to alter your breaks a bit when you post the final product on TLZ.  You are going to put this on TLZ, right?  It'll beat the crap out of most of the other dramas on there.)
- Weepy apostrophe and Sting paralell?  Check.
- "Aroo" ?  Check.  I see you got that out of the way quickly this time...
- Nixon getting hella pissed?  Check.
- Farnsworth outsmarting someone?  Check.
- Divine blend of emotion and humor?  Eh, close enough.  Futurama's really about the jokes with character development just forming it's basis, but it's your fic.
- How much formal writing training have you had, anyway?  I'd peg you as at least a senior in high school, with quite a bit of natural talent.

Anyway...smegging great.  Smegging smegging great.
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #190 on: 11-11-2004 02:29 »

So happy. So very, very happy am I. So insanely happy. Yes, the suspense is itching me, but right now I'm overjoyed to have such a long satisfying chapter to end off with suspense anyway. This is so well put together. I love it.

But that has been the norm from the start...
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #191 on: 11-11-2004 03:16 »

And Venus steals Bergey's thunder with technical nitpicks!

Sometime later, someone entered the room, but Leela did not open her eyes.  Supposed to be eye, not eyes.

Leela’s has been the longest surviving captain we’ve had since that one guy, remember, eaten by space wolves?”   Should be 'Leela has been' not 'Leela's has'


Great chapter though. i could picture the Leela rant scene in my head. i love the little jokes, like the Signoid's reaction to randomly beeing ranted at. And i really really loved the "makes life worth living" line. The shipper in me spontaniously combusted.


Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #192 on: 11-11-2004 07:56 »
« Last Edit on: 11-11-2004 07:56 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Nerd-o-rama:
Sweet.
Zombie.
JESUS!

This is shaping up to be better than most of the potential movie scripts I've seen floating around here.  Which reminds me...
GORKY!  Get your ass in gear already!  Just kidding.  I know how writing can get.  And I'm not your publisher.
Ahem.

Hey! Just so you know, I had my movie script completely...um...complete. I just lost my computer in a volcano, and then...

Aw, screw it.   wink

(But, hey, "shameless plugs" is my middle name, so I guess I should tell you that I have a few new parts of my other fic posted in my thread, Nerd-o-rama.)

-----------

Um, anyway, sorry about that outburst, Layla. Now let's get back to you. This part was just as great as the others. Some nice emotion with Leela, and the gags are back with Nixon, Hermes, and the Professor. Sure, you've left me...us...with a cliffhanger, but, as I've said before, suspense is one of the things that makes your writing so great (aside from the flawless drama, characterization, occasional humor, and other filler). Keep it up, as always.

Ol´coot

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #193 on: 11-11-2004 12:27 »

>Ol'coot: Didja notice the little tribute >to you in that last chapter?

I did Layla, thanks! You're sweet!

A wonderful chapter again Layla! The depiction of Leela in the beginning was top notch! I initially thought it could have been multiple paragraphs but you did a great job of showing Leela being over-run by her emotions. Great stuff!

I really like the scene when Amy enters Fry's room. It is nice to see Amy portrayed as a more mature character!  The unspoken exchange between Leela and Amy was very moving! cry

Now quit being a tease and give us more!!!     laff

Set ye Zapp in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire ye from him, that he may be smitten and die.

II Yosemite 11:15
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #194 on: 11-11-2004 13:21 »
« Last Edit on: 11-11-2004 13:21 »

 
Quote
He thinks he can just smile at me, or say something unbelievably sweet, or make some incredible sacrifice like giving me his oxygen, and I’ll just fall all over him. Well, I am not just some chick he can pick up in a bar. I have standards, good ones, and he just doesn’t measure up. No matter how much fun he is to have around. No matter how often he just makes life worth living when it’s all going wrong. I deserve better! Even Fry knows that.
Priceless.   big grin

I liked this chapter a lot, and I'm more in a shippy mood now.  By the way, have you ever considered venturing out into the other forums?  You've got some gift waiting in Offtopic from Venus and I.
becky

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #195 on: 11-11-2004 13:44 »

Awww... The part where Leela was in Fry's room was really sweet. I had a tear in my eye when I read that.

 
Quote
... In-Your-Face Interface™
Hahaha! TM! That’s brilliant!  laff

 
Quote
He ‘arrooed’ softly in disappointment
That's so funny! I can absolutely hear/see him do that!

As well as the comedy in this, I also enjoyed the Leela-scene where she talks to the Signoid. Both emotion and dialogue!  big grin

Oh, and thank you for the comment on my new avatar!
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #196 on: 11-11-2004 16:31 »
« Last Edit on: 11-11-2004 16:31 »

Gah, my thunder!  And I actually caught both of those errors, too.

Top notch as always, Layla.  You caught Leela's split-feelings especially well while she was ranting.   

Nah, I don't want to skip ahead, but if you need someone to check over a part before you post it for whatever reason, send me an E-mail or an IM, I'm usually around.   

Pshh, you and Gorky with all your updates...think you're so cool.  Maybe I'll post a music update or something...

EDIT: Aw, hell, it’s not even worth the uber-bump of my thread.  Pardon me if this is overzealous, but I’ll just put this song here, since, oddly, it fits your story perfectly.  Originally started for use in the Futurama Fan Game, but for now it’s yours, Layla:

Leela’s Lament
 
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #197 on: 11-11-2004 21:58 »

I really enjoyed that, JBERGES. I thought it was very pretty and strangely captivating. I sound like a weirdo, but I am speaking the truth and nothing but the truth so help me God.
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #198 on: 11-11-2004 22:24 »

Yes, indeed, JBERGES' music rocks. (Just like Layla's fanfic!)  It fits the mood of LAYLA'S FANFIC! really well, and is beautiful too.  (Like Layla  smile)

Just trying to stay on topic here  big grin
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #199 on: 11-11-2004 22:43 »
« Last Edit on: 11-11-2004 22:43 »

Wow, JB.  That's a nice song.  It's like they had Nobuo Uematsu do the show's music.  (Just so everyone gets the reference, he's the guy who writes the music to all of the Final Fantasy games.  FFVI and VII are two of the best, if not highest-tech, sound tracks on the market.)

Also, it fits the mood and quality of this kick-ass fic.
----------------
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