the great simpsons quote thread..

[Reply #240 on:]

Marge: Oooh, I'm so embarrassed, I wish I could just crawl into a hole and die!
Guard (german): Okay, throw in ze hole.

Me: Okay, dance ze top-of-page dance.
------------------
                              

"So, have a merry Christmas, happy Chanukah, kwazy Kwanza, a tip-top Tet, and a solemn, dignified Ramadan.  Now a word from *my* god: our sponsor."

[Reply #241 on:]

'I'm old, and I don't like anything except for Matlock.'

[Reply #242 on:]

That present is evil!  EEEEEEVILLLL!
Grandpa, you've said that about every present!
I just want attention.

[Reply #243 on:]

Marge: Oh, look! This is the perfect chance to get you kids some nice church shoes!

Kids:  [sigh]

Bart:  What do we need church shoes for, Jesus wore sandals.

Homer: Well, maybe if he had better arch support they wouldn't have caught him.

The Last Temptation of Krust

[Reply #244 on:]

3 pairs of shoes! somebody had a fetish!

[Reply #245 on:]

Moe: How about that? And on Christmas too!
Barney: Yeah, Jesus must be spinning on his grave!

Sponsor: A pirate!? Well, that's hardly the image we want to Long John Silver's!

[lie detector]
Eddie: Checks out.  OK, sir, you're free to go.
Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight.
*buzz*
-A- date
*buzz*
Dinner with friends-
*buzz*
Dinner alone
*buzz*
Watching TV alone
*buzz*
All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog.
*buzz*
Sears catalog
*DING!*
Now would you unhook this already, please?  I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment!
*buzz*

[Reply #246 on:]

Homer: It's hard to believe there's a place worse than America, but we found it!

Mr. Burns: Yes, I too feel renewed appreciation for the good old US of A. Oppression and harassment are a small price to pay to live in the land of the free.

Smithers: Sir, aren't you facing some serious jail time?

Mr. Burns: Well, if it's a crime to love one's country, then I'm guilty. And if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I'm guilty of that too. And if it's a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I'll soon be guilty of that!

Homer: God bless America!

The Trouble With Trillions

[Reply #247 on:]

"Has the whole world gone gay?!"

[Reply #248 on:]

From Behind The Laughter:

Moe: "Homer was spending money like a teenage Arab..."

[Reply #249 on:]

One time, Bart gave us a $1000, just to see us kiss!
Did we ever get that money?

[Reply #250 on:]

Homer: "Bart, I need some lucky numbers, fast. How old are you? Uh-huh, what's your birthday? No kidding! And Lisa's birthday? What, you don't know your sisters birthday? What kind of brother are you?"

[Reply #251 on:]

Bart's Illegetimate Gifted Teacher: Bart```Do YOU have a palendrome.
Bart: Well...You're dammed if you do; and; you're dammed if you dont.

[Reply #252 on:]

Homer:Will somebody shut her up?
Lisa:Look Maggie Birdys
*Lisa Points into the Sky we see 2 Vultres circleing them*

[Reply #253 on:]

 

Originally posted by meisterPOOP:
Bart's Illegetimate Gifted Teacher: Bart```Do YOU have a palendrome.
Bart: Well...You're dammed if you do; and; you're dammed if you dont.

You spluh'ed it up. It's PARADOX, not palindrome.

[Reply #254 on:]

bart: "you smell that ralf......that's the smell of justice."

ralf:"smells like hotdogs."

[Reply #255 on:]

Kent Brockman: What began as a traditional soccer match has evolved into a city-wide orgy of violence.  Mayor Quimby has declared mob rule...So for the next few years or so it's every family for themselves.

[Reply #256 on:]

Marge:But Homer Running an Bar is an Part time job..You Don't even do your Part time job
Homer:So?In passion I shall do it
*He Moves an Box away to show an Half made Robot of of Junk*
Robot:Father!!!Build me Legs Father"!

[Reply #257 on:]

 

Originally posted by meisterPOOP:
Kent Brockman: What began as a traditional soccer match has evolved into a city-wide orgy of violence.  Mayor Quimby has declared mob rule...So for the next few years or so it's every family for themselves.

And from the same episode the endorsement.

"Hello, I am Pele, King of the Soccer Field...To be King of your kitchen use Crestfield Wax Paper."

[Reply #258 on:]

 

Originally posted by Teral (on 11-12-2001):
Kent Brockman: "What began as a traditional soccer riot has escalated into a citywide orgy of destruction. Reacting swiftly, Mayor Quimby has declared mob rule. So, for the next several years, it's every family for itself."

(On the movie "McBain: Let's Get Silly" )
McBain: "The film is just me in front of a brick wall, for an hour and a half. It cost 80 million dollars."
Jay Sherman: "How do you sleep at night?"
McBain: "On top of a pile of money, with many beatiful ladies."

[Reply #259 on:]

Guess you can't get any better that that...Can Ya.

[Reply #260 on:]

Skinner: If I were a truant boy out for a good time, I'd be right here. The Springfield Natural History Museum. You're mine, Simpson.
*checks an empty, rundown 4H club building* Good lord, am I so out of touch?

Lis, when you get a little older, you'll learn that ABC's TGIF Friday is just another day between NBC's Must See Thursday and CBS's Saturday Night Crap-o-rama.

*OFF watching an Indian film*
Bart: This movie you rented sucks.
Homer: No it's not, it's funny. Their clothes are different from our clothes. Heh heh, look at what they're wearing. *giggles*

[Reply #261 on:]

Why don't you go on a seniors gambling trip? You can double or even triple your money! ...And they have 99c prawn cocktails!
You've sold me!

[Reply #262 on:]

Let's revitalize this quote thread!

Homer w/glasses: The sum of the square roots of two sides of an isoceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.
Man: That's a right triangle, ya idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Karmaceuticals store owner:Namaste.
Homer: And an ooga-booga to you, too.

[Reply #263 on:]

Homer the sailorman on a muel: I gotta get some fuel for me muel, gas for me ass.

[Reply #264 on:]

Homer: I'm a man! Not a number!

[Reply #265 on:]

Agnes: "Seymore! are you looking at naked ladies?"
skinner(on the internet):"No mother"
Agnes:......."sissy".

[Reply #266 on:]

Skinner: I hear reading...

[Reply #267 on:]

Ray Patterson: "Oh gosh! You know, I'm not much on speeches, but...it's so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made. You're screwed! Thank you, bye!"

[Reply #268 on:]

 

Originally posted by Teral:
Ray Patterson: "Oh gosh! You know, I'm not much on speeches, but...it's so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made. You're screwed! Thank you, bye!"

Carl: He's right. He ain't much for speeches.

[Reply #269 on:]

Homer: Mmmmmmmm..... unprepared fishfingers.... arhhhhhhhh *drools*

[Reply #270 on:]

Lenny: do you mind if I die first? I can't bear to see you die.
Carl: Ok, but make it quick.

[Reply #271 on:]

Bart: "I didn't know you knew Luke Perry."
Krusty: "Know him? He's my worthless half-brother."
Lisa: "He's a big TV-star."
Krusty: "Yeah!" (With contempt) "On FOX."

[Reply #272 on:]

Homer: Oh no... if Atie Ziff gets together with Marge... I'll never be born!

[Reply #273 on:]

 
"If something's to difficult to do, than it's not worth doing."

[Reply #274 on:]

Lisa: "It's hopeless. Utterly, utterly hopeless."
Sideshow Bob: "Oh, I see. When it's one of my schemes, you can't foil it fast enough. But when Cecil tries to kill you, it's "hopeless, utterly hopeless"."

[Reply #275 on:]

"Trying is the first step told faliure."

-Homer, circa 1995.

Wiggum: Man, this place has more bootleg tapes than a, a...
Lou: A Chinese K-mart?

Wiggum: I smuggled some illegal fireworks from some Chinese people who were celebrating New Year's day in February.
Homer: Those people and their crazy ideas!
Wiggum: Yeah, tell me about it.

<<Mistaking 'Chinese' for 'Japanese'>>
Krusty: We need to replace Itchy and Scratchy with a Chinese cartoon where the robots turn into...blingwads!!

Larry Burns: This relationship is falling apart faster than a Chinese motorcycle!

-ed. Hey, Hondas are cool!

[Reply #276 on:]

Wiggum: Jeez, lay off the Asians, Lou.

[Reply #277 on:]

Native on Remote Island: "How can Ace be 1 and 11...Huh? Huh?...What God would allow that?"

[Reply #278 on:]

"I love the way you're always pensing your fingers and saying 'excellent' you've got such an upbeat view...."

[Reply #279 on:]

"Excellent..."