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Author Topic: the great simpsons quote thread..  (Read 5469 times)
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Holly J. Fry

PISS-Leader
Starship Captain
****
« Reply #160 on: 10-17-2001 16:53 »

This may have been said before

Wiggum: So, Bart, can you describe the burglar?
Bart: Yeah, he had an eyepatch, and he was wearing a striped sweater, and he had a bag with a dollar sign on it.
Wiggum: Classic burglar.
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #161 on: 10-17-2001 18:37 »
« Last Edit on: 10-17-2001 18:37 »

Moe: "We brought you a beer, Homer."
Homer: "NO! Beer - gives - pain!"
Barney: "I can't bear to see him like this."
(Barney smothers Homer with a pillow, and then throws a water fountain through a window ala "One Flew Over the Cookoo's Nest" )
Moe: "We need to find him a girlfriend."
Mark

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #162 on: 10-17-2001 18:40 »
« Last Edit on: 10-17-2001 18:40 »

Im too lazy to read those 5 pages, so if this has been told before, please dont kill me:

ClownBed: "You should die before you wake up. hahaha"

That was the funniest line on Simpsons EVER!!!
eddieoriginal

Crustacean
*
« Reply #163 on: 10-17-2001 19:09 »

Homer: hm i smell cake, cake that says fairwell & best wishes.
Nelson:your old man has an awsome nose
Bart: oh thats nothing here can hear pudding
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #164 on: 10-17-2001 19:19 »

I like pizza
I like bagels
I like hot dogs with mustard and beer
I'd eat eggplant
I would even eat a baby deer
la la la la la la la la
Who's that little baby dear on the lawn...

Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #165 on: 10-17-2001 19:33 »
« Last Edit on: 10-17-2001 19:33 »

Chief Wiggum: "This is Chief Wiggum, put out an APB for a...Uosdwis Y. Dewoh. Better start in the greek part of town."
Dragnet look-a-like: "Chief, you're reading it upside-down."
Chief Wiggum: "Err.., forget what I just said."
Dragnet look-a-like: "Chief, you're talking into your wallet."
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #166 on: 10-18-2001 12:13 »

Hank Scorpio: (In telegram)"I hope this brings you closer to your dream of owning the Dallas Cowboys."
Homer: "Ooohhhh, the Denver broncos"
Marge: "Homer, owning the Dnever Broncos is pretty neat."
Homer: "yeah, right!"
diagnostic

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #167 on: 10-19-2001 07:18 »

flanders: "harry potter and his freinds went straight to hell for practicing witchcraft!"

rood and todd: YAY!!
LilyRose

Crustacean
*
« Reply #168 on: 10-20-2001 16:20 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Mark:
Im too lazy to read those 5 pages, so if this has been told before, please dont kill me:

ClownBed: "You should die before you wake up. hahaha"

That was the funniest line on Simpsons EVER!!!

Close, but not quite. The evil clown bed says
"If you should die before you wake, WHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" (or better evil laugh, I'm not good at those.)

It's from that little prayer that has terrified generations of small children who, you know, are a little sensitive to the idea that death could sneak up and take them away in their sleep, for some reason.  roll eyes

That oughta learn 'im to bust my termater.
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #169 on: 10-20-2001 16:46 »

Homer: (To Bart) "Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Goodnight, son."
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #170 on: 10-20-2001 20:14 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by LilyRose:
 Close, but not quite. The evil clown bed says
"If you should die before you wake, WHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" (or better evil laugh, I'm not good at those.)

It's from that little prayer that has terrified generations of small children who, you know, are a little sensitive to the idea that death could sneak up and take them away in their sleep, for some reason.   roll eyes


"Can't sleep, clown'll eat me... can't sleep, clown'll eat me..."

Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #171 on: 11-02-2001 21:31 »

(At comedy session)
Superintendant Chalmers: "Well, Seymor, it's quite a baseball-team we've gathered here. But I keep forgetting: Who's on first?"
Principal Skinner: "Yes, Who's on first. Not the pronoun, but rather the person named Who."
Superintendant Chalmers: "Great, just great Seymor. We've been here for 30 seconds and you've already screwed up the joke." (Leaves the stage) "Freak!"

Ralph Wiggum: "Hi Principal Skinner. Hi, Supernintendo Chalmers."


Don't confuse not caring with not knowing!
rach_the_tall

Space Pope
****
« Reply #172 on: 11-03-2001 06:49 »

Yes Mr Sherman, everything stinks.

'Tis a good barn english, but tis no swimming pool.'
'Doeth!'
Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #173 on: 11-03-2001 10:24 »

More friends!  More popularity!  Come, friend, there's a few more inches over here!
*Pool explodes*
M. Proctor

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #174 on: 11-03-2001 10:59 »


Lisa
her teeth are big and green
Lisa
she smells like gaseline
Lisa
Li-Li-Li-Lisa

KENNEDY

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #175 on: 11-03-2001 11:03 »

Lisa
her teeth are big and green
Lisa
she smells like gaseline
ba-da-da-isa
she is ma sista
her birthday i missda

diagnostic

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #176 on: 11-03-2001 17:29 »

"When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous, bloodsucking monsters, always wanting more, more, more! And if you give it to 'em, you'll get plenty in return."

"like what?"

"i'll tell you when your older, hehe"

"your son is a very sick boy. Just look at these X-rays! you see that dark spot there? Whiplash, and that smudge here that looks like my fingerprint? No. Thats trauma"
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #177 on: 11-03-2001 18:22 »

"Uh oh... we've drawn Judge Snyder"
"Is that bad?"
"He's had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog."
"You did?"
"Well, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and 'dog' with 'son'."

diagnostic

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #178 on: 11-03-2001 18:41 »

"whos the mouse?"

"itchy."

"he's a jerk."

"yeeeah...hehe"
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #179 on: 11-03-2001 19:01 »

Kent Brockman: "It was also the year (1928) of the very first Scratchy cartoon, entitled "That Happy Cat"
(Boring cartoon is shown)
Kent Brockman: "The film did very poorly, but the following year, Scratchy was teamed up with a psychotic young mouse named Itchy and cartoon history was made."
(Extremly violent version of "Steamboat Willie" is shown)
Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #180 on: 11-03-2001 21:14 »

Marge: I have a special gift for you, but you'll have to wait for later *wink wink*
Homer: Aww, later?!?  But I want it now!  I want the kids to see! . . . Oh!  Yes . . . later . . . heehee * flirt*
rach_the_tall

Space Pope
****
« Reply #181 on: 11-04-2001 03:43 »

hehehe...
"I'm going to the backseat of my car with my wife, and I won't be back for 10 minutes!"
Juliet

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #182 on: 11-06-2001 11:17 »

Teen Homer: Zookeeper zookeeper those two moneys are killing each other.
ZooKeeper whistles in Homer's ears: The having sex.
Homer: oh!

From Summer of 4 FT.2

Homer: Urm…let me have one of those porn magazines…a large box of comdoms…a bottle of Old Harper…a couple of those panty shields…anssomeillegalfireworks…and one of those disposable enemas. Oh make that two.

Lisa: Like you know whatever.

Lisa: I know exactly who I am. I am the sister of a rotten, jealous, mean little sneak. You cost me my only friends! You ruined my life.

Mr Plow

Man from insurance company: So you were at Moes, can you tell what is that place?
Homer: It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.

In Tree house of terror I love the whole Jerry Springer scene. I found it funny

Homer: Come on Maggie let's go home
Maggie: Very well I'll drive, Bwhahahahaha I want blood.

Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #183 on: 11-06-2001 21:38 »

Umm, Maggie didn't say anything about wanting blood

I bring you love!
It's bringing love!  Break its legs!
Wait!  You want an alien, HERE'S your alien!
It's a monster!  KILL IT!
No, it's no monster, it's Mr. Burns!
Aww, it's Mr. Burns.  KILL IT! KILL IT!!!
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #184 on: 11-06-2001 21:48 »

"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell long stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville? I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which was what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel. And in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. "Gimme five bees for a quarter", you'd say. Now where was I... oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get were those big yellow ones..."

rach_the_tall

Space Pope
****
« Reply #185 on: 11-07-2001 05:29 »

'I want the truth!'
'you cant handle the truth! you, you are no truth handler! I look down my nose at your truth handling skills!'
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #186 on: 11-07-2001 13:12 »

Corrected:

 
Quote
Originally posted by rach_the_tall:
'I want the truth!'
'you cant handle the truth! No truth handler, you. Pah! I deride your truth-handling abilities!'


Nurdbot

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #187 on: 11-09-2001 02:35 »

Dentist:Maggie's Teeth are comeing in crooked.. is she sucking a Pacifier?
Marge:ummmm not to my Knowledge
Dentist:LIAR!!!

Dentist:How many time a day do you Brush your Teeth boy?
Ralph:3 times a Day sir..
Dentist:...why must you turn my Office into a House of Lies?

*Burns and Smither walk down a coridoor..while the Batman Movie theme is playing there a Burns head shape in the wall he sticks his head a Door opnes,There an Another door he puts he hand on hand scanner the door opens then they come to two poles 1 on the left has a sign saying Burns the Other Smither's they slide down them there in an old Libary Burns stands infront of a booki case and takes an Book the Book case swing around we se a Computer room a dog has just entered and is sniffing Around an Baterd screen door can be seen*
Burns:Oh For God's sake *kicks the Dog out and slams the door*

diagnostic

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #188 on: 11-09-2001 04:10 »

krusty: Hello, I'm collecting for the Brotherhood of jewish clowns. Last year, tornadoes claimed the lives of 75 jewish clowns. The worst incident was during our convention at lubbock, texas. There were floppy shoes and rainbow wigs everywhere!  cry It was terrible!

homer: Wait a minute! Is this a religous thing??

krusty:A religous clown thing, yes

homer:Sorry.

krusty:Well, bless you anyw-

(homer slams the door in his face)
-----------------------------------------

"Hey, disco stu doesn't advertise"

"your son is a very sick boy. Just look at these X-rays! you see that dark spot there? Whiplash, and that smudge here that looks like my fingerprint? No. Thats trauma"
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #189 on: 11-09-2001 13:03 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Nurdbot:
Dentist:Maggie's Teeth are comeing in crooked.. is she sucking a Pacifier?
Marge:ummmm not to my Knowledge
Dentist:LIAR!!!

Dentist:How many time a day do you Brush your Teeth boy?
Ralph:3 times a Day sir..
Dentist:...why must you turn my Office into a House of Lies?

*Burns and Smither walk down a coridoor..while the Batman Movie theme is playing there a Burns head shape in the wall he sticks his head a Door opnes,There an Another door he puts he hand on hand scanner the door opens then they come to two poles 1 on the left has a sign saying Burns the Other Smither's they slide down them there in an old Libary Burns stands infront of a booki case and takes an Book the Book case swing around we se a Computer room a dog has just entered and is sniffing Around an Baterd screen door can be seen*
Burns:Oh For God's sake *kicks the Dog out and slams the door*

My favotite episode!


Burns: Now, we both want a fair union settlement, don't we? There's no reason for a strike...

Homer's Brain: Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?

Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Homer's Brain: Wait a minute... is he coming on to me?

Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows...

Homer's Brain: Oh my god, he IS coming on to me!

Burns: If I were to slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?

Homer's Brain: GYAAAHHH!!!  eek

Homer: Mr. Burns, I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans! Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious. But the answer is no!

Nurdbot

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #190 on: 11-09-2001 14:17 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Kryten:
 
Quote
Originally posted by Nurdbot:
Dentist:Maggie's Teeth are comeing in crooked.. is she sucking a Pacifier?
Marge:ummmm not to my Knowledge
Dentist:LIAR!!!

Dentist:How many time a day do you Brush your Teeth boy?
Ralph:3 times a Day sir..
Dentist:...why must you turn my Office into a House of Lies?

*Burns and Smither walk down a coridoor..while the Batman Movie theme is playing there a Burns head shape in the wall he sticks his head a Door opnes,There an Another door he puts he hand on hand scanner the door opens then they come to two poles 1 on the left has a sign saying Burns the Other Smither's they slide down them there in an old Libary Burns stands infront of a booki case and takes an Book the Book case swing around we se a Computer room a dog has just entered and is sniffing Around an Baterd screen door can be seen*
Burns:Oh For God's sake *kicks the Dog out and slams the door*

My favotite episode!


Burns: Now, we both want a fair union settlement, don't we? There's no reason for a strike...

Homer's Brain: Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?

Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Homer's Brain: Wait a minute... is he coming on to me?

Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows...

Homer's Brain: Oh my god, he IS coming on to me!

Burns: If I were to slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?

Homer's Brain: GYAAAHHH!!!   eek

Homer: Mr. Burns, I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans! Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious. But the answer is no!

THAT bit was scary.i never knew Burns would go so low.


Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #191 on: 11-09-2001 20:52 »

When the weight of the world has got you down
and you want to end your life
bils to pay, a dead-end job
and problems with the wife
But don't throw in the towel
'cause there's a place right down the block
where you can drink your misery away.

At Flaming Moe's
Let's all go to Flaming Moe's
Let's all go to Flaming Moe's
When liquor in a mug
can warm you like a hug
and happiness is just a Flaming Moe away
happiness is just a Flaming Moe away.


Homer: "Stupid trash...rotten, stinking...hate world, revenge soon....take out on everybody..."

(Homer's about to go to sea in a nuclear sub)
Bart: "Hey, Homer. Bring me back a torpedo."
Homer: "No."
Bart: "But Flanders got his kids torpedoes."
Homer: "Oh, he did, did he? I'll show him! I'll bring you a weapon of unimaginable destructive power!"

Barney: "The engine room has sprung a leak! It's filling with a clear nonalcoholic liquid."

Don't confuse not caring with not knowing!
rach_the_tall

Space Pope
****
« Reply #192 on: 11-10-2001 01:18 »

LOVE the flaming moes episode  smile"And as we pass the collection plate, please give as if the person next to you was watching."
diagnostic

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #193 on: 11-10-2001 08:17 »


heres a collection of milhouse quotes:


"sorry, bart,I'm gonna hang out with lisa, for protection, and to be seen!"

"How could this happen?? We started out like romeo and juliet but it ended up in tragedy"

"Sure we have order-but at what price?!!"

(a drunken milhouse hugs bart) "this guy, here..........THIS is the guy.."

"my dads a pretty big wheel, down at the cracker factory"

"your son is a very sick boy. Just look at these X-rays! you see that dark spot there? Whiplash, and that smudge here that looks like my fingerprint? No. Thats trauma"
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #194 on: 11-10-2001 19:31 »

"Remember when you killed my goldfish? And then you lied and said I never had a goldfish? Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why... did... I... have... the... bowl?"



ShineyMetal@$$

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #195 on: 11-10-2001 19:40 »
« Last Edit on: 11-10-2001 19:40 »

yay im an idiot!
ShineyMetal@$$

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #196 on: 11-10-2001 19:41 »

This one's always on the commercial:

Milhouse - It's like Rush 2, but instead of a boat, its a bus!

it goes something like that.
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #197 on: 11-10-2001 19:49 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by ShineyMetal@$$:
This one's always on the commercial:

Milhouse - It's like Rush 2, but instead of a boat, its a bus!

it goes something like that.

That's Speed 2. Otherwise, it isn't funny.

Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #198 on: 11-11-2001 02:06 »

I got the idea from that movie about a SPEEDing bus that SPEEDS around town and it can't go below the SPEED of 55, because if it does, it'll explode!  I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
ShineyMetal@$$

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #199 on: 11-11-2001 02:20 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Kryten:
 That's Speed 2. Otherwise, it isn't funny.

Please Refer to previous post:
 
Quote
Originally posted by ShineyMetal@$$: yay im an idiot!
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