the great simpsons quote thread..

[Reply #160 on:]

This may have been said before

Wiggum: So, Bart, can you describe the burglar?
Bart: Yeah, he had an eyepatch, and he was wearing a striped sweater, and he had a bag with a dollar sign on it.
Wiggum: Classic burglar.

[Reply #161 on:]

Moe: "We brought you a beer, Homer."
Homer: "NO! Beer - gives - pain!"
Barney: "I can't bear to see him like this."
(Barney smothers Homer with a pillow, and then throws a water fountain through a window ala "One Flew Over the Cookoo's Nest" )
Moe: "We need to find him a girlfriend."

[Reply #162 on:]

Im too lazy to read those 5 pages, so if this has been told before, please dont kill me:

ClownBed: "You should die before you wake up. hahaha"

That was the funniest line on Simpsons EVER!!!

[Reply #163 on:]

Homer: hm i smell cake, cake that says fairwell & best wishes.
Nelson:your old man has an awsome nose
Bart: oh thats nothing here can hear pudding

[Reply #164 on:]

I like pizza
I like bagels
I like hot dogs with mustard and beer
I'd eat eggplant
I would even eat a baby deer
la la la la la la la la
Who's that little baby dear on the lawn...

[Reply #165 on:]

Chief Wiggum: "This is Chief Wiggum, put out an APB for a...Uosdwis Y. Dewoh. Better start in the greek part of town."
Dragnet look-a-like: "Chief, you're reading it upside-down."
Chief Wiggum: "Err.., forget what I just said."
Dragnet look-a-like: "Chief, you're talking into your wallet."

[Reply #166 on:]

Hank Scorpio: (In telegram)"I hope this brings you closer to your dream of owning the Dallas Cowboys."
Homer: "Ooohhhh, the Denver broncos"
Marge: "Homer, owning the Dnever Broncos is pretty neat."
Homer: "yeah, right!"

[Reply #167 on:]

flanders: "harry potter and his freinds went straight to hell for practicing witchcraft!"

rood and todd: YAY!!

[Reply #168 on:]

 

Originally posted by Mark:
Im too lazy to read those 5 pages, so if this has been told before, please dont kill me:

ClownBed: "You should die before you wake up. hahaha"

That was the funniest line on Simpsons EVER!!!

Close, but not quite. The evil clown bed says
"If you should die before you wake, WHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" (or better evil laugh, I'm not good at those.)

It's from that little prayer that has terrified generations of small children who, you know, are a little sensitive to the idea that death could sneak up and take them away in their sleep, for some reason. 

[Reply #169 on:]

Homer: (To Bart) "Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Goodnight, son."

[Reply #170 on:]

 

Originally posted by LilyRose:
 Close, but not quite. The evil clown bed says
"If you should die before you wake, WHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" (or better evil laugh, I'm not good at those.)

It's from that little prayer that has terrified generations of small children who, you know, are a little sensitive to the idea that death could sneak up and take them away in their sleep, for some reason.   

"Can't sleep, clown'll eat me... can't sleep, clown'll eat me..."

[Reply #171 on:]

(At comedy session)
Superintendant Chalmers: "Well, Seymor, it's quite a baseball-team we've gathered here. But I keep forgetting: Who's on first?"
Principal Skinner: "Yes, Who's on first. Not the pronoun, but rather the person named Who."
Superintendant Chalmers: "Great, just great Seymor. We've been here for 30 seconds and you've already screwed up the joke." (Leaves the stage) "Freak!"

Ralph Wiggum: "Hi Principal Skinner. Hi, Supernintendo Chalmers."

[Reply #172 on:]

Yes Mr Sherman, everything stinks.

'Tis a good barn english, but tis no swimming pool.'
'Doeth!'

[Reply #173 on:]

More friends!  More popularity!  Come, friend, there's a few more inches over here!
*Pool explodes*

[Reply #174 on:]

Lisa
her teeth are big and green
Lisa
she smells like gaseline
Lisa
Li-Li-Li-Lisa

[Reply #175 on:]

Lisa
her teeth are big and green
Lisa
she smells like gaseline
ba-da-da-isa
she is ma sista
her birthday i missda

[Reply #176 on:]

"When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous, bloodsucking monsters, always wanting more, more, more! And if you give it to 'em, you'll get plenty in return."

"like what?"

"i'll tell you when your older, hehe"

[Reply #177 on:]

"Uh oh... we've drawn Judge Snyder"
"Is that bad?"
"He's had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog."
"You did?"
"Well, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and 'dog' with 'son'."

[Reply #178 on:]

"whos the mouse?"

"itchy."

"he's a jerk."

"yeeeah...hehe"

[Reply #179 on:]

Kent Brockman: "It was also the year (1928) of the very first Scratchy cartoon, entitled "That Happy Cat"
(Boring cartoon is shown)
Kent Brockman: "The film did very poorly, but the following year, Scratchy was teamed up with a psychotic young mouse named Itchy and cartoon history was made."
(Extremly violent version of "Steamboat Willie" is shown)

[Reply #180 on:]

Marge: I have a special gift for you, but you'll have to wait for later *wink wink*
Homer: Aww, later?!?  But I want it now!  I want the kids to see! . . . Oh!  Yes . . . later . . . heehee * *

[Reply #181 on:]

hehehe...
"I'm going to the backseat of my car with my wife, and I won't be back for 10 minutes!"

[Reply #182 on:]

Teen Homer: Zookeeper zookeeper those two moneys are killing each other.
ZooKeeper whistles in Homer's ears: The having sex.
Homer: oh!

From Summer of 4 FT.2

Homer: Urm…let me have one of those porn magazines…a large box of comdoms…a bottle of Old Harper…a couple of those panty shields…anssomeillegalfireworks…and one of those disposable enemas. Oh make that two.

Lisa: Like you know whatever.

Lisa: I know exactly who I am. I am the sister of a rotten, jealous, mean little sneak. You cost me my only friends! You ruined my life.

Mr Plow

Man from insurance company: So you were at Moes, can you tell what is that place?
Homer: It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.

In Tree house of terror I love the whole Jerry Springer scene. I found it funny

Homer: Come on Maggie let's go home
Maggie: Very well I'll drive, Bwhahahahaha I want blood.

[Reply #183 on:]

Umm, Maggie didn't say anything about wanting blood

I bring you love!
It's bringing love!  Break its legs!
Wait!  You want an alien, HERE'S your alien!
It's a monster!  KILL IT!
No, it's no monster, it's Mr. Burns!
Aww, it's Mr. Burns.  KILL IT! KILL IT!!!

[Reply #184 on:]

"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell long stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville? I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which was what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel. And in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. "Gimme five bees for a quarter", you'd say. Now where was I... oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get were those big yellow ones..."

[Reply #185 on:]

'I want the truth!'
'you cant handle the truth! you, you are no truth handler! I look down my nose at your truth handling skills!'

[Reply #186 on:]

Corrected:

 

Originally posted by rach_the_tall:
'I want the truth!'
'you cant handle the truth! No truth handler, you. Pah! I deride your truth-handling abilities!'

[Reply #187 on:]

Dentist:Maggie's Teeth are comeing in crooked.. is she sucking a Pacifier?
Marge:ummmm not to my Knowledge
Dentist:LIAR!!!

Dentist:How many time a day do you Brush your Teeth boy?
Ralph:3 times a Day sir..
Dentist:...why must you turn my Office into a House of Lies?

*Burns and Smither walk down a coridoor..while the Batman Movie theme is playing there a Burns head shape in the wall he sticks his head a Door opnes,There an Another door he puts he hand on hand scanner the door opens then they come to two poles 1 on the left has a sign saying Burns the Other Smither's they slide down them there in an old Libary Burns stands infront of a booki case and takes an Book the Book case swing around we se a Computer room a dog has just entered and is sniffing Around an Baterd screen door can be seen*
Burns:Oh For God's sake *kicks the Dog out and slams the door*

[Reply #188 on:]

krusty: Hello, I'm collecting for the Brotherhood of jewish clowns. Last year, tornadoes claimed the lives of 75 jewish clowns. The worst incident was during our convention at lubbock, texas. There were floppy shoes and rainbow wigs everywhere!  It was terrible!

homer: Wait a minute! Is this a religous thing??

krusty:A religous clown thing, yes

homer:Sorry.

krusty:Well, bless you anyw-

(homer slams the door in his face)
-----------------------------------------

"Hey, disco stu doesn't advertise"

[Reply #189 on:]

 

Originally posted by Nurdbot:
Dentist:Maggie's Teeth are comeing in crooked.. is she sucking a Pacifier?
Marge:ummmm not to my Knowledge
Dentist:LIAR!!!

Dentist:How many time a day do you Brush your Teeth boy?
Ralph:3 times a Day sir..
Dentist:...why must you turn my Office into a House of Lies?

*Burns and Smither walk down a coridoor..while the Batman Movie theme is playing there a Burns head shape in the wall he sticks his head a Door opnes,There an Another door he puts he hand on hand scanner the door opens then they come to two poles 1 on the left has a sign saying Burns the Other Smither's they slide down them there in an old Libary Burns stands infront of a booki case and takes an Book the Book case swing around we se a Computer room a dog has just entered and is sniffing Around an Baterd screen door can be seen*
Burns:Oh For God's sake *kicks the Dog out and slams the door*

My favotite episode!


Burns: Now, we both want a fair union settlement, don't we? There's no reason for a strike...

Homer's Brain: Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?

Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Homer's Brain: Wait a minute... is he coming on to me?

Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows...

Homer's Brain: Oh my god, he IS coming on to me!

Burns: If I were to slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?

Homer's Brain: GYAAAHHH!!! 

Homer: Mr. Burns, I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans! Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious. But the answer is no!

[Reply #190 on:]

 

Originally posted by Kryten:
 

Originally posted by Nurdbot:
Dentist:Maggie's Teeth are comeing in crooked.. is she sucking a Pacifier?
Marge:ummmm not to my Knowledge
Dentist:LIAR!!!

Dentist:How many time a day do you Brush your Teeth boy?
Ralph:3 times a Day sir..
Dentist:...why must you turn my Office into a House of Lies?

*Burns and Smither walk down a coridoor..while the Batman Movie theme is playing there a Burns head shape in the wall he sticks his head a Door opnes,There an Another door he puts he hand on hand scanner the door opens then they come to two poles 1 on the left has a sign saying Burns the Other Smither's they slide down them there in an old Libary Burns stands infront of a booki case and takes an Book the Book case swing around we se a Computer room a dog has just entered and is sniffing Around an Baterd screen door can be seen*
Burns:Oh For God's sake *kicks the Dog out and slams the door*

My favotite episode!


Burns: Now, we both want a fair union settlement, don't we? There's no reason for a strike...

Homer's Brain: Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?

Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Homer's Brain: Wait a minute... is he coming on to me?

Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows...

Homer's Brain: Oh my god, he IS coming on to me!

Burns: If I were to slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?

Homer's Brain: GYAAAHHH!!!   

Homer: Mr. Burns, I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans! Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious. But the answer is no!

THAT bit was scary.i never knew Burns would go so low.

[Reply #191 on:]

When the weight of the world has got you down
and you want to end your life
bils to pay, a dead-end job
and problems with the wife
But don't throw in the towel
'cause there's a place right down the block
where you can drink your misery away.

At Flaming Moe's
Let's all go to Flaming Moe's
Let's all go to Flaming Moe's
When liquor in a mug
can warm you like a hug
and happiness is just a Flaming Moe away
happiness is just a Flaming Moe away.

Homer: "Stupid trash...rotten, stinking...hate world, revenge soon....take out on everybody..."

(Homer's about to go to sea in a nuclear sub)
Bart: "Hey, Homer. Bring me back a torpedo."
Homer: "No."
Bart: "But Flanders got his kids torpedoes."
Homer: "Oh, he did, did he? I'll show him! I'll bring you a weapon of unimaginable destructive power!"

Barney: "The engine room has sprung a leak! It's filling with a clear nonalcoholic liquid."

[Reply #192 on:]

LOVE the flaming moes episode  "And as we pass the collection plate, please give as if the person next to you was watching."

[Reply #193 on:]

heres a collection of milhouse quotes:


"sorry, bart,I'm gonna hang out with lisa, for protection, and to be seen!"

"How could this happen?? We started out like romeo and juliet but it ended up in tragedy"

"Sure we have order-but at what price?!!"

(a drunken milhouse hugs bart) "this guy, here..........THIS is the guy.."

"my dads a pretty big wheel, down at the cracker factory"

[Reply #194 on:]

"Remember when you killed my goldfish? And then you lied and said I never had a goldfish? Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why... did... I... have... the... bowl?"

[Reply #195 on:]

yay im an idiot!

[Reply #196 on:]

This one's always on the commercial:

Milhouse - It's like Rush 2, but instead of a boat, its a bus!

it goes something like that.

[Reply #197 on:]

 

Originally posted by ShineyMetal@$$:
This one's always on the commercial:

Milhouse - It's like Rush 2, but instead of a boat, its a bus!

it goes something like that.

That's Speed 2. Otherwise, it isn't funny.

[Reply #198 on:]

I got the idea from that movie about a SPEEDing bus that SPEEDS around town and it can't go below the SPEED of 55, because if it does, it'll explode!  I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

[Reply #199 on:]

 

Originally posted by Kryten:
 That's Speed 2. Otherwise, it isn't funny.

Please Refer to previous post:
 

Originally posted by ShineyMetal@$$: yay im an idiot!