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PEEL - The Futurama Message Board    It's got a TV!    the great simpsons quote thread.. « previous next »
Author Topic: the great simpsons quote thread..  (Read 5323 times)
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diagnostic

Bending Unit
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« on: 09-22-2001 07:21 »

i dont think this has been done before but anyways, the simpsons has a seemingly never-ending amount of good quotes and one liners so i thought that i should open up a topic dedicated to all the funny quotes

bart: look at that hunk o' junk.

grampa: oh,jah,wha.....your ignorant! thats the wright brothers plane! At kitty hawk in 1903, charles lindbergh flew it 15 miles on a thimbleful of corn oil.Single-handedly won us the civil war it did..

bart:so how do you know so much about american history?

grampa: I peiced it together,mostly from sugar packets.

"your son is a very sick boy. Just look at these X-rays! you see that dark spot there? Whiplash, and that smudge here that looks like my fingerprint? No. Thats trauma"
Greg Durand
Bending Unit
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« Reply #1 on: 09-22-2001 08:25 »
« Last Edit on: 09-22-2001 08:25 »

Lisa S.. No wait, too revealing, L. Simpson.

Jasper- Who shot who in the what now?

Homer- I have misplaced my pants.

   
iFil!

Delivery Boy
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« Reply #2 on: 09-22-2001 08:43 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Greg Durand:

Homer- I have misplaced my pants.


Speaking of pants...

"Hey, Pally! Why don't you invent yourself some pants!"
  evil laugh
Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #3 on: 09-22-2001 11:05 »

Krusty: So, two suits walk up to me, and ask me to endorse their new car!"
Homer: Don't you just hate pants?
Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #4 on: 09-22-2001 11:05 »

D'oh!
Chump

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #5 on: 09-22-2001 11:07 »

Homer: Marge? Wheres my pants?
Marge: You threw them out the window in a fit of passion, you said you'd never need them again!
-outside-
Maude: Hurry Neddy! They're awful!
Ned: You just be ready with that garbage bag.
Chump

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #6 on: 09-22-2001 11:08 »

Belle: Mr. Simpson, your son snuck onto private propery, and destroyed a very old and valuable gargoyle. So... are you wearing a grocery bag?
Homer: I've misplaced my pants.
DRH

Bending Unit
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« Reply #7 on: 09-22-2001 11:20 »
« Last Edit on: 09-22-2001 11:20 »

Homer: Ohh..you little.......!!!!!!!
Homer: Beer, my only weeknes!
iFil!

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #8 on: 09-22-2001 16:40 »

Oh milhouse, of course I've seen you cry before. You cry when there's long division with a remainder left over.
Holly J. Fry

PISS-Leader
Starship Captain
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« Reply #9 on: 09-22-2001 16:46 »

"Mel Brooks is Jewish?!"

"You may feel a slight ringing in your ears. Fortunately, you'll be nowhere hear them"

"Why don't we go cheer up the old folks?"
"Well, they'll have to be pretty miserable to make me feel better."
diagnostic

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #10 on: 09-22-2001 19:55 »

Marge:i cant beleive your giving up church homer.

Homer:hey,whats the big deal about going to some building every sunday? i mean, isn't God everywhere?

Bart: Amen, brother!
diagnostic

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #11 on: 09-22-2001 19:59 »

Bart: hey apu, this bag of ice has a head in it.

Apu: oooooh! A head bag! Those are chock full of............heady goodness.
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #12 on: 09-22-2001 21:03 »

Willie: Bonjourrrrrr.... ya cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys!

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Grampa: Now, my story begins in Nineteen-Dickety-Two. We had to say "Dickety", 'cause the Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty". I chased after that rascal to get it back... but gave up after dickety-six miles...
(laughter)
Martin: Dickety. Highly dubious.
Grampa: What're you cacklin' at, fatty? Too much pie, that's yer problem!
(shocked gasps)
Grampa: Now, I'd like to digress from my prepared remarks, to discuss how I invented the terlet.
Mrs. Krabappel: Terlet. HAH!
Grampa: Quit yer snickerin'! I spent THREE YEARS on that terlet!

Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #13 on: 09-22-2001 21:14 »

I saw principal Skinner and Miss Krabapple in the closet and they were making babies and I saw one of the babies, the baby looked at me

She's touching my special area!
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #14 on: 09-22-2001 22:51 »

"I heard your father went into a restaurant and he ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant."

rach_the_tall

Space Pope
****
« Reply #15 on: 09-23-2001 04:10 »

"Why are there muddy clawprints in my kitchen?"
"Oh, Pincy got muddy chasing birds across the lawn, so I took him upstairs, and put him in a nice, hot bath."
"What's that delicious smell?"
"Pincy? PINCY!!!"
diagnostic

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #16 on: 09-23-2001 07:26 »

Bart: Look, if i was under 17 i'd be in school, right?

Ticket seller: Yeah, i guess your right. Enjoy Boob-A-Rama, sir

"your son is a very sick boy. Just look at these X-rays! you see that dark spot there? Whiplash, and that smudge here that looks like my fingerprint? No. Thats trauma"
Tweek

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #17 on: 09-23-2001 11:19 »

Homer: Marge, look at me: we've been separated for a day, and I'm as
       dirty as a Frenchman.  In another few hours I'll be dead!  I
       can't afford to lose your trust again.

Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #18 on: 09-23-2001 11:28 »

I'm all for going out into space, as long as we don't go to that horrible planet of the apes . . . wait a minute, Statue of Liberty?  THAT WAS EARTH!  YOU BLEW IT UP!  DAMN YOU!  DAMN YOU TO HELL!

Incidently, that "unexploded nuclear warhead" scene in 2nd That Emotion makes a lot more sense after you've seen Beneath the PLanet of the Apes
M. Proctor

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #19 on: 09-23-2001 12:19 »

Homer: Uruguay. You are gay!
Hitchhiker

Bending Unit
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« Reply #20 on: 09-23-2001 12:25 »

No tv and no beer make homer go crazy...

Homer: "This is my fat! What are you doing with my fat! Give it back!"

Homer: "D'oh! Nuts! ... Mmmm,Donuts..."
diagnostic

Bending Unit
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« Reply #21 on: 09-23-2001 15:46 »

"Wake up and smell your husband, marge"
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #22 on: 09-23-2001 16:31 »

I probably have this quote wrong, but what the hell...

"Ach! Das ist nicht eine boobie!"
Hitchhiker

Bending Unit
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« Reply #23 on: 09-23-2001 16:37 »

Homer: "Three simple words. I am gay."

Homer: "Mmmm...free goo!"

diagnostic

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #24 on: 09-23-2001 16:42 »

"where my soul will be chopped into confetti and strewn apon a parade of murderers and single mothers..."
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #25 on: 09-23-2001 16:44 »
« Last Edit on: 09-23-2001 16:44 »

Some Apu-isms...

"Let's take a relaxed attitude toward work and watch the baseball match. The Nye Mets are my favorite squadron."

"Hello, I am not interested in purchasing your house, but I would like to use your bathroom, thumb through your magazines and rearrange your carefully shelved items... Ha! See how YOU like it!"

"Thank you, steal again."


------------------
           

"My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but
tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward,
and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom."
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #26 on: 09-23-2001 20:16 »

Bart: "I need a soul, Ralph, any soul!"

Lisa: "Don't you remember dad, Flanders is the supreme ruler of Earth."
Homer: "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Alex Whitney: "Don't be such a Phoebe." (But only funny if you know that Lisa Kudrow does the voice of Alex Whitney.)
Garbage Picker

Bending Unit
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« Reply #27 on: 09-23-2001 20:30 »

homer: Hi, my name is Max Powers
some guy: Wow, great name
homer: thanks, i got it off a hair dryer

captain: homer, what do you want out of life?
homer: i want peas
captain: oh we all want peace, but its just to far out of reach
homer: ohhhh yeah
captain: so how do we get peace
homer: with a knife
captain: exacly, not with the olive branch but with the baenette(sp?). homer your like the son i never had
homer: and your like the father i never visit
Garbage Picker

Bending Unit
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« Reply #28 on: 09-23-2001 20:31 »

Drippy is gonna have fun in this thread
Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #29 on: 09-23-2001 23:12 »

Mmm . . . sacrilicious . . .
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #30 on: 09-23-2001 23:23 »

Mmmm... organized crime...

FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #31 on: 09-23-2001 23:52 »

Mmmmm...64 slices of cheese.

63

62...
rach_the_tall

Space Pope
****
« Reply #32 on: 09-24-2001 09:53 »

On Pixy stix....
" you little pixie, you are as sweet as the candy that shares your name!"

"mom says we're not allowed to have sugar!"
"there's no sugar in Pixy stix..."
Homer...
" Moe, I have this friend, and he has a problem..."
"what's his name?"
"Joey, Joe Jo Junior Gemonoro.."
"I'm sorry Homer, but that is the worst name I have ever heard."::man runs out of moes::
"hey, Joey Joe Jo!"

"Homer no function beer well without."

"No beer and no TV make Homer something something..."
"Go crazy?"
"Don't mind If I do!!!"
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #33 on: 09-24-2001 11:27 »

"Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me."
"What's your first name?"
"...I don't know."

diagnostic

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #34 on: 09-24-2001 15:51 »
« Last Edit on: 09-24-2001 15:51 »

moe: am i really that ugly?

carl: dont say that moe, thats like asking, is lenny really that pathetic, is barny really that drunk?, is homer really that stupid, bald and fat?

(lenny barney and homer start bawling like babies)

carl: this is why i dont talk much.

"your son is a very sick boy. Just look at these X-rays! you see that dark spot there? Whiplash, and that smudge here that looks like my fingerprint? No. Thats trauma"
Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #35 on: 09-24-2001 16:00 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by diagnostic:
(lenny barney and homer get depressed)

Didn't they start bawling like babies?

Anyway . . .

You said if I slept with you I wouldn't have to touch the drunk!
Duffman says a lot of things, OH YEAH!

There's a mug you DON'T wanna chug!

Duffman . . . can't breathe . . . OH NO!

Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem

I have a thousand years of power.
"NOOOOO HE WAS MY BROTHER!" and then got tired and slept.


"He has the special talent, though, of being able to help people and make them feel utterly stupid all at the same time. ... In short, he's a great moderator, but a terrible human being."
-SlackJawedMoron
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #36 on: 09-24-2001 16:05 »

"New feelings brewing in Duffman... what... would... Jesus do?"

Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #37 on: 09-24-2001 16:10 »

Duff wholeheartedly supports the designated driver program now who wants to PARTY?
diagnostic

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #38 on: 09-24-2001 16:16 »

"this brown patch needs a little H20.....OH YEAH!"
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #39 on: 09-24-2001 16:31 »

Skinner: "Don't worry that little mishap will soon be forgotten."  (Suddenly in a very bitter voice) "Just as they forgot about me in the tiger cage for 18 months in Nam. And when I came home the spat at me, I can still remember how it stinged (?)."

Bart: (Singing) Jingle bells, batman smells, Robin laid an egg, the batmobil lost a wheel, the joker got away.....(UURKK)"

Don't confuse not caring with not knowing!
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