the great simpsons quote thread..

[on:]

i dont think this has been done before but anyways, the simpsons has a seemingly never-ending amount of good quotes and one liners so i thought that i should open up a topic dedicated to all the funny quotes

bart: look at that hunk o' junk.

grampa: oh,jah,wha.....your ignorant! thats the wright brothers plane! At kitty hawk in 1903, charles lindbergh flew it 15 miles on a thimbleful of corn oil.Single-handedly won us the civil war it did..

bart:so how do you know so much about american history?

grampa: I peiced it together,mostly from sugar packets.

[Reply #1 on:]

Lisa S.. No wait, too revealing, L. Simpson.

Jasper- Who shot who in the what now?

Homer- I have misplaced my pants.

[Reply #2 on:]

 

Originally posted by Greg Durand:

Homer- I have misplaced my pants.

Speaking of pants...

"Hey, Pally! Why don't you invent yourself some pants!"
 

[Reply #3 on:]

Krusty: So, two suits walk up to me, and ask me to endorse their new car!"
Homer: Don't you just hate pants?

[Reply #4 on:]

D'oh!

[Reply #5 on:]

Homer: Marge? Wheres my pants?
Marge: You threw them out the window in a fit of passion, you said you'd never need them again!
-outside-
Maude: Hurry Neddy! They're awful!
Ned: You just be ready with that garbage bag.

[Reply #6 on:]

Belle: Mr. Simpson, your son snuck onto private propery, and destroyed a very old and valuable gargoyle. So... are you wearing a grocery bag?
Homer: I've misplaced my pants.

[Reply #7 on:]

Homer: Ohh..you little.......!!!!!!!
Homer: Beer, my only weeknes!

[Reply #8 on:]

Oh milhouse, of course I've seen you cry before. You cry when there's long division with a remainder left over.

[Reply #9 on:]

"Mel Brooks is Jewish?!"

"You may feel a slight ringing in your ears. Fortunately, you'll be nowhere hear them"

"Why don't we go cheer up the old folks?"
"Well, they'll have to be pretty miserable to make me feel better."

[Reply #10 on:]

Marge:i cant beleive your giving up church homer.

Homer:hey,whats the big deal about going to some building every sunday? i mean, isn't God everywhere?

Bart: Amen, brother!

[Reply #11 on:]

Bart: hey apu, this bag of ice has a head in it.

Apu: oooooh! A head bag! Those are chock full of............heady goodness.

[Reply #12 on:]

Willie: Bonjourrrrrr.... ya cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys!

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Grampa: Now, my story begins in Nineteen-Dickety-Two. We had to say "Dickety", 'cause the Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty". I chased after that rascal to get it back... but gave up after dickety-six miles...
(laughter)
Martin: Dickety. Highly dubious.
Grampa: What're you cacklin' at, fatty? Too much pie, that's yer problem!
(shocked gasps)
Grampa: Now, I'd like to digress from my prepared remarks, to discuss how I invented the terlet.
Mrs. Krabappel: Terlet. HAH!
Grampa: Quit yer snickerin'! I spent THREE YEARS on that terlet!

[Reply #13 on:]

I saw principal Skinner and Miss Krabapple in the closet and they were making babies and I saw one of the babies, the baby looked at me

She's touching my special area!

[Reply #14 on:]

"I heard your father went into a restaurant and he ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant."

[Reply #15 on:]

"Why are there muddy clawprints in my kitchen?"
"Oh, Pincy got muddy chasing birds across the lawn, so I took him upstairs, and put him in a nice, hot bath."
"What's that delicious smell?"
"Pincy? PINCY!!!"

[Reply #16 on:]

Bart: Look, if i was under 17 i'd be in school, right?

Ticket seller: Yeah, i guess your right. Enjoy Boob-A-Rama, sir

[Reply #17 on:]

Homer: Marge, look at me: we've been separated for a day, and I'm as
       dirty as a Frenchman.  In another few hours I'll be dead!  I
       can't afford to lose your trust again.

[Reply #18 on:]

I'm all for going out into space, as long as we don't go to that horrible planet of the apes . . . wait a minute, Statue of Liberty?  THAT WAS EARTH!  YOU BLEW IT UP!  DAMN YOU!  DAMN YOU TO HELL!

Incidently, that "unexploded nuclear warhead" scene in 2nd That Emotion makes a lot more sense after you've seen Beneath the PLanet of the Apes

[Reply #19 on:]

Homer: Uruguay. You are gay!

[Reply #20 on:]

No tv and no beer make homer go crazy...

Homer: "This is my fat! What are you doing with my fat! Give it back!"

Homer: "D'oh! Nuts! ... Mmmm,Donuts..."

[Reply #21 on:]

"Wake up and smell your husband, marge"

[Reply #22 on:]

I probably have this quote wrong, but what the hell...

"Ach! Das ist nicht eine boobie!"

[Reply #23 on:]

Homer: "Three simple words. I am gay."

Homer: "Mmmm...free goo!"

[Reply #24 on:]

"where my soul will be chopped into confetti and strewn apon a parade of murderers and single mothers..."

[Reply #25 on:]

Some Apu-isms...

"Let's take a relaxed attitude toward work and watch the baseball match. The Nye Mets are my favorite squadron."

"Hello, I am not interested in purchasing your house, but I would like to use your bathroom, thumb through your magazines and rearrange your carefully shelved items... Ha! See how YOU like it!"

"Thank you, steal again."


------------------
           

"My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but
tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward,
and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom."

[Reply #26 on:]

Bart: "I need a soul, Ralph, any soul!"

Lisa: "Don't you remember dad, Flanders is the supreme ruler of Earth."
Homer: "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Alex Whitney: "Don't be such a Phoebe." (But only funny if you know that Lisa Kudrow does the voice of Alex Whitney.)

[Reply #27 on:]

homer: Hi, my name is Max Powers
some guy: Wow, great name
homer: thanks, i got it off a hair dryer

captain: homer, what do you want out of life?
homer: i want peas
captain: oh we all want peace, but its just to far out of reach
homer: ohhhh yeah
captain: so how do we get peace
homer: with a knife
captain: exacly, not with the olive branch but with the baenette(sp?). homer your like the son i never had
homer: and your like the father i never visit

[Reply #28 on:]

Drippy is gonna have fun in this thread

[Reply #29 on:]

Mmm . . . sacrilicious . . .

[Reply #30 on:]

Mmmm... organized crime...

[Reply #31 on:]

Mmmmm...64 slices of cheese.

63

62...

[Reply #32 on:]

On Pixy stix....
" you little pixie, you are as sweet as the candy that shares your name!"

"mom says we're not allowed to have sugar!"
"there's no sugar in Pixy stix..."
Homer...
" Moe, I have this friend, and he has a problem..."
"what's his name?"
"Joey, Joe Jo Junior Gemonoro.."
"I'm sorry Homer, but that is the worst name I have ever heard."::man runs out of moes::
"hey, Joey Joe Jo!"

"Homer no function beer well without."

"No beer and no TV make Homer something something..."
"Go crazy?"
"Don't mind If I do!!!"

[Reply #33 on:]

"Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me."
"What's your first name?"
"...I don't know."

[Reply #34 on:]

moe: am i really that ugly?

carl: dont say that moe, thats like asking, is lenny really that pathetic, is barny really that drunk?, is homer really that stupid, bald and fat?

(lenny barney and homer start bawling like babies)

carl: this is why i dont talk much.

[Reply #35 on:]

 

Originally posted by diagnostic:
(lenny barney and homer get depressed)

Didn't they start bawling like babies?

Anyway . . .

You said if I slept with you I wouldn't have to touch the drunk!
Duffman says a lot of things, OH YEAH!

There's a mug you DON'T wanna chug!

Duffman . . . can't breathe . . . OH NO!

Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem

[Reply #36 on:]

"New feelings brewing in Duffman... what... would... Jesus do?"

[Reply #37 on:]

Duff wholeheartedly supports the designated driver program now who wants to PARTY?

[Reply #38 on:]

"this brown patch needs a little H20.....OH YEAH!"

[Reply #39 on:]

Skinner: "Don't worry that little mishap will soon be forgotten."  (Suddenly in a very bitter voice) "Just as they forgot about me in the tiger cage for 18 months in Nam. And when I came home the spat at me, I can still remember how it stinged (?)."

Bart: (Singing) Jingle bells, batman smells, Robin laid an egg, the batmobil lost a wheel, the joker got away.....(UURKK)"