Lord of the Movies: The Return of the Review Thread

[Reply #720 on:]

 

Originally posted by termos:
I've also read about a rip-off of the Danish TV series "Riget" (The Kingdom). I heard it sucked, but I haven't seen it myself. Why oh why must remakes always be worse than the originals, and why do we need them anyway? I mean even children can read subtitles.

It's re-made by Stephen King so it must be good! I mean, just look a Maximum Overdrive.

But I'm sure you're also thrilled to learn that "Rejseholdet" (Unit One) has been sold to ABC to be remade in an American version.

[Reply #721 on:]

NOOOOOO!

Oh well, I didn't like it THAT much anyway 

Speaking of Stephen King... Is it just me, or is Stanley Kubrick's version of "The Shining" a million times better times than King's version?

[Reply #722 on:]

 

Originally posted by OC_James:
The Grudge

Synopsis - An American woman is somehow related to some Japanese family, whose last name I forget. Anyway, the last members of the Japanese family are all knocked off when the mother finds out the husband has been having sex with their son. Now this is called replacing storyline with controversy, but I find it best not to talk about such controversial matters. The mother then offs herself and American chick (Sarah Michelle Gellar) gets the house. The first weird thing to happen to the heir is that her cat goes missing. Where is the cat? Why did it leave? Why didn't it leave a note? Why is there cat blood covering an entire room? These are questions that Gellar's character stupidly can't seem to answer. Yes, despite having about 500 pounds of cat gore (trust me, there's more gore than there was cat) covering a bathroom, she assumes kitty ran away because she felt left out for some reason that's never really explained.

Turns out blue-asian-boy ate the cat...even though it was pretty obviously ripped to pieces. Now the spirit of the cat is trapped within the boy, haunting Gellar's character at every turn. In fact, blue-asian-boy makes it a point to never let Gellar forget about the fucking cat. He could've thrown a brick through her window with a note attached reading "I fucking ate your cat, woman! P.S. Your cat is dead because I fucking ate the damned thing!" and have been more subtle.

Various other things happen, such as a ghostly arm reaching out of Gellar's head to grab her ass, various secondary characters getting killed by a strange gas (carbon monoxide poisoning, maybe?), Gellar not letting a ghost onto an elevator because she's in a hurry, and a ghost forcing a character to wash his dirty, dirty hands.

Acting - Sarah Michelle Gellar is a horrible fucking actress, but everyone else is worse, making her seem much better. I mean, one guy looks into the fucking camera every two seconds for Chrissakes. The only good actor is Christopher Walken, who maks a brief, uncredited cameo as a lawyer or...something. When you have Walken in a cameo in your movie, that's a pretty big sign that it's going to suck ass. Not because Walken's a bad actor, but because he's the only person who can pull movies out of a shithole for whatever amount of time he's onscreen.

Soundtrack - I know this movie's based off of a Japanese hit, but it really could've done without all the fucking Japanapop music. I mean, I guess it's supposed to be ironic or something, but it just comes off really stupid. Also, using that horrible clone of the music from Psycho's scene shower for this movie was just not cool.

Special Effects - The CGI was decent, except for the scene when that guy disintegrates. It looked like fucking cheese melting.

Various Good Things - This is a good movie to ridicule with friends.

Various Other Bad Things - All the headache-inducing product placement. I wish I was making this up but

Show spoiler

a male character about to die offers the ghost a Mentos. I'm not sure if this was a joke or what, but it was totally out of place and totally ruined the scene.

There's also a scene where a Red Bull truck (do they even have those in Japan?) crashes into a fleeing victim.

Pros: Good cgi, good laughs
Cons: Deliberately "shocking" storyline that doesn't make up for lack of plot, bad acting, bad soundtrack, and a shitload of product-placement.

Rating: D

umm....i assume this review is somekind of smart-ass joke, because i just saw the grudge, and none of the stuff you just described happened at any point ever.

[Reply #723 on:]

Hey, it's okay, we just have different opinions of the movie. 

[Reply #724 on:]

No, i meant your synopsis didn't happen. There was no cat gore, no child raping, and Geller never owned the house. Neither did any of the 'various other stuff' you listed. I don't know if you made random guesses based on the trailer, or maybe read the manga i heard its based off of, but i'm fairly certain you never actually saw this movie.

[Reply #725 on:]

haha. That's awesome. Why don't you tell us what really happened, Venus.

[Reply #726 on:]

OCJ make up stuff? never... 

Kubrick's version was made as a movie; King's version was made for tv.  also it's quite funny, in the book The Shining, the dad uses a croquet mallet, but in the movie he uses an axe (in king's version he uses the mallet) where as in the book Misery, the obsessed fan uses an axe, but in the movie she uses a mallet/hammer.

[Reply #727 on:]

 

Originally posted by winna:
Kubrick's version was made as a movie; King's version was made for tv.

Yeah, but they're still very different. For example, Jack Nicholson is way better than the other guy. They might have the same ending, more or less, but King's was made much less disturbing, it actually almost seems like a happy ending.

[Reply #728 on:]

The Incredibles

This movie rocked my socks. It was pretty funny and even kinda sad in the same adult way that Finding Nemo was. It's like a really convincing Action/Superhero movie, better than nearly anything with live actors because the environments and effects didn't have that disjointed look that makes it so annoying to watch something like Sky Captain nowadays. And the advances in animation are always so well-used in Pixar films, not like in that creepy-looking Final Fantasy movie where everything looks creepy or too shiny.

Super A+ (that's a little graphic design nerd humor for you)

And how can you not love "Coach" and Wallace Shawn? You can't not, that's how!

[Reply #729 on:]

Thanx VF, I was wondering when one of you guys in the US would get around to seeing/reviewing The Increadibles. I've been looking foward to it for nearly a year, but it's not out here for a coupla weeks. That's awesome that it's good...

[Reply #730 on:]

Well it just came out Friday, and I saw it Saturday at 10 am. Fast enough for ya? 

[Reply #731 on:]

I saw Resident Evil Apocalypse yesterday and I loved it....!
They threw in a lot of things from the game (much like the first one) and it was cool how Nemesis looked exactly like he did in Res Evil 3 (PS)

I can't be bothered reviewing it properly but if you liked the first one and are a fan of the genre, and the game then go see it....

One funny thing though apart from me and my brother there were only 2 other people in the cinema (5PM on a Sunday is not prime time) so I didn't bother turning off my mobile phone....the chances of getting a call on a Sunday were remote....anyway during the movie there's a quiet part where there's nothing happening then all of a sudden this phone rings....and then my phone rang at about the same time ....freaky shit....

[Reply #732 on:]

Alien vs. Predator:
Well, it didn't suck outright, but it seemed kinda short to me, everything was rushed it seems.   

Good things: Aliens, Predators, fights between previous said species, leaving it open for a sequal (kinda).

Bad things:

Show spoiler

Ewen Bremner getting killed, HE should have been the survivor!!
Also, humans getting wiped out without really making a pathetic effort to fight (well, some did).

Seeing it has only reinforced my theory that they borrowed some stuff from the Stargate franchise: alien race, become gods, build pyramids, use humans for really shitty jobs mostly involving death
There's even a line from and SG-1 episode: "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." (Crystal Skull).

Good film despite crappy quality I've seen it in (not cinema  )
B

[Reply #733 on:]

The Incredibles

Brad Bird is a genius.  Pixar has the ability to get the best out of talented people.  Mix the two, and you get one of the best films I've seen all year.

This is a great movie.  It's so good, I was leaving the theatre and thinking "I want to see this movie again RIGHT NOW."  Granted, it's not as funny as Pixar's least few films, but it makes up for it in genuine excitement.  This film doesn't want to be a comedy, anyway - it's an out-and-out action film.  It also probably has the highest body count of any animated movie Disney's ever put their name on.

If nothing else, I hope this film convinces some studio to give Bird the money to do Ray Gunn.

Rating: A+

[Reply #734 on:]

Ying Xiong (Hero)
Gorgeous. Absolutely stunning visually (except for those two seconds when you could see Jet Li's sideburns were totally fake)
But yeah, a beautiful film no doubt, Jet Li is really cool as his usual stony faced, lonely warrior, Nameless.
The rest of the cast is great, mainly the Emporer, Broken Sword (especially when, an arrow breaks the stick he's doing calligraphy with, and he just catches another one and uses that    ), and Moon (Zhang Ziyi) is so damn pretty.   

I liked the story, it was moving.
And I liked the way all the soldiers/guards sucked complete ass vs. two people.   

The trailer for House of Flying Daggers was with it and now I want to see that aswell.

A+

[Reply #735 on:]

EDITED:

[Reply #736 on:]

 

Originally posted by termos:
 

Originally posted by winna:
Kubrick's version was made as a movie; King's version was made for tv.

Yeah, but they're still very different. For example, Jack Nicholson is way better than the other guy. They might have the same ending, more or less, but King's was made much less disturbing, it actually almost seems like a happy ending.

Again, you can do more with a movie movie than you can with a tv movie.  Actually the tv movie was pretty freaky during many parts considering it was shown on television.  And who says you can't have a happy ending at the end? 

RE:A has hooker zombies... nuff said 

[Reply #737 on:]

Something old, and something new.

The Incredibles
A greatmovie. I personally love superhero stuff like this. Syndrom was my favortie charctor, being a huge Jason Lee fan. I give the film an A.

Bordello of Blood
I was born WAY after the Tales of the Crypt comics were on racks. I was but and infant when the TV show was in it's fourth season. Today, I saw the first three episodes as well as the second movie. I liked Dennis Miller's comedy as well as the Crypt Keeper scenes. It wasn't the best film, but a good one noe the less. I give it a B+

[Reply #738 on:]

 

Originally posted by Woodbot 2.0:
The Incredibles
A greatmovie. I personally love superhero stuff like this. Syndrom was my favortie charctor, being a huge Jason Lee fan. I give the film an A.

Agreed, I thought this movie was great, in fact my favorite Pixar made movie... That's probably because I'm into the supurhero stuff also. I thought the story's concept was unique, making even more enjoyable.

[Reply #739 on:]

Anyone seen napolean dynamite? It looks kinda cool. Just wondering if anyone has any feedback?

[Reply #740 on:]

Bridget Jones: Renee Zellweger Ate All The Pies

I can understand why women kinda get pissed off with Helen Fieldings books and these movies.  It's a stretch to believe that all single women are as obsessed with chocolate, and the size of their thighs as this.

That said, it was inoffensive enough to go by, and there were a few laughs, mainly involving Renee Zellweger falling on her fat arse.

Hugh Grant and Colin Firth are the Jet Li and Chow Yun Fat of crap fighting.

6/10

[Reply #741 on:]

 

Originally posted by Melllvar
Hugh Grant and Colin Firth are the Jet Li and Chow Yun Fat of crap fighting.

That's the only reason I can sit through the first movie more than once in my lifetime.  If they get into it again, I may have to go see this movie.

There is little more satisfying to the American male then seeing Hugh Grant get his ass knocked through a plate glass window.

[Reply #742 on:]

Bridget Jones – The Edged of reason.

I my god I really love Bridget. She is so ditzy and loveable. I want to be just like her apart from being fat. Mark Darcy definitely makes a perfect boyfriend for Bridget and Colin Firm is (yet again) really good looking in the movie. I want a boyfriend like him.

 

Originally posted by Melllvar:
Hugh Grant and Colin Firth are the Jet Li and Chow Yun Fat of crap fighting.

Yes that fight was lame but I just love it where they used that line like they used in the first movie. “Ok let’s go, outside” something like that.

I am really going to get this movie when it comes out on DVD.

-----------------

[Reply #743 on:]

My friend got dragged to see it, and he didn't see the first one so didn't get all the large underpants jokes that are apparently in it.

Ha, girlfriends suck.

[Reply #744 on:]

 

Originally posted by Juliet:
I want to be just like her apart from being fat.

Isn't she played by Renee Zellweger?  If that's your idea of fat, I'd hate to see what you think thin looks like.

[Reply #745 on:]

Zellweger gained weight for the part (even though she's still like a six or so...)  It's part of the character to at least think she's overweight.

I actually found her more attractive in the original Bridget Jones then in, say, Chicago.

(And for you information, I was dragged to both of those by a woman.

[Reply #746 on:]

The Spongebob Movie

Holy shit. I'm pretty sure I pissed myself while watching this movie. It was absolutely hilarious.

Go See It.

A+++++

[Reply #747 on:]

I completely agree with Nasty Pasty. I was laughing to the point of crying at the Spongebob Movie.

I don't care what you're doing, just go see it right now.

[Reply #748 on:]

 

Originally posted by Nerd-o-rama:
(And for you information, I was dragged to both of those by a woman.

I was dragged to see Little Black Book eariler this Summer by a woman. It sucked.

[Reply #749 on:]

 

Originally posted by Dr. Morberg:
I completely agree with Nasty Pasty. I was laughing to the point of crying at the Spongebob Movie.

I don't care what you're doing, just go see it right now.

I would do, but it's not out here until February next year 

Anyway, I did manage to see a preview of The Increadibles today! I loved it, especially the beginning and end. The middle started to go down a bit on the island, but it was bookendd with awesomeness. One of Pixars best, look foward to the DVD! 

A-

What's with that short at the beginning with the sheep though, are they trying to freak us out or what?...

[Reply #750 on:]

 

Originally posted by Otis P Jivefunk:
What's with that short at the beginning with the sheep though, are they trying to freak us out or what?...

I was saying that also, that short made no sense to me at all.

[Reply #751 on:]

 

Originally posted by mikey:
Anyone seen napolean dynamite? It looks kinda cool. Just wondering if anyone has any feedback?

read some old posts. Jeff and I hated it, but some people loved it.

[Reply #752 on:]

I saw collateral last weekend. I thought it was awesome. A+

[Reply #753 on:]

 

Originally posted by Nerd-o-rama:
Zellweger gained weight for the part (even though she's still like a six or so...)  It's part of the character to at least think she's overweight.

I actually found her more attractive in the original Bridget Jones then in, say, Chicago.

Agreed.  She didn't gain that much weight, and does does look good with a little meat on her.

I do thing they somewhat overdid the "bridget falls over, how hilarious!" jokes.

[Reply #754 on:]

Or bridget gets splashed with water, oh my. Apparently the movie is pretty much a remake of the first and has been getting bad reviews here.

[Reply #755 on:]

The Manchurian Candidate
Pretty damn strange and freaky, but pretty good too. Worth seeing.
B+

[Reply #756 on:]

Heh, Saw was awesome. Fucking sick, but awesome.
B

[Reply #757 on:]

To Sir, With love

Oldie but amazing. Sidney Poitier gave a stunning performance, Lulu wasn't that bad either. It's a great movie about a teacher who changes kids in a East End London School. The whole movie was really emotional, and watching people transition from children to adults was a joy to watch.

A

[Reply #758 on:]

Hero
Truly a great movie. The constantly changing storyline was nice, and the colour scheme used in each different version of the storyline added to the fun.
The best character was undoubtably the Emperor, with his vibrating anger and contempt, even though I had no idea what he was saying without the subtitles.
Unfortunately, this whiny idiot who complained about a friend and I whispering completely ruined it for me. Before anybody says anything about talking in movie theatres, there was literally an entire theatre with about five people total in it, and we were there first. And besides, the little dialogue in Hero was gibberish for him without the subtitles.
B+

[Reply #759 on:]

Napoleon dynamite A

Possibly the greatest movie I have seen in the last 1/2 year. Loved it.