The Great Quote Thread

[on:]

Post your favorite quotes here. Here's one from Angel...


"How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night thing?
"No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair! Never the hair!"
"But there must be some way I can show my appreciation?"
"No, helping those in need's my job, and working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough."
"I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so..."
"Say no more. Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away."

[Reply #1 on:]

"Somewhere between Cleanliness and Godliness lies Compulsion."-Saturday Night Live

[Reply #2 on:]

He who disagrees with me in private, call him a fool. He who disagrees with me in public, call him an ambulance.

What do you get the man who has everything? Might I suggest a gravesone enscribed with the words: so what?

People rarely listen to what I say. I do not expect them to. One cannot expect dwarves to queue for the rack.

What should one say after making love? Thank you seems too much. I'm sorry - not enough.

I remember when I posed as a customs officer so that I could meet Oscar Wilde. I said to him "Have you anything to declare?" He said "I have nothing to declare but my genius." I said "I'll put that down as nothing then shall I?" For I am the wittiest man on Earth.
 
It is the vanity of women to spend hours in front of the mirror. It is the vanity of men not to bother.

The electric guitar - like making love - is much improved by a little feedback, completely ruined by too much.

He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. Indeed - likewise he who lives by the pen, he who lives by the word processor, he who who lives by the fax machine all shall die by the sword. Only he who lives by the tank shall remain immune.

Horses sweat. Gentlemen perspire. Women sweat and perspire - and shit and piss and menstruate, but you wouln never guess that to look at them. With their faces.

If a million monkies were given a million typewriters, eventually one of them might produce the complete works of Shakespeare but to reach it would it be worth wading through four hundred copies of "Money" by Martin Amis?

Like many supermodels, I won't get out of bed for less than £3000. Unlike many supermodels, I don't get out of bed very often.

A million monkeys were given a million typewriters. It's called the internet.

All Simon Munnery

[Reply #3 on:]

 

Originally posted by Kryten:
Post your favorite quotes here. Here's one from Angel...


"How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night thing?
"No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair! Never the hair!"
"But there must be some way I can show my appreciation?"
"No, helping those in need's my job, and working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough."
"I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so..."
"Say no more. Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away."

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!         

that is like the best quote from angel! i love it when spike was up on that rooftop doing their voices!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

[Reply #4 on:]

Pain is weakness leaving the body.

[Reply #5 on:]

heres a long one from blackadder:
melchett:' now, george, do you remember when I came down to visit you for your 6th birthday - you had a rabbit, beautiful litle thing, do you remember?'
george: 'flossy.'
M: 'that's right, and do you remember what happened to Flossy?'
G: 'You shot him.'
M: 'Thats right. it was the kindest thing to do, after all, he had been run over by that car.'
G: ' By your car, sir.'
M: Yes, by my car, yes, but that too was an act of mercy after you remember that dog had been set on him.'
G: ' Your dog, sir.'
M: 'Yes, yes my dog, but what I'm trying to say George, is the state your Flossy was in after he'd been scraped off my front tyre is very much the state young Blackadder will be in now, if not very nearly dead, then very actually dead.'
G: 'permission for lip to wobble, sir'
M: 'Permission granted. stout fellow.'
G: 'surely, sir, you must at least let me try to save him.'
M: ' No, George, as pointless as trying to teach a woman the importance of a good forward defensive stroke. Besides, It would take some kind of superman to  get him out of there- not the sort of weed who blubs just because he is given a piece of rabbit pie instead of birthday cake.'

[Reply #6 on:]

Blackadder is great 

From Dirty Harry:
Uh,Uh punk I know what you're thinking,
Did he fire six shots or only five?
To tell you the truth I've kinda lost track myself in all this excitement,
But seeing as this is the 44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and it could blow your head clean off.
You've got to ask yourself a question,
Do you feel lucky?
Well do you? Punk

I hope I got that right it has been a while since I saw it last   

[Reply #7 on:]

 (blackadder on charlie chaplin)'I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow shot through the neck, and then discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.'
(Ludwig the evil german from blackadder 2)
'evil plots don't just make themselves you know.'
(blackadder on bob)
'you are a girl. And you're a girl with about as much talent for disguise as a giraffe in dark glasses trying to get into a polar bears only golf club.'

"as cunning as a fox who's just been appointed professor of cunning at oxford university?"
(blackadder on baldricks 'cunning' plan)

'may blood blood BLOOD be your motto! slit their 
GIZZARDS!!!'
'look, I'm afraid theres going to be a bit of.. violence. But at least we all know its for a good cause, eh?'

[Reply #8 on:]

Tis but a scratch!
A scratch?  Your arm's off!
No it isn't!
Look!
Merely a flesh wound.  C'mon, ya pansy!
::They fight::
The fight is mine!  Great Lord, we thank . . . ow, stoppit!
Chicken, chicken!
Right, I'll have your leg!
Chicken, chicken!
::Arthur hacks off a leg::
Right, I'll do you for that!
What?  What are you gonna do, bleed on me?
I AM INVINCIBLE!
You're a looney!
THE BLACK KNIGHT ALWAYS TRIUMPHS!
::Arthur cuts off other leg::
Let's call it a draw.  C'mon, Patsy!
::Arthur "rides" off::
Come back here, you yellow bastard!  I'll bite your legs off!

I know that's not exactly right, but it's been a while, ok?

[Reply #9 on:]

"Smoke me a kipper. I'll be back for breakfast."

97...
------------------
       

"I didn't ask to be Secretary of Balloon Doggies, the balloon doggies demanded it!"

[Reply #10 on:]

"It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago,
We have a full tank of gas,
Half a pack of cigerettes,
It's dark and we're wearing shades."

-The Blues Brothers

[Reply #11 on:]

I've found that kids don't like lunch.  But if they have a "Remains of the Day" lunchbox, they're a lot happier.

-Corky St. Clair
Waiting For Guffman

[Reply #12 on:]

Tips for beauty by Kaz cooke:
for men:
' drink at least six (6) glasses of water each day. These do not include beer. No, beer is not just water with hops in it, I don't care what Robbo told you.'

[Reply #13 on:]

strap down those genitals, men, we all like a tidy look.
If you wear that cravat nobody will ever have sex with you again.
wash.
we already know you have a bum crack, display is unnecessary

[Reply #14 on:]

"My friend, there are two types of people in this world. Those with loaded firearms and those who dig. You dig." Clint Eastwood.

From the Princess Bride book, Buttercup redas the first draft of her love letter
"Westley, my passion, my sweet, my only, my own. Come back, come back. I shall kill myself otherwise. Yours in torment, Buttercup. Well? Do you think I'm throwing myself at him?"

Sundance: Don't worry Butch, you'll think of something.
Butch: Well that's a load off my mind, for a while there I was worried.

More will follow. . .

[Reply #15 on:]

"Charlie don't surf"
"I love the smell of Napalm in the Morning"

-Apocalypse Now

[Reply #16 on:]

Criticism, eh? No no no no no. It's not the critic that counts, but the artist, who struggles and strives to get his or her vision out there in the public domain against all odds, against contraints financial, creative and intellectual, who mans the pumps, who rallies the troops, who mucks in to create... something!

But what do the pundits do, other than to slag them off for their efforts- critics who write, produce and create nothing , but bitch and deride others for having the audacity to try and tell a story and create something that might live on in the public domain- it's gone TOO FAR!

It's time to redress the balance in favour of the artist-creator-producer-acheiver and their need to express their vision agains all odds, especially against moribund, impotant, criticism, which is DEAD!

But wait, these artists don't live in a vacuum do they? And if they've got the arrogance to believe that they can educate, communicate, provoke and inform, well, they ought to be able to take some shit, because if I've got to sit through another ninety minutes of gack, well, I'll jolly well eat my own arse, clean off its hinges.

Nigel Buckland, Channel 4's video review show, VIDS

[Reply #17 on:]

Made it Ma, top of the world.

James Cagney (White Heat)

[Reply #18 on:]

Butch: Why can't you jump?
Sundance: I can't swim!!
Butch: What, are you crazy? The fall'll probably kill you!

[Reply #19 on:]

Newman: You'll search for him in the city sewers, while I'll look in bakeries and cafeterias.
Kramer: Okay, yes
Seinfeld: To the idiot-mobile!

don't shoot me if this is wrong.

[Reply #20 on:]

Hello.  My name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father.  Prepare to die.

[Reply #21 on:]

Is that clock right? Aw, man! I was supposed to pick up Newman 12 hours ago!

[Reply #22 on:]

 

Originally posted by Nixorbo:
Hello.  My name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father.  Prepare to die.

"Ha ha ha! You idiot! You forgot one of the most important rules in the book! The most important is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia', but only slightly less important is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!' Ha ha ha ha h---"
:thump:

[Reply #23 on:]

From the 25th anniversary edition of the Princess Bride book-
"If Miracle Max worked on him, we have hope."
"We have more than hope; we have true love!"
"Princess, you work your side of the street and I'll work mine."

[Reply #24 on:]

See, I TOLD you she would never marry that rotten Humperdink!
Yes, you're very smart.  Shut up.

Beat him your way!
Oh good, my way.  What's my way?
When he comes around the corner, hit him with a rock!
My way is not very sportsmanlike.

Go away!  Or I'll call the brute squad!
I'm on the brute squad.
You are the brute squad.

Inconceivable!
You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it means.

[Reply #25 on:]

"No more rhyming, I mean it!"
"Anybody want a peanut?"

[Reply #26 on:]

Who cares about the stupid names?
Easy for you to say, you've got a cool name.

[Reply #27 on:]

No way, no way. Tried it once, it doesn't work. You get four guys all fighting over who's gonna be Mr. Black. But they don't know each other, so nobody wants to back down. No way, I pick. You're Mr. Pink.

[Reply #28 on:]

*ot* i heard on ET tonight that a special edition Princess Bride DVD came out today...

[Reply #29 on:]

...is that Latin?

[Reply #30 on:]

It's classified. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

[Reply #31 on:]

come on, hit me before i loose my nerve.
*punch*
ooouuuuch, man you hit my ear.
i'm sorry....
no, no, it hurts, it's good.

"fight club"

[Reply #32 on:]

"did he say something about paying attention?"
"probably, I wasn't listening."

" I love my brick!"- father jack from 'father ted'

" nun! nun! reverse! reverse!"- father jack

"I'm not a facist. Facists wear black and tell people what to do, whereas priests... drink." -father ted

"I wear the cheese. It does not wear me."

" I examined the bird when I got it home, and the only reason it was staying on its perch was because it had been nailed there!"- john cleese and the ex parrot sketch

"he ( bigguth dickkuth) has a wife you know. Would you laugh, centurian if I told you her name? Its incontinentia. Incontinentia buttocks!" - the life of brian

" you look like a bird who has swallowed a plate."
" I think it makes me look rather attractive."
" to another plate swallowing bird, perhaps, who was really desperate and hadn't done it in months."

[Reply #33 on:]

Wait! Wait! I think I can explain this whole thing! Marklar, these Marklars want to change your Marklar! They don't want this Marklar or any of these Marklars to live here, because it's bad for their Marklar! They use Marklar to try and force Marklars to believe their Marklar! If you let them stay here, they will build Marklars and Marklars! They will take all your Marklars and replace them with Marklar! These Marklars have no good Marklar to live on Marklar, so they must come here to Marklar! Please, let these Marklars stay where they can grow and prosper without any Marklars, Marklars, or Marklars!

....South Park (Starvin' Marvin in Space)

[Reply #34 on:]

"Just two wet fools who forgot to knock"Washu
"..of course with so mutch little to ffer Princess..."Ryoko
"Azaka,Kamaidake elemanate him"Aeka

thats right Tenchi Muyo folks!!!

[Reply #35 on:]

"What" ain't no country I know! Do they speak English in "What?"

Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.

[Reply #36 on:]

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible, hot pink with whaleskin hub caps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115mph getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter pounder cheese burgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers and when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag and then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam container right out the side and there ain't a God damned thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why.
Two words. Nuclear fucking weapons, okay?! Russia, Germany, Romania - they can have all the Democracy they want. They can have a big democracy cake-walk right through the middle of Tiananmen square and it won't make a lick of difference because we've got the bombs, okay?! John Wayne's not dead - he's frozen. And as soon as we find the cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out the duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well multiple that by 15-million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes...- from the song 'asshole' by Denis Leary.

[Reply #37 on:]

 

Originally posted by rach_the_tall:
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible, hot pink with whaleskin hub caps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115mph getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter pounder cheese burgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers and when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag and then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam container right out the side and there ain't a God damned thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why.
Two words. Nuclear fucking weapons, okay?! Russia, Germany, Romania - they can have all the Democracy they want. They can have a big democracy cake-walk right through the middle of Tiananmen square and it won't make a lick of difference because we've got the bombs, okay?! John Wayne's not dead - he's frozen. And as soon as we find the cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out the duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well multiple that by 15-million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes...- from the song 'asshole' by Denis Leary.

. Nuclear fucking weapons is 3 words,

[Reply #38 on:]

Garak--In the Pale Moonlight: "That's why you came to see me--isn't it Captain? because you knew i could do those things you weren't capable of doing. Well, it worked. And you'll get what you want--a war between the Romulans and The Dominion. And if your conscience is bothering you, you should soothe it with the knowledge that you mat have just saved the entire Alpha Quardrant, and all it cost was the life of one Romulan senator, one criminal, and the self-respect of one Starfleet officer. I don't know about you, but i'd call that a bargain."

From Star Trek: Deep Space 9. It may not sound as impressing on paper, but the scene it's taken from is one of Trek's finest moments.


Murphy's law of combat: Professionals are predictable, amateurs is the really dangerous soldiers.

Al Bundy: "Have I ever told you about the time I scored 4 touchdowns in a single match?"

Dark Helmet: "Light speed is too slow."
Colonel Sanders: "Light speed's too slow?"
Dark Helmet: "Yes we have to go right to.......... ludicrous speed!"
Colonel Sanders: (gasp) Ludicrous speed. But Sir we've never gone that fast before, I don't know if the ship can take it."
Dark Helmet: "What's the matter, Colonel Sanders? CHICKENNN???"
Colonel Sanders: "(in a highpitched voice) Prepare ship.. (in normal voice) Prepare ship for ludicrous speed: fasten all seatbelts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the three-ring-circus, secure all animals in the zoo..."
Dark Helmet: "Give me that you petty excuse for an officer. (Sanders goes to strap himself in) Now hear this, ludicrous speed.."
Colonel Sanders: "Sir you've better buckle up"
Dark Helmet: "Ah, buckle this! LUDICROUS SPEED. GO!!!"
Spaceball I accelerate to ludicrous speed
Dark Helmet: "Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh. Aaaaaahhhhhhhh. Aahhh. WHAT HAVE I DONE? MY BRAINS ARE GOING INTO MY FEET!!!"

[Reply #39 on:]

George Carlin:  Gay, straight, it's all the same now.  There are no more lines.

Jay:  Well, here's a line (points to shoulder of road) and on this side, we ain't gay.