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Author Topic: Did you ever stop to think?  (Read 478 times)
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Lesotho_Leela

Bending Unit
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« on: 08-12-2002 16:36 »
« Last Edit on: 08-12-2002 16:36 »

Today, I had a lot of room to think. I came up with all of these considerations.

Why do the Americans park on Driveways and drive on parkways?

What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking -- "Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too."
What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.

Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think that next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."

Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."

Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?

If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?

Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a "built"?

Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?

How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn't that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don't they rotate on their own?

All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?

Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"

Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!

I thought these were all rather Seinfeld-esque, plus the Off topic seems to have dissapeared today.


------------------
Its S3 you see!
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
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« Reply #1 on: 08-12-2002 16:50 »

I agree, TV is great.
Zed 85

Space Pope
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« Reply #2 on: 08-12-2002 16:52 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Lesotho_Leela:

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."


Spring is here, spring is here,
Life is skittles, and life is beer.
I think the loveliest time of the year is the Spring, I do.
Don't you? Course you do!
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me,
And makes every Sunday a treat for me...

All the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park!
Every Sunday you'll see my sweetheart and me
As we poison the pigeons in the park.
When they see us coming, the birdies all try and hide,
But they still go for peanuts when coated in cyanide.
The sun's shining bright, everything seems alright,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

We've gained notoriety, and caused much anxiety,
In the Audobon Society with our games.
They call it impiety and lack of propriety,
And quite a variety of unpleasant names.
But it's not against any religion,
To want to dispose of a pigeon!

So if Sunday you're free, why don't you come with me,
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park.
And maybe we'll do in a squirrel or two, while we poison the pigeons in the park.
We'll murder them all amidst laughter and merriment,
Except for the few we take home to experiment.
My pulse will be quickening with each drop of strychnine
We feed to a pigeon - it just takes a smidgeon
To poison a pigeon in the park!

-Tom Lehrer
 laff

 wink


Daniela = Pravda!
BarneyBurnham

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #3 on: 08-12-2002 16:55 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Lesotho_Leela:
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?

It's for "regular" people with their dogs so they know they're not allowed in. Seeing Eye Dogs know they have a free range to walk wherever they like.

Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #4 on: 08-12-2002 17:08 »

So... did you notice that this isn't the Off-Topic forum?
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