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Author Topic: I Just Bought Popcorn and a Drink and Now I Have No Money - (movie reviews)  (Read 12863 times)
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JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #520 on: 05-19-2014 04:33 »
« Last Edit on: 05-19-2014 04:59 »

Godzilla

I have to say I was confounded by how utterly stupid this was. I was honestly surprised, I knew it might not be brilliant but the trailers at least made it seem somewhat decently plotted. It wasn't '98 Godzilla bad, but it was pretty rough around the edges. I mean really, it basically had to find any excuse it could to not show us what was going on with Godzilla up until the last 20 minutes or so, and in favor of what? There's the whole scene in Hawaii where we know crazy shit is going down, but the movie is showing us everything else, as if we're expected to care when we've been given absolutely no reason to do so.

Here's a very loose play-by-play of most of this movie: Oh hello Bryan Cranston whose character hardly has a reason to exist beyond the movie getting an actor who's been popular recently to draw a crowd. Oh hello doofy-faced actor from Kick-Ass who has zero personality or charisma in this and has only a circumstantial connection to what's happening. Oh hello Elizabeth Olsen and kid who get five lines throughout the movie and play no pivotal role whatsoever, let's watch you do nothing interesting while a giant monster destroys a city somewhere offscreen. Oh hello scientists who make random speculation and assumptions based on nothing (I think Godzilla is good, because...because that would be cool?) or simply stand there gasping at everything. Oh hello military generals who look like they couldn't be less enthused to have been casted in this movie.

That all said...I can't hate the movie. Because when we do see Godzilla, god damn is it magnificent. The CGI is amazing, the monster design is perfect, the action is phenomenal...I was floored by how much fun it was. It's the stuff of dreams, orgasmic almost. I just wish there had been more of that and less of everything else. Or if the movie had at least had any other part of it be even the slightest bit compelling instead of basically acting as filler in the places where they didn't have the budget for more CGI. I don't mind build up, and I don't mind having to wait for the goods, but only if what's given to us in that buildup is enjoyable. And this movie just didn't have that going for it.

I guess I'll give it a B-, but I think that might be somewhat generous. Don't go see this unless you want to see awesome giant monster action. If that's all you go in expecting you won't be disappointed. Just don't go expecting an actual movie. I actually had a good amount of fun cracking wise with my buddy in the theater, so if you can do that without disturbing the people around you, you'll probably have an easier time getting through the bad parts.
Motor Oil

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #521 on: 05-23-2014 22:39 »

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2

That was pretty pathetic. The plot really didn't make any sense. A few of the characters were decent. I wish I hadn't watched it, but I did end up finishing it,, so...

T

for troll. Still better than an F.
El-Man

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #522 on: 05-24-2014 00:40 »

There was nothing else that looked interesting on, so the sparklee and I went to see Transcendence. Looked real nice, but the plot was silly, and approved by someone who doesn't know anything about computers.

The concept has been seen many times before, but they did nothing new with it.

C+
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #523 on: 05-24-2014 01:02 »

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
If you like Russian bad guys played by Kenneth Brannagh then this is for you. Christopher Pine plays Captain Kirk without his crew or the Enterprise, running around pretending he can't do shit when really he's awesome at it.
It's like an episode of TOS if Chekov went insane and became an oligarch in central Moscow.

C+
Beamer

Space Pope
****
« Reply #524 on: 05-26-2014 02:47 »

The Lego Movie

I thought it was decent, but not great. All the praise I'd been hearing for this movie left me feeling rather underwhelmed when I finally saw it. I wasn't really laughing up until Batman showed up, and I found it incredibly jarring when we finally cut to live action. I much preferred it when I thought it was some sort of commentary on conformity set in a weird little lego world, as opposed to one extended fantasy sequence of a kid working out his issues and blah-blah father son bullshit. I'm also baffled as to how (and why) they're doing a sequel. The middle part was entertaining, at least. I enjoyed the double decker couch. Oh, and the cast was pretty good. With the exception of Will Ferrell, who seriously needs to just fucking die already. The movie loses some points just for his presence.

C+
Mr Snrub

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #525 on: 05-28-2014 22:38 »

Godzilla

I think it took itself a bit too seriously for too long. The family moments were boring as hell and reeked of half arsed disaster movie. In fact, almost all of the human performances are half arsed. It's like the actors read the script, knew the characters were super one dimensional and that they were just filling time in between the monsters, and adjusted their effort accordingly. Except they didn't tell Bryan Cranston this, because the man acts his motherloving ass off. It's jarring seeing how much effort he puts in compared to everyone else.

That said, the monster part of this monster movie ruled. Every shot of Godzilla or the MUTA's, from the close ups to the massive establishing shots are well done, with some shots I'm amazed didn't find themselves as posters for the film. The final fight completely made up for the previous 90 minutes of teasing and time killing, and turned me into a laughing and clapping 5 year old.

So yeah. It was shit, I loved it.
Motor Oil

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #526 on: 05-31-2014 04:34 »

127 Hours

Wow. That was incredible. I actually teared up, which I almost never do for movies. But that was pretty great. I can't think of any specific positive or negative things to say about it, but this was a movie that really touched me. And dampened my enthusiasm for rock climbing.

A
Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #527 on: 05-31-2014 09:53 »

A Million Ways to Die in the West

Kinda seemed like Seth McFarland's fantasy in that he got Amanda Seyfriend and Charlize Theron fighting over him.

And Neil Patrick Harris shits in some hats.

D material with some B-range acting from the cast.
Mr Snrub

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #528 on: 05-31-2014 21:55 »
« Last Edit on: 05-31-2014 21:57 »

127 Hours

A
It seems cool to hate this movie, to the point that you're the first person I've seen that loves it too. Such a rad film. 
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #529 on: 06-01-2014 02:37 »

I haven't heard of people hating it. I liked it a lot, one of Danny Boyle's best films.
Motor Oil

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #530 on: 06-01-2014 02:54 »

Nor have I. The criticisms are all along the same lines (too much time is spent trying to distract the viewer from the fact that they're watching 93 minutes of a man stuck to a rock), but I didn't get that feeling from watching it. The flashbacks were a little tedious, but still really enjoyable. I liked it enough to not bother trying to hide my concern for the main character, which is usually nonexistent.
AdrenalinDragon

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #531 on: 06-01-2014 03:10 »

I love 127 Hours. It's probably my favourite Danny Boyle movie next to Trainspotting.

Edge of Tomorrow

Alien Sci-Fi action movie mixed with a Groundhog Day concept. This one really surprised me how well written it was and gave me a few good laughs. Some of the battles reminded me of Saving Private Ryan and Starship Troopers in parts. One of my favourite movies of 2014.

A-
Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #532 on: 06-01-2014 10:05 »

X-Men: Days of Futures Past

I forgot how much I liked X-Men. Like holy crap this movie was awesome and really a good basis for how comic book movies should be at this point. We don't need origin stories, we need our heroes on crazy ass adventures. So far it's been 2 out of 3 as far as the superhero films go (looking forward to Guardians of the Galaxy though it could be hit or miss).

A

James McAvoy:



Maleficent

When she comes in to do her big curse on Aurora, holy crap does Angelina Jolie sell the crap out of the character. And then she becomes extremely sympathetic and the movie immediately suffers. Maleficent is evil. Let her do evil things and not have a good reason. SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A GODDAMN DRAGON.

C-
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #533 on: 06-01-2014 21:48 »
« Last Edit on: 06-01-2014 21:49 »

Godzilla
 
Let me begin by saying no one judges a Godzilla movie on its merits as a movie.  It's really pretty hard to take the science or the characters or the drama seriously when it's set against the backdrop of gigantic monsters that scurry about onscreen to the extent a gigantic monster can scurry.  Films of this genre should be judged only on the coherence of the story and the scenes of monster-on-monster/city carnage.  Unfortunately, Godzilla only really succeeds on the former, and even that is debatable.

There were a couple "what the fuck, movie?" moments throughout the film's run time.  The first and biggest was largely due to the way the film was marketed.  Fortunately, it served as a clear indication that the first, completely worthless segment of the film was pretty much over.  The others were mainly in response to monster-related carnage not being shown.  This could be the same problem I had with Cloverfield, where an ostensible monster movie is so invested in showing a minor character's perspective that it neglects the audience's need for perspective of its own, or it could be a poorly-executed attempt at ratcheting up terror by not showing the threat.  Either way, it didn't provide the payoff gradually but rather kept it at arm's length until the final showdown, making those first 90 minutes or so kind of boring.

The plot itself didn't bother me too much, though the way it was presented left something to be desired.  Giant, prehistoric monsters somehow surviving underground or undersea is a bit less offensive to my sensibilities than radiation making things huge and giving them phenomenal powers.  It certainly requires less suspension of disbelief than calling Godzilla a dinosaur (or the 1998 thing a lizard).  Even the main character following the action was believable up to a point, a point that I think was exceeded when he linked up with the nuclear train team.  Of course, that was about the beginning of the third act, so the story goes a bit off the rails before the train does.  I guess the number of Americans working in a Japanese power plant is also a little unusual.  In retrospect, that wasn't a good sign.

Okay, I think a great many of the people attracted to this movie were smitten by the notion of seeing their favorite, reptilian, building-destroying badass square off against Godzilla, but that never happens.  Cranston is one of the only actors to emote, but it was so over the top at points that I wondered if he was intentionally trying to ham it up because he was in a Godzilla film.  Either way it was unfortunate, because he had so little screen time and monster mashes were so few and far between.  I don't think the actual main character was bad.  He was a bit bland to be sure, but his primary motivation throughout the movie was protecting his family, and we got what seemed like two minutes of establishment that he loved his family early on.  The whole "15 years ago" segment should have been reworked for a more coherent grounding for the main character rather than Brian Cranston.  Or maybe make Cranston the main character.  I also get the feeling they wasted Ken Watanabe.  The idea of a Godzilla scientist being disregarded by the military in favor of stronger actions is very Godzilla, but it would have been more effective if the military's plans weren't pretty similar to what Watanabe proposed.

There were a number of things I liked about the movie.
  • Starting at the beginning, the opening credit sequence was pretty clever.  The way the text surrounding the actual credits would be redacted, giving the viewer just enough time to catch a few words was ancillary but still pretty cool.
  • There were a number of shots that were beautifully constructed.  Unfortunately a great many of them were also included in the trailers, so I'd already seen them.
  • I was pleased with the monster design as well.  Godzilla looked Godzilla instead of a dinosaur, and the MUTOs looked like the Cloverfield monster if it had been designed by the Japanese.
  • I also liked that there is already a monster-defense organization in place when the movie starts.  It's a bit like SHIELD in the first Iron Man movie, and, honestly, I think I'd rather see Ken Wanatabe's character and his assistant quarterbacking the monsterpocalypse in the sequel than Lt. Deadeyes participating in it.
  • The ground-level perspective is, overall, a pretty good thing.  A lot of that footage was pretty evocative of 9/11 and the 2011 tsunami, which resonated with real-life feelings of helplessness in the face of disaster.  Unlike Cloverfield, the mix of POV and wide shots made for a more satisfying monster experience.

In sum, it would have been better if I never saw the trailers.
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #534 on: 06-01-2014 22:43 »
« Last Edit on: 06-01-2014 22:47 »

I liked Cloverfield better. Even though the characters in Cloverfield were about just as stupid and underdeveloped and the story was just as if not more unbelievable, that movie didn't skimp on the action. Even if you couldn't see the monster or the damage it was wreaking at all times, there was always a sense of excitement and urgency with what the characters were doing that kept the movie pulsing. The POV might not have worked for everyone, but for me the gimmick made me feel more immersed in the action and less caring about what I could or couldn't see, as I felt like I was along for the ride with the characters. In Godzilla, every time we didn't see the monsters it wasn't for any good plot-contrived reason, it was to show us some characters they didn't make us care about doing things that weren't interesting at all.

I liked the idea of Ken Watanabe's character, but I feel like he must have had a lot more dialogue that was cut from the film. His reasoning for why Godzilla was the good guy wasn't even close to explained, to the point that it was unintentionally silly. "Let them fight." roll eyes I agree if they make a sequel that they should focus on the scientific angle rather than the military angle. We've seen the military angle (and even the scientists-disagreeing-with-them angle) so many times in movies, and this movie didn't even bother to try to do anything interesting with the formula.
Mr Snrub

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #535 on: 06-01-2014 23:24 »

Maleficent

When she comes in to do her big curse on Aurora, holy crap does Angelina Jolie sell the crap out of the character. And then she becomes extremely sympathetic and the movie immediately suffers. Maleficent is evil. Let her do evil things and not have a good reason. SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A GODDAMN DRAGON.

C-
I've never liked how rare it is to find a lady villain who's just straight up badass-ly evil. She always has to have a tragic backstory or some kind of reason for her turning out like this. Fuck that, just let her wreck shit.
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #536 on: 06-02-2014 01:13 »
« Last Edit on: 06-02-2014 01:14 »

Godzillionaire (my new rapper name)
I liked it, of course you need some kind of human element to make the film a decent length and not just monsters wrecking shit ("just don't look, just don't look!" won't work here son!)
Cranston was great, Watanabe and Hawkins were underused in favour of Olsen and Taylor-Johnson, who being physically separated couldn't have much chemistry anyway although I thought they performed ok in their own right.
But yes it was hard to care about them and not be thinking, "hey, what's Godzilla up to now?!", they only serve as a distraction from when Godzo is taking his ginormous assed sweet time swimming to where he's got to be to fuck shit up and take names, the humans story just serves as the boring downtime in this film!
I think Gareth Edwards did an excellent job, he captured Godzilla well in my books, and while his human story in Monsters was spot on, it didn't quite work here having his main characters separated, but I forgive it because dat reveal of Godzo in the airport was just sweet. cool
B++
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #537 on: 06-02-2014 05:28 »
« Last Edit on: 06-02-2014 05:32 »

of course you need some kind of human element to make the film a decent length and not just monsters wrecking shit

I agree, but expecting them to take the time to make the human drama at least somewhat interesting instead of just fulfilling the bare minimum requirement for it doesn't seem like too much to ask of a multi-million dollar movie in 2014. The lack of development in these characters was more than glaring. I just think it wouldn't have taken them too much more effort to turn what is essentially only a fun movie into a truly great one.
Beamer

Space Pope
****
« Reply #538 on: 06-02-2014 05:33 »

Honestly, I would be quite content with monsters just wrecking shit for 90 minutes.

~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #539 on: 06-02-2014 14:16 »
« Last Edit on: 06-02-2014 14:18 »

Zingg!
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #540 on: 06-02-2014 19:31 »

Ya they completely wasted Olsen's talent. Hopefully we'll get a lot more of her in the upcoming Avengers sequel.
Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #541 on: 06-03-2014 00:09 »

I think it's funny that Olsen and Taylor-Johnson were husband and wife in Godzilla and now they're gonna be brother and sister in Avengers.
Motor Oil

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #542 on: 06-07-2014 04:52 »
« Last Edit on: 06-07-2014 04:56 »

Ghost

Sappy, but touching. I enjoyed it, and the ending was fairly neat and tidy, just the way I like it. Although the characters were pretty black-and-white and a few of the actors could've used work, the emotion in the film came through to me—but hey, maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic.

B+
Quantum Neutrino Field

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #543 on: 06-07-2014 11:54 »

Metallica Through the Never

I think there was a story there, but I can't remember, if so. Great music and visuals anyway, but I was waiting Fade to Black to end it.

The best soundtrack ever.
One/1
Motor Oil

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #544 on: 06-08-2014 05:35 »

Little Miss Sunshine

A feel-good film if I've ever seen one. It progressed fantastically, with huge but believable character transformations and great acting and dialogue all around. The cast became more likable time passed, and I ended up rooting for everyone, even those I had hated in the beginning. Everyone has their own character arc (except perhaps Olive, who knew what she wanted from the beginning), but it still didn't feel rushed or chunky to me, although there was so much development for everyone. In short, I loved it.
Off the bat, I'd give it an A+, but I feel like I must be missing something. I'm usually much more critical. Still, I can't think of what it is right now, so—

A+.

That finishes the list of movies I promised to watch for family. Now to start on the list of movies to watch for PEELers!
coffeeBot

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #545 on: 06-08-2014 07:17 »

The Fault In Our Stars

I've read the book and I knew everything that was going to happen ahead of time. Even when reading the book, I sort of saw the 'plot twist' at the end coming.

STILL, I wept ridiculously hard. I cried harder than I did when watching Les Mis (not just because Russell Crowe is a terrible, terrible singer).

My friend was a complete gentleman and let me compose myself before I drove back to her house, where she made me tea and we snuggled in blankets.

A+
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #546 on: 06-08-2014 08:26 »

Russell Crowe really isn't a bad singer, he's just not classically trained and wasn't right for that kind of professional musical production. Terrible is pretty harsh...there are infinite amounts of people out there who can't even match pitch. For an actor who isn't also a professional singer, I'd say he was just out of his league in that movie.
Inquisitor Hein
Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #547 on: 06-08-2014 17:15 »
« Last Edit on: 06-08-2014 17:16 »

Star Trek - Into Darkness

Well, it was quite entertaining, solid, and I did like the more Star Wars-esque "Used Look". Yet, I am not really settled what to think of that movie: While being an okay Sci Fi flick, it did not feel the slightest bit like a Star Trek movie (even when cutting some "reboot-changes" slack).

ImhO, Zoe Saldana became an even "symbolic" item for the movie: Her acting was okay, her character (regarding contribution to the story, character constellations, etc...) was also all right. There were no really grave mistakes...when seen from a general Sci Fi perspective. It was just that the woman she played was not Uhura.

That said, Khan was a bit underdimensioned. He appeared less a villain, than a lonely kid, being bullied on the schoolyard. A kid upon whom immediatelly hell broke lose as soon as he dared to offer his tormentors the slightest resistance.

All in all, I'll give it a
B-
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #548 on: 06-08-2014 18:04 »

Did anything actually happen in that movie? As far as I recall, it went something like "Hi I'm Khan, I've done all this nasty stuff in the past, and I might do all this nasty stuff in the future! And in this movie, I'm going to..." *gets knocked out by a punch and the movie ends*

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAN!
Inquisitor Hein
Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #549 on: 06-08-2014 18:19 »

Did anything actually happen in that movie? As far as I recall, it went something like "Hi I'm Khan, I've done all this nasty stuff in the past, and I might do all this nasty stuff in the future! And in this movie, I'm going to..." *gets knocked out by a punch and the movie ends*

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAN!

He killed the guy who was willing to kill Kirk for not killing Khan...
coffeeBot

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #550 on: 06-09-2014 06:45 »

Basically, I enjoyed the movie for the sole fact that I love watching Kirk get shit on.

EDIT: As for Russell Crowe- yeah, I'm probably being harsh. I'm just used to this one particular recording with an AMAZING singer playing Javert. And, well, I love the character, and Stars is one of the best songs in the whole play.
Inquisitor Hein
Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #551 on: 06-09-2014 13:02 »


EDIT: As for Russell Crowe- yeah, I'm probably being harsh. I'm just used to this one particular recording with an AMAZING singer playing Javert. And, well, I love the character, and Stars is one of the best songs in the whole play.

Also, South Park unjustifiedly prejudiced people against Mr. Crowe's singing frown

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygcRrfQt-0Q
Beamer

Space Pope
****
« Reply #552 on: 06-09-2014 14:06 »

But more people are for his fighting now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnlZPohCU7U
homerjaysimpson

Space Pope
****
« Reply #553 on: 06-12-2014 08:52 »

Upside Down

My review:



UnrealLegend

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #554 on: 06-15-2014 14:32 »

Frozen

First of all, I really, really loved the animation. The visuals were breathtaking from start to finish.

As for the rest of the movie, I thought it was quite good! It had its fair share of clichés, but I like the way it mocked the "love at first sight" rubbish.

I'm not big on music, but the fact that Frozen's songs are still lingering in my mind two days later means it must've done something right there. Also, it's great to finally understand all the "Let it go" buzz that had me scratching my head prior to seeing this.

The twist near the end wasn't great;

I liked Sven. He reminded me of the horse from Tangled.
ShinyMetal***

Professor
*
« Reply #555 on: 06-15-2014 19:03 »

The Fault In Our Stars

Oh my frickin frick. This movie was so freakin amazing and so sad at the same time, I don't usually cry during movies but my face was like a sprinkler with this one. CL27 made me read the book and it was great. This movie though  tongue

A+++
homerjaysimpson

Space Pope
****
« Reply #556 on: 06-18-2014 23:45 »

How to train your dragon 2

Nowhere near as good as the first one. It did make me cry in the middle of the movie   but the ending felt too forced, it just didn't make much sense to me.  hmpf

C-
tyraniak

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #557 on: 06-20-2014 23:27 »

22 jump street

Even funnier than the original and maybe one of the best credit rolls ever

B+
Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #558 on: 06-23-2014 09:32 »

22 Jump Street

Second on the credits roll, I love that. I didn't see the first movie but this was worth a good laugh. I gotta give it to Channing Tatum for having hands-down the funniest moment in the movie.

B+
totalnerduk

DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #559 on: 06-23-2014 11:46 »
« Last Edit on: 06-26-2014 02:33 »

I wouldn't have gone to see this yesterday if I hadn't been bored and it hadn't been cheap. But those two things co-incided to bring you the possibility of this review.

Godzilla

The film opens with radioactive shenanigans. Then some emotions are shown, and we see just how the nearest cities to Fukushima will look in a few years time. Monsters are established. Scientists get a boner for monsters. After that, we're treated to an extended battle between giant pokemon, which goes something like this:

Godzilla learned HYPER-BEAM!

Godzilla forgot RAMPAGE.

Godzilla used HYPER-BEAM against Cloverfield Jr.

Cloverfield Jr. Fainted.

[set against a backdrop of people screaming and running]

All in all, it's a pretty standard monster movie, with a gratuitous nuclear explosion at the end. I can't say I went in expecting to get a coherent plot, or anything other than a guy in a rubber suit stomping on a bunch of skyscrapers, which might make it seem odd when I say that I was somewhat disappointed.

Until, that is, I mention that it's a godzilla movie with hardly any fucking godzilla. Seriously. Much more is made of the giant radioactive bat thing and its enormous girlfriend (both of which look like the Cloverfield monster), and they're both pretty damn lame. Godzilla also destroys maybe three or four skyscrapers, tops. Which is all done so that he can kill the Cloverfield Lannister twins (yes, they're siblings. Yes, they're mating), whom he's supposed to be hunting.

Then he forgets about eating them, and shuffles back into the ocean - what the hell is wrong with Hollywood? I was looking forward to at least a little gratuitous carnage and gore whilst he ripped apart the other monsters in a quest to find their delicious entrails. It would have made up for the lack of skyscraper smashing. Who the heck hunts something that they don't intend to eat except for Americans? Godzilla's Japanese, you ballsack-biting cocksmashers.

But what skyscraper-smashing and giant pokemon battling we did see was pretty goddamn glorious. I have to admit that what the film got right, it got really right. It's just a shame that there was so little of it compared to the bullshit involving human actors. Japanese Monster Expert was an okay character - he was all for letting godzilla have a little fun. I can respect that. But Generic Main Character and Generic Love Interest (as well as their dopey fucking spawn) were irritating. Head Military Guy and Insane Dude Who Was Right All Along didn't really do anything interesting with their screen time. The miscellaneous monster-food army guys and civilians did an okay job of running and screaming though. Non-Japanese Monster Expert could have been an interesting character, had she not inexplicably vanished partway through the film (she had an "I've not gotten laid in thirty years" vibe about her, so I suppose it's possible she stayed on the aircraft carrier and was meant to be raping sailors the whole time. Maybe). I just think that these characters and their scenes were pointless, and took up time on screen that could have been taken up by more scenes of godzilla fucking up boats, bridges, and anything else that inconsiderately stood between him and his quest to fuck up that damn butterfree and scyther who were laying nuclear-powered eggs in... ... um... ... some American city. Generic Hollywood Cityscape #4, I guess.

All in all, this film needed more monster time (and maybe godzilla could've had a giant pikachu friend to tag into the fight scenes, whose electric attack would've meant that he could keep rampage as one of his four moves and not suddenly need to forget it for hyper-beam. That was a pretty lame deal). It needed fewer shitty human characters whose deaths I was rooting for the whole time (and who all survived. Boo). It had a cool opening sequence though, and Insane Dude Who Was Right All Along was at least a convincingly insane dude. Neither his insanity or the fact that he was a dude stretched my suspension of disbelief. Unlike the first few shots of butterfree and scyther, which somewhat ruined my belief that I was watching a godzilla movie. What's wrong with godzilla's famous friends, like mothra? Where the hell was mothra? Are we supposed to believe that none of the other giant monsters in Japan wanted in on any of this action?

Anyhow, I mostly enjoyed this film despite it having a large box of severe flaws. Which is what a monster movie is all about. Enjoyment despite the plotholes you could drive DrThunder88's old rape van through, and the complete lack of relatable characters. I'll give it 6.5/10. I'm feeling generous this morning.
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