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Impossible
Urban Legend
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Brilliant songs. #I'm a lumberjack and i'm okay, i sleep all night and i work all day....# The "Every Sperm is Sacred" songDAD: You see, we believe-- [piano music] Well, let me put it like this. [singing] There are Jews in the world. There are Buddhists. There are Hindus and Mormons, and then There are those that follow Mohammed, but, I've never been one of them. [music] I'm a Roman Catholic, And have been since before I was born, And the one thing they say about Catholics is: They'll take you as soon as you're warm. You don't have to be a six-footer. You don't have to have a great brain. You don't have to have any clothes on. You're A Catholic the moment Dad came, Because Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. CHILDREN: [singing] Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. GIRL: [singing] Let the heathen spill theirs On the dusty ground. God shall make them pay for Each sperm that can't be found. CHILDREN: [singing] Every sperm is wanted. Every sperm is good. Every sperm is needed In your neighbourhood. MUM: [singing] Hindu, Taoist, Mormon, Spill theirs just anywhere, But God loves those who treat their Semen with more care. MEN: [singing] Every sperm is sacred. [clunk] Every sperm is great. WOMEN: [singing] If a sperm is wasted,... CHILDREN: [singing] ...God gets quite irate. PRIEST: [singing] Every sperm is sacred. BRIDE and GROOM: [singing] Every sperm is good. NANNIES: [singing] Every sperm is needed... CARDINALS: [singing] ...In your neighbourhood! CHILDREN: [singing] Every sperm is useful. Every sperm is fine. FUNERAL CORTEGE: [singing] God needs everybody's. MOURNER #1: Mine! MOURNER #2: And mine! CORPSE: And mine! NUN: [singing] Let the Pagan spill theirs O'er mountain, hill, and plain. HOLY STATUES: [singing] God shall strike them down for Each sperm that's spilt in vain. EVERYONE: [singing] Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is good. Every sperm is needed In your neighbourhood. Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite iraaaaate!
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ZombieJesus
Lost Belgian
DOOP Secretary
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Guardian at the bridge: "What is your favourite colour?" Knight: "Blue...no wait erm -AAAAAAHH...-(falls in abyss)"
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Impossible
Urban Legend
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The killer rabbit!!! You tit! I soiled my armour I was so scared! We are now the Knights Who Say Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoom-boing-mumble-mumble. KEEPER: Heh heh. Stop! What is your name? ARTHUR: It is Arthur, King of the Britons. KEEPER: What is your quest? ARTHUR: To seek the Holy Grail. KEEPER: What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? ARTHUR: What do you mean? An African or European swallow? KEEPER: What? I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh! BEDEVERE: How do know so much about swallows? ARTHUR: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king you know.
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Teral
Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
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Originally posted by Ben: Teral? Sorry, I was on a drinking binge. Surprisingly we haven't had a thread dedicated solely to Monty Python. Now how is that for shocking news? This thread come closest, a british comedy poll, with MP cleaning the floor with everything else. What's more funny, Fishy's sarcasm, or the fact that noone seemed to understand it? Well, enough with the off-topic chit-chat. Monty Python is one of the greatest comedy groups ever. The show was brilliant, and still pretty much cream anything modern standup-comedians can throw at it. I'll take "Upper-class twit Of The Year" anyday compared to a Seinfeld episode. I'd rather watch "The Restaurant Sketch (Dirty Fork)" than an episode of Friends. Moviewise. Difinitely "MP&THG" as the best, but "LOB" is also a really funny movie. And to end with a song (seems like the popular thing to do): "The Bruce Philosophers Song" Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable. Heideggar, Heideggar was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table. David Hume could out-consume Schoppenhauer and Hegel. And Whittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel. There's nothing Nieizsche couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist. Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed. John Stewart Mill, of his own free will On half a pint of shanty was particularly ill. Plato they say could stick it away, Half a crate of whiskey every day. Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle, And Hobbes was fond of his dram. And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart. 'I drink, therefore I am.' Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed; A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.
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Dr_Dave
Bending Unit
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SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM
"Now see here, I came in here for an argument."
"Oh, I'm sorry,this is abuse, argument is next door."
Reminds me of most of the staff meetings I attend.
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Teral
Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
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danny-dude
Bending Unit
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This is totally off-topic and relevant to a very old post, but I must respond to the 5/11 post of Ghoulishmousse, which complained about the term British excluding the Scottish, Irish, and Welsh. S/he then went on to say (this is not a direct quote but the meaning is identical)... "People from Scotland are Scottish, People from Ireland are Irish, People from Wales are Welsh, People from England are British" Isn't that a bit hypocritical? Why do you insist that people are entitled to a regional identity but the English - do they not have a right to be recognised as coming from England, and not simply from the British Isles? In any case, "British" is a description that encompasses all - Britain is defined as a country encompassing England, Scotland, and Wales. To call the Northern-Irish "British" is strictly incorrect although it is often done, and the Northern-Irish don't seem to complain. The United Kingdom is an amalgam of Britain and Northern Ireland. I'm proud to be British, but I'm also proud to be English. I'm aware this has nothing to do with anything -- and I'm also aware that I may have got completely the wrong end of the stick! So please forgive me for hijacking this thread and using it to bore everybody to tears! Danny
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