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Author Topic: Cynical Evaluations of Cinema: Movie Reviews  (Read 24669 times)
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coffeeBot

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #480 on: 10-19-2011 01:02 »

The Story of 1

This was ridiculously entertaining, and not just because I'm a nerd. Terry Jones did a great job. 

9/10
SpaceMaN

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #481 on: 10-19-2011 02:23 »

That's crazy.  I watched this a day or two ago, and at work today, I thought "I should post a review on PEEL." 
9/10
Second.
coffeeBot

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #482 on: 10-19-2011 05:30 »

Great minds and all that. wink

Also, right after Story of 1, I watched a documentary called The Atom Smashers
about the physicists who used to work at Fermilab and the search for the Higgs. Very interesting and bittersweet stuff, after Fermilab's closing.
Pitt Clemens

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #483 on: 10-19-2011 07:43 »
« Last Edit on: 10-19-2011 07:53 »

Elephant

Every single high-school stereotype character in the book gets gunned down.  I've always wanted to see that.  Why couldn't it have been in a Zombie movie or a Battle Royale remake?  Wow.  Fuck you, Gus Van Zant, you hack.  Sure your version of Scorsese/Kubrick camera style lets you tell a story with visuals over script like nobody else today, but that's good because you can't write dialogue let alone characters to save your life.  I mean, God.  Somewhere deep down you had me rooting for the Columbine maniacs, and I can't tell you how awful that feeling is.

3/10
SpaceMaN

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #484 on: 10-19-2011 13:16 »

Also, right after Story of 1, I watched a documentary called The Atom Smashers
Get off my Instant Queue!

Nah, we can share.

Also, I must give a 10/10 to The National Parks: America's Best Idea.  More of a mini-series I guess, 6 2-hour episodes about the establishment and evolution of the National Parks, by Ken Burns.
airbagfailure

Space Pope
****
« Reply #485 on: 10-20-2011 13:56 »
« Last Edit on: 10-20-2011 14:03 »

Wow Pitt. Way to rage dump on Gus Van Sant.  Impressive.

Edit - Also Micmacs
This movie is really great if you want to just kick back and concentrate on a film.
Don't let the fact it's a subtitled film put you off. It's a beautifully, and delicately made film with a very woven story, which is Jean-Pierre Jeunet's trademark (Amelie!).

It's about a guy who pits two companies against each other, using very ingenious methods.

It looks so beautiful, and really does encapsulate that visual french romantic style you keep hearing about, and if you're lucky, have experienced yourself.
It's quite a funny heart warming story about an anti-hero-regular-joe-type who's a real smart guy.

I don't want to give anything away, but it will make you giggle as it unfolds.

7/10

coldangel

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #486 on: 10-27-2011 01:10 »

I made Maz watch Die Hard, and she actually liked it! That makes her the coolest chick ever.
homerjaysimpson

Space Pope
****
« Reply #487 on: 10-27-2011 03:31 »

Cars 2

By far  the worse Pixar movie ever! It makes the first Cars movie look like the Lion King. I'm not even sure that Pixar really made this movie or the people that made Little Cars.  I couldn't make it past the first 15 mins.
cyber_turnip

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #488 on: 10-27-2011 03:44 »

*worst

It's one of the worse Pixar films.
It's the worst Pixar film.

Seriously, when did people start saying "worse" instead of "worst"? It seems like a recent development and it's running pretty rampant. It's a plague upon the English language.
Tachyon

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #489 on: 10-27-2011 08:15 »

...It's a plague upon feature of the English language.

And has probably been annoying people since English split off from (can't be arsed to pull up an indo-european language tree), though I suspect that it's been accelerating since the internet took over.  Adapt or die be misunderstood?  I wonder how bad it'll become over the next decade?

Pitt Clemens

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #490 on: 10-27-2011 08:25 »
« Last Edit on: 10-27-2011 08:35 »

Trollhunter

It's cloverfield with hilariously designed trolls.  A team of documentary film makers follow a disenfranchised but tough as nails troll hunter with troll petrifying/exploding light weapons to go gather samples, information and do battle with enormous rogue trolls (who look like Nazi propaganda images of Jews) in the wiles of Scandinavian wilderness (Also the trolls have a particular taste for Christians). Laughable plot with straight performances and impressive special effects delivers good stupid fun.  Go for it if you are in the mood for a blairanormal projectivity film.

6/10
coldangel

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #491 on: 10-27-2011 09:38 »

I wonder how bad it'll become over the next decade?

Accelerating by the way even news presenters are exasperating the helicopter of late, pretty soon virtually any word will you're anything.
Svip

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #492 on: 10-27-2011 10:07 »

*worst

It's one of the worse Pixar films.
It's the worst Pixar film.

Seriously, when did people start saying "worse" instead of "worst"? It seems like a recent development and it's running pretty rampant. It's a plague upon the English language.

You do realise that hjs is incapable of spelling correctly?  Blaming the faults of English upon her seems rather unfair to English.

...It's a plague upon feature of the English language.

And has probably been annoying people since English split off from (can't be arsed to pull up an indo-european language tree), though I suspect that it's been accelerating since the internet took over.  Adapt or die be misunderstood?  I wonder how bad it'll become over the next decade?

Don't you mean when English split off from English?  Yes, there was a day when even English was a decent language.
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #493 on: 10-27-2011 14:21 »

This is not the pedantic grammar review thread, review a movie or gtfo!

Captain America: The First Avenger
EEEEVIL NAAAZI HUGO WEAVING!! eek
He is always great as the bad dude.. and occasionally good elf/faceless dude...
But anyway, this was a decent film, kinda cheesy with the whole Hamericuh, FUCK YEAH! stuff, and some setpieces were a bit redonkulous, but it's Marvel so whatever, bring on Avengers.

Heil Hydra! *double salute, because we're like double evil!*

C+
cyber_turnip

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #494 on: 10-28-2011 00:43 »

I reviewed like 50 films in one of my previous posts, I thought that'd get me a few freebies.
AdrenalinDragon

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #495 on: 10-29-2011 03:58 »

Real Steel - 8/10
The Adventures Of Tintin: Secret Of The Unicorn - 8/10
The Lion King 3D - 10/10

All in one day, one cinema! big grin
cyber_turnip

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #496 on: 10-29-2011 20:41 »

Synecdoche, New York

I love Charlie Kaufman and I love what this film was attempting to do, but it just felt like too much without any sort of skeleton structure behind it - as if Kaufman really needs someone like Spike Jonz to ground him and make his stuff work. 'Synecdoche, New York' is, quite frankly, a mess. A mess with loads of great ideas knocking around, but ultimately forming a big pile of nothing.
Watch 'Adaptation.' instead.

5/10


Trading Places

Easy enough to watch due to its cast and some of its characters, but it's far too long for what it is - causing you to lose interest by the end of it. If you've seen any 80s comedy directed by John Landis and/or starring Eddie Murphy, you'll have a reasonable idea of what to expect from this, but really the best reason to watch it is to make a quick joke in 'Coming to America' make sense.

6/10


Footloose

Absolute crap of the highest order (by which I mean crappiest). I love Kevin Bacon and I quite enjoy the titular song, but that's where the positive things about this film run dry. There's no real storyline, just an endless array of really stupid events and really stupid characters bitching and whining about nothing.

2/10


And Then There Were None

A classic murder mystery and quite possibly, the film that embodies everything people seem to enjoy about classic murder mysteries best of all out of the ones I've seen. it's very similar to 'Clue', but it lacks Tim Curry, Christopher Lloyd and Martin Mull, making it inferior off the bat. However, 'Clue' was more throw-away fun than this - this is more of a 'legitimate' film, in spite of having a similar comedic tone and it's at very least, one of the best films I've seen from the '40s.

8/10


Scarface

How 'Scarface' holds such a legacy is just utterly beyond me.
Al Pacino is brilliant. This is not his best work. Brian DePalma is brilliant. This is also not his best work.

The film is full of spectacular moments and set pieces which are genuinely parts of a great film... but they're padded out to nearly 3 hours in length with endless scenes of absolute monotony.

And worse than that, Tony Montana has no character arc. He starts out as douchey criminal and he stays that way all the way through without a single moment to slow down or think about his life. As such, he's a completely flat character and the film is flat too. It's not a tale of a character climbing a ladder or his descent into being a bastard. He's exactly the same person for three hours and that makes for an extremely uninteresting film. Especially as the same thing can be said for pretty much all of his supporting characters.
The film has very little to say and what it does have to say can be seen done to a much higher standard in countless other films. If you need to see a Brian DePalma film about the fall of a criminal brought about by his own hubris, watch 'The Untouchables'. If you need an Al Pacino fix, watch 'Dog Day Afternoon'.

'Scarface' is mediocre at best.

5/10


The Adventures of Tintin

I love and respect what this film was trying to be -a loving homage to pulpy mysteries of yore - just as Indiana Jones was a loving homage to pulpy adventure movies and so forth.
It should have better. Spielberg is capable of more, Peter Jackson - even only working as a producer - is capable or more, the combined writing efforts of Edgar Wright, Joe Cornish and someone I don't care about who wrote for Doctor Who should have been better (unless Moffat poisoned the well... Doctor Who is pretty badly written so its possible) and with a cast like this... you just expect more.
Still, it's far from a bad film. It's a decent bit of work with good performances, some nice bits of comedy and action and some lovely artistry dotted about.
On one hand, I love that it dives right into things, taking almost no time to get started. On the other hand, I feel that the film suffered from this. From a pacing point of view, it just didn't work. Tintin finds a clue, he follows where that clue leads him, he finds another clue and so forth. This happens non-stop throughout the film. There's no slow moment at the start before the adventure starts, the ending of the film is essentially him finding another clue that he'll explore in the sequel and the middle part feels extremely stop-start because it basically is.
Add on to that, that whilst the film looks great, with no dead-eyes or similar such troubles you might expect from motion-capture animation, it leaves you wondering why they bothered. Almost everything in the film is practically photo-realistic. Only the characters aren't, and it's not like I can imagine anyone would really be upset if they were portrayed by usual actors. There's an extremely lengthy action sequence in the film that's all done in one shot. It would be impressive if the film wasn't animated, but it is.

So yeah. The film is a decent effort but it didn't get enough right to be one that you'll remember years down the line... that is unless the sequel greatly improves upon it (which is a real possibility with the framework they now have in place).

I love 'Tintin' so it's nice to have this new energy being breathed into the franchise, but this film doesn't hold a candle to the books.

7/10


Contagion

It's like a contemporary update of 'The Andromeda Strain', but better than that film in many ways. It's directed brilliantly and throws fantastic actor after fantastic actor at you (and Jude Law, but you just have to ignore him).
It makes up a huge ensemble-piece without any real main-focus or narrative to focus on, just lots of small, interlinking slices of life that make up a picture of how the world might react under such conditions.

It's probably the best film about a virus that doesn't turn people into something like zombies that I've seen. That's not hugely high praise, but it's a solid effort all the same and well worth checking out.

8/10


Paranormal Activity 3

The 'Paranormal Activity' films suck and this is probably the worst of the three. The franchise annoys me because they have little flashes of genius here and there, but they just waste it away, leaving these gimmicky haunted-house ride movies... but even then, they could do better. This year's 'Insidious' for example treads very similar ground but blows all three of the 'Paranormal Activity' films out of the water.
There's maybe 3 or 4 genuinely nice moments in this film - scare wise. They're padded out to a feature runtime with lots of staring at nothing, waiting for a loud noise and lots of hilariously bad scares like a girl being picked up by her hair by an invisible bad guy.
The film hints at backstory, but really under-delivers, which just makes it even more frustrating.

Ultimately, it's a shame. Ideas such as attaching a camera to a fan-motor, allowing it to slowly pan back and forth through a room are genuinely incredible in my opinion and had so much potential - but this film wastes it away. I think the main reason that the film frustrates me is that whilst I was watching it, I constantly felt as if I could do better. Much better. Seriously, someone should let me make 'Para4mal Activity' and fill it up to the brim with techniques used in 'Ghost Watch' as well as things people haven't tried yet. I'd at least give the film something of a satisfying ending - the abrupt nature of the endings is one of the worst things about these films.
Anyway, I'm rambling. This is about as good as the first two, but it's ever so slightly worse.

5/10


30 Minutes or Less

This film wastes an absolutely fantastic premise for a comedy on a lacklustre script which was seriously lacking in jokes.
That said, it's not devoid of humour and it has a likable cast and all of that combined with the premise makes for an extremely watchable comedy. It's not a must see, but if you have nothing better to do and it's on TV, you could do worse than to check it out.

6/10


The Change-Up

There are far too many body-swap comedies to say that there isn't one about a Nazi and a Jew yet (to the best of my knowledge).
This adds to that number and does little to justify its pointless existence. But it isn't a bad film particularly, it's just a cookie-cutter, by the numbers film that tries nothing new, exciting or different. It does what it does and it does it adequately, leaving a film that's completely and utterly average.

5/10


Johnny English Reborn

The first film was kind of crap, but sort of enjoyable in a guilty pleasure way all the same - mostly thanks to the way Rowan Atkinson and Ben Miller were able to play off of each-other and a delightfully campy performance from John Malkovich.
This film takes away Ben Miller and replaces him with some naff actor nobody's heard of with very little charisma, charm or personality. It does this because presumably they couldn't get Ben Miller back for some reason.
What's worse is that the villain this time is utterly bland and devoid of distinguishing features. This is most likely down to the film's decision to be something of a parody of the modern-day spy-films (Casino Royale, The Bourne Identity, etc) which don't feature over-the-top, classic-Bond-esque villains, but it also saps a great deal of life from the film.
What's left is a hand-ful of set-pieces and concepts that are mildly amusing, but not executed amazingly well and a real lack of good gags. Most of the jokes come down to Rowan Atkinson falling over, which to be fair, is pretty much all you could expect from a film like this, but it's a shame because given the artistry that went into the opening titles or the score for instance, this could have been a nice little spoof. Obviously Austin Powers has nailed the Bond spoof, but if they have to make more, they might as well make them well, right?

I'd love to see a film that puts Rowan Atkinson in the lead and doesn't stink out loud, one day. Sadly, I don't think we'll ever get one.

4/10


The Ides of March

A tight and intelligent political thriller that doesn't say anything new, but says what it says well. Clooney proves himself to be a very talented director and as usual, he's a compelling actor who lights up the few, choice scenes he's in. But the rest of the cast are all also praise worthy. Ryan Gosling is excellent and both Philip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Giamatti remind us of why they're both as revered as they are.
It's not a particularly timeless film in that I can't see it being talked about years from now, but it's a strong piece of work all the same and should at very least stand a shot at next year's Oscars.

7/10


The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)

This film is being unfairly dismissed by most as trash and a film with nothing for it other than its shock-factor.
I can say that, whilst it's far from a good film, it does, definitely, qualify as art. It has things to say and its certainly a film worthy of discussion.
In case you don't know, rather than picking up where the first film left off, this film is set in 'the real world' and sees a mentally ill fan of the first film taking it upon himself to make the film a reality and create his own human centipede. Its meta-nature makes it a compelling exploration of the world's reaction to the first film and so its essentially critique of the critiques against itself. It's quite clever in that regard and some of the shots and ideas that the film throws about are simply fantastic.
That said, it's not a good film. The reason I'm being so positive is to try and somewhat re-address the balance.
The first film's biggest asset was a simply outstanding performance from Dieter Laser as its villain. This film on the other hand features acting that's frankly, just appalling. Laurence R. Harvey is okay as Martin, the new villain, but he's never really asked to stretch his acting muscles to the point that I can call his performance anything other than functional. The same can be said for Ashlynn Yennie, playing herself, having being tricked into coming to the UK with promises of an audition for the new Tarantino film by Martin over the phone. She isn't bad.
However, everybody else is. And I mean really bad. So bad that you cringe whenever they open their mouths. The bad acting really lets the film down and makes it considerably worse than it otherwise would be.
Not to mention that there's little story here. The film could have been 30 minutes quite comfortably, but it's been padded out to a feature running time.
It's hard for me to rate this film because frankly, I don't know if it's supposed to be funny or not. Parts of it are hilarious, and I do think that it's somewhat intended that way given how Tom Six handles himself. The big "money shot" scene involving the centipede and the passing of faecal matter is so completely over the top and ridiculous that it even transcends 'South Park's recent parody of the concept. It's hard to think that it was constructed as anything more than Tom Six essentially saying "You people that thought the first film was bad don't know what you're talking about, THIS is what it could have been".
Regarding the shock and all the hype, though, I saw very little reason as to why the whole thing should have been banned in the UK - but then, it's important to point out that the version I watched was cut. Not as much as the version that will be hitting the UK soon, but still cut. Obviously, I can't talk for the uncut version of the film, but the most disgusting part of this cut, for me, was a fat man smelling his fingers after having sex with a prostitute and remarking that her "pussy smelt lovely". Ugh... vile.
I mean, yeah, people get their faces smashed in left, right and centre but come on, films like 'Braindead', 'I Spit On Your Grave' and the 'Saw' saga have been sitting on shop shelves for years now. To be fair, a baby does get its head crushed, but I'm pro-abortion so I don't care.

So yeah. The film is essentially the cheap, schlocky horror film, but it's more of a mockery of itself and cheap,schlocky horror as well as a deconstruction of their relationship with the rest of the world which in my opinion justifies its existence. You don't have to enjoy or like it, but it has every right to exist. Fuck censorship, right?

Bad, but not devoid of merit.

4/10 (I think? It's really hard to attach a number to such a strange and intentionally provocative film)
homerjaysimpson

Space Pope
****
« Reply #497 on: 10-30-2011 00:21 »
« Last Edit on: 10-30-2011 02:10 »

Halloween 3

Am I the only one who liked this silly one over the first movie?
Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #498 on: 10-30-2011 01:11 »

I love Halloween 3! It's so unappreciated.
cyber_turnip

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #499 on: 10-30-2011 04:22 »

I love it as a so-bad-it's-good movie. In the same way that I love 'Batman: The Movie' or 'Troll 2'.

But I mean, come on, it IS absolutely terrible.
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #500 on: 10-31-2011 01:37 »

Super 8
Ok so we all know JJ Abrams likes mysteries and monsters and space aliens and lens flares and making movies and Steven Spielberg, this film is a big bloody giveaway of that.
I detect a hint of The Goonies, a smattering of ET, two dollops of Cloverfield, the leftover lens flares digitally transplanted from Star Trek (into the night scenes... come on!) and a sprinkle of childhood nostalgia.
The result was actually not bad, decently paced and put together.

C+
Professor Zoidy

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #501 on: 11-01-2011 06:18 »

Nightmare Before Christmas

Never got around to it until yesterday. A bit off in pace to me, songs were catchy, story was more than followable but could've been a bit deeper in some aspects. Fun movie overall. I'll probably watch it again next Halloween if it's up on YouTube or on TV or something.

7/10 pumpkin kings
spira

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #502 on: 11-03-2011 04:51 »

I saw The Ides of March recently and while it's been getting good reviews, I was underwhelmed. It seemed predictable and long and the ending was abrupt. There wasn't anything really fresh in the whole movie. I spent most of the first half just waiting for the exposition to be over. It was a good story, but nothing memorable. The acting was solid, but no one stood out in particular. I did really like the first few minutes and was heartily amused.

6/10
Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #503 on: 11-03-2011 05:08 »

Evil Dead 2

Holy crap that was some gory-goodness and it's Bruce Campbell, he's fantastic. Want to watch Army of Darkness now!

A
coldangel

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #504 on: 11-06-2011 01:24 »

Want to watch Army of Darkness now!

You will be disappointed.



Well, here's some unholy ONE-SENTENCE REVIEWS!!!

Don't be afraid of the Dark (remake)
-Just be afraid of sudden high-pitched shrieking sounds designed to startle you, which only serve to annoy after about the twentieth time.

Thor
More than any of the others, this stands as a rather overt set-up for The Avengers than a movie in its own right.

The Mechanic
The only DVD, to date, that has ever leaped out of the player and kicked me in the face.

Chinatown
Forget it, Jake - it's classic noir.

Basic Instinct
This time I actually watched the whole thing rather than just fast-forwarding to Shazza's clam, and I regret it each day.

The Shining
Impossible to watch now without seeing Homer with no beer and no TV.
Inquisitor Hein
Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #505 on: 11-06-2011 13:18 »
« Last Edit on: 11-06-2011 13:20 »

Watched "The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn" yesterday, and it was better than I expected.

a) Unlike many other 3D movies, that one had some really good 3D scenes in it.
b) I was afraid the movie would be too much "americanised". But the whole movie kept a real good "French Comic Book" mood.  (My major influence when I learned to draw comics were the French ones, so that aspect was very importat for me smile )
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #506 on: 11-06-2011 19:01 »

I watched the Youtube/Ridley Scott collaboration Life In A Day
Quite moving and entertaining in some places (with some disturbing parts towards the end).
Excellently edited though, giving it a professional touch which is generally lacking on Youtube vlogging.

B
coffeeBot

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #507 on: 11-06-2011 19:49 »
« Last Edit on: 11-06-2011 19:51 »

A little while ago, my ginger and I saw The Three Musketeers.
It was entertaining, although it could be sort of predictable at times. In particular, the "change of heart" that Athos undergoes (from "you can't trust women" to "LOVE IS SO IMPORTANT") was a bit obvious.
I would definitely watch it again, but not in theaters. I'd give it a 7.5/10 .

Edited for format consistency with my other reviews.
coldangel

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #508 on: 11-07-2011 00:06 »

^ Okay, do you have any knowledge at all of the source material?
Here's a hint - it has no steampunk technology in it. It's a venerated historical adventure tale, not... that...

I recoiled in abject horror when I saw the preview and what they'd done with this old favourite cast of characters. Despite the fact that I've refused to EVER see it, I agree with the professional reviews that have been issuing out the likes of ZERO out of five stars and whatnot.

And you, Coffeebot... I didn't have a great deal of respect for you to begin with. Now I have nothing but contempt.
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #509 on: 11-07-2011 00:10 »

Disapproval from coldangel = hey coffeeBot is allright! big grin
coldangel

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #510 on: 11-07-2011 00:13 »

Yeah, I like to help the new guys gain acceptance.
Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #511 on: 11-07-2011 02:27 »

Want to watch Army of Darkness now!

You will be disappointed.


Oh here's a surprise, Coldangel being negative.

Mystery Men

It was ok, a really good superhero parody. I can never tell with Ben Stiller though if I'm gonna really like him or want him to die a horrible death. This time I only wanted him to die a quick and painful death though. I mean I know the character of the 'loner who actually values his friends despite being a cocky douchebag' isn't a rare thing to see in movies or TV but I hate it when it's Ben Stiller doing this. Why? Because even though we're suppose to like him and want to see him redeem himself, Ben Stiller is just a fucking obnoxious tool and I hate how this is the guy we're suppose to be cheering for. The only time it has ever worked for Stiller is in Dodgeball, and that's because he was the bad guy and they relentlessly made fun of him and it was hilarious. [/rant]

B-
cyber_turnip

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #512 on: 11-07-2011 02:44 »

^ Okay, do you have any knowledge at all of the source material?
Here's a hint - it has no steampunk technology in it. It's a venerated historical adventure tale, not... that...

I recoiled in abject horror when I saw the preview and what they'd done with this old favourite cast of characters. Despite the fact that I've refused to EVER see it, I agree with the professional reviews that have been issuing out the likes of ZERO out of five stars and whatnot.

And you, Coffeebot... I didn't have a great deal of respect for you to begin with. Now I have nothing but contempt.

I'm with you. Anything Paul W.S. Anderson touches turns to shit. He is the worst film-maker I know of. His films are all rage-inducingly awful.
Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #513 on: 11-07-2011 04:15 »

Three Musketeers was terrible.  HILARIOUSLY terrible.
coldangel

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #514 on: 11-07-2011 04:20 »

Yeah.
The whole 'slick fast-paced modern action' take on a classic tale only worked with Sherlock Holmes because it was done so well, with a degree of class and subtlety, and with a good helping of respect for and nods to the source material despite the change of tone. Plus, of course, Downey Jr can do no wrong.
But The Three Musketeers going up against zeppelins and flame-throwers... what utter rot. Why not just dig up the remains of Alexandre Dumas and take a shit in his skull while you're at it?
Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #515 on: 11-07-2011 04:56 »

Orlando Bloom's ridiculous hair was enough for me to avoid the movie all together.
coffeeBot

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #516 on: 11-07-2011 05:27 »
« Last Edit on: 11-07-2011 07:04 »

^ Okay, do you have any knowledge at all of the source material?
Here's a hint - it has no steampunk technology in it. It's a venerated historical adventure tale, not... that...

I've never read it, no. Maybe if I had read the book before, I wouldn't have liked the movie at all. It's frustrating to see movie adaptations deviate so much from the original books, but other than the steampunk, I didn't know what deviated and what didn't.
While it wasn't nearly as great a movie as the book merits, I'm sure, it wasn't horrible as far as action movies go. I'd give it a "Meh, I'll watch it if I'm bored."
coldangel

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #517 on: 11-07-2011 07:30 »

Try books, plural. Also, a whole swathe of other film adaptations that all rate higher.
Nixorbo

UberMod
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« Reply #518 on: 11-07-2011 07:50 »

Orlando Bloom's ridiculous hair was enough for me to avoid the movie all together.

Orlando Bloom's hair was *fabulous*.

There were two things I legitimately liked about The Three Musketeers.  The first and foremost was Ray Stevenson, who is an actor I enjoy.  The second was how much Orlando Bloom seemed to genuinely enjoy being an over-the-top mustache-twirling (quite literally, I believe) villain and not a blacksmith.

Everything else?  Just go watch the one where Sting, Bryan Adams and Rod Stewart all sing at the end.
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« Reply #519 on: 11-07-2011 08:20 »

Mads Mikkelsen is in it?  I'm not watching.
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