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Author Topic: Cynical Evaluations of Cinema: Movie Reviews  (Read 25102 times)
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JoshTheater

Space Pope
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« Reply #40 on: 05-25-2011 00:28 »

I thought this video perfectly encapsulated the title of this thread "Cynical Evaluations of Cinema" so I thought I'd just drop it here.
homerjaysimpson

Space Pope
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« Reply #41 on: 05-26-2011 22:17 »

Kung Fu Panda 2

Felt like a lion king rip off but still had a good story. First one was funnier. C+
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #42 on: 05-27-2011 06:40 »

Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus

Yep, it's that bad cool.  Also, it stars Urkel AND The Doctor from Voyager.  One of the best parts was the way the eponymous monsters, to borrow a line from Mike Nelson in The Beginning of the End, radically altered their size depending on your perspective.

Don't expect it to out-ridiculous the first Mega Shark, the filmmakers sort of used their trump cards on the plane and bridge attacks, but the sequel is pretty ridiculous.  The writing is just as bad, but the characters are more likeable. 
Crash_7

Professor
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« Reply #43 on: 05-28-2011 01:58 »

Saw Kung Fu Panda 2 today.  Movie was ok, but I'm giving up on watching in movies in 3d.  I can see the 3d fine and I don't get a headache or anything.  The best way I can describe the effect it has on me is this.  Put your hand up to your face as though you're blocking one of Moe's two finger eye pokes.  Now walk around like that for a while.  Annoying, isn't it?
lilkitten29

Starship Captain
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« Reply #44 on: 05-28-2011 07:02 »

I wanna see Kung Fu Panda 2!!!


Anyways the last movie I saw was The Thing (John Carpenter 1982 one)...I thought it was sooo creepy but I liked it.
8/10
Smarty

Professor
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« Reply #45 on: 05-28-2011 08:03 »

Kung Fu Panda 2

What can I say? I love Dreamworks. I loved the original, too. I went to go see this with my little cousins today and honestly thought it was going to be cheap and lame. However, it was actually quite enjoyable.

It seemed a little darker, honestly, than the first. It kind of made it a little more enjoyable.

It was full of action as well as touching moments with Po and his past. However at times, the plot line seemed a little shallow in terms of development. There definitely could've been more. But who would've guessed that a peacock would be a villain?

B+

Saw Kung Fu Panda 2 today.  Movie was ok, but I'm giving up on watching in movies in 3d.  I can see the 3d fine and I don't get a headache or anything.  The best way I can describe the effect it has on me is this.  Put your hand up to your face as though you're blocking one of Moe's two finger eye pokes.  Now walk around like that for a while.  Annoying, isn't it?

I didn't see it in 3D. Honestly, 3D is getting old. Real old.
x.Bianca.x

Urban Legend
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« Reply #46 on: 05-28-2011 08:07 »

Apparently charlie kaufman wrote kung fu panda 2
Smarty

Professor
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« Reply #47 on: 05-28-2011 08:18 »

Apparently charlie kaufman wrote kung fu panda 2

Not exactly. Jonathan Aibel and Glenn Berger apparently wrote the bulk of it. Kaufman did rewrites and polished it.
Professor Zoidy

Urban Legend
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« Reply #48 on: 05-30-2011 03:06 »

Finally watched Disney's Bolt because it was on ABC Family for free and while I entirely loathe Miley Cyrus's work for Disney, this film didn't have enough of her in it to ruin it. It was your typical action/adventure formula so it was predicatble but I enjoyed it. It's a good flick to watch if you're bored, or are looking for something to entertain you for a little bit but I won't say it's the most compelling piece of film ever. I can see why kids enjoyed it. Bolt's a cute dog.

B- or 3/5 super barks.
Juliet

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« Reply #49 on: 05-30-2011 08:53 »

The hangover part 2

The movie was hilarious and sick. Me and my boyfriend been laughing so much in the cinema.

Stu is my fave character and this time he gets properly married and their hangovers gets crazier then when they were in Vegas. Feel really sorry for after he find out what he done at the strip club. The monkey was funny too. And yeah to get to see the funny snaps at the end again. 

I would see it again.
JoshTheater

Space Pope
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« Reply #50 on: 05-31-2011 17:29 »
« Last Edit on: 05-31-2011 18:52 »

The Hangover Part II

As far as sequels go, the writers of this movie went the full mile in making sure they copy-pasted the first movie as perfectly as they could. Every single event that happens in this movie is a near perfect replica of how the first movie happened, with slightly changed details. At first, I admit I thought this was a cool idea. They seemed to be implementing the concept well and it seemed that they would end up taking it in much crazier directions...but in the end, they didn't. Every single plot twist is exactly the same, the order of events is exactly the same, throughout the ENTIRE movie...which creates a huge problem when you're able to predict EVERYTHING that's going to happen just based on the events of the first movie. It completely denies this film of the mystery aspect that made the first movie so intriguing, where you had no idea how everything was going to resolve or how crazy it would get next. While watching this sequel, there's a level of expectation the viewer has of how crazy things can get, and the movie NEVER breaches that expectation. It gets close, but then it always takes two steps back.

And I'd have been willing to forgive ALL of this if the movie had actually been as funny as the first film, but it doesn't come close. Sure, it has its moments, but in the end it can't compare. Considering the first film was funny but not AMAZINGLY funny (I wouldn't call it a comedy classic), to be good this movie really needed to be at least close to as funny as the first one, but it simply isn't.

Bottom line: Do NOT spend money on this movie in the theaters. I promise you it's not worth it. Wait for a home release, or even better, torrent it, because it doesn't deserve the money. It's a lazy sequel that insults your intelligence by not only being less funny than the first, but by trying to feed you the exact same movie again and hoping you'll love it just as much. Sorry writers...you just aren't that good to pull it off.

C
Otis P Jivefunk

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« Reply #51 on: 05-31-2011 19:12 »

The Dark Knight

It was pretty good, best Batman I ever saw. Heath Ledger made it, even though I don't really like Batman much...

B
totalnerd undercanada

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« Reply #52 on: 05-31-2011 22:22 »

I don't really like Batman much...

Hand in your nerd card at the front desk please.
DannyJC13

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« Reply #53 on: 05-31-2011 22:59 »

I don't really like Batman much...

Hand in your nerd card at the front desk please.

You heard the man.
Professor Zoidy

Urban Legend
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« Reply #54 on: 06-03-2011 07:25 »

Pirates of the Caribbean 4

Alright, so I'm made a little promise to myself I'd get out and see a load of movies this summer after a dry spell in 2010. I've kicked my summer off with the swashbuckling adventures of Captain Jack Sparrow and co. and I must say that this movie is fairly decent if not a bit long. I was entertained enough not to want to keep looking at my watch (couldn't see it anyways in the dark) but it was a really, REALLY long film. I saw it starting around I'd say 3:40 and got out of the theater about two hours later. I can't say it dragged too badly, but there was no point where I felt excited, nor did I root for anyone in particular. This film did nothing to make me care if anyone sans Jack lived or died really. There were some kinda different things going on as side-ish stories that were woven in and they were left open-ended. Spoilers aside we meet a new character named Angelica. Interesting lass if I do say so... especially at the movie's VERY end. Interesting lines she has to say to Jack... Overall I wasn't disgusted by the film; I paid for pirates and I got just that. Will I say this was the best one? Nope. Do you need 3D? Hell no. 2D for me was peachy for viewing (and the old wallet). Would I want to see it again? Meh, probably not but then I've only seen the first film and that was ages ago. I've merely seen parts of the others so I cannot compare this one to those.

I rate this film 2.8/5 scurvy sea dogs.
DannyJC13

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« Reply #55 on: 06-03-2011 22:41 »

Saw Kung Fu Panda 2, was much better than the 1st one, which came as a shock to me. Loved the character development, loved the fight scenes and loved the sound, maybe that's just because I was in a Cinema though... shifty



8.5/10
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
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« Reply #56 on: 06-04-2011 00:58 »

True Grit
Man is Matt Damon a tough guy to kill.
And kudos to the Cohens for managing to find a younger and probably cheaper lookalike of John Goodman!
Yeah it was pretty good, Jeff Bridges was a good old drunk marshal, although he was incomprehensible at times, like a Western version of The Dark Knight.
Hailee Steinfeld held up against Bridges & Damon too
Nothing spectacular about it though and it didn't feel like a Cohens film, it was more like No Country for Old Men than A Serious Man I mean, if that makes any sense.

B-
JoshTheater

Space Pope
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« Reply #57 on: 06-04-2011 05:25 »

It makes sense. I think I said when I reviewed it that it was probably their most straightforward and conclusive as well as least weird films.
JoshTheater

Space Pope
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« Reply #58 on: 06-05-2011 07:57 »

Double posting time, bitches.

Animal Kingdom

Me = cry

A
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
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« Reply #59 on: 06-06-2011 01:52 »

The Extraordinary Adventures Of Adele Blanc-Sec
Luc Besson writes and directs this adaptation of a French/Belgian comic about an adventurous reporter, think of a female Tintin mixed with a bit of Indiana Jones and you have yourself a heroine!
Besson usually casts strong yet lovely leading ladies, and Louise Bourgoin (see pretty people thread) is no exception, and the supporting cast are good too, I especially liked the police chief character with his inability to get any sleep or food with all the adventure generated by Miss Blanc-sec.
Quirky and fun adventure with a pterodactyl running amok in Paris and Egyptian mummies revived from the dead for medical consultations.

C+
SpaceMaN

Urban Legend
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« Reply #60 on: 06-07-2011 04:08 »

Otis gains clool points for not really liking Batman much. 

I just watched BASEketball again, what a goofy movie.  I suppose I liked it because that's my kind of humor. 
JoshTheater

Space Pope
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« Reply #61 on: 06-07-2011 04:10 »

I watched that pretty recently too. I give it a B+, it was very funny.
Smarty

Professor
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« Reply #62 on: 06-09-2011 05:37 »

Rubber

Very, very interesting...I mean, it's about a tire that murders people. The whole movie's about things having no reason behind them. Funny, weird, gave some insight into life (as much as I could make out). I'm not usually a fan of indie films, but I honestly liked this one. I thought it was clever.

Also, they gave that tire so much personality. And I loved the ending.

B+
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #63 on: 06-09-2011 05:55 »
« Last Edit on: 06-09-2011 06:18 »

Alright now to review a number of movies I've watched over the past month or so:

Thor

Saw this a long time ago but didn't review it on here. Kenneth Branagh nailed Asgard. He actually managed to pull off making one of the silliest and most ridiculous notions in Marvel comics, that the Norse gods are real and still exist, seem entirely convincing and entertaining. In fact the parts in Asgard were more fun than the parts on Earth. I liked the parts on Earth but I thought that section of the film seemed rushed and the story suffered because of it. I didn't entirely believe Thor's sudden change of attitude, I felt that more needed to happen for him to have his revelation than simply not being able to lift the hammer (although the scene of him going in to get the hammer was awesome). But despite that stuff, it was still a very enjoyable movie. Not the most thoughtful superhero film, but a very very fun one and with excellent acting.

B+

Anvil! The Story Of Anvil

This band has been around for 30 years (the two founders, guitarist and drummer, have been constant members) and has never been successful, despite being referenced by some of the biggest metal bands of all time as being a major influence, and being considered one of if not the very first example of their style of metal. The problem was, despite their influence on the genre, they simply weren't very good and never sold many records. After 30 years this almost delusional band (especially the guitarist, who seems to have major emotional issues) is still trying to make it big by making the same exact shitty lowbrow (as in really dumb lyrics) and ridiculously outdated style of metal, and somehow find the money to make one more record. You can't help but utterly respect these guys' passion for music though, they are only trying to sell records so they can afford to make more music because they just love it so much. A pretty depressing film, but I hope the film itself (it's gathered critical acclaim) helped boost their record sales...even if their music does suck.

B

Four Lions

Another depressing film, but only at the end. It's actually a hilarious comedy about a group of really stupid Pakistani terrorists in Britain. I do recommend.

B+

Trolljegeren (The Troll Hunter)

A Norwegian fake documentary film (I watched with subtitles obviously) about a guy who hunts trolls...basically Cloverfield with trolls. But for those of you tend to get queasy, don't worry, the camera's not super shaky here. A group of college students decides to try to seek out and interview a rumored bear poacher on film, but end up discovering he actually hunts trolls, which it turns out do exist, except they're huge deadly predators and they don't talk. At first the hunter (who is played by a popular Norwegian comedian, but here plays his role completely straight, which works perfectly) tells them to leave him alone, but after realizing they're serious about following him, offers to bring them with him so they can leak footage of the trolls and expose the cover-up, because apparently the government doesn't pay him enough anymore and his benefits suck. The CGI trolls are actually really awesome-looking, and this turns out to be a really fun film that I recommend seeking out.

A-
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
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« Reply #64 on: 06-10-2011 23:46 »

X-Men: First Class
Hooray, a non-crappy X-Men movie! \big grin/
So instead of making seperate Magneto, Mystique and Charles Xavier movies they decided to cram those 3 characters into one, and threw Beast and a few others in for good measure.
Along with Kevin Bacons badguy they're the best characters really, with January Jones (Emma Frost) and Rose Byrne (FBI woman) only providing eye candy, there's lots of lingerie sequences for some reason but I'll allow it! love

Of course there's a few cameos:
Brian Singer producing and Matthew Vaughn directing seems like a winning combination, now I hope they can do another good one, maybe they should call it X-Men: Second Class Citizens or something cheesy like that...
You're welcome Hollywood. cool

B+
Melllvar

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #65 on: 06-11-2011 00:32 »

The Hangover Part II
Bottom line: Do NOT spend money on this movie in the theaters. I promise you it's not worth it. Wait for a home release, or even better, torrent it, because it doesn't deserve the money. It's a lazy sequel that insults your intelligence by not only being less funny than the first, but by trying to feed you the exact same movie again and hoping you'll love it just as much. Sorry writers...you just aren't that good to pull it off.

C

I subscribe to that.  The fact that they're rehashing the first movie doesn't appeal.... at all.  The very idea that people are seeing this movie in their droves is indicative of the rise of the stupid gene which is taking over our world.

Anvil! The Story Of Anvil

This band has been around for 30 years (the two founders, guitarist and drummer, have been constant members) and has never been successful, despite being referenced by some of the biggest metal bands of all time as being a major influence, and being considered one of if not the very first example of their style of metal. The problem was, despite their influence on the genre, they simply weren't very good and never sold many records. After 30 years this almost delusional band (especially the guitarist, who seems to have major emotional issues) is still trying to make it big by making the same exact shitty lowbrow (as in really dumb lyrics) and ridiculously outdated style of metal, and somehow find the money to make one more record. You can't help but utterly respect these guys' passion for music though, they are only trying to sell records so they can afford to make more music because they just love it so much. A pretty depressing film, but I hope the film itself (it's gathered critical acclaim) helped boost their record sales...even if their music does suck.

B

Four Lions

Another depressing film, but only at the end. It's actually a hilarious comedy about a group of really stupid Pakistani terrorists in Britain. I do recommend.

B+

Two of the best movies of the last two years and to you they're both depressing?  Anvil is the uplifting story of a relationship between two men, and a triumph of tanacity in the face of terrible luck, and it's bloody-well paid off for them.  What's depressing about that?

Also, Four Lions while being deeply melancholic in places (anything involving the main characters family and their relationship to his diabolical plan to commit a terrorist atrocity is unbelievably affecting, and what gives the movie its heart), other than that it's absolutely hilarious, and case in point that not only are these terrorists utter idiots, but the only way to beat them is through ridicule.
totalnerd undercanada

DOOP Ubersecretary
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« Reply #66 on: 06-11-2011 13:40 »

Josh, in order to watch Trollhunter, I am having to download a new media player that can handle subtitles, I've had to download a torrent that was several gigabytes in size due to nearly all of them being Blu-Ray rather than DVD rips, and I'm also having to update my video codecs. I've not gone to this much trouble to watch a movie in years. If this doesn't work, or if it's not worth it,  I am coming to stick my cock in your ear.
i_c_weiner

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #67 on: 06-11-2011 13:51 »

Faze: the moment Rose Byrne came on screen, I was automatically okay with anything else that happened in that movie. Including that her character Moira had the wrong job.

So, with that:
X-Men: First Class
I wasn't expecting to enjoy this film. I did. In fact, I enjoyed it and thought it was a good film. The dynamic between Magneto and Xavier was played pretty well, albeit it felt Magneto was at times a little two dimensional of a character. Kevin Bacon definitely made his part amazing, and left us with more fun with Six Degrees. Which reminds me, the art style of the film was great. Some scenes, especially the ones Bacon was in, had a cinematic style that reminded me of 60s films (hey, that's when this movie took place!), especially reminding me of Bond films. Finally, on the first of the two cameos put in Faze's spoilers: I laughed so much at that cameo. It was so perfect just the way it was. Also, if nobody noticed, there were a few cameos from other mutants when Xavier first used Cerebro:
Overall, good stuff, one of my favorite comic book movies. I think I liked it better than the other X-Men movies by a longshot. Now for them just to take this as a backdoor reboot...
B+
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #68 on: 06-11-2011 19:26 »

Josh, in order to watch Trollhunter, I am having to download a new media player that can handle subtitles

You didn't already have VLC?

Also I could have shown you a smaller torrent if you'd asked...
totalnerd undercanada

DOOP Ubersecretary
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« Reply #69 on: 06-11-2011 19:50 »

It didn't work anyway. Fuck it, I'm not watching the damned thing.
JoshTheater

Space Pope
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« Reply #70 on: 06-11-2011 20:39 »
« Last Edit on: 06-11-2011 20:46 »

It didn't work because you are terrible at finding working torrents. You make sure to look at the comments on a torrent to see whether people have said fake or not, right?

Protip: If there are no comments yet, it's probably fake.

When you're done being a grumpy bugger blaming your own incompetence on me (tongue), I'll link you to the one I used in IRC.
Nutmeg1729

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #71 on: 06-12-2011 00:20 »

X-Men: First Class

I'll admit right off that I enjoy all the X-Men movies, not because they're good movies, but because they're just something to watch that has mutants and explosions and whatnot, but that's beside the point.

I really, really enjoyed this movie, all three of us did actually. The dynamics between Magneto and Prof. X. are fantastically played, and there's some very touching moments between the two of them where you realise just now much they've been through and how hard it was to part ways. Without saying too much, I also feel that it sets up the events of the third movie perfectly, basically the start of everything with the cure and whatnot.

But yes, Michael Fassbender is dangerous to the point where I think I'm now in love with him, James McAvoy is fantastic as always, and the supporting cast for the most part handle their characters fantastically well.

Gets a solid A- from me, which for an X-Men movie is damn good.
any1else

Space Pope
****
« Reply #72 on: 06-12-2011 07:22 »

We saw that movie last week, too. I want to rent or buy the other 3 movies and watch them again now, because it has been so long since I saw them. Unlike Pirates, which we had a marathon of and then saw on the weekend. POTC4 wasn't as bad as people seemed to be saying it was, but it has grown a bit tired I suppose. And after having seen X-Men First Class three days earlier, it paled in comparison fo' sho'. Even though afterwards I got to hear all about the things that were different from the comics "even though I don't follow the comics as closely as I do Spiderman." laff

We also hired some movies. I can only remember Exorcist: The Beginning and that's mainly because I finally figured out that the main guy in it, the guy from Mamma Mia, is Bootstap Bill in POTC. That had been bugging me! I couldn't figure out who he was because of all the seafood on his face. But when I heard his voice in this movie it clicked. Hooray! Otherwise it was kind of uninteresting. Although I only saw the original Exorcist this year (or the end of last year?) and that seemed to just drag on. So. Hmm. I guess it had a couple of jumpy moments, but that's about it. 5 demons out of 10.

Did I review Insideous? That was kind of creepy. Weiner should see it, Rose Byrne is in it wink It does build up quite an atmosphere, especially with the crazy music with the opening title. That stuff always gets me! It would also cut from a close up of a person to another person and then back to the first person and suddenly there'd be something/one behind them which managed to be quite freaky. They had two guys in it that almost seemed to be for comic relief which was a bit odd. Otherwise quite good considering it's a horror film. Normally those types of movies are hilarious. Although if I was watching it at home instead of a loud cinema I might have found it funnier. shifty 7 creeps out of 10.
winna

Avatar Czar
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« Reply #73 on: 06-12-2011 08:31 »

Kung Pow: Enter the Fist
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #74 on: 06-12-2011 09:35 »
« Last Edit on: 06-12-2011 09:39 »

We saw that movie last week, too. I want to rent or buy the other 3 movies and watch them again now, because it has been so long since I saw them

The third one is a piece of shit. I mean...the first two weren't anything to write home about either, but they were at least fun. The third one was just a boring by-the-numbers action flick that destroyed everything the first two movies got right about the individual characters.

I'm really dying to see First Class, I've been hearing awesome things...and it looks great. Fassbender is a fantastic actor (and has probably the coolest name ever, it works on so many levels) and I love the idea of it being set in the 60s...plus it's directed by the director of Kick-Ass. I also hear that, if you're paying attention, it seems to acknowledge that the events of the first two X-Men films will happen, and acts as if the third movie and the Wolverine movie (which I never saw but don't really need to...like Transformers 2, its a movie I've heard enough about to know it's a piece of crap) never existed...which sounds dandy to me.
any1else

Space Pope
****
« Reply #75 on: 06-12-2011 10:05 »

Fassbender, eh? *looks him up* Ahhh, so Inglourious Basterds is where I knew him from! The world makes sense again.

Yeah. I'm not much in the way of being knowledgeable, or having good taste, but I enjoyed this prequel movie. Even the credits at the end were like an advertisement for DNA. Hah. I really don't remember much about the third movie, except Miles from Lost was in it, and I didn't see Wolverine. Not sure how a prequel could indicate that the events of the 'following' movies didn't exist though, since...well...the future can change... shifty Although Wolverine was..origins, wasn't it? So that could have been taking place at the same time and therefore that would make sense. I haven't seen it so I don't know.
wu_konguk

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #76 on: 06-12-2011 11:48 »
« Last Edit on: 06-12-2011 11:57 »

X-men: First class

Thank you Mr Vaughn, after X-men 3 and Wolverine I really did not have high hopes for more X-men movies but this one knocked it out of the park for me.

Fassbender made a fantastic Magneto, especially in the eairler parts of the film where he is like a mangetic James Bond(which was nice as the film really had a 60's James Bond feel to it). McAvoy was great as Prof X and Kevin Bacon made an awesome Sebastion Shaw. Also Sorry to say Mr Grammer but Nicholas Hoult made a much better Beast.

The visuals were great and the story moved at a good pace.  The two cameos were fun as well although this is the first film I did not see Stan Lee in, did I miss him?

It also keeps in line with the continuity of the first 2 films but adds a few changes so certain events in teh last 2 films would not happen.  Although did find it a little odd they changed Moria McTaggart from a Scottish geneticist to a CIA agent but it worked for the film.

All in all well worth a watch  A

Edit- Just found out there is going to be an American remake of the Troll Hunter, why Hollywood? Why? Also really not sure how that work being how Norwegian the film is in almost every aspect.
totalnerd undercanada

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« Reply #77 on: 06-12-2011 14:58 »

Excellent.

I'll be able to watch that without problems. Damn media players that support subtitles but not the required codecs can all go to hell!
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
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« Reply #78 on: 06-12-2011 16:20 »

What, is that still a problem for people? Get any codec pack ya noob, what is wrong with you?
totalnerd undercanada

DOOP Ubersecretary
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« Reply #79 on: 06-12-2011 17:35 »

The codecs I found were valid for the file, but not supported by the software itself. I don't really get it, to be honest. All I know is, I couldn't play the damned thing. I tried three different players. All now rage-uninstalled.

I'll stick with DivX and WMP, my two default players. They don't do subtitles, but they play the damn video at least.
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