It stinks! (movie review thread)

[Reply #520 on:]

Josh - because of what seattlejohn said.  It makes a movie annoying knowing it was made JUST to rake in cash.  Like the new Spiderman movies.  Really?  Didn't we JUST see these?  I mean, this isn't like remaking True Grit or something older, this is like... 5-10 years old.

Well, you're right about the upcoming Spider-Man reboot. The makers of it have absolutely NO motive other than cash.

MovieBob put it pretty well:

"Sony Pictures' ill-advised, shadily-mounted, quick-n-cheap movie reboot is proceeding right on schedule.

For those keeping track, this is the one being put together at the hurried (lest they lose the rights back to Marvel Studios and have to watch, helplessly, as Spider-Man Meets The Avengers earns the GDP of a mid-sized OPEC nation) bequest of the producing team that insisted on the story changes that ultimately mangled the 3rd film, after they basically shoved original-helmer Sam Raimi's in-production 4th film off into oblivion and started up this reboot behind his back. So if nothing else, you know this just has to be good, given how it's clearly been made for only the purest and most noble of artistic reasons."

[Reply #521 on:]

Carry on Screaming (1966)

The 'Carry On' films were always a bit hit or miss but thankfully this one was most definitely a hit as it spoofs the Hammer Horror films of the time with a plot that could have been lifted from one of Hammer's films and jokes that remain funny to this day. When a young man's girlfriend goes missing in a woods Sgt. Bung is called into investigate. Near the woods he finds a house occupied by brother and sister Orlando and Valeria Watt, there is something rather strange about them; not least the fact that their butler told the police that Orlando was dead yet he appears to be very much alive, this is due to a reanimation technique he has developed for himself and a strange creature which looks like a cross between Frankenstein's monster and the Wolfman. He is also responsible for the disappearance of the women; he has been submitting them to a procedure that turns them into lifelike shop dummies. Initially the police aren't that suspicious but clues lead them back to the house more than once and ultimately they must confront both the Watts and two monsters!

This is one of the best 'Carry On' films; Harry H. Corbett did a good job in the role of Sgt. Bung and Sylvia Simm was great as his battleaxe of a wife, also notable were Fenella Fielding as the seductively vampish Valeria, Kenneth Williams as Orlando and Peter Butterworth as Constable Slobotham. The jokes where a good combination of laugh out loud funny and groan inducingly corny. While the special effects were anything but special that added to the charm of the film.

9/10

[Reply #522 on:]

For those keeping track, this is the one being put together at the hurried (lest they lose the rights back to Marvel Studios and have to watch, helplessly, as Spider-Man Meets The Avengers earns the GDP of a mid-sized OPEC nation) bequest of the producing team that insisted on the story changes that ultimately mangled the 3rd film, after they basically shoved original-helmer Sam Raimi's in-production 4th film off into oblivion and started up this reboot behind his back. So if nothing else, you know this just has to be good, given how it's clearly been made for only the purest and most noble of artistic reasons."

Definite POTM material.  By the way, according to the website denofgeek.com, there are supposedly 75 remakes/reboots/sequels/prequels in various stages of production right now.  Here's a partial list (and one of the reasons I think all unoriginal greedy studio suits should be shot in the head immediately):

Alien
American Pie
The Birds
The Black Hole
Bourne (yes, they're replacing Matt Damon in the role)
Cliffhanger
Conan The Barbarian
Creature From The Black Lagoon
The Crow
Death Wish
Dune (again, for the 3rd time)
Escape from New York
Fantastic Four
Fletch
Ghostbusters
Gilligan's Island
Gremlins
Jurassic Park
Mr. & Mrs. Smith (wasn't this made 4 years ago?)
Planet of the Apes (for the 3rd time)
Police Academy
Porky's
Red Dawn
Robocop
Spawn
Spiderman (which we already know about)
The Thing (for the 3rd time)
The Warriors
Westworld

Edit:  Apparently Hollywood is even more unimaginative & derivative than I though.  As of today, there are 75 Remakes/Reboots in the making.  There is apparently a separate 86 movie long list of sequels that are currently in production.  Do everyone a favor; shoot a beancounting movie studio suit today!

[Reply #523 on:]

Ghostbusters isn't being rebooted. But Ghostbusters 3 is in pre-production. Bill Murray will supposedly die in the first fifteen minutes.

[Reply #524 on:]

...because the movie will be that bad?

[Reply #525 on:]

You're that bad. In other news, Due Date was nowhere near as hilarious as I was led to believe.

[Reply #526 on:]

[Reply #527 on:]

By the way, according to the website denofgeek.com, there are supposedly 75 remakes/reboots/sequels/prequels in various stages of production right now.  Here's a partial list (and one of the reasons I think all unoriginal greedy studio suits should be shot in the head immediately):


The Thing (for the 3rd time)

I am unaware of how many remakes there have been of this film, but I am curious to know whether you are referring to the 1982 John Carpenter film as one of those remakes. Surely that film deserves to stand a million miles away from the unimaginative reboots of the modern era and should not be counted within them - I mean it's so different from the 50s version to be entirely its own film. Just saying.

[Reply #528 on:]

I think I read somewhere there remaking Short Circuit.

[Reply #529 on:]

I am unaware of how many remakes there have been of this film, but I am curious to know whether you are referring to the 1982 John Carpenter film as one of those remakes. Surely that film deserves to stand a million miles away from the unimaginative reboots of the modern era and should not be counted within them - I mean it's so different from the 50s version to be entirely its own film. Just saying.

I agree, regarding the John Carpenter film, which is one of my favorites.  You're also correct, that it was a remake of the 1950's classic with James Arness as the "carrot man" creature.  The John Carpenter film stands on it's own, but it's still a remake.  Which they're apparently going to remake again.  Idiots.

I think I read somewhere there remaking Short Circuit.

Yup; it's on the remake list.  Den of geeks has the entire list; some of the remakes are downright shocking. 

[Reply #530 on:]

I am unaware of how many remakes there have been of this film, but I am curious to know whether you are referring to the 1982 John Carpenter film as one of those remakes. Surely that film deserves to stand a million miles away from the unimaginative reboots of the modern era and should not be counted within them - I mean it's so different from the 50s version to be entirely its own film. Just saying.

I agree, regarding the John Carpenter film, which is one of my favorites.  You're also correct, that it was a remake of the 1950's classic with James Arness as the "carrot man" creature.  The John Carpenter film stands on it's own, but it's still a remake.  Which they're apparently going to remake again.  Idiots.

Actually I think I read somewhere that the new Thing movie was going to be a prequel to John Carpenter's movie.

[Reply #531 on:]

I just re-read the den of geek webpage, and they updated it today to the prequel status.  I don't know how they're going to do a "prequel" story to the John Carpenter film, as the premise of that film was the thing had been frozen in the ice for over 100,000 years.  They're doing it without John Carpenter or a director I recognized; have you heard of Matthijs van Heijningen Jr?  Actors Joel Edgerton and Mary Elizabeth Winstead are attached to the project; can't say I've heard of or seen either of them.

Edit:  UGH.  I just found that the above list of 75 projects in various stages of production was remakes/reboots ONLY.  Apparently, there are 86 movie sequels in various stages of production.  Here's a partial list.  God, I SO hate movie studio beancounting suits...

300 part 2
Alien 5
Avatar 2
Bloodsport 2
Bruce vs. Frankenstein (sequel to "My Name is Bruce", starring the #1 actor of his generation, Bruce Campbell)
Cars 2
Cloverfield 2
The Departed 2
Evil Dead 4
Fast & Furious 5
Get Smart 2
Ghost Rider 2
G.I. Joe 2
Hancock 2
Happy Feet 2
Indiana Jones 5
Iron Man 3
Jurassic Park 4
Kill Bill Volume 3 (he died in the last one; wtf?)
Mad Max 4
Men In Black 3
Mission Impossible 4
Monsters, Inc. 2
National Treasure 3
Silent Hill 2
Sin City 2
Twister 2
Underworld 4
Who Framed Roger Rabbit 2...

Aw, screw it.  This depresses me too much.  I think I'll go on a movie studio beancounter suit hunt...

[Reply #532 on:]

[Reply #533 on:]

You're that bad. In other news, Due Date was nowhere near as hilarious as I was led to believe.

Lies and slander!

On an unrelated note that would have been related if I had said this on the previous page: Am I the only one who found Knives to be really fucking annoying in Scott Pilgram?

[Reply #534 on:]

I would totally bang Knives, but I'm guessing she'd be really irritating to actually talk to. So no, you're not the only one. But that wouldn't stop me from shagging her. Just from spending time with her afterwards.

[Reply #535 on:]

300 part 2?  LOL (seen as how most of the main actors from the first one were killed)

Who Framed Roger Rabbit 2...I don't even have a comment for this.

Hey, maybe next we will See Lord of the Rings 4 or a Matrix 4 or Pulp Fiction 2....gosh, I hope not.  Leave well enough alone and come up with a new, original idea.  But I believe that is asking too much from incompetence.

[Reply #536 on:]

Combine them. The Lord of the Matrix Fiction.

[Reply #537 on:]

Pulp Ring of the Matrix. Lord Matrix of the Fiction Ring Pulp. Next?

[Reply #538 on:]

"Who Framed The Guy That Took The Red Pill?!"

[Reply #539 on:]

Blade Runner (it's a combination of Chariots of Fire and that vampire film with Wesley Snipes).

[Reply #540 on:]

Aw, you're not even trying with that one!

[Reply #541 on:]

Quit saying bad things about Bladerunner.  It is my favourite movie this year.

I would totally bang Knives, but I'm guessing she'd be really irritating to actually talk to. So no, you're not the only one. But that wouldn't stop me from shagging her. Just from spending time with her afterwards.

So you'd be a dick like Scott.  I didn't find her that irritating, but puppydogging does get old after awhile... I think she was cute, but she'd need potential for growth.  Also, she was a high schooler and you're like 26 or something tnuk.

movie studios can't make new material and i am frustrated

I paraphrased that quote btw... anyways, I understand why some of those things are most upsetting, and Hollywood certainly has a problem with beating dead horses.  However, some of those things on the lists you posted sound like they'd be enjoyable... more of some great things that we wanted.  That's not so bad, is it?  Plus, some of those franchises need sequels and such, but not all.... as someone pointed out: 300 part II is stupid.... but a sequel to 300 might not necessarily be.... something about the greeks gathering together to destroy the persians and the fall of xerxes....  it's contradictive to the canon though, right?  Whatevs.

[Reply #542 on:]

You missed my point, Winna.  There may be the occassional sequel that's entertaining (300 part II vs. 300 the sequel; are you kidding?), but that's few & far between.  It used to be that movies were made to tell stories, and sequels were uncommon; now the balance has totally tipped.  Now all they want to make is remakes & reboots & sequels & prequels, because "it's a sure fire money maker".  For the studios, money is the only thing that matters now; quality stories be damned.  So, we get movies like all the Transformers movies & Michael Bay shoot-em ups; special effects driven & slick looking but empty.  And that blows.

[Reply #543 on:]

Jurassic Park 4 my ass.  Is there work being done or is it just a bunch of slick Hollywood types hammering out which product placements need to be worked into the movie?  No one would be happier than I if the movie actually turns out to in production, but greasy weasels talking doesn't count as production.

[Reply #544 on:]

Machete was amazing. Totally bad film, done that way on purpose, and it works. Laughed my ass off all the way through. Can't wait for Machete Kills. And Machete Kills Again.

[Reply #545 on:]

Quit saying bad things about Bladerunner.  It is my favourite movie this year.

I would totally bang Knives, but I'm guessing she'd be really irritating to actually talk to. So no, you're not the only one. But that wouldn't stop me from shagging her. Just from spending time with her afterwards.

So you'd be a dick like Scott.  I didn't find her that irritating, but puppydogging does get old after awhile... I think she was cute, but she'd need potential for growth.  Also, she was a high schooler and you're like 26 or something tnuk.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes. I've undergone some character development of my own.

[Reply #546 on:]

Sorry I said you were 26... I like to add three years to everyone's age.

As long as we can all agree that Bladerunner was the best movie we've seen this year.

[Reply #547 on:]

I saw The Social Network last night.  I liked it, I don't know that I'm crazy about it as many people seem to have been.

I only paid 2 bucks to see it, so that's a plus.  The characters talked really, really fast.  What bugs me about movies now is (again) casting.  So many people are "known" for certain things and I have a real difficultly separating the roles.  Eduardo's gf was played by Brenda Song, a major player on the Disney Channel.  She basically plays a non slutty Paris Hilton.  Rashida Jones is always going to be Karen from The Office.  And Timberlake... I do think he is a good actor, but his musical career was SO BIG that its hard to take him seriously even when he is good.  When he was getting ready to kick Eduardo out of the offices I was like almost expecting him to sing "bye bye bye."

[Reply #548 on:]

Avatar 2
Hancock 2
Happy Feet 2
Cars 2
Monsters, Inc. 2
Silent Hill 2

My Eyes! The Goggles do nothing!

[Reply #549 on:]

I've already seen previews for cars 2, should be out soon.

[Reply #550 on:]

Black Swan

I saw this movie last night, and if you ever wanted to see Queen Abbydobbie Da get naked with Mr. Belvedere, this movie totally delivers!  I have no idea, but I'm quite certain that somebody was slipping the ladies mickeys and everyone wanted to be Queen of the Riverdance.  It's really hard to pinpoint what sort of genre this movie fell into, but Meg Griffon was there at least a couple of times which almost qualifies this as an animated feature.  Superb storytelling though, and the acting of the wikked step-mother was unsurpassed.

I'll give this movie better than C and I think you might enjoy it.

[Reply #551 on:]

Just managed to see Tron: Legacy - all that money on FX and they couldn't hire a writer too?

[Reply #552 on:]

Baby On Board, something something, Burt Ward…

This thing writes itself!

[Reply #553 on:]

Finally got around to seeing The A-Team

As far as movies go, the plot is pretty damn cliché, but overall I actually really liked it. I laughed a lot, and I absolutely love Murdock who brings the much needed laughter that the other characters don't seem to be able to carry off.

I'd watch it again, if only to scream "Fuck yeah" when things start blowing up, and Baracus drops a guy on his head.

Fuck yeah.

[Reply #554 on:]

Freakonomics

The books are better and it didn't have 60 mins of the movie about stuff you don't give a shit about!

C-

[Reply #555 on:]

Star Trek
saw it for the first time after waay too long
A little too much focus on the big action scenes this time around. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, but the story could've had more depth.) The VFX looked awesome. And pretty good actors, but I can now say that I hate Chris Pine. WE WANT SHATNER!
B+

[Reply #556 on:]

The King's Speech

They say that you should never let the truth get in the way of a good story… and in this case I agree with them.

I suppose I must have a soft spot for good old-fashioned historical dramas cum soap operas because I really enjoyed this one.

Upper-class shenanigans, Colin Firth, and the allegretto from Beethoven's 7th symphony. What more could you want?  :squee!:

[Reply #557 on:]

The Green Hornet

Meh. So much promise, so little delivered. I'd watch an entire movie series on the other hand, about the rise of the bad guy.

[Reply #558 on:]

So, hollywood butchered another one, eh?  Nice to know the original series will always be the penultimate 60's cheesey TV program; there's a certain comfort in seeing Bruce Lee kicking anyone & anything...

[Reply #559 on:]

@Seattle John

No Last Airbender 2.  Phew.  The sea is calm for now.