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Author Topic: It stinks! (movie review thread)  (Read 23960 times)
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DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #120 on: 08-18-2010 09:54 »

Journey to the Center of the Earth (made-for-TV 2008)
 
Fuck you, Ricky Schroder!  Is he an actor, or is he just a blond guy who says stuff when a camera points at him?  Also fuck either the story or the title.  This is a lame story about Americans who travel to the center of the Earth via Alaska.  It stars the aforementioned Ricky Schroder, Victoria Pratt as an American Kate Winslett in Titanic, Peter Fonda as David Carradine playing Bill from Kill Bill as Colonel Kurtz, and some twerp as Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic playing Arnie Grape.  Seriously, they were all totally loathsome.  I wanted to punch the moderately-retarded Leonardo DiCaprio character, who also happened to be the narrator, several times at several points during the movie.

IMDB says it was made-for-TV, but I can't imagine a for-profit network airing this stinkburger.  It's more like a made-for-seventh-grade-theater-class.
SweetZombieJesus

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #121 on: 08-18-2010 12:12 »

Inception - 9/10

Nothing like the Matrix. I do not see how anyone could compare the two really? Brilliant movie!! Finally a movie that can keep you entertained by making you think. That is a rare thing in Hollywood and I appreciate it!

Scott Pilgrim - 5-10

Funny moments, but overall not a good movie. And no, not many people like Michael Cera smile

The Last Airbender - 2/10

How does M. Night keep getting work... seriously?

The Road 7-10

Great movie with a few slow moments. The book was sooooo much better.

Millenium Trilogy - 8-10

Solid movies as all three of them were a treat to watch, (and if only I knew Swedish.) Unfortunately Hollywood is going to remake these and ruin the entire book series for me. Come on, Daniel Craig replacing Mikael Blomkvist! This is gonna be terrible!

Toy Story 3 - 9.5-10

Pixar. Enough said.

For the record. I hate 3D cinema and it is really sad that more than 25% of films coming out are going that way, mostly just to try and get extra money!



seattlejohn01

Space Pope
****
« Reply #122 on: 08-18-2010 12:35 »

For the record. I hate 3D cinema and it is really sad that more than 25% of films coming out are going that way, mostly just to try and get extra money!
Totally agreed.  Hollywood has been like lemmings for ~ 25 years now; anytime someone does something, everybody jumps onboard.  3D was big in the 50's; now someone brings it back in 1 movie & every studio is doing it.  Unoriginal morons.
hobbitboy

Sir Rank-a-Lot
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #123 on: 08-18-2010 13:44 »


   Apparently he's been anointed the spokesactor for all the awkward nerds in the world by Hollywood


Well I didn't vote for him.

Don't hate me, Trinity.  I'm just the messenger.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #124 on: 08-18-2010 17:42 »

You don't vote for an anointed one.  They are chosen by god or a committee of gods.  In the case of the Hollywood pantheon, it'd probably be done by a studio VP.
willsterdude3000

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #125 on: 08-18-2010 18:11 »
« Last Edit on: 08-20-2010 10:32 »

Toy Story 3:

Another great quality movie that incorporates everything a Pixar movie normally has: it's heart warming, it's funny, and it's feels so much like a normal Pixar movie, and a Toy Story film, because the way the Toy's are used is so clever. The only thing I didn't like was that is was a bit short for a movie, but otherwise, it was an awesome movie. Also the Short Film at the beginning was awesome.

9/10
bankrupt

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #126 on: 08-19-2010 03:10 »


IMDB says it was made-for-TV, but I can't imagine a for-profit network airing this stinkburger.  It's more like a made-for-seventh-grade-theater-class.

Really?  You need to IMAGINE GREATER: SYFY!  A good part of their programming that isn't wrestling seems to be seventh-grade-theater-class movies with monsters.  Monsters that look like they were made by the same seventh grade class.
seattlejohn01

Space Pope
****
« Reply #127 on: 08-19-2010 06:28 »

Damn straight!  My personal favorite seventh grade class monster movie on the SYFY channel is the one that imagines gargoyles were used by the Nazis during WWII.  I'm sure they researched that one thoroughly...
hobbitboy

Sir Rank-a-Lot
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #128 on: 08-19-2010 13:32 »


   My personal favorite seventh grade class monster movie on the SYFY channel is the one that imagines gargoyles were used by the Nazis during WWII.


Perhaps they're just trying to counteract the advantage that Wonder Woman gave to the allies.

Don't hate me, Trinity.  I'm just the messenger.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #129 on: 08-19-2010 21:27 »

Don't get me wrong, I am very familiar with crappy-enough-to-be-made-for-SYFY movies.  This one was too boring and too lame for that.  It didn't even star a washed-up softcore pornstar.
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #130 on: 08-20-2010 04:47 »

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Loved it. Loved it, loved it, loved it. Go out and see this movie. It's awesome.

A

Rifftrax Live: Reefer Madness

I didn't think it was as good as the first two Rifftrax Lives (Plan 9 From Outer Space and the Christmas shorts one), but it was still a barrel of laughs. They did three shorts before the movie that I found a lot funnier than their riff of Reefer Madness itself. The first short was a public service announcement from the 30's about the dangers of housewives washing clothes in buckets of gasoline (apparently this was a regular practice? wtf?). The second short was the best, it was all about grass (not weed, but just plain grass) and basically just featured children making arts and crafts from grass for ten minutes, most of which were hats or headdresses. It was incredibly boring and stupid, and the guys had a lot of fun with it. The third short was a weird cartoon version of one of Aesop's fables, but near the end it was accidentally cut off and another of their shorts started playing, so the guys just rolled with it. In addition to that technical difficulty, there were a good deal more flubbed lines than the other two Rifftrax Lives. Still though, there isn't much that matches the experience of enjoying Rifftrax in a theater full of other people who enjoy it and are laughing as well.

B+
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #131 on: 08-20-2010 04:55 »

The Man Who Would Be King
Excellent movie, Michael Caine and Sean Connery make a great buddy duo.
The two ex-British army adventurers ambitiously set off to conquer a small part of Afghanistan for themselves and survive the trip of treacherous terrain and hostile natives by wits and luck. They then use their superior fighting skills to command an army of a town and then of the region, and using these forces and the locals belief that Connerys character is a god to install themselves as Kings!
Jolly good show! But will they muck it up by pretending to be Gods?
Classic.
A-
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #132 on: 08-20-2010 04:57 »

It's Complicated

There is something decidedly uncomfortable about watching a movie with your parents where people who are roughly your parents' age are making out a whole lot. I know that's not a particularly brilliant or original observation, but I figured I'd make it.

Anyway: I liked Meryl Streep and Steve Martin and John Krasinski (mostly because I have a crush on him)--and, occasionally, Alec Baldwin--but there weren't a whole lot of laughs (I liked the crazy pot-smoking and some of Meryl Streep's cliched, OHMIGOD THIS AFFAIR IS FUCKED-UP AND WRONG stuff), and the emotional stuff was hit-or-miss. I do respect it as a romantic comedy for not allowing the divorced couple to happily reunite, but as far as movies of its type go, I still prefer "Something's Gotta Give"...or, like, octegenarian porn.

B
tyraniak

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #133 on: 08-20-2010 05:08 »

The Expendables

Was the only person in the theater when I saw it, thought it was a fun movie to end the summer, my only gripe is that some of the CGI looked like shit

B-
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #134 on: 08-20-2010 14:53 »

But how cool was that bit with the plane? big grin
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #135 on: 08-20-2010 16:17 »

The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms

It's not bad for a giant monster rampage movie.  It's not great, better than any given Gamera movie but not in my top 10.  Speaking of Gamera, the story follows the familiar "monster, trapped in ice, is released to run amok"-plot device you'll recognize from Gamera, The Deadly Mantis, and Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus.  While this is at least as dubious as "radiation makes things huge"-plot device, I tend to look down on it as being an inferior explanation of origin for giant, city-destroying monsters.

Our intrepid heroes, an indeterminately foreign physicist, his moderately hot love interest, and a tottering old paleontologist, seek to prove that the beast everyone thinks the Frenchy (maybe?) hallucinated while conducting nuclear tests in the Arctic.  After conducting a few photo arrays of other suspect monsters with people who also claimed to have seen it, the protagonists cajole the Coast Guard into helping them feed the old guy to the monster.  After the Italian (maybe?) and the woman engage in some very hot, 1950s-style, consolation hugging, the monster finally takes Manhattan.  There's some completely unnecessary malarkey about its blood being diseased that only serves to let the Welshman (maybe?) come to the rescue by figuring out the only way to safely destroy the monster is by shooting a clump of radioactive material into a pre-existing wound on the monster's neck.  While the climactic scene with the beast trapped in a Coney Island roller coaster is pretty cool, the ending just sort of peters out.

20 years after King Kong Ray Harryhausen put his stop-motion skills to work on The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms.  The difference in the quality of work is apparent.  The Rhedosaur looks much better and moves more smoothly than the creatures in King Kong and it only falls into the "tee-hee" zone when it interacts with people (usually by eating them).

Trivia: Ray Harryhausen has not stopped motion and is 90 years old.
Trivia: Any American monster movie from the 1950s that uses a shot of a newspaper will feature the headline "New Petitions Against Tax".
Smarty

Professor
*
« Reply #136 on: 08-20-2010 17:08 »

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Wonderful. Funny. Smart. Love love love video game and comic humor. It was great.

A
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #137 on: 08-21-2010 04:19 »

Big Nothing
Fun comedy murder thriller with David Schwimmer, Simon Pegg and Alice Eve.
While waiting for his book to be published, short-on-cash Charlie (Schwimmer) starts a new crappy call center job and meets Gus (Pegg) who propositions him to blackmail a naughty Reverend by threatening to expose his online porn activity, and they get friend Josie (Eve) to help.
But things start to go terribly wrong and people start dying left and right and it becomes a whacky mess.
Decent comedy caper, must have missed it back in 2006!

C+
Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #138 on: 08-21-2010 08:09 »

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Life would be amazing if it were a video game like this movie. Great cast, Wallace is the best. I really enjoyed this. But God-all-mighty is Michael Cera the blandest actor ever. I liked him as Scott Pilgrim since this is the first movie where I've seen him do a little bit more than just be awkward. (The fight scenes were the best!)

B
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #139 on: 08-22-2010 21:12 »
« Last Edit on: 08-23-2010 18:10 »

The Man Who Knew Too Little
Perfect goof-around vehicle for Bill Murray, as a dorky loser visiting his brother in England he joins what he thinks is an interactive theater spy adventure where you play a secret agent and get involved in a James Bond scenario, but coincidentally he gets involved in a real plot to blow up the world leaders summit to restart the Cold War.
Fun for Bill Murray cheesing it up around everyone else more or less playing it serious.

C+

The Bucket List
One of those life lesson movies about two guys making a list of things to do before they die, the two guys Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, both dying of cancer, form an odd couple friendship and go skydiving and stuff like that and discuss philosophical jazz.
Not bad, nothing special.

C-
Professor Zoidy

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #140 on: 08-22-2010 23:49 »

Toy Story 3:

Another great quality movie that incorporates everything a Pixar movie normally has: it's heart warming, it's funny, and it's feels so much like a normal Pixar movie, and a Toy Story film, because the way the Toy's are used is so clever. The only thing I didn't like was that is was a bit short for a movie, but otherwise, it was an awesome movie. Also the Short Film at the beginning was awesome.

9/10
A movie that's a hundred eight minutes is short to you? What, do you like movies that are split into parts because they're six hours long? Most films are about that length more or less (The Expendables runs at 103 minutes for example). If it would've been as long as The Dark Knight (152 minute run) then it would've been too strung out and probably boring. Considering the first Toy Story was only eighty-one minutes and the second was ninety-two I think it's decent in length and gets the job done. Jeez, I need to get out and watch some more films and actually review things.
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #141 on: 08-24-2010 18:22 »

Scott Pilgrim - 5-10

Funny moments, but overall not a good movie.

You were just upset about the vegan part. tongue
Otis P Jivefunk

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #142 on: 08-24-2010 23:59 »

Toy Story 3
Saw this today and loved it, absolutely amazing! Right up there with the other two, and I say this is one of the best trilogies ever made. Great story, well told, great characters, really made me care a whole lot, funny, and entertaining throughout. Animation was the best computer animation I've ever seen, character expressions were spot on, and direction amazing...

9.5/10
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #143 on: 08-25-2010 19:57 »

Dark City (Directors Cut)
Finally watched this after reading a few mentions of it in the same light as The Matrix, and I agree the similarities are obvious.
But this seems darker somehow, the creepy bowler hat wearing spooky kids probably have something to do with that.
Rufus Sewell plays John Murdoch, a man who wakes up with no memories, finds himself chased by the police for murdering hookers, and spooky pale dudes in black coats and hats with knives for reasons unknown. His whole reality unravels and discovers his life in the Dark City is just part of a nightmarish experiment.
Just as good The Matrix, but The Matrix doesn't have the lovely Jennifer Connelly, William Hurt and Melissa Georges boobies, suck it Wachowskis!

A
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #144 on: 08-26-2010 00:05 »

Despicable Me

Cute. A good story told well. I didn't find it as laugh-out-loud funny as some others have been saying, but it was certainly entertaining and I definitely enjoyed it.

B+
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
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« Reply #145 on: 08-26-2010 01:06 »

The Lovely Bones
Hmm, Stanley Tucci was great and creepy, Saoirse Ronan was ok and the visuals were cool if not super colour saturated (and the sound hyper-processed in some places), oh and Susan Sarandon was fun, but the film itself was a bit meh.
Not really my cup o' tea but decent.

C+
Jezzem

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #146 on: 08-26-2010 09:32 »

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

I was expecting this movie to be awesome and I wasn't at all disappointed.

A+
~FazeShift~

Moderator
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #147 on: 08-27-2010 18:00 »
« Last Edit on: 08-27-2010 18:01 »

Outland
"Holy moly Sean Connery playing a badass space cop? I'm there!"
*watches movie*
"Ok cool it looks like it could be set in another part of the Alien/s universe, same style."
*later*
"Ok so it's a sort of High Noon scenario, in Spaaaace! Marshall is on his own against the baddies, no help from the townsfolk, or in this case, space-miner folk."
*even later*
"That kid cannot act at all, he is terrible, as are many of the cast, also, the plot is a bit silly..."
*later still*
"WHY DIDN'T HE JUST KILL THE BAD GUYS WHEN THEY WERE COMPLETELY DEFENSELESS AND SLOWLY ASSEMBLING THEIR SCOPED SPACE-SHOTGUNS?
INSTEAD OF GALLIVANTING AROUND OUTSIDE THE SPACE STATION IN SPACE SUITS?!"
*later than the previous later parts*
Good idea, could have been executed a lot better and a child actor who can act could have been hired instead, god he was awful.

C+
any1else

Space Pope
****
« Reply #148 on: 08-28-2010 08:04 »

Mary and Max
=)

=(

='(

=')

10 chocolate hotdogs
Jezzem

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #149 on: 08-28-2010 12:48 »

Good point, Maz. I should watch Mary & Max again sometime...
Melllvar

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #150 on: 08-28-2010 13:33 »

Scott Pilgrim

Loads of 8-bit noises, for the geeks, and I loved the lo-fi Universal Logo.   Always stuff going on to keep you interested, including great characters, superb set-pieces and snappy dialog.

Excellent.

9/10
Melllvar

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #151 on: 08-28-2010 22:47 »

Four Lions

Hmm, tough one.  Where to start wit this...  Chris Morris' long awaited feature comedy about a islamic fundamentalist terrorist cell in the UK, who threaten to blow up the London Marathon.

Well, firstly, as we have a thread for Chris Morris, and I'm one of two regular contributors, it's fair to say that I love his work.  Always controversial, but ultimately hilarious (anyone who saw the Brass Eye Paedo-geddon Special will attest to this.)  Four Lions is no different.

Four Jihadists living in Sheffield, Omar (a family man, who relates his jihad against the west to the story of Simba in The Lion King, to his kid), Raj, (Omar's brother, who wants his trip into paradise to be like that of dodging the queues at Alton Towers, to ride the "rubber dinghy rapids"), Fessal (who will not show his image on camera when making his jihad tape, so does it with a box on his head), and Barry (the only British one, and by far both the stupidest, and the most psychotic).

Like life imitating art imitating life, remember the true story of the terrorist who shoved explosives up his arse, to try to assassinate Arab Royalty, and only succeeded in blowing himself up?   This makes the same point effectively.  And put simply, all terrorists are basically idiots.

There are some great comic moments:  Raj's jahid tape complete with mini AK47, his confusing chickens with "fucked-up rabbits with no ears", the trip to the training camp in Pakistan [with a great pay-off at the end], and the police marksman shooting a runner dressed as Chewbacca because he can't distinguish between that and the Honey-Monster.

As well as some truly affecting moments, the scene where Omar tells the Lion King story to his kid, is pretty sad, as well as his farewell to his wife as he's off on their suicide mission.  It's pretty strong stuff.

All in all, for Morris fans, it's more of the same, but also shows that he can do sombre as well as anarchic.  Brilliant.

9/10
ShepherdofShark

Space Pope
****
« Reply #152 on: 08-30-2010 17:06 »

I decided not to bump the Felchspoon but instead post a second review in a row of Four Lions which I purchased this morning.

A truly great work by the maestro, Chris Morris. There's nothing that this man cannot put his hand to and make work, when on the surface the subject matter appears to lend itself to anything but comedy. Yet this film manages to provide plenty of laughs, never belittles the individual plight of our protagonists and still highlights the inherently foolish nature of suicide bombing.

A bold move from Morris to make the main "hero", Omar, a family man, the absurdity of his situation really hits home; he has a truly beautiful and bizarrely understanding wife, a disturbingly proud son and a brother who epitomizes Islam in so many ways. Compared to his brother Omar seems every inch the progressive moderate Muslim who is integrating into western society, yet he is the one so eager to make this attack. I found myself questioning his sanity more than any of the others since he seemed to have everything most people would want from life - but that this was handled so subtly and courageously only adds to the brilliance of the film.

If I have a single problem with the film it's that Barry shouldn't have taken anyone with him - let him choke to death on a SIM card and then have the Bomb Squad come in - because for all his comic moments; his uncertainty about the nature of martyrdom, his wacky ideas about rousing the moderates and the paranoid fantasies ("Morning, Officer. You've been rumbled, love.") he was most certainly the character you least connected with because he seemed to take enjoyment out of the whole thing and wanted to belittle the rest at every opportunity (I find it odd that I'm talking about relating to these characters at all, but there you go, shows what a good film it was).

And the pay-off for the bazooka scene - well, what can you say? Genius!

I agree with ^him^

9/10
Melllvar

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #153 on: 08-30-2010 23:35 »

I agree with you about Barry, he was the only unsympathetic character out of the four (well, five).  Omar, while completely committed to his "cause" was more delusional, and while this is HIS story, you are confounded as to why he's roped in both his wife and son to all of this.  The scene in which Raj listens to his "heart" and it tells him that the whole thing seems wrong, and Omar talks him round is pretty distressing.  Whereas Barry's just doing the whole thing for shits and giggles...  Bombing a mosque, indeed.

Oh, and best line in the movie:


Any further discussion, we should take to The Felchspoon thread.
Bend-err

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #154 on: 08-31-2010 00:01 »

Watched some Hitchcock the past days:

Saboteur - 7.5/10
Factory worker goes on the run from the feds when he's wrongly accused to have started a fire that killed his friend.

Shadow of a Doubt - 8/10
Young woman finds out that her visiting uncle may not be the man she thinks he is.

Rope - 9/10
Two friends kill a guy and hide him in a their appartement while having a party with friends and family of the killed.

Rear Window - 9/10
A wheelchair bound man spies on his neighbours with a camera and witnesses a murder.

The Trouble with Harry - 7.5/10
Harry is dead and different people think they might have killed him and want to get rid of the body.

The Man Who Knew Too Much - 8/10
A family vacation turns upside down when they accidentally get involved in an assassination plot.

Vertigo - 8.5/10
A detective becomes obsessed with an old friends wife while investigating her.

Psycho - 9.5/10
A young woman teals money from her boss and hides out at a motel that is owned by a man who is dominated by his mother.

The Birds - 9/10
A small town suddently gets attacked by all kind of birds.

Marnie - 7/10
A young man marries Marnie even though she is a thief and has serious psychological problems.

Torn Curtain - 6.5/10
An American scientist in Eastern Germany has to find a formular and a way to escape the country.

Topaz - 6.5/10
A French agent first uncovers the 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis and the has to fight a Russian spy ring.

Frenzy - 8/10
A wrong man gets suspected to be the London Necktie Murderer.

Family Plot - 6.5/10
A psychic/con artist and her taxidriver/investigator couple tries to find an heir and find a pair of kidnappers.
seattlejohn01

Space Pope
****
« Reply #155 on: 08-31-2010 00:29 »

Damn, boy; you sure have a lot of time on your hands...
Bend-err

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #156 on: 08-31-2010 00:36 »

No shit...
km73

Space Pope
****
« Reply #157 on: 08-31-2010 01:17 »

...Sherlock.
Oh!- I liked Family Plot!  The whole beginning part kind of creeped me out in a way.  It was one of Hitchcock's 'lighter' movies though, and also the last one that he made, I believe.
Not scary as such, but still interesting.
Bend-err

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #158 on: 08-31-2010 01:20 »

Mhmm, definitely entertaining.
And I just ordered North by Northwest on BLU, along some other movies.
homerjaysimpson

Space Pope
****
« Reply #159 on: 08-31-2010 01:49 »

The Road to Wellville

An odd funny story of the life of Kellogg. Too bad it was mostly sex jokes.

B
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