I Don't Read the Reviews, The Reviews Read Me!

[Reply #400 on:]

Ok time for two reviews as the second movie was a bonus disc to the first.

My Name is Bruce

Bruce Campbell staring as himself in a b movie directed by him, how can this possibly not work? and fortuantly for Bruce it really does work.

The basic plot is one that has been treaded a fair few times by The Three amigos to the crew of Galaxy quest where a small town mistakes a movie hero for the real thing. Being a Bruce Campbell film this means a monster has been released the Guan-Di protector of the dead and bean curd.

The film is fairly low budget but that was to be expected really. The film also stars one of Mr Campbells regular collaborators Ted Raimi (yep Sam "Spiderman/Evil Dead" Raimi's brother alos of Xena fame) whom play three roles within the film.

In many ways the film is what you would expect. Bruce being over the top and highly sarcastic and that is where the fun lies. If you enjoyed his other films it is worth a look see.

B

Bubba Ho-tep

Elvis is in a rest home along with JFK who was dyed black after his shooting and their is a Mummy dressed as a cowboy roaming around, what more do you need to know really?

Well I really enjoyed this film and unlike many of his other films Brauce Campbell does not play Elvis as over the top but rather over the hill. He is a broken man who every believes is just an Elvis impersonator and has a growth which no one will tell him what it is. The film is alot more introspective than the majority of Mr campbell's films but it does not suffer for it. I would definitly recomend this film.

A

[Reply #401 on:]

WATCHMEN

I like the yellow letters. The movie was long in minutes but went by like 2 hours. Visually pretty and the cast fit well. I haven't read the graphic novel though, but this is my opinion.

[Reply #402 on:]

(Everybody's been posting their Watchmen reviews in two places so I can too )
Short story short, I loved it! My expectation weren't that high, because I've never read the comic, and I expected to be a little lost and confused, but that wasn't the case at all! I'm very, very impressed with this movie. Fun, complex yet understandable, just well made all round. Way, way better than TDK. The music was good too, and I liked the credits song. (lol at 99luftballoons though, that was a little wtf, it's an okay song but...eh).
I was the only one in the theater who stayed during the credits, I hate when people just get up and leave. Do you have appreciation or respect at all?

I'm going to give it 9 or 9.5/10. 9.5 is more the "wow, this wasn't what I was expecting!"
I could watch it again right now.

[Reply #403 on:]

I've never read the comic

Young people...

[Reply #404 on:]

That will probably change now that I've seen the movie. I wanna see what caused all the fuss in the first place.

[Reply #405 on:]

While you're at it, you should read some other Alan Moore gems, like 'V for Vendetta' and 'From Hell'.

[Reply #406 on:]

While you're at it, you should read some other Alan Moore gems, like 'V for Vendetta' and 'From Hell'.

And then go see the movies cause they are oh so wonderful.

PS Coldy: Do you have a problem with young people? I'm 16 and I read Watchmen. I loved it. And the movie was fantastic. Don't look down on us just because of Books.

[Reply #407 on:]

Star Wars (1977)

It was alright, not blown away or anything. First time I've ever seen a Star Wars. Why did they seem to update the CG? It looked completely out of place, ... stormtroopers riding badly animated dinosaurs...grr. C3P0 (the gold robot) was funny, I liked him

8/10

[Reply #408 on:]

C3P0 (the gay robot)

fixed.
 

[Reply #409 on:]

Do you have a problem with young people? Don't look down on us just because of Books.

Spacedal, I look down on everyone equally.

[Reply #410 on:]

I saw Fanboys this weekend. I liked it but I think it's way more funny if you know Star Trek and Star Wars pretty well. I laughed enough and it had some  intense drama  in it.

[Reply #411 on:]

post removed because im "special"

i tried to edit what i wrote in the first place, and sleep deprevation gave me a brain spazm

[Reply #412 on:]

I think I know how you feel mossy. I am annoyed by the guy in the paper that gave Watchmen 3/5 and he didn't have an explanation why, he just told the plot and that it had great visual effects.

[Reply #413 on:]

Just ignore all newspaper movie reviewers. I do.

[Reply #414 on:]

Sex Lives of the Potato Men

Sometimes when a film is panned by the critics one just has to see it to see if it is really as bad as the claim, well in this case it was. I believe it was meant to be a sex comedy but it was neither sexy nor funny, I think I chuckled once when Johnny Vegas failed to vault a roadside fence and that was it.

The film follows the lives of four men who deliver potatoes for a living, each of them has a problem with their sex lives; Dave has left his wife and seeks out an old flame who once invited him for a threesome a few years before, Ferris is living with his mother in law who treats him as a sex object, Tolly has an obsession for involving strawberry jam in his encounters and Jeremy claims to be in a loving relationship but is in fact stalking some poor woman.

The tone of the jokes varies from tasteless to "I don't believe what anybody could write that" an example of the the latter being when they tell a small child his father has died in a car crash, then for the punch line when the boy asks how his mum is they tell him she is in a coma. The blame for this all lands squarely at the feet of the writers, the actors obviously made a poor choice agreeing to be in this film but I didn't think their acting was all that bad... not that it was all that good either. Surprisingly for a fairly sleazy film about sex there is no nudity and the sex is never erotic.

I certainly wouldn't recommend seeing this for any reason other than morbid curiosity although judging from reviews on the IMDb this seems to be a love it or loathe it film, I suspect it would be better watched after a few beers and with your mates.

2/10

[Reply #415 on:]

And yet, you still gave it a 2.  How bad would a movie have to be for you to give it a 1?

[Reply #416 on:]

How bad would a movie have to be for you to give it a 1?

Gigli bad.

[Reply #417 on:]

And yet, you still gave it a 2.  How bad would a movie have to be for you to give it a 1?

I nearly gave it a one but thought there might be a worse movie out there somewhere... perhaps because I'd heard it was awful I feared it might be even worse

[Reply #418 on:]

I read that title and imagined somehow that it was about the sex lives of potatoes that were male. I'm sure that right there would be a worse film. But you never know.

My friends wanted to see Confessions of a Shopaholic on Sunday. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. I think I may have giggled a few times. One or two of my friends cried at various parts but I didn't really see why. It had somewhat of a story to it and wasn't solely based on the romantic relationship as with many movies these days. I give it a thumb and a big toe up out of two thumbs and two big toes.

[Reply #419 on:]

I don't have good cinema friends, they usually don't want to see anything that might be out of the ordinary. Most often I just go with my dad, we're cinemaholics, get it :P... anyway, going to drag my cousin to see star trek.

[Reply #420 on:]

I just watched The Boy in the Striped Pajamas.
It was pretty good throughout, I exactly predicted the ending miles away though, so the emotional potential wasn't what it could have been
A nice and wholesome story.
8.5/10

[Reply #421 on:]

Never watch Rocky Horror Picture Show when you're trying to go to sleep. I just...I got horny afterwords.

Totally worth it however.

This is a super-duper A++ movie. And yeah, I'd have sex with Riff-Raff and Brad. Maybe Rocky.

[Reply #422 on:]

As someone with no emotional investment in Watchmen, I greatly enjoyed the movie, even though I couldn't take Nixon seriously at all.  Every time he spoke I finished his line with a quiet "Aroo."

Also, Colonel Chekov from SG1 and Taggart and Vincent from Eureka have speaking parts, so that made me happy.

[Reply #423 on:]

Ya Moloch, what was up with the ears?

[Reply #424 on:]

They were meant to be like that! Shush you!

[Reply #425 on:]

Does anyone else get grossed out when spacedal talks about sex/her vagina? You're 11! Stop that shit.

[Reply #426 on:]

Ya Moloch, what was up with the ears?

I started singing "They're taking the hobbits to Isengard"

[Reply #427 on:]

You're 11! Stop that shit.

You clown, her profile says 16.
Which is still too young, mind you... although in some parts of the world she'd already be a great grandmother.

[Reply #428 on:]

You're 11! Stop that shit.

You clown, her profile says 16.

Nope I've just been 11 for 5 years now.

And guess what I bought at the local Buy/Sell/Trade movie store?!?!

[Takes off pants] Let's do the time warp again!

[Reply #429 on:]

Put that thing away before somebody loses an eye.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Does Santa write for Cracked? Because the quality of his jokes was set just as high! Or Cracked sets its standards that low, it doesn't really matter which. Anyway, it was as entertaining as a movie about aliens that kidnap Santa and compel him to bring cheer to their glum alien offspring while simultaneously thwarting a coup by moustached members of their own command had any right to be. On those conditions, it acheived EVERYTHING.

A

Don't Look Now
Well, yeah, after the opening scenes, I kind of just fast-forwarded to the end. Sorry to disobey you, title.

B+ (opening scene)
B (Venice chase scene)
A++ (so-retarded that it was poetry final scene)

Being There
Peter Sellers was a very odd guy. The guy know how to make a low-key comedy, though.

A

Kind Hearts and Coronets
I had no idea that Alec Guinness wasn't born into this world a cranky old bastard. Even if the movie wasn't good on its own merits (and it was), that revelation alone would have earned it some points.

B+

Silent Running
I thought a sci-fi about environmentalists in space sounded boring, but I am happily saying that I was mostly wrong. You won't take away anything about respect for nature or life, but you will learn a few things about eco-terrorism, buggy cart racing, and examples of what not to nickname robot assistants.

B

Sleeper
Going from Manhattan and Annie Hall to this was confusing and bewildering to all five of my senses and I'm tempted to invent another four just to emphasis my point.

I'd heard that there were two types of Woody Allen comedies, but I NEVER BELIEVED THE LEGENDS. Final point: I never want to hear a clarinet again for as long as I live... not that I really needed an excuse to never want to hear a clarinet again.

D

Fitzcarraldo
The audio commentary was just as good as the movie itself. And that's not slander against the movie, that's praise for the behind-the-scenes story!

B+ (movie)
A (audio commentary)

Suspiria
Wait... they WERE speaking English the entire time! Great use of editing to hide it.

Dario Argento's head looks really weird.

B+

Dead Man
Was... there a point to anything at all that happened? I mean, I liked it, but linearity and character consistency were not its highest selling points.

C+

Harold and Maude
Touching, gory, and funny. (I saw a film critic in a newspaper write reviews in pithy three word descriptions like that once )

A

Koyaanisqatsi
One cynic enters, one cynic leaves. But it was very pretty and thrilling and mesmerising and the music was haunting while it was there. The hotdog assembly line sequence was an especially harrowing part of the narrative.

B

[Reply #430 on:]

   And guess what I bought at the local Buy/Sell/Trade movie store?!?!

Was it a

• film about unconventional conventionists?
• documentary on strange journeys?
• video lecture on the link between certain forms of insanity and pelvic thrusts?
• DIY guide on how to work the phrase "heavy, black and pendulous" into everyday conversations?

Don't leave us shivering with antici...

...pation!

   Touching, gory, and funny. (I saw a film critic in a newspaper write reviews in pithy three word descriptions like that once )

Did you mean four words?

[Reply #431 on:]

Gran Torino
Heh, Clint Eastwood is still badass, he was fine in this, but the other actors felt like he was being generous and giving the parts to some random unknowns instead of well known Hmongs (... I can't think of any either).
Other than that it was fine film with some funny nonpolitical correctness and general badass grumpiness.

A

[Reply #432 on:]

Yeah, Gran Torino ruled on multiple levels.
I watched ADAPTATION tonight. I saw it a looong time ago as a kid, and wanted to refresh myself to Spike Jonze. I remembered liking it, but on the second viewing, my god, this movie is fucking genius. The first 2/3rds are beautiful, but it takes a direction I didn't like after that, still good though. It kinda changes from a "Charlie Kaufman" script to a "Donald Kaufman" script, heh.

9.5/10

[Reply #433 on:]

The Wrestler

Now I want that Ram Jam Nes game

B+

[Reply #434 on:]

Milk
Sean Penn and James Franco are bummers, POLITICAL BUMMERS!
Pretty good film, not terribly exciting but Penn really had gay flair, totallyfaaaabulous.

C+

When the Last Sword Is Drawn (Mibu gishi den)
Samurai film worthy of Kurosawa, very surprised with it, basically about this really nice country guy, Yoshimura, who also happens to be really good at chopping people into little sushi bits, but he can't support his family in the poor country clan doing this, so he leaves to join the Shinsengumi, a violent samurai school that eventually ends up on the losing side of the civil war.
Scenes where he leaves his family and the final scenes left a lump in my throat, damn good film.

A+

State Of Grace
Irish gangsters in New York, Gary Oldman plays a great crazy drinkin violent guy (EVERYYYOOONE!! *hic* *punch*), Penn and Ed Harris and a very sexy Robin Wright are in it too. The Departed is like it.

B-

[Reply #435 on:]

Milk deserves way more than a C+. Faze is homephob!

[Reply #436 on:]

Speed Racer

Very, very beautiful to look at. Some really top notch CG. The story is standard meh, but the action is good fun. Trixie was cute, but Speed's litter brother is an annoying penis. I got so many chills in the finale.
*considers self a fan*

8.5/10

[Reply #437 on:]

Faze's review is accurate and fair.  Books is a phobiphobe!

Pride and Glory

Fucking not a fucking bad fucking cop movie.  The fucking dialog left something to fucking be desired (fuck fuckidy fuck), but the fucking acting was pretty fucking good (for the fucking main fucking characters, anyway).

Yeah, I'm done with that.  The story is standard good cop/bad cop fare, and sort of drags out until the third act.  I'd give it 30 stars out of 50.

[Reply #438 on:]

The fucking dialog

The fucking dialogue.

[Reply #439 on:]

Nah.