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Author Topic: lord of the rings jokes by jerkberg  (Read 415 times)
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jerkberg

Starship Captain
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« on: 10-02-2004 03:41 »

i love lord of the rings but a few months ago when i was still reading the book i made up a list of 17 jokes hope you like them

1.Moria: Misty Mountains. At the 3 passages Gandalf is pondering which way the Fellowship should take. Boromir is almost in the middle passage and is putting on some kind of body odour. Gandalf is asleep but wakes up and he judges the 3 passageways then he comes to a decision that the middle passage is the best route to take. Gandalf Then leads the way and falls to his death.

2.Moria: Misty Mountains. At this point of the story the fellowship are running away from orcs and a Balrog. In the film version and the cartoon version and also the game version the Balrog has wings. Tolkien did not give any reason to suspect that the Balrog had wings. The Balrog with Gandalf fall to there deaths in the story but I have changed the scene slightly, which makes Gandalf out to be an idiot. On the bridge Gandalf says that the Balrog cannot pass. 3 times he says it so the Balrog defiantly crosses the line so Gandalf produces a bucket of water from his staff. He then throws it on top of the Balrog and it falls to its death.
 
3.Orthanc: Isenguard. Treebeard is banging on Saruman's tower until at the final smack Treebeard cracks in two and dies. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

4.The return journey: near The Shire. When I was reading The Fellowship Of The Ring I detested Tom Bombadil. So I thought it would be hilarious if when they come back that they would find Tom impaled on a weathervane and that Goldberry came to the Hobbits and say to them that Tom’s last words were, “ i am so happy. Merry dol Tom Bombadillio la la la” (he slides off the roof and falls on the weathervane) Goldberry continues by saying “his very last words when he had fallen on the weathervane were, I am so merry wait no I am not I have been stabbed oh well I will go out with a song, Tom Bombadil is a merry old fellow, bright blue his jacket is and his boots are yellow no red.” She then points to the weathervane with blood still there and Tom still lying there with a smile on his face. (And hers)

5.Rivendell. Bilbo confronts Frodo when he sees the ring. He then turns into a crazy maniac and eats Frodo and then burps after.

6.Amon Hen: The great river. Boromir instead of following Frodo into the forest he tells Aragorn that he is going to Minas Tirith to help in the wars. Aragorn does not tell him that they are beside a great waterfall. (The Falls of Rauros) So when Aragorn gives him permission to leave Boromir takes the boat and starts sailing. 10 seconds before Boromir Falls Aragorn tells him that he forgot that they were beside a waterfall. Boromir curses him before he falls to his death.

7.Mount Doom: Mordor. The films version of Gollum is very good because it makes you fell sorry for him so I have come up with 2 scenes of Gollum at Mount Doom. When Gollum is harassing Frodo he bites off his finger so instead when he tries to bite off Frodo’s Finger he bites off his own finger. Poor Gollum.

8.Mount Doom: Mordor. When Gollum accidentally falls with the ring he dies along with the ring. Instead he grabs on to a ledge and waits for the Hobbits to leave and follows them and sails with them to the Grey Havens. When they have left Middle Earth
he eats everyone. Happy Gollum.

9.Grey Havens: harbour. Just before Frodo leaves, Sam swims under the boat and makes a hole in the boat. When Gandalf, Frodo, Bilbo etc sail off the boat sinks very, very slowly. Sam then swims and only saves Bilbo and Frodo.

10.The Hobbit: Smaugs lair. In Smaugs lair Bilbo tries to escape from Smaug and all the gold around him melts and he gets of Scot – free.

11.Orthanc: Isenguard. Gandalf breaks Saruman’s staff when he is leaning on it and Saruman falls down every step of Orthanc and survives.

12. Orthanc: Isenguard. Gandalf climbs to the very top of Orthanc only to find that there is a faster way (a secret passage).

13. Fangorn forest.  Aragorn asks Gimli to get some firewood so that they can keep warm for the night. Gimli goes off into the forest. Cuts off parts of a tree but suddenly he is squashed by the tree.

14. Dead Marshes. Frodo Sam and Gollum are wading through the marshes. Gollum in front, Sam behind, and Frodo at the back. Then the unexpected happens Frodo falls through a pit but Sam and Gollum carry on. It is only until they reach Mordor that they notice that Frodo is missing.

15. A flashback. Gandalf meets Saruman for the first time (in a forest not in Orthanc as he was given the keys years later) and Saruman says hi you must be Gandalf the grey. Gandalf replies and then Saruman asks him to tell him more about himself. Gandalf replies by saying that he is a lover of animals and then says that he is a vegetarian. Saruman then asks him if he has any practical skills and Gandalf replies that he is a butcher.

16. Orthanc: Isenguard. Gandalf is conferencing with Saruman and then he asks if he will join Sauron. Gandalf then says I will play you a game of chess and if I lose then I will join with Sauron but if I win I get out and help the Ring bearer. After the game Saruman says that Gandalf must join. Gandalf then says best 2 out of 3.

17. Pelanor fields. After the historic line the witch king gets trampled by an Oilphant.
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #1 on: 10-02-2004 03:49 »

I like stories.
jerkberg

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #2 on: 10-02-2004 03:54 »

whats the best one
Nurdbot

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #3 on: 10-02-2004 04:22 »
« Last Edit on: 10-02-2004 04:22 by Nixorbo »

What the hell?


Someone summon a Mod.
jerkberg

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #4 on: 10-02-2004 04:35 »

whats wrong with it.
please don't delete this i beg you at least its funny in my opinion
Nurdbot

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #5 on: 10-02-2004 04:44 »

We have a Movie thread to put Movie related stuff like this in it.
jerkberg

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #6 on: 10-02-2004 04:45 »

actually its about the books as i prefer them better
Tweek

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #7 on: 10-02-2004 05:56 »

This thread isn't really about films or TV so it goes.

Nurdy you have been here long enough to know that "this thread is doomed" posts are considered spam  roll eyes

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