Favourite Professor Farnsworth Quotes

[Reply #320 on:]

Here we go!

-Professor! Lava! HOT!!!!  
-Shut up friends!
-Getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out! *Laughs hysterically*
-Ehh, Whaa?
-Everybody's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain. But when you put it in the body of a great white shark - uuuh, suddenly you've gone too far.  
-Just slow it down, I'll shoot Hitler out the window  
-With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!  
-Mmm, Damn good meat!  
-Ohh, a lesson in not changing history from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandfather"! Let's just steal the damn dish and get out of here! Screw history!  
-Monkeys aren't donkeys, quit messing with my head!  
-What is this layer of ozone? That's never been there before.  
-All this knowledge is giving me a raging brainer!  
-To the science-mobile!  
-Oh, I always feared he would run off like this. Why? WHY? WHY didn't I break his legs?  
-He may have ocean madness, but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness!  
-We all miss our loved ones and gasses.  
-Of course he still exists... as a frozen corpse in outer space! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Huh! *moans* I made myself sad...  
-I can wire anything directly into anything! I am the Professor!  
-I'm sad now...  
-Oh, sure! Smash the smart guy's machine...  
-Just knowing we're in the same genus makes me embarrassed to call myself homo.  
-Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news.  
-I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool is that?  
-Oh, yeah, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters, atomic supermen with octagonal shaped bodies that suck blood...  

[Reply #321 on:]

Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye, cruel lamp. Goodbye, cruel velvet drapes, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords, cruel though they may be…

You can't always just say "Arrr" at the end of a sentence and think that makes everything all right. — The Pirate with a Scarf

[Reply #322 on:]

 Some of my favorites
-" Also eat plenty of oatmeal and the animals never had a war. Who's the  real animal?"
-Farnsworth 1:"All you created was my fist parallel to your face" ( punches Farnsworth A lightly)
Farnsworth A: "Ow"
-"Go to hell Heather!"
These ones always leave me laughing.

[Reply #323 on:]

Leela: We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure.
Fry: How do we do that?
-pipes burst-
Farnsworth: That should do it.

The delivery of Farnsworth's line there... oh my god, kills me every time.

[Reply #324 on:]

Wow, quite the list Unreal Legend.


Leela: I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity in the way only a woman can.
Professor: You're going to do his laundry?

[Reply #325 on:]

"What in Satan's glorious name is going on here?!" 

[Reply #326 on:]

"Who's going to use a delivery company with a kicked sign? NOBODY, that's who!"

[Reply #327 on:]

Farnsworth 1:"All you created was my fist parallel to your face" ( punches Farnsworth A lightly)
Farnsworth A: "Ow"

I love this quote, but it bothers me from a mathematical standpoint.
In order for a punch to be effective, it would have to intersect the victim's face at some point. Therefore, the fist and face cannot be parallel.

I saw this episode recently:

Oh, I always feared he would run off like this. Why? WHY? WHY didn't I break his legs?

and that line made me laugh very much, like it always does. It's definitely one of the professor's best.

[Reply #328 on:]

Law and Oracle - "In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board!"

Also:

Cold Warriors:  "I shudder to think of what this cold will do to me.  Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat!"

Can anyone tell I am enjoying my Volume 6 DVDs?   

[Reply #329 on:]

"Is this mad yelling or busted hearing yealling?"
"I'm afraid it's both"

"Qwhattt!??!!!" 



"I have no protective fat, air, or warm blood. I'm not even legally a mammal!"

"It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name." (Starts licking the head)


"Sir it's not good, or wise to be naked."

"Ugh, you sound like my tennis instructor!"  

"I don't want to live on this planet anymore." 

[Reply #330 on:]

"It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name." (Starts licking the head)

This is one of my favourite moments from ATPH. It's good to see that I'm not the only one who enjoys it.

[Reply #331 on:]

I was disappointed that most people didn't like it. The time travel was crappy, but humor fixes everything.

[Reply #332 on:]

humor fixes everything.

This is so not true - just look at the review threads for ATPH and YLL for evidence. Although, I suppose YLL is more attempted humour than actual humour.

[Reply #333 on:]

YLL had some funny moments, that's the only good thing about it. Small cracks of light that make you smile. That's it.

[Reply #334 on:]

I don't remember smiling at any point during YLL...

[Reply #335 on:]

There were some laughs, but some fell short like the kids shows part with toddler wrestling, bleh. "I don't want to live on this planet anymore."

[Reply #336 on:]

"I'll be in the angry dome"

[Reply #337 on:]

"What a pleasure it is to see so many miserable faces." 

[Reply #338 on:]

Anything the Professor says in 'Teenage Mutant Leela Hurdles' is priceless.

[Reply #339 on:]

"To shreds you say..."

[Reply #340 on:]

I'm currently a big fan of:

"No, not my wheelchair! The one with the wheels."

[Reply #341 on:]

"Science cannot move forward without heaps!"

[Reply #342 on:]

whenever i hear his pronunciation of "what" 

[Reply #343 on:]

Or anything starting with a "W" for that matter.

"Mr. Hwest"
"Hwhat?!"

 

[Reply #344 on:]

"Ooooohhhhh My."

[Reply #345 on:]

whenever i hear his pronunciation of "what" 

I've started intentionally saying my wh's like the professor. It cracks me up every single time.

[Reply #346 on:]

Anything the Professor says in 'Teenage Mutant Leela Hurdles' is priceless.

"Sup? Kids ready?"

"I had a few beers but I'm cool to drive."

"Pazuzu?? Oh, PA-zuzuuuu?!"

& from other episodes:

"Science cannot move forward without heaps!"

"...and after I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain!"

"I was about to close the deal!"

Leela: What do you think we're gonna learn here?
Professor: Maybe something about ourselves, Leela.

[Reply #347 on:]

I love the Professor's incoherent mumbling. A Clone of My Own has two great examples:

Bender: How 'bout a few words, Professor?
Farnsworth: Eh, wha?
Bender: I said words.


Cubert: Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about. Right, Professor?
[Farnsworth mumbles.]

[Reply #348 on:]

Amy: "Blug! Which one did they go into!?"
Farnsworth: "Oh let's all ask each other! That'll solve this problem!"

[Reply #349 on:]

"My name's Hubert."

The way Billy delivers the line cracks me up. Farnsworth is no doubt the best character on the show.

[Reply #350 on:]

"Yes, If by 'allow' you mean 'force'."
"Now, now, there will be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return."

[Reply #351 on:]

From Cold Warriors:
Farnsworth:(Sigh) I don't even know why I build these things.

[Reply #352 on:]

Leela: I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a women can.

Professor: You're going to do his laundry?

This one happens to be one of my favorite Professor quotes along with "Sweet Zombie Jesus"

[Reply #353 on:]

Yes, I love both of those!  (FHM's and yours)  But I think I've only used the latter in conversation, though.

[Reply #354 on:]

"Or should I say, EVEELA?!"

[Reply #355 on:]

I love the Professor's line during the Reincarnation segment about solving all of the mysteries of science, the one about it "taking dump trucks of flaming grant money" even though it might not even work. I work in university research and jokes about research grants are few and far between. I'm sorely tempted to put it on my facebook page...

[Reply #356 on:]

I love the "Fry, you idiots excuse for a moron" line.  It's so funny, I used the line inadvertently today describing some fool who didn't know his ass from a hole in the wall.  After the argument I laughed to myself.

[Reply #357 on:]

-Oh my that steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me.
-5...4...3...2...3...4...5...6
-My god this is an outrage.... I was going to eat that mummy!
-Where am I now?
-Well Fry... Or should I say Captain Fry... No I shouldn't because BENDER is the new Captain.
-My God, you're ugly.
-Oh that's GOOOD news... You know you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela.
-Nothing will go wrong... (If something goes wrong bring back the blood).
-Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds you say.
-This appears to be a.... doodle of myself as a cowboy.
-Oh you've killed me.... You've killed me.
-I really out to do something.... But I am already in my pajamas.
-Now be careful Fry... And if you kill anyone make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... Their rich, tasty courage.
-Correct... 6000 hulls.

[Reply #358 on:]

-No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

-I hate to crush a boy's dreams... but what the heck!

Also, the me from a year and a half ago sure loved to abuse smilies.

[Reply #359 on:]

'A robot free will unit? Impossible! And even if it were possible, which it's not, it would still be inconceivable, which it is!'