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Author Topic: Favorite Zapp quotes  (Read 16514 times)
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Zed 85

Space Pope
****
« Reply #40 on: 02-26-2002 15:02 »
« Last Edit on: 02-26-2002 15:02 »

Zapp Let me ask you a serious question Leela, ...does the company that makes you bras also make good girdles, it's just that a friend of mine... -
Leela Just get back to work!

Zapp Take her to the brig!
Fry Er, we don't have a brig.
Zapp Then take her to the laundry-room which from now on will be refered to as the brig!

TOTPD - yay!  big grin


Daniela = Pravda!
aslate

Space Pope
****
« Reply #41 on: 02-26-2002 15:11 »

Zapp  Ah, back into my old uniform
Kif   What should i do with your civilian clothes sir?
Zapp  Take them to the laundry-brig
Chump

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #42 on: 02-26-2002 15:11 »

If we can hit the bullseye, then the rest will fall like a house of cards... checkmate.
Kill All Humans

Crustacean
*
« Reply #43 on: 02-26-2002 15:13 »

Zapp: You can take away a man's rank and uniform, but you can never take his pride and honour. And it was mostly Kif's fault...
Chump

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #44 on: 02-26-2002 15:25 »

Completely, 99% not guilty!

She's built like a steak house but handles like a bistro. SHE'S OUT OF CONTROL! YOU WIN AGAIN GRAVITY!
Zed 85

Space Pope
****
« Reply #45 on: 02-27-2002 12:29 »

Zapp's (and Fry's) continuous transistions of

  eekbig grineekbig grineekbig grin

in AWITM   laff


Daniela = Pravda!
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #46 on: 02-27-2002 22:13 »

Zapp Brannigan: "She's a beatifull ship alright. Shapely, seductive. I'm gonna fly her brains out!"

Brannigan: "Kif, I'm feeling the captains itch."
Kif: "I'll get the powder, Sir."
Brannigan: "Nooo, the itch for adventure. Prepare to change course."
Kif: "Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency."
Brannigan: "That's for school girls, now here is a course with some chesthair."
Kif: "But..that course leads directly through a swarm of comets."
Brannigna: "Yes, comets, the icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed, we might just get something of a gravityboost...or something."
Kif: [sigh]
Brannigan: "It's time to shove a jallapeno up this ship's tailpipe! Divert power from the shields, full speed ahead."

Kif: "Sir, remember your course-correction?"
Brannigan: "NO!"
Kif: "Well, it's proven somewhat more suicidal than we intially hoped."
Brannigan: "Kif, old freind. I don't know what disgust me more: you're cowardize or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course, for that empty region over there near that blackish, holish thing."
(Cue disaster music)

cellery

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #47 on: 02-27-2002 22:23 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Teral:

Brannigan: "Kif, I'm feeling the captains itch."
Kif: "I'll get the powder, Sir."
Brannigan: "Nooo, the itch for adventure. Prepare to change course."
Kif: "Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency."
Brannigan: "That's for school girls, now here is a course with some chesthair."


One of my favorite parts of the episode. I also like the part at the end-

Zapp: Don't blame yourself Kif, we were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship.

Kif: Why that's surprisingly noble of you sir!

Zapp: No, it's noble of you, Kif! As of now, you're in command. Congratulations captain!

Kif: *sigh*

  laff
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #48 on: 02-28-2002 13:15 »

Zapp: Your hand, while firm and masculine, is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use?

Leela: Pert & Popular sir.

Zapp: Roger that. Kif! Get me 10 cases of Pert & Popular.

Kif: What shall I do with your Jurgens, sir?

Zapp: Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows.
cellery

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #49 on: 02-28-2002 15:40 »

From AWITM:

Kif: I met her a year ago, when we were escaping from that cruise ship you piloted directly into a black hole.

Zapp: Yes, it was in all the papers!
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #50 on: 02-28-2002 18:49 »

Zapp: "Kif, I'm heading to the mens room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so....oh, I'm sorry, you're crying like a woman."
Kif: [sob]
Zapp: "It's alright. I've always thought of myself as a fatherfigure to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap."
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #51 on: 02-28-2002 19:11 »

"Baby, wait! You didn't show me your surprise!"
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #52 on: 02-28-2002 23:01 »

Bender: Name?
Zapp: Smith... Zapp Smith... Brannigan.
Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #53 on: 02-28-2002 23:25 »

Nothing left to do but repopulate the human race.  Just me and you.  And maybe you.
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #54 on: 03-01-2002 07:56 »

Zapp: "198 billion babies in one week. We'll need an army of supervirile men scoring round the clock! I'll do my part, Kif clear my schedule."
(But the best part is: )
Kif takes out an etch-a-sketch and shakes it.  laff
totalnerd undercanada

DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #55 on: 03-02-2002 07:41 »

With me, EVERY mission is a suicide mission!
I love that one.

I like playing Rainbow Six in Zapp brannigan style. I send wave after wave of my own men against them, then when there's no-one shooting at me, I sneak up and pop a cap in someone's ass.

Nice.  big grin
TheMadCapper

Fluffy
UberMod
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #56 on: 03-02-2002 10:43 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Nixorbo:
^ That has worked its way into my everyday vocabulary

Ditto. There's nothing better than shouting that out after you drop something or fall off something.
Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #57 on: 03-02-2002 18:37 »

Not even sex?
wu_konguk

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #58 on: 03-04-2002 04:30 »

Well depending on how verial you are that quote can still be used.
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #59 on: 03-04-2002 23:59 »

Let's see if I can resurrect this...
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #60 on: 03-05-2002 00:06 »

Awright!

"I'm the man with no name... Zapp Brannigan."
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #61 on: 03-05-2002 13:17 »

Zapp: Well that's natural. After all, you're meek and uninteresting. Until now you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite.

Kif: I just hope they like me.

Zapp: And why wouldn't they? Yes yes, I know--tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story, Kif. And above all, have fun!
Juliet

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #62 on: 03-05-2002 20:48 »
« Last Edit on: 03-05-2002 20:48 »

Brannigan's law is like Brannigan's love, hard and fast   laff    love

B.Frankendorfer

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #63 on: 03-05-2002 22:32 »

"The quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents.  Have sex with them and you're in."
meisterPOOP

Professor
*
« Reply #64 on: 03-05-2002 23:07 »

Speak for yourself.
BrainSluggo

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #65 on: 03-06-2002 03:54 »

"Mister and Mrs. Wong! You give me FAR too little credit."
--Zapp swiping Amy's rescue from Kif
aslate

Space Pope
****
« Reply #66 on: 03-06-2002 15:38 »

Zapp: If you so much as look at another woman i'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure.
Juliet

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #67 on: 03-07-2002 13:04 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by meisterPOOP:
Speak for yourself.

That's Farnsworth quote

  roll eyes

aslate

Space Pope
****
« Reply #68 on: 03-10-2002 08:42 »

Zapp: Come Kif, we've got work to do. [Shaver to arms]
Kif: [Sighs] I'll call and tell you about it.
Leela: [Sighs]
Zed 85

Space Pope
****
« Reply #69 on: 03-10-2002 11:55 »

Zapp: This time we are sure she's a woman right?
Kiff: Yes!
Zapp: Good!
aslate

Space Pope
****
« Reply #70 on: 03-10-2002 11:59 »
« Last Edit on: 03-10-2002 11:59 »

Zapp: Want some Champagen.
Leela: I didn't realisize you were such a coinasor.
Zapp: Well, i have studied a broad, or two, hahaha

Incorrect spellings on perpous.
Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #71 on: 03-10-2002 12:21 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Juliet:
 That's Farnsworth quote

Something tells me it wasn't a quote in the first place

I have a thousand years of power.
"NOOOOO HE WAS MY BROTHER!" and then got tired and slept.


"He has the special talent, though, of being able to help people and make them feel utterly stupid all at the same time. ... In short, he's a great moderator, but a terrible human being."
-SlackJawedMoron
LethalWeapon

Crustacean
*
« Reply #72 on: 03-22-2002 13:11 »

These quotes are great. They make me wonder though: what would Zapp be without Kif?
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #73 on: 03-22-2002 17:01 »

Zapp: "I'm the man with no name! Zapp Brannigan, at your service."

Singing Wind: “We will give back girl, when we get back planet surface.”
Zapp: “How do we even know she is alive?”
Amy: (Standing right beside the Zapper) “I’m fine.”
Zapp: “Shh, you’re weakening our barganing position.”


Zapp: “Now remember Kif: the quickest way to a girls bed is through her parents. Have sex with them, and you’re in!”
Kif: “Actually sir, I’m..I’m a little nerveous about meeting her family.”
Zapp: “That’s natural. Afterall you’re meek and uninteresting, until now you’ve gotten by on my leftover charisma, schrouching of it like a tiny charisma-parasite.”
Kif: “I just hope they like me.”
Zapp: “And why wouldn’t they? Yes, yes I know: tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious lifestory Kif. And above all, have fun!”

Singing Wind: “Feckhh! I’m Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe.”
Zapp: “Take me to your leader.”


Don't confuse not caring with not knowing!
Alundar

Crustacean
*
« Reply #74 on: 04-03-2002 17:00 »

Men, you're lucky men.  Soon you will all be fighting for your planet.  Many of you will be dying for your planet.  A few of you will be forced through a fine mesh screen for your planet.  They will be the luckiest of all.
FilthyCrab

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #75 on: 04-04-2002 13:50 »
« Last Edit on: 04-09-2002 00:00 »

Zapper: Men, the secret to a successful mission is the element of surprize. SURPRIZE (as the floor drops away and the men are all dumped onto the planet surface).

*****
Zapper: I'm willing to throw wave after wave of my men at it
Anonimous voice from crowd of his men: YOU SUCK!
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #76 on: 04-04-2002 16:25 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by FilthyCrab:
Zapper: I'm willing to through wave after wave of my men at it
Anonimous voice from crowd of his men: YOU SUCK!

Just to beat Drippy to it:

Zapp:"Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal." (turns to the crowd, and raises his glass) "Right, men!!?
Lone Voice in back of the room: "You suck!"

And one of my own:

Brannigan: "These new uniforms' pretty snappy, eh first officer?"
Kif: "I suppose, captain. I'm not as big a fan of (with contempt dripping from the word) velour as you are."

Kif: "Sir, they've docked with us and come aboard."
Brannigan: "Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I love so much survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box."


Don't confuse not caring with not knowing!
Mike!

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #77 on: 04-06-2002 17:15 »

'Some of you are white, some of you are black... You're brown'
Heliotrope

Crustacean
*
« Reply #78 on: 04-10-2002 15:25 »

Has this one been posted yet?

Zapp:"The key to disiplin is a well made bed, you will practice this to you can make your bed in your sleep"
Fry:"You mean when i'm sleeping in it?"
Zapp:"You won't have time for sleeping Soilder, not with all the bed making you'll be doing"
Fearsome Gonad

Poppler
*
« Reply #79 on: 07-28-2002 09:45 »

"Stop exploding, you cowards!"
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