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Author Topic: Favorite Zapp quotes  (Read 16922 times)
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wu_konguk

Urban Legend
***
« on: 02-20-2002 15:25 »

Let's face it Zapp does have some pretty good lines in the show so what's your fave.
Mine coes from Amazon women in the mood

Ahh she's built like a steak house but handles like a bistro

If I got the quote wrong I'm sure someone will inveritbly correct me  roll eyes any way your turn.
Morbo3000

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #1 on: 02-20-2002 15:29 »

What makes a good man go neutral?  Lust for gold?  Power?  Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

"All Fox Executives are vermin in the eyes of Morbo"
Otis P Jivefunk

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #2 on: 02-20-2002 15:38 »
« Last Edit on: 02-20-2002 15:38 »

Whats wrong, is the quote thread not good enough anymore? roll eyes
wu_konguk

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #3 on: 02-20-2002 15:50 »

It's all good baby
but I thought we could go for specifics
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #4 on: 02-20-2002 16:44 »
« Last Edit on: 02-20-2002 16:44 »

"You'd sacrifice this beautiful woman for a moderately attractive ape? You've been smoking some bad granola."

P.S. this should be in the human resources thingy
Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #5 on: 02-20-2002 17:07 »

Fishy is correct.  Whatever happened to that Bender's best moments thread thingy?  How did Juliet let that die?
Gilgamesh

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #6 on: 02-20-2002 18:53 »

"In the game of chess you can never let your opponent see your pieces"

But my fave is Kif reading from Zapp's book of chat-up lines ... "if I said you had a beautiful body would you take your pants off and dance around a bit?"
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #7 on: 02-20-2002 20:41 »

"Yup. Uh huh. That's whatever it is you were talking about for you"
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #8 on: 02-20-2002 21:12 »

i tend to like Kiffs quotes better. especially if they are responses to something Zapp said.
exp..

zapp: I don't know, this whole sector is uncharted.
Kiff: It is not uncharted, you lost the chart!
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #9 on: 02-20-2002 21:27 »

"If we can hit that bull's-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards...Checkmate."
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #10 on: 02-20-2002 23:44 »

"You win again, gravity!"
Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #11 on: 02-20-2002 23:56 »

^ That has worked its way into my everyday vocabulary
Oni Zyxer

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #12 on: 02-21-2002 08:01 »

"then, you'll come back for another taste of sweet sweet candy... bam."

"im about to try the new lotion you recommended, if i should accidentally put too much on my hands, perhaps i could rub it onto you"
Citizen77

Crustacean
*
« Reply #13 on: 02-22-2002 07:49 »

"Delicious."
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #14 on: 02-22-2002 10:01 »
« Last Edit on: 02-22-2002 10:01 »

Welcome to PEEL, Citizen77. Enjoy it here.  big grin

Still one of the all-time best Kif/Zapper exchanges:

Zapp Brannigan: "I'm facing a formidable female adversary Kif. Sugestions?"
Kif Kroker: "I fail to see any problems, sir. You've already imprisoned her under directive b10.81."
Zapp Brannigan: "You mean "Brannigan's Law"."
Kif Kroker: "Right, that law."
Zapp Brannigan: (slyly)"Which one?"
Kif Kroker: (in a very tired voice) "Brannigan's Law."
Zapp Brannigan: "Kif. You're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once more. As my protegé you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her."
Kif Kroker: "Ohhh."
Zapp Brannigan: "And this time we're sure she's a woman, right?"
Kif Kroker: (In a even more tired voice) "Yes!"
Zapp Brannigan: "Good! Invite her to my quarters. Oh and have the boy lay out my formal shorts."
Kif Kroker: "The boy, sir?"
Zapp Brannigan: "You! You lay out my formal shorts."

It really sums up their "freindship".

Some other Zapp-gems:

Nixon: “Planet Spheron 1.”
Fry: ”Cool effect!”
Brannigan: “It’s a desolate ugly little planet, with absolutely no natural resources, or strategic value. Questions?”
Soldier: “Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for?”
Brannigan: “Don’t ask me, you’re the one who is going to be dying.”

Fry: Uhh, just so we know: who‘s the enemy?”
Brannigan: “A valid question. We know nothing about their language,  their history or what they look like. But we can assume this: they stand for everything we don’t stand for. Also they told me you guys look like dorks!”

Kif: “That new recruit is phenomenal sir.”
Brannigan: “Yes, he edged out my old mark by 2 seconds..(Kif stares at him)..and 16 minutes..(Kif glances sideways)..and 12 hours..(Kif rolls his eyes)..I do plan to finish some day Kif!”


------------------
I was wondering if we're a dysfunctional family.
You're not a family member, you're a rat who won't go away.
Suddenly I have the urge to rob a convenience store.
Oni Zyxer

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #15 on: 02-22-2002 10:28 »
« Last Edit on: 02-22-2002 10:28 by Kryten »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Teral:
Brannigan: “It’s a desolate ugly little planet, with absolutely no natural resources, or strategic value. Questions?”
Soldier: “Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for?”
Brannigan: “Don’t ask me, you’re the one who is going to be dying.”

ah, thats what i was forgetting...


FUTURAMA WILL BE RENEWED.
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #16 on: 02-22-2002 15:58 »

"Pimpmobile".

Technically Bender's quote, but it sounds funnier when Zapp says it.
aslate

Space Pope
****
« Reply #17 on: 02-22-2002 16:18 »

More of a Kif-thing but it still relates to Zapp.
Zapp: 'Kif, i'm feeling the captains itch'
Kiff: (In a tired voice) 'I'll get the powder sir!'

Zapp: 'Don't blame yourself Kif, we were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now except for the captain to go down with his ship'
Kif: (Surprised) 'Why that's surprisingly noble of you sir!'
Zapp: 'No, it's noble of you Kif! (Slaps captain badge on Kif) As of now, you are the new captain, congratulations captain!'
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #18 on: 02-22-2002 16:25 »

"Stop! The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised."
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #19 on: 02-22-2002 16:39 »
« Last Edit on: 02-22-2002 16:39 »

(Kif is doing a heartfelt performance of "Totally Eclipse of The Heart", and winning Amy's heart in the process. Zapp enters the stage, gives Kif a big push and proclaims...)

Zapp: "Amateur hour is over. Let me show you why they call me "The Velourfog". Hit it.
I met her in a club down in old SoHo
We're you drink champagne,
and it taste just like coca cola
c-o-l-a, cola


Crowd: "Oh, come on. Give us a break."

Chef: "He sickens me!"

Zapp:
She, walked up to me
and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name
and in a dark, brown voice she said:
LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELA
L-E-E-L-A, LEELA
LEE-LEE-LEE-LEEEEELAAAA
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bam. De-de-de-de-de-de-de-dedadum.
LEEEEEEEELAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AA
Ba-de-bade-bababam.


Great song by the Zapper.   laff
aslate

Space Pope
****
« Reply #20 on: 02-22-2002 16:53 »

Not just great song but the acting that went with it, pure genius, i think that it is a combination of the trwo that makes it so great
Just Chris

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #21 on: 02-23-2002 12:24 »

"We don't know anything about their race, history, or culture, but one thing's for sure. They stand for everything we stand against."

"You mean you won't spend a night with The Zapper"  laff That sounds great when you put it in the right context.
Gilgamesh

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #22 on: 02-23-2002 13:52 »
« Last Edit on: 02-23-2002 13:52 »

And there's more ...

Zapp: ... you're the only woman who ever loved me
Leela: I never loved you!
Zapp: I mean physically
Zed 85

Space Pope
****
« Reply #23 on: 02-23-2002 15:16 »

Not sure if worded right but.

Zapp "Wow, one day a man has everything...,then the following day he blows up a $40 billion space station, and the next day he has nothing. It really makes you think."
Kiff "No it doesn't!"
Zapp "Come Kiff, it's time to enjoy our lives as civillians......That's an order soldier!"
Kiff "urrgh"

And a specific favourite for me and my sister.

Fry "This is gonna be great! We're all gonna be like 'Pow, pow, peeeeow pow' and they're all gonna be like 'argh, argh boooooooom' and to celebrate we'll have pancakes and we're gonna be like - *makes munching noises and movements* -..."
Zapp "Precisely!"

And another

"...Erotic!!"
*Echos, Kiff hears underneath and starts banging ceiling* - not really a Zapp quote but a Zapp moment no less
Shadowstar

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #24 on: 02-23-2002 15:37 »

I really love:
"We both know you won't get halfway to Vergon 6 before THE CRAVING sets in. Then, you'll come crawling back for some sweet, sweet candy. .....BAM."
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #25 on: 02-24-2002 01:20 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Zed 85:
Fry "This is gonna be great! We're all gonna be like 'Pow, pow, peeeeow pow' and they're all gonna be like 'argh, argh boooooooom' and to celebrate we'll have pancakes and we're gonna be like - *makes munching noises and movements* -..."
Zapp "Precisely!"

And from the samw episode:

Zapp: "So are you loyal, men."
Bender: "To the end of the universe."
Fry: "10 hundred percent loyal."
Zapp: That's not nearly loyal enough. I want you to sit and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kif."
Bender: "Yes, sir, sir!"
Kif: "Can I have a beer?"
Zapp: "No you're already loyal enough."

Another classic:

Zapp: "Good job everyone. The mothership is destroyed." (the real mothership is "decloaking" ) "What the hell is that?"
Kif: "It appears to be the mothership."
Zapp: "Then what did we just blow up?"
Kif: "The Hubble Telescope."

And let's not forget the third part of the "Fun Pack":

Nixon: “I wan’t this robot fixed. Fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election!”

Nixon: “Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform.”

(Brannigan admires “Lee Lemon” in a bathtowel)
Nixon: “Zapp, ZAPP! Inspect the troops later.“

Zed 85

Space Pope
****
« Reply #26 on: 02-24-2002 02:32 »

Zapp - "...And like all my plans, it's so simple an idiot could have devised it!"

  big grin
diagnostic

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #27 on: 02-24-2002 09:14 »

all these quotes reminded me of how funny zapp and kif really are, i wanna see more of them!

"your son is a very sick boy. Just look at these X-rays! you see that dark spot there? Whiplash, and that smudge here that looks like my fingerprint? No. Thats trauma"
Zed 85

Space Pope
****
« Reply #28 on: 02-24-2002 10:05 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by diagnostic:
  

  eek Cool Smilie!

Another
Something alongs the lines of
Femputer - "You are sentanced to Death! By Snu Snu!!"
Kiff - "*wimper*"
Zapp - "What are you, Gay!?!"

Lrrr - "Where is the real 'Leela'?"
Zapp - "I'll never tell!"
-Lrrr points gun at Zapp-
Zapp - "I'll go get her for you."

  smile
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
***
« Reply #29 on: 02-25-2002 18:50 »

Leela: [something about the omnicronians having trouble telling humans apart]

Zapp: Right. During the negotiations, they thought Kif here was the general, and I was some jabbering mental patient! Isn't that right, Kif.

Kif: Please, I'm creating!
Allen

Professor
*
« Reply #30 on: 02-25-2002 19:03 »

During War is the H word.

Zapp: I've never been so happy to be beaten by a woman!
Chump

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #31 on: 02-25-2002 19:11 »

Z: Perhaps I could mop the floors, or paint a fence, or service you sexually?
L: You don't know how to do any of those things!
Z: Kif might!
cellery

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #32 on: 02-26-2002 01:42 »

"I like your style, Fry - you remind me of a young me, not much younger mind you, perhaps even a couple years older."
JavieR

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #33 on: 02-26-2002 11:51 »

"I find the most Erotic part of a woman are the bobbies"
Zed 85

Space Pope
****
« Reply #34 on: 02-26-2002 12:13 »

Zapp : Stardate....er...?
Kiff : Gnnnnn, April the 13th!
Zapp : Stardate April 13th....point 2.   big grin
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #35 on: 02-26-2002 12:31 »

Brannigan: "You know Kif, once my woman returns I wont have much time to hang out with the boys anymore."
Kif: "That's a shame, Sir."
Brannigan: "So let's make the most of our time together, shall we? (Silence follows) Err, never mind. Just give me a back rub."
(Kif gives up)

Brannigan: "So, crawling back to "The Big Z", like a bird on it's belly. Delicious!"
Leela: "Birds don't crawl!"
brannigan: "They've been known to."

 
Quote
Originally posted by Zed 85:
Zapp : Stardate....er...?
Kiff : Gnnnnn, April the 13th!
Zapp : Stardate April 13th....point 2.
Continuation:
Zapp:We've failed to uphold Brannigan's Law, however I did make it with a hot alien babe, and in the end is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question!"
Kif: (Sigh]

Don't confuse not caring with not knowing!
Azazel

Crustacean
*
« Reply #36 on: 02-26-2002 13:39 »

From war is the h-word:"And now for the battleplan, as you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise...SURPRISE!!"

Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #37 on: 02-26-2002 13:53 »

"That cadet is amazing. He beat my old time by six seconds. And 23 minutes. And 14 hours. I do plan to finish some day, Kif."
Kill All Humans

Crustacean
*
« Reply #38 on: 02-26-2002 14:30 »

1.
Zapp: We'll just cut the ribon from here, with the ship¨s lazer.
Kif: I don't think that's wise, sir...
Zapp: Kif, if there's anything i don't need, it's you `I don't think that's wise`-attitude.

2.
You want the rest of the champaggn
Kill All Humans

Crustacean
*
« Reply #39 on: 02-26-2002 14:34 »

Zapp: Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men!
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