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Author Topic: Five stamps  (Read 760 times)
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hobbitboy

Sir Rank-a-Lot
Urban Legend
***
« on: 01-19-2006 00:05 »

Why do Hermes and the other bureaucrats need to stamp their forms so many times? What's so special about the number five?

Is it something kooky that was made up for the show or is it an accepted practice among American bureaucrats?

Thanks,

 - John
The Decapodian

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #1 on: 01-19-2006 03:28 »

   Probably made up for the show like the 'suicide' form or the form of romantic entanglement.
futz
Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #2 on: 01-19-2006 08:43 »

A good bureaucrat does not ask why.
Gopher

Fallback Guy
Space Pope
****
« Reply #3 on: 01-19-2006 09:40 »

in the 2400s, the central bureaucracy was headed by a man with a very severe case of OCD. This condition of course disqualified him for the position, but in the 4 months he was in charge before the paperwork to replace him could go through, he instituted many policies, including the "anything stamped must be stamped 5 times" policy. Many of these policies have been removed since then, such as the policy requiring bureaucrats to lock/unlock a door 5 times when closing/opening it, or that stepping on a crack is cause for an immediate 5-grade demotion, but the 5-stamp one has persisted and become traditional.
laton

Crustacean
*
« Reply #4 on: 01-19-2006 09:55 »

5 is discordian holy number. maybe hermes is one of them
No.Im-Doesnt

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #5 on: 01-20-2006 19:11 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by futz:
A good bureaucrat does not ask why.

Ha! Good-one!  laff
Polynomial-D

Crustacean
*
« Reply #6 on: 01-25-2006 20:01 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Gopher:
in the 2400s, the central bureaucracy was headed by a man with a very severe case of OCD. This condition of course disqualified him for the position, but in the 4 months he was in charge before the paperwork to replace him could go through, he instituted many policies, including the "anything stamped must be stamped 5 times" policy. Many of these policies have been removed since then, such as the policy requiring bureaucrats to lock/unlock a door 5 times when closing/opening it, or that stepping on a crack is cause for an immediate 5-grade demotion, but the 5-stamp one has persisted and become traditional.

Good one!

Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #7 on: 01-26-2006 03:17 »

It's making fun of bureaucracies for being anal-retentive and having no reason behind anything they do other than arbitrary procedure.  Also, what other Deus ex Machina were they going to use to resolve the plot?
Bdude

Crustacean
*
« Reply #8 on: 02-14-2006 21:40 »

I must agree with Futz
TomAllen

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #9 on: 02-15-2006 15:10 »

Plenty of good answers above.  I'll add my own.

As Futurama characters have but four fingers (counting the thumb), bureaucrats revere the number five, as it is one more stamp than is fingerifically necessary.
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #10 on: 02-15-2006 15:14 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Nerd-o-rama:
Also, what other Deus ex Machina were they going to use to resolve the plot?

Worm hole aliens?
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #11 on: 02-17-2006 23:22 »
« Last Edit on: 02-17-2006 23:22 »

No, no, no, no, no.  You aren't getting the bureaucratic mind.  Things can be insanely complicated, but they're never just frivolous.  Everything has a reason.

It's obvious that the stamp is used in the future where we in the 21st century would initial something.  The majority of bureaucratic forms in the future must have a standard five boxes requiring "initialling"(stamping) for approval.  Therefore, to leave one of these boxes un-stamped is to fail to approve some vital little portion of it...thus rendering the form incompletely filled out, and thus not wholly valid.

Morgan Procter was young and reckless, and let one of the boxes slip her by.  She failed to fully validate her own form, thus she went out on an unapproved date, a serious infraction for a future high-level bureaucrat.  Like nudie photos turning up for an evangelist's wife, or a plagiarized student paper in a Nobel prize winner's history, it's a sign of a character flaw that seriously throws doubt on her suitability for her present career.

Now pardon me while I go sort my pennies by year and arrange my colored pens in spectrum order....

Gopher

Fallback Guy
Space Pope
****
« Reply #12 on: 02-18-2006 02:33 »

 
Quote
You aren't getting the bureaucratic mind. Things can be insanely complicated, but they're never just frivolous. Everything has a reason.

... but they can be, and often are, without good reason.  smile

And having exactly 5 spaces to stamp/initial would explain why they have to be stamped 5 times, but wouldn't having 5 no matter what the form is or how many sections it contains be just as frivilous?
Blane

Professor
*
« Reply #13 on: 02-18-2006 02:58 »

Never just frivolous?!


Good answer none the less
SpaceCase

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #14 on: 02-18-2006 12:52 »
« Last Edit on: 08-27-2008 20:53 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Gopher:
And having exactly 5 spaces to stamp/initial would explain why they have to be stamped 5 times, but wouldn't having 5 no matter what the form is or how many sections it contains be just as frivilous?
No. It's called "standardizing." hmpf
Quote
Originally posted by Blane:
Never just frivolous?!

[Image]

Good answer none the less
I have no idea what you mean by that.  confused
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #15 on: 02-18-2006 17:00 »
« Last Edit on: 02-18-2006 17:00 »

   
Quote
Originally posted by Gopher:
 ... but they can be, and often are, without good reason.      smile

Only "without good reason" to those who are anal-retentively challenged.     tongue

 
Quote
Originally posted by SpaceCase:
 
>>Originally posted by Gopher:
And having exactly 5 spaces to stamp/initial would explain why they have to be stamped 5 times, but wouldn't having 5 no matter what the form is or how many sections it contains be just as frivilous?
<<

No. It’s called “standardizing.”      hmpf 

Thank you!  Yes, what SpaceCase said.

   
Quote
Originally posted by Blane:
Never just frivolous?! [snip image]
Good answer none the less
Quote
I have no idea what you mean by that.      confused

Me, neither. 
Blane

Professor
*
« Reply #16 on: 02-18-2006 18:23 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Shiny:
No, no, no, no, no.  You aren't getting the bureaucratic mind.  Things can be insanely complicated, but they're never just frivolous.  Everything has a reason.

I was refering to that. Sending 2 letters like the central bureaucracy would be like me double posting with the first one saying "Dear peelers, you are about to read a post by Blane"

That dumb old person thing, i just put in there as a joke to be frivilious

Understand?
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #17 on: 02-19-2006 02:39 »

Well, you have to notify a person that an important message is coming, for heaven's sake, otherwise how would they know to prepare for it?  no no

What I don't get are the arrows pointing to the blue-and-white thing standing up behind Hermes' head, and the "people crossing" symbols floating in mid-air.  They sort of confused the issue, I think.
Blane

Professor
*
« Reply #18 on: 02-19-2006 02:51 »

The blue and white thing above hermes head, is, i think, part of the machine that that turns his stamped forms into blank ones and puts them back into his in pile
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #19 on: 02-19-2006 14:54 »

Well, you have to verify that you've checked that the forms won't be needed in the future before you destroy them, of course.

So what's with the "Yuppie Crossing" symbol?
Blane

Professor
*
« Reply #20 on: 02-19-2006 15:46 »

that was just me being frivilious for no reason at all.
SORF

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #21 on: 02-26-2006 19:46 »

a mod most close this thread as it does have the standard form C casing nor has is it covered in the opinion statut of the /:dos 17D.

FREEZE! Superfly agent of the F.S.B!

Thou Shalt Not Spam-
The 11th Commandment
TomAllen

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #22 on: 02-27-2006 12:14 »

Bluh!  We certainly had the /:dos 17D statute, stamped five times.  (And the standard form C [as well as  C++] casing.)  I refer you to Hermes, should you doubt this.

...Unless this is Morgan Procter, in which case, stamp five times here and proceed to enjoy your dirty, messy frivolity with Philip J.!
David A

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #23 on: 02-28-2006 16:06 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Gopher:
in the 2400s, the central bureaucracy was headed by a man with a very severe case of OCD. This condition of course disqualified him for the position...

What makes you think that having a severe case of OCD would disqualify someone from being head of the Central Bureaucracy, rather than being a requirement for the job?
SpaceCase

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #24 on: 03-01-2006 13:01 »
« Last Edit on: 08-27-2008 21:34 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by David A:
What makes you think that having a severe case of OCD would disqualify someone from being head of the Central Bureaucracy, rather than being a requirement for the job?
Not meaning to be "the Devil's advocate' but;
What if said compulsion is over something unrelated to being a good, efficient Bureaucrat?
Say... compulsively washing one's hands?
Not stepping on seams in the pavement?
Pulling one's hair out?
Or a myriad of others?  confused
Benders_Fan

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #25 on: 03-01-2006 16:52 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by futz:
A good bureaucrat does not ask why.

Lol  laff Funny
futz
Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #26 on: 03-01-2006 16:55 »
« Last Edit on: 03-01-2006 16:55 »

Usually with forms a stamp (or signature) means something has been read and understood, recieved, disbursed, ordered, requested, cancelled, shot, or some other action will or has taken place. 5 stamps tends to indicate 5 of some combination of acts above have happened and they are included on the same piece of paper. Or 4 actions and the 5th is aknowledging the first 4.

If you understand this, sign here _________________  Date _________
David A

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #27 on: 03-02-2006 15:43 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by SpaceCase:
Not meaning to be "the Devil's advocate' but;

Ever notice that whenever someone says something like that, it's always immediately followed by that person doing exactly what he says he doesn't mean to do?

"Not meaning to be insulting, but you're stupid and ugly."

"Not meaning to sound negative, but that's the worst idea ever."

Pffft.
Gopher

Fallback Guy
Space Pope
****
« Reply #28 on: 03-02-2006 18:31 »
« Last Edit on: 03-02-2006 18:31 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by David A:
 What makes you think that having a severe case of OCD would disqualify someone from being head of the Central Bureaucracy, rather than being a requirement for the job?

Well, particurlarly the fact that he sat locked in his office 24/7, refused to meet with anyone who didn't have the correct form filled out, refused to give out the form to anyone who didn't have the correct form-request form filled out, and generally made life impossible for everyone.

And the regulation isn't against OCD in particular, just against debilitating mental disorders in general. The compatability of OCD and work as a bureaucrat is the reason he was able to climb in rank so far before anybody noticed.

Incidentally, his condition was first detected by his first assistant, who attempted to report it but was immediately demoted and transfered for violating the chain of command; all such complaints are to be directed to your immediate supervisor, who will review them and pass them on. Naturally, his boss (the OCD one in question) wasn't keen on passing the paperwork up the chain.

This cycle repeated itself many times, until it was finally noticed by a co-worker with whom he was assigned to collaborate on a massive re-indexing project. The co-worker observed that among his compulsions was shredding every 5th document he touched without reading it (whether it was stamped "Do Not Read - Shred Immediately" or not); but by this point, he was so high-ranked that it was impossible to complete all pertinent paperwork and remove him before he was promoted again - invaliditing the old paperwork and requiring the process to start over.

Things ground to a complete stand-still for months, due to both his refusal to come out of his office and everyone else's desperate attempts to conform to the exponential stream of new regulations he kept issuing. Finally, one brash young Bureaucrat (grade 214) simply stormed into his office and stamped his forehead with the "Do no open. Incinerate immediately" stamper from his desk; The bureaucrats threw a party, which involved the drinking of several cups of water, 3 orange streamers, and 5 exclamations of joy.

After a few weeks the deadlock was ended and the bureaucracy resumed it's normal rate of slow, plodding non-progress  (Nobody outside the central bureaucracy ever noticed the difference) The bureaucrat who saved the day was roundly congratulated, then booted out of the Bureaucracy for violating the chain of command, entry into a superior's office without permission, and improper use of an official stamp. A proposal was filed to build a statue in his honor, but the paperwork has never been seen again. The bureaucrats who threw #1 in the incenerator were convicted of manslaughter but let off with a sentence of community service since they were only following standard procedures. 

If you have any more objections to this reasoning, be warned my next response may be even longer, forcing the thread to be moved into the "fan fiction" section.
[edit]grammar, spelling, and readability[/edit]

SpaceCase

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #29 on: 03-03-2006 00:11 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by David A:
Ever notice...

No.
zoidyzoid

Professor
*
« Reply #30 on: 03-06-2006 02:59 »

I did, but in that case it was pretty innocuous. What's annoying is when people are like:
 
 
Quote
Not to be mean or anything, but I HATE YOU AND I HOPE YOU DIE YOU FUCKING PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT!
No offence.
David A

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #31 on: 03-07-2006 12:55 »

I'm tempted to find fault with that just to see what else you'll come up with; and so I will...

 
Quote
Originally posted by Gopher:
  Well, particurlarly the fact that he sat locked in his office 24/7, refused to meet with anyone who didn't have the correct form filled out, refused to give out the form to anyone who didn't have the correct form-request form filled out, and generally made life impossible for everyone.

Isn't that a bureaucrat's job?   tongue
Gopher

Fallback Guy
Space Pope
****
« Reply #32 on: 03-07-2006 20:35 »

Nah; they're only virtually impossible to meet with, and they only make life virtually impossible. Kindof like a band of pirates that always leaves one guy alive to tell the story? If it were actually impossible, nobody would even bother trying, and where's the fun in that?
TomAllen

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #33 on: 03-08-2006 12:08 »
« Last Edit on: 03-09-2006 00:00 »

When I hear complaints such as the following...:

Ever notice that whenever someone says something like that, it's always immediately followed by that person doing exactly what he says he doesn't mean to do?

"Not meaning to be insulting, but you're stupid and ugly."

"Not meaning to sound negative, but that's the worst idea ever."

...I think of the whale biologist.  "You're lumpy and you smell awful....  Whale biologist!"

So it seems there are lots of whale biologists in this forum.  Dang!  Who'd have thunk it?

(Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em.  Whale biolo -- well, you know..)

David A

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #34 on: 03-09-2006 13:45 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Gopher:
Nah; they're only virtually impossible to meet with, and they only make life virtually impossible.

Tell that to the guy who's still waiting on his birth certificate.
Gopher

Fallback Guy
Space Pope
****
« Reply #35 on: 03-09-2006 17:58 »

An abberation; if EVERYONE was still waiting on their birth certificates, then nobody would bother asking for them, and the bureaucracy would gradually morph into a masonic order.
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