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Author Topic: Nomination-Worthy Posts Thread Harder  (Read 24500 times)
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ShepherdofShark

Space Pope
****
« on: 02-13-2013 22:45 »
« Last Edit on: 11-18-2013 01:07 »

This thread is for posts that, in the eyes of the one reposting them here, make the person who posted them worthy of being nominated for Poster of the Month, regardless of whether they are eligible or worthy of being nominated for other reasons.

Use it in the manor described below:

A delightful Victorian stately home set against the picturesque landscape of the Cheshire lowlands...

Use it in the manner described below:

  • Copy and paste the full code for quotes or post a link to the specific post, merely copying and pasting the text will not show a date stamp and matters could get slightly confused.
  • Make sure your link/quote is for the relevant month, although as long as it is recent that shouldn't be a problem.
  • If it's a picture you're quoting, a link will do. There's no point filling this thread up with funny pictures, we already have a thread for that.
  • Please don't spam this thread out with agreements, lols and the like. Find the post in the main forum and lol there if you must. Remember this sub-forum has by far the highest moderator to active thread ratio. It will be noticed!


This quote is not a statement of its nom-worthyness, since that would break the second rule.
Xanfor

Moderator
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #1 on: 02-14-2013 03:01 »

So, how 'bout those current events, huh?  Those clowns in congress did it again.  What a bunch of clowns.

It's rare I see such an all-purpose remark, particularly involving politics.
pumpkinpie

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #2 on: 02-14-2013 04:51 »

So I'm guessing their clowns?


Solid Gold Bender

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #3 on: 02-14-2013 07:08 »

The Doc strikes again!
eatthepuddingeatthepuddingeat thepuddingeatthepudding
How can you have any pudding if you don't eatthemeateatthemeateatthemea teatthemeateatthemeat?
Xanfor

Moderator
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #4 on: 02-14-2013 21:31 »

So I'm guessing their clowns?

It would be more polite if you guessed your own clowns, rather than theirs. tongue
ShepherdofShark

Space Pope
****
« Reply #5 on: 02-14-2013 22:33 »

So I'm guessing their clowns?

It would be more polite if you guessed your own clowns, rather than theirs. tongue
pumpkinpie

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #6 on: 02-15-2013 03:24 »

So I'm guessing their clowns?

It would be more polite if you guessed your own clowns, rather than theirs. tongue

Gah....grammar mishap. It was 1am when I wrote this tongue
ShepherdofShark

Space Pope
****
« Reply #7 on: 02-16-2013 19:57 »

Maybe I have a limited knowledge into female anatomy but why can't you just retrieve it?

The female vagina is arranged like a circular maze, with several inward-pointing spines behind the labia. These are complemented by serrated teeth, also inward-pointing, which help the woman to shred her prey. Every few centimetres into the vagina (which if you unwound it and laid it out straight would be a mile and a half long) are ducts which bathe the contents of the vagina with a material so corrosive that the lining of the vagina must be continually replaced (and once a month the waste must be exuded as a thick, red substance). A foreign object such as a finger, when it enters the vagina is examined by microscopic hairs, which feel all around the object - looking for the back edge. If no back edge is found, the spines and teeth remain retracted. This is to allow the male penis of the male to probe more deeply into the structure.

Once a back edge is detected, however, the spines block the exit, and the teeth are used to macerate the foreign body so that it can be drawn further into the vagina, and eventually digested in the uterus. Sometimes, this mechanism can be triggered accidentally, and the penis severed by mistake. These cases are often fatal.

The vagina's digestive enzymes are unable to break down the materials involved in making a vibrator (Victorian models were made of whalebone, but modern vibrators are typically made of dense matter harvested from the heart of a neutron star and are thus resistant to a human's puny organic attacks), and so the vagina becomes clogged with wreckage. This can lead to a woman spontaneously bursting from accumulated intra-vaginal pressure (which can be very messy and somewhat embarrassing if it happens in a populated area).

Doctors attempting surgical removal must first cut open the membrane surrounding the female vagina of the woman, and then attempt to cut into the vagina without activating its bioelectrical defense mechanism. Many doctors have been electrocuted to death with fatal results whilst attempting this delicate operation, and some have died later as a result of complications.

Finally, once a foreign body has been removed from the vaginal tract, the woman will usually awake ravenous and eager to devour the next object that somebody might stick into her vagina. Fingers, penises, toes, and tongues have all been lost this way, with the snicker-snack of the interlocking spines being the only warning to the male that he has lost his appendage, as the vagina also secretes a numbing fluid when in digestive mode.

Fortunately for men, most of the horrendous horrors of the female vagina of the lady of the woman of the species can be countered by wearing a condom, and putting the penis into the anus, which only has vestigial teeth that are usually blunt.

For more information on the structure and anatomy of the genital gonads of humans, look in any textbook dealing with the reproductive strategies of the common house mouse, as there is very little difference between the two species biologically.

Also, if I see more chatty posts I'll be deleting them. I'm looking at you pumpkin.  wtf?
pumpkinpie

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #8 on: 02-16-2013 20:56 »
« Last Edit on: 02-16-2013 22:57 by ShepherdofShark »

Hey...what did I do?

I am really sorry for posting needlessly in a thread designed for a specific purpose. That purpose being to aid the nomination process for POTM.

There is an entire, rather excellent forum called PEEL in which I am allowed to post chatty yet relevant content with relative impunity and I should really use that rather than using this small subsection.

I understand that the rules in this sub-forum are fairly relaxed and such indiscretions are often overlooked but I hereby swear to only post in this thread if I have a funny quote from the main forum, the author of which I feel to be worthy of a POTM nomination for having posted it.
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #9 on: 02-18-2013 01:59 »

Being a mod: SUPER SERIOUS JOB BRO tongue
UnrealLegend

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #10 on: 02-20-2013 08:51 »


"No, I don't have any idea how that picture of a dog got there, mom!"


ShepherdofShark

Space Pope
****
« Reply #11 on: 02-20-2013 22:17 »

Penis.
coffeeBot

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #12 on: 02-21-2013 19:38 »

The line about going on a tyrant summons a mental picture of SGB and his parents riding on a statue of Stalin as it cavorts across the waves.
Mr Snrub

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #13 on: 02-21-2013 20:01 »

Ugh, this is painful. There are a few regulars here who love to antagonize newer members over minor things and take it way too far out of pathetic boredom, and then those newer members take it waaaaay too personally and throw a giant hissy fit, and it just goes back and forth until nobody is a winner.

First of all, if you're going to post with spelling and grammar errors, you need to learn to accept that people are going to call you out about it. If you want them to stop calling you out about it, take the extra 10 seconds or so and the zero effort it takes to proofread your posts. If you don't want to do that, then when people call you out on those errors just either ignore them, or take it in good humor. It's really not difficult at all.

That said, on the other side of things, if you're somebody who posts on the internet fairly often and you are going to flip your shit every time somebody makes a spelling or grammar error that doesn't render their entire post completely incomprehensible, you need to learn to take a motherfucking chill pill. Seriously, it's the internet, people make typos and not everybody is perfect at English. How are you not used to that already? It's really not doing anybody a favor or being at all amusing to point out their error/s in an overly insulting manner. Use your time to post actually relevant things to the thread you're posting in instead of wasting the time it takes to chew that person out.

I'm surprised some people on here like SGB or Meerkat are getting so much shit for minor errors when for the most part, their posts are incredibly comprehensible regardless. Meanwhile, other regulars like...oh let's take an easy example...km73 post large amounts of often hard-to-read nonsense and nobody says shit because it's "cute". Don't get me wrong, I love km73, and I think she's a great poster, but I'll be honest: a lot of times I'm so put off by her constant puns and wordplay that I just tune her out. Like, I'll start to read her posts, then by the third twisting of somebody's name or invented word, I'll have to stop reading because it's just too much for my brain to deal with. And it's even funnier because I know she's not fucking up...she went out of her way to write it that way! And I can respect that, but the fact is it affects the readability of her posts far more than any typo or misused word by SGB or Meerkat has. So I just seriously don't understand the fuss.

To bring the focus back to Meerkat's end though...you should stop demonizing all of PEEL because of a few bored, angry people, Meer. Seriously, a lot of us here have never said a single bad word to you or anyone else, and here you are claiming that PEEL is being ruined and going down the drain, and that most people here are assholes. It's really over-the-top and totally false and not helping your case at all. You're just making yourself seem like a generalizing douchenozzle.

tl;dr: Both sides of this argument are being pretty lame and should knock it off.
Long one, but one of the best posts I've ever seen. Clap.gif.
totalnerduk

DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #14 on: 02-21-2013 21:10 »

I stuck my dick in crazy once. Now crazy and I have a very loving, caring relationship.

I know he won last month, but this was pretty damn funny.
AllEggsIn1Basket

Professor
*
« Reply #15 on: 02-22-2013 18:50 »

For all intensive purposes, this hole conversation is getting alot of great comments, its amazing. Not unhappy with nobody here.

JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #16 on: 02-23-2013 23:59 »

I was actually referring to the fact that basically everyone does it. Don't confuse it with peer pressure, it's a solely individual choice. I like the feel of it, and a little weekend mischief is a relief after a long school week.

Yes yes. You made the choice to be influenced by peer pressure.   roll eyes
km73

Space Pope
****
« Reply #17 on: 02-24-2013 04:59 »

Language should be an amuse and a muse, thoughtful, provoking, shiftable and malcontent in its malevolence, because it dreams new expressions and shares the hallucinations of a species.

This Sunday, you won't believe what's going down on the NEW episode of El-Man and the Family!  He might be cooking for 40 people on Saturday, or possibly the whole town!  And then.... his mother-in-law tries to violate him in his sleep.

The laughs continue at 9:30 with a new episode of Family Guy!  You won't believe what's going down when Peter and the Family have their very first kooky clip show!  Hilarious!

Animation Slavery starts at 70pm, 60pm Central/Mountaincaps this Sunday on FOX!  Your local home for Sports and News!

When asked for an alibi, Pistorious was stumped.
futurefreak

salutatory committee member
Moderator
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #18 on: 02-24-2013 18:22 »

For DrThunder:

You, sir, are a monster.



laff
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #19 on: 02-24-2013 20:32 »

SGB, I know, it's just, I've had friends who started out like you, and then one of them did coke ... I know you think this is "normal" teen behavior, but it isn't ... I have friends who are like every other teen, but they have never touched a drop of alcohol in their life ... They're normal teens.

Me, yes, I have been a bit drunk, at my uncle's wedding, but I woke up fine.

Then according to your own post, you're not a normal teenager. You're probably going to try cocaine, and end up blowing strangers in the toilet of a bar for drug money before you're twenty. At this point, it's too late to save yourself, pumpkin. You've been drunk as a teenager, it's only a matter of time before you become a crack-addicted teenage hooker.
Xanfor

Moderator
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #20 on: 02-25-2013 23:23 »

I (along with a few other children at the back of the church I was made to attend as a small boy) was singing "Sellotape and string".

Quote
I got into more bother for arguing (loudly, during the sermon) with the lady, and providing examples such as the criminals next to Christ at his crucifixion as to why nobody could be damned if they repented (I was an argumentative and somewhat precocious small child) than anybody else did for singing the wrong words.

Quote
My cat did get better, so I'm assuming that God holds the blithering idiot who told me that in about as much esteem as I do.

Quote
Oh, and my personal favourite: A young man proselytizing in the center of town recently pointed at me as I walked past and attempted to inform anybody who cared (not that anybody did care) that I was doomed for eternity because I was a man wearing a purse.

Quote
You could even tell her that you're embracing your heritage and becoming a strict Jew - this would give you the opportunity to ask her politely if she wouldn't mind not mentioning her blasphemous false messiah or prayers to her heretical version of God whilst you're around.

Each of these is a reason why totalnerduk is best PEELer.

* Xanfor buys tnuk a virtual beer.
sparkybarky

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #21 on: 02-27-2013 04:05 »

What goes around comes around, X.

I listened politely as she delineated how the world will surely end someday, and that we must prepare in our hearts for Jesus, or something like that.

You should have explained the Eucharistic fast, adding that we must prepare our stomachs for Jesus as well.

laurenSmiles1

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #22 on: 03-01-2013 18:45 »


But how dare you make Leela do that...
She shouldn't be cooking a pony or unicorn in the oven.


It's very simple how I make her do that
 I use a piece of paper, a pencil, and draw her cooking a MLP in the oven wink
UnrealLegend

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #23 on: 03-11-2013 23:32 »
« Last Edit on: 03-11-2013 23:33 »

P
P? That's it, Meerkat? P? That's barely a coherent thought. When I come to PEEL, I expect at least a sentence or two of relevant material. C'mon, man, make words.
DannyJC13

Space Pope
****
« Reply #24 on: 03-14-2013 20:09 »

I prefer Futurama because it's better...
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #25 on: 03-15-2013 02:23 »

Perhaps this makes me a bad person (as if I did not already know that!), but I laughed out loud at the second part of this post...

I just i just went out on a date and I'm thinking about just being friends with him. Also he has Aspergers.

And perhaps this makes me a sucker (again: as if I didn't already know!), but I never tire of DaveMason's hijinks...

I'll take a stab at it:

QUOTE : "Don't ask "what can your ocuntry do for you", ask "what can you do for your country"?

HINT: He was one of the most populer presidents. (I hope that does not give it away.)

futurefreak

salutatory committee member
Moderator
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #26 on: 03-16-2013 05:29 »

Faze: Kenyans have computers?
Dats racist.

No, it would be racist to ask if Kenyans' computers run as fast as they do.
Nibblonian Leader

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #27 on: 03-16-2013 18:25 »

P
P? That's it, Meerkat? P? That's barely a coherent thought. When I come to PEEL, I expect at least a sentence or two of relevant material. C'mon, man, make words.

Faze: Kenyans have computers?
Dats racist.

No, it would be racist to ask if Kenyans' computers run as fast as they do.

I made funnies.

And to keep this revelant:

I totally bombed my family heritage project, but my teacher let me redo it over the weekend. big grin
You probably should have left out the "e-mom" stuff.

Good show, e-mom. Good show.
winna

Avatar Czar
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #28 on: 03-20-2013 13:02 »
« Last Edit on: 03-20-2013 13:03 »

Please! Just stop to create those threads. You act just like a troll and I act as the stupid idiot that feeds you.
Mr Snrub

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #29 on: 03-24-2013 00:54 »

Any cartoon character named "Patty" is a lesbian. It's a rule.
TheMadCapper

Fluffy
UberMod
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #30 on: 03-28-2013 05:15 »

Please! Just stop to create those threads. You act just like a troll and I act as the stupid idiot that feeds you.

I like this post as well. It has the words "idiot" and "troll" and "you".
coffeeBot

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #31 on: 04-01-2013 03:55 »

Lincoln

'Lincoln' was worth every penny! Four score and seven years? More like four STARS and seven THUMB UP for this MASTERPEACE.


Glorious.
Frida Waterfall

Professor
*
« Reply #32 on: 04-10-2013 06:44 »

I gotta nominate this. So corny, yet so brilliant.

I nearly got a piece of licorice  stuck in my new keyboard. That would have sucked majorly.

It's no problem.  You'd just need to turn off StickyKeys.
Tachyon

Space Pope
****
« Reply #33 on: 04-15-2013 05:14 »

He sits on your face when you sleep too?!

Yet another thing that indicates I am of feline descent...

Sha-ZAM!

DannyJC13

Space Pope
****
« Reply #34 on: 04-15-2013 22:50 »

I've never been banned. :/ I need to try harder.

Ban him for never having been banned!

Tastes Like Fry

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #35 on: 04-17-2013 02:55 »

Next time she rings, go full-on crazy. Answer the door and say "I'm not here right now, but I can take a message for me". Then start screaming "Don't you judge me! I have a job that I wear normal clothes to and I don't bother people at their homes!".

Tachyon

Space Pope
****
« Reply #36 on: 04-17-2013 21:26 »

...Since the drug will diffuse through mucous membranes (and indeed is designed to cross cell walls in order to disrupt bacterial enzymatic activity once metabolised inside the cell), it is probably not a good idea to perform oral sex on a female partner during the period for which you have an effective blood loading of this medication.



What if you pour alcohol in first? confused

Mr Snrub

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #37 on: 04-18-2013 18:50 »

Give April a penis.
My friend already did that.
Links. Give me them.
No.
winna

Avatar Czar
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #38 on: 04-19-2013 03:45 »



I love how serious this guy is! big grin
Solid Gold Bender

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #39 on: 04-19-2013 05:07 »

Wait is that sarcasm? Because that's pretty funny.
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