The Tin-Foil Hat Award for the most paranoid PEELer.... is it you?

[on:]

Perfect Paranoia is Perfect Awareness.

Big Brother is watching you and Ceiling Cat is watching you masturbate.

[Reply #1 on:]

No Svip here?...that's a shocker.

[Reply #2 on:]

Just because you think everyone is out to get you doesn't mean they aren't.

[Reply #3 on:]

The actual quote is : "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you."

[Reply #4 on:]

This was an easy one -- just crosscheck your instinctive choice with the paranoia scores posted in the insanity thread and... ding ding ding, it's a match!  And they would be the first to admit it, too.  And have!

Perfect Paranoia is Perfect Awareness.

Big Brother is watching you and Ceiling Cat is watching you masturbate.

That's not true, 'cause Ceiling Cat can't see in the dark!

Oh, wait...

[Reply #5 on:]

I don't know why there's been a conspiracy to put me as a nomination for this negative award.

[Reply #6 on:]

What winna? You aren't even on the list! Stop being paranoid.

[Reply #7 on:]

I went with Ralph, that crazy conservative.

[Reply #8 on:]

I think this is the only category I nommed the same person five times for. Or three times. I don't know if I did three nominations or five each.

[Reply #9 on:]

What ? That's exactly what I did elsewhere, and everywhere

[Reply #10 on:]

We never said double-nominations are forbidden, and since a few of people did it...

[Reply #11 on:]

I thought somebody argued against it.... nutmeg maybe?

[Reply #12 on:]

Since we all had the same results in counting the noms I doubt it.

[Reply #13 on:]

I didn't say it was prohibited.  Why do you keep saying that I said stuff?  What's your angle there Herr Bend-err?

[Reply #14 on:]

Oh about 30° to 32° normally.

[Reply #15 on:]

Since tnuk told me i'm winning this thing, here's my acceptance speech:

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As they say in Texas. I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, fat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.

And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cock-eared bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I laughed away most of your of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative troll was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of we "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read any of your posts. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

Thank you, FYP.

Edit: Fixed some spelling mistakes for you. ~tnuk.

[Reply #16 on:]

We love you too, FYP.

[Reply #17 on:]

I missed the entirety of the conversation that caused this. Sleep, you are wonderful.

[Reply #18 on:]

Jeeez, someone is cranky.


Would actually be quite funny if fyp didn't win now

[Reply #19 on:]

The next headline of The Daily PEEL: FYP DEFEATS WINNA!

I expect to see a photoshop of President Truman holding a copy.

[Reply #20 on:]

FYP do you steal all your material from the internet?

[Reply #21 on:]

Guy Macon's Original Post should always be quoted as much as possible.

(I changed it a little)

You're insane if you actually looked for this btw.

* FYP gives his award to randi

Also...that's not where it's from....dumb broad, that guy also "stole" it.

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.os.linux.slackware/msg/7ce5765c3900529e?fwc=1

[Reply #22 on:]

Lol why is it insane? I copied one snippet of your rambling, googled it, and that's the first thing that popped up. Knowing you and how you like to quote things I figured you didn't make that up all by yourself.

I think if I had done any more research, like seeing that the guy off CL stole it from someplace else, then THAT would be insane

* futurefreak gives the tin foil hat back to FYP

[Reply #23 on:]

Tnuk you just don't fix Guy Macon's Original Post, it is perfect as it is, and even that it is incomplete, peel couldn't handle it's awesomeness.

[Reply #24 on:]

Dr Colossus is not pleased.

21 of the 22 votes for me are by tnuk sockpuppets!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCM4EEZHUPY

[Reply #25 on:]

Congratulations Dr. Paranoio. Even though I nominated and voted for winna five times.

[Reply #26 on:]

FYP beat me?

RIGGED!  THIS THING WAS RIGGED!

Does FYP have a two month supply of food, water, fuel and kitty litter?  Hell, he probably doesn't have a days supply of rations in his fetid apartment.

Paranoid?  I'm the king of it.

[Reply #27 on:]

Congrats, FYP!  Even though I voted for winna Nutmeg.

[Reply #28 on:]

Paranoid – Presented by totalnerduk
They're out to get you. That's not a joke. Look out of the window. See the black car? No? Well, it's there. The guys sitting in it know what you're thinking. The tinfoil helmet can't protect you. It's just for show, since they've been tapping into your brainwaves through the transmitter in your feet, assembled by nanobots sneaked into your water supply. Oh, and they're going through your garbage too.

The PEELer who believes this is...