1000 Things to Learn

[Reply #40 on:]

886. So are anchovies.    (My first TOTP)

[Reply #41 on:]

885: The anchovies disappeared at the exact same time that Zoidberg's people arrived on earth...but that's just a coincidence.

884: If you stick metal in the microwave, things go to purple.

883: Decapodians can either have sex & die, or remain celibate.  Dr. Zoidberg doesn't know which is better.

882: If Bender became human, he'd only have a couple of weeks to live.

[Reply #42 on:]

881. Anchovy oil, for some reason, is an excellent lubricant.

880. Apparently in the future, there's a need for robots with one leg shorter than the other, a built-in crutch and an obviously fake British accent.

[Reply #43 on:]

879. blue has a smell

878. Christmas is sposed to bring people together not blow them apart

[Reply #44 on:]

877. Angry Norwegian Brand Anchovies can last over a thousand years in a can and still be edible.

876. There is apparently a need for Hedonism-bot though we don't know what.

875. Slurm is so addictive that even when you are seeing exactly how it's made you still drink it. Even as you see the stuff coming put of a colossal worm hiney.

874. Instead of dying old people are taken to the Near Death Star.

[Reply #45 on:]

873. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solves any thing
872. If you're gonna deliver a package to the sun, you've got to do it your self
871. There were commies in the American Revolution

[Reply #46 on:]

870. All videotapes got erased in 2443

869. You can always retire to the Angry Dome to cool off.

868. Spam is still a problem in the 30th century.

867. Gargoyles go to college too.

866. Due to increasing educational standards, 20th century college is equivalent to 30th century high school.

865. All Nobel prize fields pay the same.

[Reply #47 on:]

864. Its cheaper to genetically engineer  valentine bears and then kill and stuff them

[Reply #48 on:]

863: Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are".

862: Never smoke at a gas station.

861: If you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

860: If someone you love doesn't love you back, try blowing yourself up.

859: Snowmen can be armed with M1 Garands.

[Reply #49 on:]

858. Lovey bears are stuffed with fire retardant love fluff.

857. If you drop cany hearts in to a firey Quazar, a mystical love radiation will got through out the universe destrying many planets including 2 cowboy worlds and a gangster planet.

856. Only the Earth will be the right distance away from the Quazar to see the love radiation but not get hurt by it.

855. You can Super-Size your normal healthy baby for $.49 at Taco Bellvue hospital.

[Reply #50 on:]

854: Bender's name isn't "Bonder".

853: Helper isn't very helpful.

852: Smoke with care around priceless silk collections.

[Reply #51 on:]

851: a dating service is alot like pimping, except you rarely have to use the phrase 'upside your head'

850: the tooth fairy is qualified to be head of the FBI

[Reply #52 on:]

849: The Bible is the real good news.

848: There is a universe which is full of women.

847: Pacman is also an oil-eating bacteria.

846: Robot's can stretch their arms much longer than is physically possible.

845: The laws of physics do not apply to how many things Bender can stick in his chest cabinet.

844: Turtles have a tough outer shell but lead rich inner lives.

[Reply #53 on:]

843. It possible to make the unverse revolve around a space ship.

842. Atlanta is/ will become a sunken city.

841. Nothing is impossible! Not if you can imagine it.

840. The caffine in Coca-Cola speeds up the process of becomeing amermaid/merman. (Why aren't I one already?)

839. You can become a superhero from miracle cream.

838. You can play the holophoner as long as you don't have what Mrs. Mellenger calls stupid fingers.

837. Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron!

836. Robo-Rooter can also help with impacted bowels.

835. The Beastie boys bust mad rhymes with an 80% success rate and have 7 albums.

[Reply #54 on:]

834. Robbo puppy is a robots best friend

833. Acting like a moron wont bring your dog back

832. you can solve all your problems by freezing them

831. LAVA HOT

[Reply #55 on:]

830. Peace rings have them trapped like a tiger in a washing machine.

829. A Scooty-Puff. Sr. is more reliable than a Scooty-Puff. Jr.

[Reply #56 on:]

828. You can get mail order degrees in Murderonomy and Muderology.

827. If Zoidberg is your doctor: Run away fast.

826. The Huge Brain killed the dinos not a meteor.

[Reply #57 on:]

825.  For truly personal correspondence use your own ink.

[Reply #58 on:]

824. You can get a super small slurm for $0.25 less
823. Eating hippies can make you sick

[Reply #59 on:]

821. Peacocks are beautiful but you still don't eat them 'til they're cooked.

[Reply #60 on:]

820: If you hear the noise "WOOOOO!", it's bender taunting you about your sexuality when you're about to lose your lower horn, the crowd at an ape fight or a gigantic fat person has just died & they're moving him.

[Reply #61 on:]

819. Electro Gonorhea is a noisy killer

[Reply #62 on:]

818. The Dave Mathews Band does not rock.

817. Every religion is wrong!

[Reply #63 on:]

816. Robot can get cancer.

815. Never and I mean NEVER eat Bender's cooking unless he's put "Confidence" in it or if you want to die by your stomache exploding.

814. Bender's "confidence" is water and LSD so you'll be too drugged up to notice how bad the food.

813. All of Santa's elves (Or Neptunians) are gay.

812. Santa lives in a death Fortress.

811. Said Death Fortress is located on the North Pole of Neptune.

810. Santa is a robot.

[Reply #64 on:]

 

Originally posted by Bendersfan1221:
821. Peacocks are beautiful but you still don't eat them 'til they're cooked.

Superb one.

809: Milwaukee is the most romantic city on Earth, sure it is.

[Reply #65 on:]

808. Most artistic masterpieces are tattooed on fat guys
807. Lassie is on display in the Louvre

[Reply #66 on:]

806: An Angry, Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card lasts for a lifetime.

805: No beer till you finish your tequila!

[Reply #67 on:]

804: Not only is it possible that a fat man in a singlet will always have a job, it is almost certain.

803: Jupiter smells like strawberries

802: Uranus is now named Urectum

801: The only thing with same size, mass and consistency of a giant ball of 20th Century garbage is a giant ball of 31st Century garbage.

800: Oh, you're that Bubblegum Tate!

[Reply #68 on:]

799: Beavers mate for life

798: Postage stamp glue is made of toad mucous

797: Leela does not have "The Will of The Warrior"

[Reply #69 on:]

796 11 is greater than four.

795 FOR QUALITY CARPETS VISIT KAPLIN'S CARPET WEREHOUSE

794 Fox are morons.

793 The Gender Bender is a 'real toughie'

[Reply #70 on:]

792: The Head Museum is free on Tuesdays.
791: a^2 + b^2 > c^2
790: Don't check out another man's spronger. Ever.

[Reply #71 on:]

789. Saturn smells like pine needles.

788. If you sleep while skiing you actually do better.

[Reply #72 on:]

787. She must be the other.

[Reply #73 on:]

786: The only thing sadder than homeless robots it drowning puppies.

785: Birds don't crawl.

784: Brannigan's Law is just like Brannigan's love hard and fast.

[Reply #74 on:]

783. Birds have been know to crawl.

782. To access the interent you need a net suit and several years to get on to AOL.

[Reply #75 on:]

781 Everything tastes purple when Nibbler erases your memory

780 The safety dance isn't all that safe

779 Dirt doesn't need luck

[Reply #76 on:]

778. Fire indeed hot.

[Reply #77 on:]

777:  Do whatever it takes to please the Robot Mafia.  Even if it means taking your friends as hostage! 

[Reply #78 on:]

776: NNY still has a roach problem

775: Sal's on loan from the Louvre

774: "When push comes to shove, you gotta do what you love, even if it's not a good idea"

773: The traditional Jamaican way to relax is with a warm glass of milk and a good night's sleep.

772: Completing a death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit will get you posthumously demoted.

771: Being technically correct is the best form of correct.

[Reply #79 on:]

770. Owls are the new rats.

769. If you go to the sewars beware El Chupanibre.

768. If you see a cyclops do not assume he/she is an alien. Chances are equally good that the cyclops is a mutant.