1000 Things to Learn

[on:]

So, I found a list like this for Scrubs on TV.com and figured it'd be a fun thing to start.  Because I have no life, I did a bunch myself to start it out.  (3 for each episode for the first season.  I'll just post till ep 7, though, first.)


 1000 Things We Have Learned From Futurama...

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1000.  Keep your balance on chairs in cryogenic labs.  Unless your life sucks anyway.
999.  The sign says "Drink".
998.  Aliens don't take over the earth.  They just take normal jobs.

997.  It takes 3 seconds to get to the moon.
996.  ...but don't bother going, the only thing there is a cheap amusement park.
995.  ...but the view of the Earth is still beautiful.

994.  "Crazy Stairs" is, indeed, a real place to live.  (Clearly I don't know the real name of the painting.  But you know the one I mean…)
993.  It is possible to shower in the chemical burn shower and dry one's hair with a rocket's engine.  It is also rude.
992.  Robots live in closet-sized rooms and have room-sized closets.

991.  People wear retro rings sometimes because they're stupid and nobody wears them anymore.
990.  Gaydar is actually a real thing - it's a small machine with a radar dish on it.
989.  One pound of dark matter weighs a thousand pounds and can be used as fuel.

988.  Blernsball is just like baseball.  Except not.
987.  There's a daily human hunt at five o'clock on Chapek 9. 
986.  Bender made up Robanukkah up to get out of work but it doesn't make it any less meaningful.

985.  Ads get broadcast into people's dreams.
984.  Anchovies are extinct.
983.  If you have 43 cents in 1999, let it sit for a thousand years and you could be a billionaire!

982.  I don't care if you just drank a slug saltier than a big heaping bowl of salt.  If you're on a strange planet and you see a cold bottle of water sitting on a throne, right next to a bunch of signs with various warnings - do not drink it!!!
981.  Watch walking through Little Neptune or you could be swindled out of your various body parts.
980.  Leela does like Bender - specifically his in-your-face attitude.


(has this been done before?  I'm not sure.)

[Reply #1 on:]

I dunno, maybe
979: If a Garbage Ball comes back to Earth, make another one and make them bounce off.

[Reply #2 on:]

978: Everybody loves Hypnotoad, but his show kinda sucks latelty.

[Reply #3 on:]

Sorry, 1000 should be watch out for Nibblonians if you are sitting in a chair in a cryogenic human storage room.

[Reply #4 on:]

977: you can't travel faster than the speed of light, but if lightspeed is too slow, you can always just increase it.

[Reply #5 on:]

 

Originally posted by soylentOrange:
977: you can't travel faster than the speed of light, but if lightspeed is too slow, you can always just increase it.

976: If that made sense, ANYTHING is possible

[Reply #6 on:]

975: A Globetrotter always saves the good algebra for the final minutes.

974: Windmills do not work that way.

[Reply #7 on:]

973: Cooking always tastes better with "confidence".

972: Robots don't say ye.

[Reply #8 on:]

971: DON'T DATE ROBOTS!!!

970: The Robot Devil knows jack about irony.

[Reply #9 on:]

969: The Loch Ness Monster is really a log with a Halloween mask tied to it.

968: T.O.W. Missile > Mistletoe.

967: Hell really is in New Jersey.

966: If you see Zombie Jesus hide your VHS tapes.

[Reply #10 on:]

965: Fire: HOT!

964: Only lift one pillow at a time on Stumbos 4

[Reply #11 on:]

963: Cigars make Bender look cool

[Reply #12 on:]

962: Santa is EVIL!
961: Star Trek was space shipped off to a planet inhabited by Gas like people, like those Star Trek episodes.

[Reply #13 on:]

960: I really ought to do something. But I'm already in my pajamas...

[Reply #14 on:]

10.  There is not now or ever was a person named I. C. Weiner and he didn't order a pizza.

[Reply #15 on:]

959:  When you're looking for an apartment with your robot friend, you get the room, and he gets the closet. 

[Reply #16 on:]

958.  If the bomb timer is confusing [25 minutes, 15 minutes, 5 minutes, 6h minutes], try turning it upside down.  Then RUN!
957.  DiCaprio's head can be used to baptise ships named Titanic.
956.  20th century college dropouts are the 30th century high school dropouts.
955.  By the end of the episode, everything's always right back to normal.  Except when it's not.

[Reply #17 on:]

954. Robbery is, by far, the coolest of crimes.

[Reply #18 on:]

953: The hat goes on the head!

952: Morbo, H.G. Blob, and Lrrr are not the same voice.

[Reply #19 on:]

951: Don't worry so much about global warming.  Nuclear winter will cancel it out.

[Reply #20 on:]

950: Amy's not imaginary, she's parallel.

949: Chaz is the mayor's aide.

948: Brains will leave Earth for no raisin.

947: If Nixon invites you to a party, don't go.

[Reply #21 on:]

946: Always rob the same place three times.

945: Never ask Elzar to make a star.

944: Humans have easily injured knees.

943: When something happens always assume it's a space cow.

942: The word "underpants" is 40% funnier than the word "underwear".

[Reply #22 on:]

20% funnier, Frisco.

941: Rich people eat the garbage parts of the food.

[Reply #23 on:]

940: Rubbing an engine with cheetah blood will not make it go faster.

[Reply #24 on:]

939: It's possible to be composed of minerals adding up to more than 100% if you're Bender.

938: Leonard Nimoy's head will acknowledge his participation in Star Trek only if tricked into it.

937: Don't ever lend money to Zoidberg; he'll invest in a really crappy movie.

936: Bender Should Not Be On TV!

935: Calculon got his "unholy ACTING TALENT!" in a deal with the Devil (Robot, that is).

[Reply #25 on:]

934. Ice cubes will help prevent Global Warming.

933. Hailey's Comet is the only sufficent scource of ice cubes with out bugs in them.

932. There is no safer occupation than mining a comet wipping around at a million miles an hour.

931. Worms make you smarter.

930. Ed Begley Jr.'s electric motor is the most evil propulsion system ever conceived.

929. The windshield wipers from the car that played Knight Rider were evil.

928. God is actually a computer that collided with god.

927. If some one tells you something is hopeless, you gotta hope even more and cover your ears and go "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!"

[Reply #26 on:]

926. Illegally copies of celebrities actually do hurt people.

[Reply #27 on:]

926. Velour is the best fabric ever
925. The most erotic part of a woman is the boobies

[Reply #28 on:]

924: It's tough being a Fembot in a Manbot's Manputer's world.

923: We now know what makes "special sauce" special.

922: Type-M planets at least have Roddenberries.

[Reply #29 on:]

921: Double check your monthly electic bill; Bender Likes Jacking On.

920: Snu Snu = Good!

919: Yes, bachelor chow actually exists.

[Reply #30 on:]

918: People thought Fry was stupid, but he proved them.

917: Nibbler coughs up bigger hairballs than Fry

916: Torgo's Executive Powder has a Million and 1 uses.

[Reply #31 on:]

915: Going back to the 1940's and becoming your own grandfather does not effect causality.

914: Neither does killing people, beating up presidents and destroying military bases.

913: There was an alien in Roswell

914: That's no saucer, that's his ass!

913: Zoidberg has many redundant organs.

912: Duct tape is an effective and efficient way of stitching up wounds.

911: A robot can be completely hollow inside with no internal machineries but can still function.

910: People from under the yellow sun do this and people from under the red sun do this.

909: Briefs are lightspeed these days.

[Reply #32 on:]

908. Even robots and zombies celebrate the holidays
907. Robots will always choose to believe what they were programmed to believe

[Reply #33 on:]

906. The Kalmud says be slow to anger.

[Reply #34 on:]

905: You'll never run out of dark matter spaceship fuel if Nibbler's around.

904: 3 things to say that frighten old people: Your social security check is late, stuff costs more than it used to, young people use curse words!

904: Bender was made in America's Heartland: Mexico!

903: Dr. Zoidberg is a doctor, but he lost his license...in a volcano.

902: French is a dead language.

[Reply #35 on:]

901.  Join a mainstream religion like Oprahism or VooDoo

[Reply #36 on:]

900. You can be a doctor just by wearing fancy clothes
899. Ocean madness is no excuse for ocean rudeness
898. Every building needs an angry dome

[Reply #37 on:]

897: Never sit with the Mad Hatter.

896: Hitler's brain will still be entact in 1,000 years, despite the bullet.

895: Teddy Bear Junction is the worst scum hole in the galaxy.

894: The Swedes aren't as neutral as they seem.

893: Whenever satan appears, a song won't be far behind.

892: Underage drinking is ok if you use a silly-straw.

[Reply #38 on:]

891. Nibblonians were 17 when the Unverse was foged in the crucible of the Big Bang.

890. If you want to remember what happens in a brainspawn attack, go back in time and become your own grandparent.

889. Our notions of modesty are primative. It is normal to walk around naked.

888. There is a Univeresity on Mars.

Xanny: It's Talmud.

[Reply #39 on:]

887. Pine tree are exticnt