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Author Topic: A memo from FOX's head of programming  (Read 851 times)
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Kryten

Space Pope
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« on: 01-29-2002 02:10 »

The FOX network regrets to announce that the animated TV series "Futurama" has been placed on probation. This action was taken only after careful consideration and extensive evaluation. It has been necessitated by the continuing failure of the show to reach a minimum satisfactory rating.

Over the past several months the show has actually had zero viewers on a number of nights, despite the fact that millions of viewers tuned in to watch NFL football on those very same nights. This failure on the part of the show's creators and writers is unacceptable, and as a forward-looking corporation the FOX network has no choice but to take the following actions prior to cancellation:

1. The show will no longer air in the valuable 7PM Sunday time-slot. Instead, it will be given a place of honor in FOX's new "WW" (Whenever, Wherever) system. Under this system the show will be aired at an undisclosed time on some station or in-house television set at least semi-annually.

2. Through an agreement between the Murdoch family and the Communist Party of the People's Republic of China, the show will now reach a market of an additional two billion viewers in the burgeoning Asian sphere. The shows will be edited down to a convenient and compact 30-second format and will be retitled "Long Live the Glorious Revolution! Consume and Invest With Tireless Diligence!" "LLtGR! CaIWTD!" will be sponsored by Archers Daniel Midland and will feature taped inspirational messages by George W. Bush.

3. In the Americas and Europe the show's audio track will now air in an Esperanto translation only for easy comprehension by all.

Viewers of "Futurama" will be sure to love FOX's newest animated offering: "FOX's NFL Babieez", starring the voice of Howie Long as Baby Howiee. The NFL Babieez will dance and rap their way into your heart, and the Baby NFL Cheerleaderz are H-O-T HOT! "FOX's NFL Babieez", only on FOX!


(The previous was NOT written by me. It was written by Usenet poster Peter Maranci. It is a parody and has absolutely nothing to do with the FOX Network.


No doubt, their memos are a LOT stupider.)

hangman3k

Bending Unit
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« Reply #1 on: 01-29-2002 02:54 »

Had me scared for a moment there....
bart182

Professor
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« Reply #2 on: 01-29-2002 03:23 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by hangman3k:
Had me scared for a moment there....

ditto.

[Jon] - [my winamp statistics]
[CGEF - gotfuturama.com]
[Futurama Collectorama! - enjoyslurm.com]

Tweek

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #3 on: 01-29-2002 04:21 »

Me too, until the numbered points it was totally believable. I’m worried that if FOX see this they will think it is a good idea and actually do it.
Nixorbo

UberMod
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« Reply #4 on: 01-29-2002 05:38 »

My heart stopped for a couple seconds there
totalnerd undercanada

DOOP Ubersecretary
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« Reply #5 on: 01-29-2002 05:47 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Tweek:
Me too, until the numbered points it was totally believable. I’m worried that if FOX see this they will think it is a good idea and actually do it.

Hopefully they would also sdee the worried reactions it provokes, and decide not to cancel Futurama in case PEEL decides to send them a "gift" in the mail...

  evil laugh

The Skoot

Bending Unit
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« Reply #6 on: 01-29-2002 07:19 »

That had me going for a second there  smile.
Nixorbo

UberMod
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« Reply #7 on: 01-29-2002 07:32 »

Had me going until #2
wu_konguk

Urban Legend
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« Reply #8 on: 01-29-2002 07:59 »

The horror the horror oh wait it's not real  confused  hmm why would some one pray on our already frail emotions.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #9 on: 01-29-2002 08:04 »

I questioned its validity when the footbal argument came up.  That is pretty hilarious though.
FilthyCrab

Urban Legend
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« Reply #10 on: 01-29-2002 08:14 »

Don't ever do that again... holy cow, I was worried.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #11 on: 01-29-2002 08:26 »

Relax, my hygienically deficient crustacean friend, it was merely a jovial gesture.
Tor

Bending Unit
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« Reply #12 on: 01-29-2002 08:56 »

I didn't know I could hold my breath that long and sweat that much... This is bad for my heart. I'll probably die ten years sooner than I'm supposed to.
FilthyCrab

Urban Legend
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« Reply #13 on: 01-29-2002 09:20 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by DrThunder88:
Relax, my hygienically deficient crustacean friend, it was merely a jovial gesture.

Thank goodness it was only a joke, most of my hearts were racing and if I had hair it would all be gray now.  We crustaceans don't take well to being scared by humor.


Tell yer mom I said "Hi!"
AstroZombie

Bending Unit
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« Reply #14 on: 01-29-2002 13:45 »

KRYTEN YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!

DO YOU REALIZE I ALREADY HAD THE ICBM'S ON THIER WAY!!!!!. I HAD TO ABORT THEM MID FLIGHT

THOSE EX SOVIET MIRVS ARE REALLY EXPENSIVE YOU KNOW.

THERE HAD BETTER BE A VERY LARGE CHEQUE IN THE POST.

P.S. If any one nows Krytens real name and address in NJ, I'd be most grateful, a picture of the nonce would be good too, I wouldn't want to maim an innocent person.

:: book's tickets to NY and looks out his crowbar.

And yes I know he didn't write it but I may be able to find out who did, after I've flicked off his finger and toenails with a sharpend stick.

 big grin
FrysGIRL

Bending Unit
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« Reply #15 on: 01-29-2002 14:56 »

Oh my various gods! You almost got me there. I was sad as hell when I read the first few lines. Damn you! :P
Otis P Jivefunk

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #16 on: 01-29-2002 15:08 »

I almost died when I read that! Never do that again please unless you want to be responsible for people dieig of heart attacks.
Venus

Urban Legend
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« Reply #17 on: 01-29-2002 15:46 »

::hyperventalates:: that was so mean! i thought i was gonna cry.
diagnostic

Bending Unit
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« Reply #18 on: 01-29-2002 15:59 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
::hyperventalates:: that was so mean! i thought i was gonna cry.
::grabs venus by the shoulders and shakes her:: calm down woman!! it was just a horrible dream!!

"your son is a very sick boy. Just look at these X-rays! you see that dark spot there? Whiplash, and that smudge here that looks like my fingerprint? No. Thats trauma"
Venus

Urban Legend
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« Reply #19 on: 01-29-2002 17:21 »

a dream? really? but you were there! and you were there! (points to kryten) and you were there! (points to various others)and then there was water and i melted and organs were stolen and then everyone died! That dosn't sound like a dream to me! It sounds like a Tuesday.
Shadowstar

Liquid Emperor
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« Reply #20 on: 01-29-2002 17:26 »
« Last Edit on: 01-29-2002 17:26 »

OH MY GOD!!! FOX sucks! What, you mean it's fake? Oh. FOX sucks anyway!!
Nixorbo

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« Reply #21 on: 01-29-2002 17:35 »

For the love of Pete, NEVER do that again
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
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« Reply #22 on: 01-29-2002 17:54 »
« Last Edit on: 01-29-2002 17:54 »

        

^ My facial expressions moments before the heart attack set in. Good thing the paramedics responded so fast. And they only broke three ribs trying to revive me.

Seriously that first 3 lines had me going there, the football thing luckily cleared things up. The most scary thought is, that this sort of argumentation could very easily be spot on, when FOX one day cancels Futurama.
Kryten

Space Pope
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« Reply #23 on: 01-29-2002 19:51 »

 evil laugh
FilthyCrab

Urban Legend
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« Reply #24 on: 01-30-2002 08:38 »

Kryten, you are eveil, evil I tells ya.

Do you know how long it took the paramedics to revive me?  Let's just say they're all putting in for overtime after this one.  My feable old heart can't take that kind of strain again, so please - NO MORE.
DRH

Bending Unit
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« Reply #25 on: 01-30-2002 16:26 »

This post was fun, but not THAT fun!
Chump

Urban Legend
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« Reply #26 on: 01-30-2002 16:32 »

Thats not funny. You're not funny. Don't ever do that again!
Dr. Zoidberg

Crustacean
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« Reply #27 on: 01-30-2002 20:22 »

T'was crappin meself there for a minute 'til it took a entertaining turn.

Australian Guy

Liquid Emperor
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« Reply #28 on: 01-30-2002 21:14 »

yI Wad had until the commie bit. that wasnt funny though it almost pushed me over the EDGE!!!
SlaytanicMaggot
Professor
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« Reply #29 on: 01-30-2002 22:54 »

dude, that "memo" wasn't funny, man! I nearly shit my pants until i read the thing about china!
VelourFog

Space Pope
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« Reply #30 on: 01-31-2002 10:22 »

do it again!
FishyJoe

Honorary German
Urban Legend
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« Reply #31 on: 01-31-2002 13:27 »

I could survive the cancellation of Futurama if they really did make an NFL Babies show to replace it with.
rach_the_tall

Space Pope
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« Reply #32 on: 01-31-2002 22:09 »

Oh my god. I was really worried until the 'zero viewers' thing, which I thought must be absolute crap, but I still believed that it was an actual memo. The first point was stupidly believable, though.
Ainoth

Bending Unit
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« Reply #33 on: 02-01-2002 05:41 »

Hey calm down everybody! Why should there be a Fox memo like that regarding the future of Futurama? It's the present time! =;-)))

Ainoth (back from hospital)
Bad Mojo

Bending Unit
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« Reply #34 on: 02-01-2002 06:09 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Kryten:
The Channel 7 network regrets to announce that the animated TV series "Futurama" has been placed on probation. This action was taken only after careful consideration and extensive evaluation. It has been necessitated by the continuing failure of the show to reach a minimum satisfactory rating.

THIS IS EXACTLY TRUE IN AUSTRALIA!!! THAT'S RIGHT, F****** CHANNEL 7 ISN'T PLAYING FUTURAMA BECAUSE NO ONE WATCHED IT AT IT'S SH*TY TIME SLOT!!!  up yours
Fat Bot

Crustacean
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« Reply #35 on: 02-01-2002 06:20 »

Word to that Aussie Brother
Australian Guy

Liquid Emperor
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« Reply #36 on: 02-21-2002 02:57 »
« Last Edit on: 02-21-2002 02:57 »

Man i have been pushed over the edge and i havne even seen any epsidoes past season 1

mmmm? does kryten live in australia?
Nixorbo

UberMod
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #37 on: 02-21-2002 12:01 »

 
Quote
Profile for Kryten:
Location: New Jersey, USA

Wanna ask that question again?
Moonside

Delivery Boy
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« Reply #38 on: 02-21-2002 13:41 »

I'm glad I died back in that other thread, or my heart would've exploded. I can completely see Fox pushing the "valuable 7PM Sunday time-slot" though.
aslate

Space Pope
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« Reply #39 on: 02-21-2002 15:20 »

DON'T DO IT AGAIN!!! I did think, is this another annoying joke by someone and so i skipped to the end of your post at the end of #1 and found it was fake!
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