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Nasty Pasty
DOOP Secretary
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A. Ascension to a higher plane of existence.
Q. What if Fry did have the delta-brain-wave?
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Nerd-o-rama
Urban Legend
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Q: In the "deluxe" Suicide Booth model (found only in Japan), what ADDITIONAL suicide options -- aside from quick-and-painless and slow-and-horrible -- are available to paying customers? A: Seppuku, Hara-Kiri and Kamikaze. Sorry, couldn't resistA to the above Q: Amendment XXXVII - Aliens can become President of Earth, as long as they have starred in at least one action film. Q: Why is William Shatner thin and not bald - even in his jar?
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Quimbly
Bending Unit
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« Reply #609 on: 02-17-2005 05:28 »
« Last Edit on: 02-17-2005 05:28 »
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A: Ron Popeil invented a basic model for the head-in-a-jar technology when he was in his 80s. By then, he had lost most of his hair and was diabetes striken, having continually binged on rotisserie-cooked chicken skin and dehydrated Mars bars. Ron "technically" died when he was 89, but his head was promptly transported into a jar by his fanatical followers.
But wait, there's more!...
Ron continued to come up with new products, conveying his design concepts to Ronco marketing personnel with bodies. Frustrated by his lack of hair and chubby face while in the jar, Ron went on to invent an in-jar cure for head obesity and male head pattern baldness.
How much would YOU pay for this technology? $9.95? $19.95?! $29.95?!!
Well, as it turns out, many people would pay this and a lot more. As a result, Ron's head became richer than Bill-Gates' head in 2036, and eventually he bought out Microsoft in a hostile takeover.
PS: The reason Shatner wasn't bald outside of the jar: terrific toupee and lavish liposuction.
Q: What other great inventions did Ron Popeil come up with as a head in a jar?
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blobby goat
Crustacean
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A. Hedonism bot duh Q. what happened to the professor and his sweet "Hippopotamus"
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Y_L_B
Professor
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A: The tubes are a free service offered by the city in exchange for selling your soul to them.
Q: What is Bacholor Chow made of?
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Young_and_Angry
Professor
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A:" What if I jerked every food in the world?"
Q: What WOULD happen if Hermes jerked every food in the world?
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Quimbly
Bending Unit
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A: Every food in the world would include all living matter on Earth: plants, animals, mutants, aliens, humans, even Hermes himself. So, Hermes would first need to jerk every OTHER living thing, them himself, since the process of Jamaican jerking would kill any man or beast. He would probably go about this by organizing a very large ruse to lure all intelligent beings to watch a televised special presented by him and the Hypno-Toad. As planned, the televised Hypno-Toad would ensure that no one would stop watching. Hermes would then begin to read the rules and regulations of the Central Bureaucracy -- all 67,000 pages of it. Of course, this would cause all of the intelligent beings to die of boredom long before dehydration or starvation. Once they were out of the way, and he had Mom's robot revolution remote control, it would be a simple job to have the robots slay the remaining non-inteligent beings, and all plant life on Earth. Finally, he would have the robots slowly lower him into a vat of boiling jerk sauce, thus jerking the last "food" stuff in the world.
Q: What would Scruffy ask the "What If" machine?
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Nasty Pasty
DOOP Secretary
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A. Three's Company, Greatest American Hero, and M*A*S*H.
Q. Who owns the sun?
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Nasty Pasty
DOOP Secretary
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A. Hermes
Q. Why are there all these questions about people in Futurama being descended from characters in a TV show?
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Trchri
Crustacean
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A: The most inspirational and significant spiritual leaders of all time, including (but not limited to) Al Sharpton.
Q: How many theaters are at Loew's Aleph-Null Plex?
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